The Long Road Home
by ncismom
Summary: Gibbs' latest obsession results in a tragic incident that will change Tony's life forever. Father/son. Story Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Long Road Home**

**Author: ncismom**

**Character: Tony DiNozzo, Leroy Jethro Gibbs**

**Warnings: angst, drama, suicidal thoughts**

**Spoilers: Takes place in season 5**

**Summary: Gibbs' latest obsession with a case results in an incident that changes Tony's life forever. **

**Okay, so I really hadn't planned on starting this one until I was done with one of the other stories, but I couldn't resist, especially since "A Cry for Help" will be wrapping up soon. I hope you enjoy it and I appreciate any feedback that you will want to give me.**

**Part 1**

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs hated waiting. He was a man of action who was unaccustomed to the feeling of helplessness that was now consuming him. The former Marine glanced at the clock on the wall, calculating that it had been just under two hours since he had arrived at Bethesda Naval Hospital, and he had yet to receive any news on the condition of his senior field agent.

"Damn it!" he growled, slinging the cup of cold coffee against the wall.

Ignoring the incredulous stares of the strangers into the waiting room, the team leader stormed out into the hallway and in three strides, found himself standing in front of the nurse's station.

He peered at the name tag of the nurse sitting at the desk. "Excuse me, Ms. Hutson."

The young nurse looked up from her computer. "Can I help you?"

Gibbs nodded. "I hope so," he replied. "One of my agents was brought in a little while ago and taken into surgery; I was wondering if there was any word on how he was doing."

"What's his name?"

He took a deep breath and blew it out. Why was it so hard to say his name? Was it because he would have to accept the harsh reality of the current situation? Would he have to admit that he was the reason that Tony was now fighting for his life?

"Sir?" Nurse Hutson called out to him, forcing him back to the present as he pushed his doubt and guilt to the far recesses of his mind. "His name?" she asked again.

"Anthony DiNozzo."

"Could you spell that last name?"

The team leader permitted a small grin to escape from his lips. "Big D, little I, big N, little 'ozzo'."

"Two z's?"

"Yeah."

Gibbs nervously watched as she typed the information into the computer. It was just a few seconds before the nurse looked up and asked, "Are you his next of kin?"

"Yeah. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It should be listed on his records from a couple years ago," Gibbs informed her.

He watched as she studied her monitor. "He was brought in with multiple gunshot wounds, right?"

"Yeah."

"He's still in surgery."

"Any idea how much longer he'll be?" he wanted to know.

She shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sure that the doctor will come and talk to you as soon as Agent DiNozzo is in recovery."

"Thank you," he mumbled as he turned to walk away.

Electing not to return to the crowded waiting room, Gibbs walked to the end of the corridor and stared out the window. He was still having a difficult time believing the events of the day. Once again, he had allowed his obsession with a case to cloud his judgment and now, Tony was suffering the consequences.

_***flashback***_

_There was too much blood. That was the first thought that crossed Jethro Gibbs' mind as he fell to his knees beside the body of his senior field agent. In one fluid movement, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. He handed the phone to the young teenage girl that he and Tony had just rescued, instructing her to give the operator the pertinent information._

_He turned his attention back to Tony. Gibbs had seen DiNozzo take a bullet in his shoulder and in the side, but the younger man still managed to fire his own weapon, killing one of the kidnappers that they had been pursuing. As Gibbs had raised his gun to fire at the other perpetrator, Tony had inadvertently stumbled in the former Marine's line of fire as he started to empty his chamber. He watched in horror as DiNozzo collapsed to the ground in a lifeless heap beside the body of the second kidnapper._

_Gibbs had quickly secured the area and made certain that the girl was safe, but now his priority, his only priority, was Tony. Knowing that DiNozzo had taken two bullets in his back, the older man was careful not to move Tony unnecessarily. He took off his jacket and pressed it against the wound in the younger man's shoulder to help control the bleeding. Why hadn't he taken the time to insist they put on their bullet proof vests? _

"_It's all right, Tony," he whispered. "I've got you."_

"_Boss?" Tony managed to gasp._

"_Don't talk, Tony," Gibbs instructed._

_DiNozzo weakly smiled. "That's …im…possible, Boss."_

"_DiNozzo…" Gibbs attempted to sound menacing, but he was forced to choke back a sob as Tony groaned in pain. "Just rest, Tony," he finally said._

_Tony's breathing was becoming labored, but that didn't stop him from asking about the welfare of the girl. "Sar…ah, okay?"_

"_She's fine," the team leader assured him._

"_I screwed…up, Boss."_

"_No, you didn't Tony. You did good." Gibbs felt Tony's blood seep between his fingers; he forced himself to press a little harder on the wound causing the agent to cry out._

"_Sorry, DiNozzo. I know it hurts like hell, but I've got to slow down the bleeding," he hurriedly explained._

"_It's…okay, B…Boss."_

"_Just take it easy. Let me do all the work."_

"_Been waiting a long…time for…you…to…say that."_

_Gibbs couldn't help but be amused by Tony's attempt to alleviate the seriousness of the situation. "DiNozzo, if I wasn't trying to keep you from bleeding to death, I'd head slap you."_

"_Sorry, Boss."_

"_Don't worry; I'll put it on your tab."_

"_Hope…you get …the chance…to collect."_

"_I intend to," Gibbs vowed._

_When Tony closed his eyes, Gibbs felt the knot that had formed in the pit of his stomach tighten. Despite the previous orders of not talking that he had issued to DiNozzo, he needed to hear his senior agent's voice. Tony's constant rambling was a sure sign that he was still fighting._

"_Tony? I need you stay with me," the ex-Marine insisted._

"_Trying…Boss," Tony muttered._

"_I know."_

"_Boss?"_

"_Yeah?"_

_He met Tony's pain filled eyes with his own concerned gaze. "What is it, Tony?" he asked again._

_Tony licked his parched lips. "I can't feel…my legs, Gibbs. I can't…"_

_The former Marine didn't know what to say. His guilt prevented him from admitting to Tony that he was responsible for shooting him in the back. "Just relax, Tony. The ambulance is on its way."_

"_Why…can't I feel…them?"_

"_Tony, I…"_

_He never got the opportunity to tell DiNozzo the truth. He could hear the sirens blaring as the ambulance approached. "The cavalry's here, DiNozzo." _

_Gibbs helplessly watched as Tony closed his eyes, losing the battle to stay conscious. Maybe he shouldn't have insisted that DiNozzo stay awake; then he wouldn't have heard the pain and desperation in his senior field agent's voice when he asked why he couldn't feel his legs. The team leader silently chastised himself for not being able to supply Tony with an honest answer. "You're a damn coward, Jethro," he mumbled under his breath._

_He didn't look up as the ambulance came to a screeching halt, his eyes remained fixed on DiNozzo's still form. Within just a few seconds, the paramedics were motioning him to step aside so they could devote their full concentration on Tony. Gibbs stood up and watched as the two men assessed the injured man. He could tell by the solemn expression on the paramedics faces that Tony was not doing well. _

"_We're going to wrap and run," the EMT informed him. "We can fit the girl in front, but I'm afraid that we're going to need all the room we can get in the back."_

_Gibbs nodded his understanding as he watched the paramedics secure Tony on a backboard and then lifted him onto the gurney. He knew that he couldn't leave until the rest of his team was at the crime scene. The team leader helped the girl into the front of the ambulance as Tony was loaded into the rear. "Tell the doctor to do whatever they have to do to save his life," he ordered the paramedic._

"_Don't worry; he'll be in good hands."_

_He watched the ambulance until he could no longer see it. Standing alone in the road, he looked at the bodies of the dead kidnappers, realizing that his obsession with finding these men and their hostage was not only going to cost him another piece of his sanity, it was going to cost him his son._

_***end flashback***_

"Jethro?"

The team leader glanced over his shoulder to discover his long time friend and colleague, Dr. Donald Mallard standing behind him, concern evident in the ME's eyes. Gibbs acknowledged Ducky with a curt nod and turned back to gaze out the window once again.

"Has there been any word?" Ducky softly inquired.

Gibbs shook his head. "No. Not yet."

"How long has he been in surgery?"

"Close to two hours," he answered.

"I'm sure that we'll know something soon, Jethro," Ducky assured him. "In the meantime, I thought you could use this."

A cup of steaming coffee appeared in front of him, courtesy of the kind hearted doctor. Gibbs took the cup and mumbled an almost inaudible, "Thanks, Duck."

"You're quite welcome. I know how dreadful the coffee in these hospital waiting rooms can be and I figured that you would need a fresh cup by now. I remember when Tony was in the hospital recovering from the plague, you had to bring your own brew from home and fix it in his room."

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. "Yeah, I remember."

"Can I get you anything else?"

"A doctor who can tell me how DiNozzo's doing," the ex-Marine growled.

"Unfortunately, I can't just snap my fingers and make a doctor appear. Of course, there was that time in London when…"

"He couldn't feel his legs, Duck!" Gibbs angrily exclaimed, not caring that he interrupted another one of the ME's trips down memory lane.

"There could be several explanations for the loss of sensation in his legs," Ducky tried to rationalize.

"No, there's not," Gibbs argued. "There's only one explanation that matters!"

"And that is?"

"The fact that I shot Tony in the back and now he can't feel his legs."

Gibbs could sense Ducky's surprise. He had admitted his guilt to no one until a few seconds ago and now he had no choice but to accept that he had all but destroyed Tony's life.

"What do you mean you shot him?" Ducky pressed.

"Just what I said, Duck."

"Do you care to elaborate?"

He didn't particularly want to relive those terrifying moments, but Gibbs knew that he was going to have to, and in all probability, more than once. There would be inquiries, reports, and interviews where he was going to have to explain over and over why Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was...

Gibbs silently chastised himself. Tony wasn't dead; not yet. But when DiNozzo realized that he couldn't walk, what then?

The team leader felt Ducky give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Jethro, tell me what happened," the ME urged.

"We got a response to the BOLO we put out on the kidnappers and Tony and I responded. I cut them off and we got out of the car and they opened fire on us.. Tony got hit a couple of times, but he managed to take out one of the perps. I was shooting at the other one and I didn't see DiNozzo, somehow he managed to stepped right in front me as I fired and…" Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. "I thought he was down when I started to fire. I didn't see him."

"Then it was an accident," Ducky concluded.

"Do you think that DiNozzo will see it as an accident?"

"Yes, I do. I have found Tony to have a very forgiving spirit. If he didn't, then he would have never made it past his wretched childhood."

"This is different, Duck. It's not about his father leaving him in a hotel in a Hawaii; it's about me ruining his life. My obsession and recklessness is going to change his life forever. Tony will never survive if he has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair."

"Are you listening to yourself, Jethro? You've condemned Tony to a wheelchair and he's not even out of surgery yet. As Abby would say, we must have positive thoughts."

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. "Positive thoughts? You weren't there, Duck. You didn't see his eyes when he asked me why he couldn't feel his legs. He didn't realize that I had even shot him."

"Jethro, it was an accident," Ducky reminded him once again.

The team leader shook his head. "You weren't there," he whispered. "You weren't there."

"Excuse me, Agent Gibbs."

Turning around, he saw the nurse that he had spoken with earlier standing behind him, concern etched on her youthful features. "Nurse Hutson, has there been any word?"

"Agent DiNozzo is still in surgery, but the doctor would like to speak to you on the phone," she informed him. "He wants to update you and he needs to make you aware of a few things."

He felt sick. Gibbs had a feeling that he knew what the doctor was going to tell him and he wasn't sure that he was ready to hear the official word. He swallowed back the bile and followed the Ms. Hutson back down the hallway to the nurse's station. Picking up the receiver, he took a deep breath, mentally preparing for the worst.

Clearing his throat, he unwillingly answered the phone. "Agent Gibbs…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Again, I tried to post last week, but couldn't. I hope that this has been worth the wait. Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement. Your gracious reviews mean so much to me!**

"Agent Gibbs, my name is Dr. Winesett. I'm the chief of trauma and I'm overseeing Agent DiNozzo's surgery. You are listed as his next of kin, so I thought I would call you and let you know how things are progressing."

Gibbs took a deep breath and then blew it out in an effort to tamp down the nausea that was plaguing him. The doctor had said that he was going to tell him how things were progressing; that meant that Tony was still alive and still fighting. "I'd appreciate that," the team leader replied, his voice radiating more confidence than he felt.

"Agent DiNozzo as you know was brought in with multiple gun shot wounds; one to his shoulder, a graze on his side, and he took two bullets in his back."

He closed his eyes struggling to block the image of the bleeding man out of his mind. It was no use. Gibbs knew that he would never be able to forget the look in Tony's pain filled eyes. "I'm aware of that," he said.

"Well, the graze to his side was deep," Dr. Winesett continued. "Despite the number of stitches that it required, the damage was minimal. He'll be uncomfortable for a while, but that is the least of our concerns."

"Meaning what?"

"The bullet in his shoulder nicked an artery and in turn, he lost a lot of blood. One of our vascular surgeons has been able to remove the bullet and repair the artery, but the bullet was deep and the damage to his muscles was extensive. It will take some intensive physical therapy, but he should regain full function of that shoulder and arm."

Gibbs licked his parched lips. "He told me that he couldn't feel his legs. The uh…bullets that he took in the back, did they…" The team leader couldn't bear to even utter the words. He was thankful that Dr. Winesett seemed to be able to understand his question.

"Right now, all I can tell you is that the two bullets that entered his back have done a great deal of damage not only to his spinal cord, but to some of his internal organs as well. We're just now getting to the point where we can concentrate on his other injuries; our first priority was his shoulder because of the danger of him bleeding out.

"His vitals are weak and erratic. I'm not sure how much longer I can risk keeping him in surgery. We may have to give his body a little time to recover before we can even begin to assess the damage to his spine."

That was not the answer that Gibbs wanted to hear. He wanted to know now, right this moment, if Tony was going to be able to walk again and Dr. Winesett was not supplying him with the answers that he needed to hear. Gibbs wanted the doctor to tell him that everything was fine and that DiNozzo's spinal cord wasn't damaged beyond repair and that his senior field agent was going to walk out of the hospital on his own free will.

"There's nothing else you can tell me right now?" Gibbs pressed.

"No, I'm sorry," Winesett apologized. "When Agent DiNozzo is in recovery, I'll come and find you. Hopefully, I'll know a little more by then."

"You better know a lot more, Doc," Gibbs growled, hanging up the phone in one fluid motion. He leaned his forehead against the wall and began to clench and unclench his fist. The team leader knew that he shouldn't have taken his irritation at himself out on Dr. Winesett, but the frustration of not knowing was eating away at him. "Damn it," he muttered under his breath.

"Jethro?" Ducky called to him. "Jethro, what did the doctor say?"

Gibbs relayed what little information he knew to his friend. Ducky hung onto every word, sometimes asking questions that he wished he had thought to ask. Pushing himself off the wall, he began to pace in front of the nurse's station. "The doctor said that the two bullets that entered Tony's back have done a lot of damage to his spine and to some of his internal organs. They really didn't know anything else."

"I would venture to say that there is a substantial amount of swelling around his spinal cord and that until the swelling goes down, it may be difficult to ascertain the damage," the ME deduced. "The doctors here are among the best in the nation; I'm sure that they will do everything they can for Tony."

Gibbs merely nodded at Ducky's attempt at consolation. "I need some air," he finally mumbled.

"Do you want some company?"

"No. Stay here in case…in case the doctor comes by. I won't be gone long."

Gibbs didn't wait for elevator to arrive. He needed to get outside and into the cool evening air. Taking the steps two at a time, he barely cleared the door before he found himself kneeling on the ground, losing the contents of his stomach. His retching quickly turned into dry heaves and it was more than a few minutes before he could muster the strength to stand.

Finally pushing himself up off the ground, he slowly made his way over to an empty picnic table. He sat down, his hands cradling his now aching head. Why couldn't he just wake up from this nightmare? If he could only go back in time and do things differently, maybe Tony wouldn't be in surgery fighting for his life.

How could he have let this happen? He should have learned his lesson with Ari. That particular obsession had cost Kate her life and now he had to face the possibility of losing Tony because he had lost his objectivity on this last case. He had allowed his personal feelings to cloud his judgment, something that he should not have permitted. Gibbs could only hope that someday Tony would be able to forgive him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

McGee pulled the truck into its customary parking space and cut off the engine. He glanced over at Ziva who was still staring out the window. They had not spoken since leaving the crime scene, each content to be left alone with their own thoughts. Now they were back at work and had to acknowledge a reality that they had yet to accept themselves.

"Ready to go inside?" he asked, shattering the silence between them.

Ziva's gaze remained fixed. "Not really."

"Me neither," McGee admitted.

"I can not stop thinking about what happened."

"I know what you mean."

McGee didn't think that he would ever be able to forget the sight of Tony's blood staining the asphalt. He and Ziva had arrived as DiNozzo was being loaded into the ambulance; the urgency in the paramedic's voices told the agents that their friend's condition was grave. Neither of them knew what happened and Gibbs didn't seem to be able or willing to answer their inquiries. The team leader was focused on Tony and the life sustaining acts that were being initiated by the two paramedics.

The junior agent couldn't help but notice the blood that covered Gibbs' hands. He knew that it was Tony's blood and that realization unnerved him. As the ambulance was getting ready to leave with Tony and the young girl that they had rescued, Gibbs managed to quickly inform them as to what had happened, but McGee had the feeling that the former Marine was not being entirely honest with them.

He and Ziva had assured Gibbs that they could process the crime scene without him, knowing that he needed to be at the hospital with Tony. They had spent the better part of the afternoon along with Jimmy Palmer trying to find the missing pieces of the puzzle. Unfortunately, the puzzle that they had put together did not result in a beautiful picture; instead, the picture was a collage of blood and gunfire resulting in Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo barely clinging to life.

"We better get this evidence to Abby," McGee suggested.

"There is not that much to process. It is abundantly clear what happened," Ziva snapped.

"It is?"

"Yes."

"Care to enlighten me since you've obviously given this some thought?"

McGee heard Ziva sigh. As she turned to face him, he could sense the myriad of emotions churning inside her; he could easily empathize with the Mossad officer, he was trying to get a handle on his own feelings. Anger, confusion, and worry, were their constant companions now and would be until they were able to talk with Gibbs.

"Tony and Gibbs managed to cut off the suspects," Ziva began. "The kidnappers then opened fired on them. Tony was obviously hit, but he apparently still managed to kill one of them and Gibbs shot the other one."

He rolled his eyes. "Ziva, that sounds exactly like what Gibbs told us."

"Yes it does."

"But you're not buying that?"

Ziva shook her head. "McGee, you are a trained investigator, are you not?"

"Yeah," he said.

"As am I."

"Ziva, what are you getting at?"

"There are too many questions left unanswered."

"Such as?"

McGee was trying not to wither under Ziva's intense glare. "Do not try and play the stool McGee," she warned.

"You mean fool," he instinctively corrected.

"Whatever. You know what I am talking about."

He nodded, inadvertently blowing out a pent up breath. "Yeah, I know and you're right."

"Why did they not have their protective vests on?"

"I don't know. Maybe there wasn't time," he suggested, a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

"They could have taken the time before they got in the car," Ziva reasoned. "And how do you explain Tony getting shot in the back?"

"Maybe the second perp shot him when he was taking down the first one."

"I do not think so. The measurements and sketches tell another story."

"What do you think happened?" McGee nervously asked.

"I think Gibbs shot Tony."

McGee tightly clenched his jaw. Ziva had uttered the very words that he had been afraid to speak. He had developed his suspicions after snapping the photos of the crime scene, but had elected to keep his findings to himself. Evidently, Ziva had done the same thing.

"It had to be an accident," McGee replied, defending the man that he considered to be his mentor.

"Of course it was an accident," Ziva agreed. "I am just not sure how Gibbs accidentally shooting one of his team will be viewed by…others."

"We need to talk to Gibbs."

"Before we talk to anyone else," Ziva added.

McGee nodded. "All right, we'll take the evidence to Abby and then go to the hospital."

"Not a word to anyone."

"Not even to Abby?"

"You can tell Abby of our suspicions, but no one else."

McGee knew that Gibbs had to be carrying a heavy load of guilt upon his shoulders. He hoped for the team leader's sake that he was wrong, but his gut was telling him otherwise. "If Gibbs did shoot Tony…" McGee couldn't finish his thought.

"I know, McGee. I know," Ziva whispered.

The two agents got out of the truck, collected the boxes of evidence, and made their way to Abby's lab. With the exception of a couple of agents asking them if they had heard anything about how Tony was doing, their journey to the lab was uneventful. As they entered the lab, the first thing that he and Ziva noticed was that the usual blaring music that Abby preferred had been replaced by the softer sounds of jazz. They exchanged worried glances. "Abby?" McGee called out.

She came walking out of her office, wiping away the tears as they fell down her cheeks. McGee sat the box of evidence down and walked over to her. "Abby, are you all right?"

"No," Abby replied as she began to pace. "I'm not all right. Tony's been shot and I'm stuck here processing evidence. I need to be at the hospital."

"There's nothing you can do there, Abby," he pointed out. "At least here you can stay busy and keep your mind off…"

"Off of what, McGee? How am I supposed to keep my mind off of Tony? I need to be there for him and for Gibbs. Gibbs must be going out of his mind!"

McGee placed his hands on the Goth's shoulders, forcing her to stand still and listen to him. Convinced that he had her attention, he knew that he had to tell her about what they had pieced together from the crime scene. Abby had a special bond with the team leader and the last thing McGee wanted to do was to say or do anything that would destroy that relationship.

"Abby," he nervously began. "Ziva and I have something to tell you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He sensed someone approaching him. Jethro Gibbs looked up from where he was sitting to discover the young lady that he and Tony had just rescued a few hours ago. Sarah Carpenter was the daughter of Major Thomas Carpenter. Sarah had been a witness to the murder of a marine and had been kidnapped to prevent her from testifying. There was no doubt in Gibbs' mind that she would end up dead, just like Shannon and Kelly, and he was not about to let that happen. He was determined to spare her father the same grief that he had suffered. Finding Sarah became his top priority and his team blindly followed him on yet another self destructive path, trying to make sure that he didn't cross the fine line of justice once again.

"Agent Gibbs," she shyly greeted.

"Sarah, how are you?" he asked, his voice betraying his weariness.

"I'm fine. Just a few bruises, here and there," Sarah replied. "I was waiting on my dad to come and pick me up and I saw you just sitting over here all alone; I thought I would come over and thank you for finding me. You rescued me just in time. They were going to…"

Gibbs stood up and with his calloused thumb, wiped away Sarah's tears. "I know. I'm glad you're all right. You just go home and enjoy being a teenager."

"I will," she promised. "As a matter of fact, I plan on going to the mall tomorrow. I think that I can get a major shopping spree out of this ordeal," she teased.

The former Marine grinned. "I bet you can."

"I…uh…also want to tell you that I know that Agent DiNozzo got hurt because of me and I'll never be able to repay him for…"

"Agent DiNozzo was doing his job. He wasn't hurt because of you." He was hurt because of my carelessness, Gibbs silently mused. "He wouldn't want you blaming yourself for any of this," he continued, knowing that he would be carrying enough guilt for the both of them.

"Someday when he's feeling better, I'd like to thank him," Sarah said.

"I'm sure he'd like that."

"We'll be in touch. I'm sure that my father will insist on a commendation for you and Agent DiNozzo."

"That won't be necessary. Just knowing that you're going to get the chance to finish growing up is all the reward that we need," he assured her.

Sarah stood on her toes and placed a kiss on Gibbs' cheek. "Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

Gibbs watched her as she went back inside to wait for her father. After Sarah was out of sight, he glanced at his watch and realized that almost another two hours had passed. He needed to get back inside, but part of him wasn't sure that he was ready to face the reality that awaited him. All he wanted to hear was that Tony was going to be all right and he knew that the doctor couldn't tell him that.

His phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID. It was Duck. "Gibbs."

"Jethro, they are moving Tony to recovery and Dr. Winesett is on his way up here and he wants to talk to you."

"I'm on my way."

Gibbs hung up the phone and began making his way up to the waiting area. He was a few minutes away from learning if he had ruined Tony's life forever; a thought that was becoming harder and harder to live with. If he was having a hard time accepting the possibility, how would DiNozzo react? Would Tony think that his life wasn't worth living if he couldn't walk?

He had to force those thoughts out of his mind. Gibbs knew that he needed to have a clear head when he talked to Dr. Winesett. Until Tony could make his own decisions, he was responsible for the young man and it was a responsibility that he took very seriously. He silently vowed that no matter what the outcome, Tony would not have to face the future alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so overwhelmed by the response to this story. I can't thank you enough for the kind words of encouragement. I hope you enjoy the next post.**

Abby was still having a difficult time believing what had happened. Her worst fears had been realized when Ducky had informed her that Tony had been shot. Memories of Kate's untimely death came flooding back and it had taken a few minutes for the ME to convince her that Tony was still alive.

As soon as she was alone, Abby put on one of Tony's favorite jazz albums and sat down on the floor, hugging Bert to her chest. "You have to be all right Tony, or I'll kick your ass. The last thing I told you was to be careful and what happens?" She squeezed the hippo tighter. "You go and get shot."

"Abby?"

It was McGee. He and Ziva were bringing her evidence to process from the crime scene and she wasn't looking forward to the task. Wiping her tears, she met them as McGee set a box of evidence and asked, "Abby, are you all right?"

The Goth began to pace. Maybe that last Caf-Pow! hadn't been such a good idea. "No, I'm not all right! Tony's been shot and I'm here processing evidence. I need to be at the hospital!"

"There's nothing you can do there, Abby. At least here you can stay busy and keep your mind off…"

"Off of what, McGee? How am I supposed to keep my mind off of Tony? I need to be there for him and for Gibbs. Gibbs must be going out of his mind!"

Abby suddenly found herself face to face with McGee as he blocked her path. The look in Tim's eyes scared her. Something was wrong.

"Abby," McGee began. "Ziva and I have something to tell you."

"What's wrong? Tony's not…the Director said that he wasn't…oh my God, he's dead, isn't he?"

McGee shook his head. "No," he quickly answered. "The last we heard, Tony was still in surgery."

Balling up her fist, she punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow!" he cried out. "What was that for?"

"For scaring the hell out of me!"

Pushing past McGee, she began to sort through the evidence. "Is this all there is?"

She glared at McGee when he grabbed the evidence bag out of her hand. "Abby, you've got to hear us out!" he demanded, his tone carrying a sharper edge than she was used to.

Abby crossed her arms and impatiently waited for McGee to continue. She wasn't sure that she wanted to hear what he had to say, but she also knew that she really didn't have a choice. Abby could see the concern and uncertainly shadowing the faces of her friends; whatever they had to tell her was obviously causing them a great deal of stress.

Her expression softened as she pulled McGee into a hug, crushing the evidence bag between them as she apologized profusely. "I'm sorry, Timmy. I'm so sorry. I'm just so worried about Tony and…"

"I know, Abs," he murmured in her ear. "We're all worried about Tony."

Pulling away, she leaned against the counter and closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself to hear and absorb what McGee was going to tell her. She opened her eyes and nodded, "All right. I'm ready."

McGee blew out a pent up breath. "Abby, there's no easy way to say this."

"Say what?" Abby anxiously inquired.

She watched with interest as McGee glanced in Ziva, who in turn acknowledged his silent question with a curt nod. He turned his attention back to Abby and continued, his confidence seemingly increasing a notch or two.

"You know that Tony was shot four times. Once in the side, once in the shoulder, and twice in the back."

"Ducky told me that much," she said.

"Well, Ziva and I were processing the crime scene and we discovered something unexpected," McGee explained. "Judging from the sketches, measurements, and photos, we think that, I mean the evidence indicates that the bullets that Tony took in the back didn't come from the guns of the perps."

"What are you saying, McGee?"

"We suspect that Gibbs shot Tony in the back," McGee finally admitted.

"What? That's impossible!" Abby vehemently declared. "Gibbs would never hurt Tony!"

"I'm sure it was an accident," Ziva quickly added. "A miscalculation or…"

"Gibbs doesn't make miscalculations, Ziva!"

"Not usually," the Mossad officer corrected. "But you have to admit that Gibbs' judgment has been clouded these past few days. He was obsessed with finding Sarah and perhaps he just did not see Tony. Until we talk to Gibbs…"

"He's innocent until proven guilty!" Abby snapped. "He wouldn't shoot Tony."

"Abby, I know that this is difficult for you to hear, but once you start processing the evidence, you will come to the same conclusions. We are on our way to the hospital to talk to Gibbs and until we know exactly what happened, we need to keep this under wraps. Not just for Gibbs' sake, but for Tony's as well."

The Goth nodded in agreement. "All right, but you're wrong. Gibbs would not do that to Tony. I mean Tony is like his son and…"

"We know, Abby. That's why we have to know for sure," McGee said.

"Then you both better get out of my lab," Abby ordered. "It looks like I've got some work to do."

"Abby…"

Grabbing McGee by the shoulders, she turned him around and pointed him towards the door. "I'll call you when I have something."

She waited until Ziva and McGee left before she picked up another evidence bag. It was Tony's gun. How was she supposed to do this? Ziva and McGee wouldn't lie to her. They were trained investigators and they wouldn't have told her of their suspicions unless they truly believed that Gibbs had shot Tony. There had to be a mistake and she was going to prove them wrong. She had to. Abby couldn't shake the feeling that the only way to keep her family from falling apart was to prove that Gibbs was innocent of any wrongdoing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gibbs joined Ducky as Dr. Winesett escorted them to his office. He was glad that the ME was here with him; the team leader knew that he would have a lot of questions and Ducky would be able to help him sort out what exactly Dr. Winesett was saying. As much as he dreaded hearing about Tony's condition, he wanted the truth. He didn't want any false platitudes; Gibbs simply wanted to know if he had ruined DiNozzo's life.

The doctor gestured for them to sit down as he pulled up a chair and joined them. Gibbs was impressed that this doctor didn't hide behind his desk; Dr. Winesett evidently wasn't one to distance himself from his patients and their families. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting," the physician began. "I wanted to make sure that Agent DiNozzo was settled in recovery before I spoke with you. He should be in there another half hour before we move him to the Critical Care Unit."

"Well as you can imagine Dr. Winesett, we are most anxious to hear about how young Anthony is doing," Ducky said.

The team leader nodded in agreement, uncertain of whether he could trust his voice to speak.

"Of course. Well, I already told you about the wound to his shoulder and his side. Barring any unforeseen complications, Agent DiNozzo should fully recover from those injuries," the doctor stated with confidence.

Clearing his throat, Gibbs managed to ask, "What about the bullets he took in his back?"

"His right ureter was torn by shrapnel from one of the bullets. In simple terms, the ureter is the tube that connects the kidney to the bladder. He also had some fragments imbedded in his right kidney but thankfully, the damage wasn't too severe. We managed to remove the fragments and repair the ureter, but we will have to keep an eye on his kidney and bladder function for quite a while."

"What about the other bullet? The one you don't want to tell me about?"

"Right now, there is too much swelling around his spinal cord to know the full extent of the damage," the doctor informed them.

"But you have a pretty good idea, don't you, Doc?"

"Yeah," Winesett admitted.

"Well?" Gibbs pressed.

"Because he was shot as such close range, the damage ended up being quite severe. His spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae. He also has several fragments lodged against his spine that are too risky to remove at this time. Hopefully when the swelling goes down, we'll be able to remove them before they cause too many problems."

Gibbs cradled his head in his hands. He felt Ducky squeeze his shoulder, reminding him that he wasn't alone. The team leader took a deep breath and blew it out, knowing that he had to pull himself together. Meeting the doctor's compassionate gaze, he asked, "What now?"

"For now, we are going to keep him in a drug induced coma to keep him still. Until the swelling goes down and we can see what we're facing, I don't want the chance of him trying to move around and doing even more damage."

"How long will you keep him in the coma?" Ducky asked.

"At least two or three days," Winesett answered. "It'll also give his body a chance to start healing without having the added stress of discovering that he's…"

"Paralyzed." Gibbs abruptly stated, finishing the doctor's sentence.

"Agent Gibbs, your agent has the top surgeons and physicians attending to him; we are doing everything we can to help Agent DiNozzo."

"Will it be enough to help him walk again?"

Dr. Winesett fell silent. Gibbs had his answer. DiNozzo was now facing life in a wheelchair and it was his fault. "Can I see him?"

"Of course, I'll take you up to Critical Care. I want to check on him before I leave for the day."

The trio began their trek towards CCU, the two doctors engrossed in conversation as the former Marine tried to follow the medical jargon. Ducky and Dr. Winesett were discussing the potential problems Tony was facing, and Gibbs had to admit to himself that he wasn't ready to consider what the future held for DiNozzo. The team leader was having enough trouble dealing with the present; he knew that Ducky would fill him on the sordid details later.

Gibbs was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that they were now standing outside the door of the Critical Care Unit. "If you gentlemen will wait here, I'll have a nurse come and get you when Tony's settled in," the doctor assured them.

The team leader merely nodded as the ME thanked Dr. Winesett. As soon as the physician was out of sight, Gibbs walked into the waiting area and sat down on the couch. He knew that Ducky had followed him and was now sitting beside him, waiting for him to say something. Although he was considered to be a man of few words, at the moment, he had nothing to say.

"Jethro?" Ducky called out to him.

"Yeah?"

"There's still hope, Jethro. Once the swelling goes down…"

"He's still going to be paralyzed, isn't he?"

Ducky nodded. "Yes, but the damage may not be as severe as they think. We're just going to have to wait and see."

"I don't want to wait, Duck! I want somebody to tell me that Tony is going to walk again. How can I face him knowing I did this to him?"

"It was an accident, Jethro," Ducky reasoned. "A horrible accident and nothing more."

"It should have never happened!"

"But it did and you are going to have to accept that fact. Tony is going to need all our support, especially yours."

"When he finds out what I've done, he's not going to want me anywhere around him," he growled.

"I think you're underestimating Anthony. He's proven to be quite the fighter and I can't imagine that he would let something like this change his perspective on life."

Gibbs leaned his head back against the cushion. "You really believe that, Duck?"

The ME sat down beside him. "It will take him some time to get used to the idea, but I do believe that Anthony will be able to reclaim his life."

"I hope you're right, but I know DiNozzo and I know how he thinks. This is going to kill him."

"Jethro, I…"

"Duck, please," the ex-Marine snapped.

"Very well," the ME replied.

The team leader had not meant to hurt Ducky's feelings, but he couldn't bear to hear any more promises that everything was going to be all right. The fact remained that things were never going to be the same all because of one careless moment.

Gibbs tried closing his eyes, wishing that he could block the images playing in his mind. He wasn't sure if he ever going to be able to look Tony in the eye again; truthfully, he wasn't sure that he would even be able to stand looking at his own reflection in the mirror.

"I'm sorry, Duck," he said. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at myself."

"It's quite all right, Jethro. I assure you that I didn't take it personally. In fact, I remember a time when…"

Before Ducky could continue his recollection, a nurse came in the waiting room to inform them that they could see Tony. Nodding his thanks, Gibbs stood up and followed the nurse into the CCU, the ME staying close behind him.

Stopping just outside Tony's room, the nurse introduced herself. "My name is Hannah and I'll be Agent DiNozzo's nurse for the rest of the evening. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask."

"Jethro Gibbs and this is Dr. Donald Mallard," the team leader stated.

"I'm sure that you're aware that Dr. Winesett is keeping Agent DiNozzo in a drug induced coma for a couple of days so his body can begin healing. He is hooked up to several IV's and monitors, and we're still trying to replenish the blood he lost, but thankfully, he's not on a respirator. Of course, because of his history, we will be watching for signs of pneumonia. Dr. Pitt has been notified that Agent DiNozzo has been admitted, so I figure he'll be stopping by."

The Scotsman leaned over and whispered to the team leader. "That's good. I was actually going to suggest we notify him of the situation."

Gibbs nodded in agreement as he stared through the window at Tony's still form. "Can I go on in?" he quietly inquired.

"Of course," Hannah answered. "I would even suggest talking to him; it may help his recovery. You would be amazed at what people in comas seem to remember once they are awake."

"Been there, done that," Gibbs mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

"Jethro, you go on in and be with Tony," Ducky suggested. "I'll be along in a few minutes after I look at his chart." The ME smiled at the nurse. "I am his primary physician after all."

"I know," she said, returning the older man's grin. "I've read his history. Not everybody has a medical examiner as their family doctor."

"I just have two patients, but of course, they keep me very busy. They constantly remind me why I prefer to work with the dead. They can't talk back," the doctor teased.

Ignoring the exchange of banter between Ducky and the nurse, Gibbs slowly entered Tony's room. If it hadn't been for the tubes and wires attached to the younger man's body, he would have assumed that Tony had merely been sleeping. The only sign that he had been wounded was the fact that his left arm was bound to his body; all his other injuries were being hidden by the blanket that was pulled up to his chest.

Gibbs pulled a chair up beside his bed. Tony had been by his side for almost seven years and this was how he repaid his loyalty, by putting him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He placed his hand on top of Tony's, mindful of the IV's supplying life saving measures to the agent's ravaged body. If DiNozzo were awake, he would probably chafe at the physical contact, insisting that Gibbs not make a fuss, but secretly cherishing the attention he was receiving.

Tony was an enigma, that much was for certain. DiNozzo wanted Gibbs' approval more than anything and he knew that, but Tony wasn't afraid to challenge his decisions if he thought the team leader was wrong. Just this morning, DiNozzo had questioned the former Marine's judgment in the case of Sarah Carpenter and Gibbs had all but ignored him. Maybe if he had listened, Tony wouldn't be lying in CCU, unaware that his life was about to change forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for your patience. I didn't get a chance to post last week due to my mother's passing. She had a 12 year battle with Alzheimer's and there is no question that she is at peace now. Things are settling down and I hope you enjoy this post. My thanks to those who are reading. can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your support!**

Ducky glanced at his watch, mentally calculating that Jethro had been sitting by Tony's bedside for over half an hour. He had a feeling that the team leader would refuse to leave the younger man's side, at least until DiNozzo was permitted to wake up from his drug induced coma. Once Tony was fully cognizant of what had happened, Gibbs believed that his senior field agent would want nothing more to do with him. The ME had tried to convince his old friend that he shouldn't underestimate Tony's knack for beating the odds; after all, the man had survived the plague. However, Ducky's words had fallen on deaf ears.

Guilt was consuming the former Marine and Ducky was afraid that Gibbs would let it destroy him. Jethro thought of Tony as the son that he never had. Truthfully, DiNozzo and Gibbs were very much alike and anyone who had ever spent time around the two of them could see this as well. The belief that he was responsible for Tony's condition was going to be a difficult burden for the team leader to bear.

"Oh Jethro," he sighed. "I wish I knew what to say to convince you that you are not to blame. It was a dreadful accident and…"

He suddenly got the feeling that he was no longer alone. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that Jethro was standing behind him. Ducky looked over his shoulder to discover Dr. Brad Pitt standing in the doorway of the doctor's lounge. The younger doctor was wearing an amused grin, prompting Ducky to ask, "Haven't you ever seen someone talk to themselves before?"

"I do it all the time," Dr. Pitt assured him as he extended his hand.

"Bradley!" Ducky enthusiastically shook the other man's hand. "It's good to see you again, my boy!"

"It's good to see you too, Dr. Mallard," Brad said. "I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"I do too," the ME agreed. "Please sit down and join me; I was just waiting on Jethro, although I don't think he'll be leaving anytime soon."

"I take it he's with Tony right now."

"Yes," Ducky replied. "Are you on your way to see Anthony? I know that Dr. Winesett called you in to keep a check on Tony's lungs."

Brad nodded as he sat down opposite the medical examiner. "Yes he did. Because of Tony's history, he thought it was a good idea. I was just studying his chart before I went in to see him."

"Not very promising, is it?"

"No, it's not. I'm sorry, Dr. Mallard. I wish that the prognosis was better."

"Now Bradley, must I remind you that my friends call me Ducky," the Scotsman reminded him. "I certainly count you among my friends, young man."

"Thank you, Dr. Mallard, I mean Ducky," Pitt quickly corrected.

Ducky nodded his approval as he took a sip of the coffee that had been sitting in front of him. He made a disgusted face as he swallowed the cold liquid. "I prefer tea, but beggars can't be choosers," he stated.

"I know what you mean," Brad agreed, leaning back in his chair.

The two men cherished the few moments of companionable silence between them; sometimes words weren't always necessary to convey a message of support between friends. It was Dr. Pitt who finally shattered the stillness. "I assume from your comments that you've read Dr. Winesett's notes."

"Yes, I have."

"Dr. Winesett is one of the best doctors I've ever had the privilege of working with. Tony's in good hands."

"I know that and I respect his opinion. I understand that Anthony will probably never walk again and I will be able to eventually accept it, but I'm not so sure about Tony and Jethro. This is going to be hard on both of them, especially Tony."

"Tony will pull through this," Brad said, his voice radiating a confidence that the ME wished that he felt.

"It will just take time," Ducky added, uncertain if he believed his own words.

"And a lot of patience."

"Unfortunately, neither Tony nor Jethro are very patient men," the elder physician pointed out.

"They won't have a choice."

Ducky blew out a frustrated breath. "You don't have to tell me. Why I remember one time when Anthony and Jethro were…" The medical examiner stopped mid-sentence and stared at Brad in disbelief.

"Is there something wrong, Ducky?" Brad asked.

"No. I'm just not used to being able to tell a story in its entirety."

"Well, I'd love to hear your story," the young man said. "All I've got to do before I leave for the day is to go and check on Tony. I'll give Agent Gibbs a few more minutes of privacy before I go on in."

Ducky smiled at his colleague. "Well, in that case…" The ME continued his story of how Tony and Jethro had both been injured during a bust and were forced to spend their recuperation period together and the antics that ensued from their forced convalescence. It was memories such as these that Ducky truly cherished, the ones that he would have to call upon in the difficult days that lay ahead for all of them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ziva and McGee entered the Intensive Care Unit and looked around. They had been on their way to the hospital to question Gibbs when Ducky had called them and given them an update on Tony's condition. The news had not been good, making what they had to do even more difficult. Upon their arrival, the two investigators easily found ICU and it was just a few seconds before a nurse noticed their presence and approached the duo. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"We're looking for Agent Anthony DiNozzo's room," McGee said. "I'm Agent Tim McGee and this is Ziva David; we work with Tony."

"Agent DiNozzo is in the last room on the left," the nurse informed them. "He has someone with him right now."

The Mossad officer glanced at the young lady's nametag. "Thank you, Hannah. Is the doctor in with him?"

"No. I believe Agent Gibbs is still with Agent DiNozzo; he's been in there for almost an hour."

"We need to speak with him," Ziva said.

"You can go on in but don't stay too long," Hannah said. "Even though Agent DiNozzo is in a coma, he still needs his rest."

"We will not be long."

As Hannah returned to the nurse's station, Ziva and McGee cautiously approached Tony's room. As they peered inside the room, they saw Gibbs sitting in a chair, staring at DiNozzo's still form. It was unnerving to see Tony so motionless; the only notable movement was the rise and fall of his chest. The senior field agent had an energy about him that was not easily harnessed, but now, that vigor had been subdued to a drug induced slumber and it deeply bothered both Ziva and McGee.

"You two just going to stand there?" Gibbs inquired, his tone flat and nearly devoid of emotion.

Ziva and Tim exchanged a worried glance and quietly entered the room. "How is he?" she finally managed to ask.

"He's in a coma, Officer David."

"But Ducky told us that it was drug induced."

"It's still a coma."

"I supposed you are right," she conceded. "Um, Ducky told us what the doctor said and…"

"Did he tell you that Tony's not going to walk again?" the team leader snapped.

"Yes, but he also said that until the swelling goes down, they won't know the extent of the damage. It sounds like there is a possibility that…"

"He's still going to be paralyzed."

Ziva took a deep breath and blew it out. "I know and we will see him through this. We are a team and we look out for each other."

"We're supposed to. I didn't do too good of a job looking out for him today."

Was Gibbs admitting that he was to blame for what happened to Tony? She and McGee had their suspicions but had not voiced them to anyone save for Abby. Ziva nudged her partner and motioned for him to explain to Gibbs their reason for being here.

"Uh, Boss," McGee called out. "We need to talk to you."

"It can wait," Gibbs mumbled.

"No, it can't. We uh…we have some questions that we need answered."

"Not now, McGee!"

"I'm sorry, Boss. We have to know the truth."

The team leader looked up and glared at the two agents. "The truth? You want to know the truth?"

"Some of the evidence isn't adding up," McGee further explained. "We think that…"

"That what, McGee?" Gibbs angrily challenged.

"Maybe we should continue this outside," Ziva suggested.

Gibbs pushed himself up and stormed out of the room. McGee started to follow him, but was stopped by Ziva. "Give him a moment," she said. "He needs to have a clear head before we question him."

"You're right."

Ziva stood beside Tony's bed side. She leaned down and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. "We are here for you," she whispered. "Do not forget that."

"Do you think he knows we're here?" McGee asked.

"I have read that people in comas can still hear what is going on around them. If that is the case, then I want Tony to know that we are not going to turn our back on him."

McGee nodded and made his way to the other side of the bed. "She's right, Tony," he added. "We're going to be here every step…" Tim winced at his choice of words. "We're here with you, buddy."

Ziva smiled at her partner. "We need to talk to Gibbs."

"Do you think he's had long enough?" Tim nervously asked.

"We have to know what happened."

They quietly left the room to look for Gibbs. He was nowhere to be found, but Ziva and McGee knew that he wouldn't venture too far. Ziva approached the nurse's desk where Hannah was working on a chart. "Excuse me," she said. "Did you see where Agent Gibbs went?"

"He went to the men's room and then said that he was going for coffee," Hannah informed them.

Ziva looked at McGee. "Cafeteria, maybe?"

"I guess it's a good place to start," he agreed.

"Or you could try the coffee shop down the street," the petite nurse suggested.

"Thank you," Ziva and McGee said in unison.

As they entered the elevator, McGee tried Gibbs' cell phone. After two rings, the team leader answered. "I'm waiting for you at the coffee shop."

"We'll be there in just a minute, Boss."

Ziva could tell by McGee's flustered expression that Gibbs had hung up on him. "The way he is acting tells me that our assumptions are correct," she stated.

"I know, but there has to be a good explanation. I mean, Gibbs threatens to shoot Tony all the time, I don't think he'd do it on purpose. I know he wouldn't do it on purpose."

"I know that, McGee. But when an agent shoots another agent, accidental or not, there is always an investigation. If we can get a handle on what actually happened, we can reflect it in our reports and maybe deflect some of the rumors that will most certainly abound."

"Good point."

They exited the hospital and in less than a minute were entering the coffee shop. Gibbs was sitting at a table in the corner, nursing a cup of his preferred brew. He silently greeted them and gestured for the two agents to join him.

"Boss, you know that we don't want to do this," McGee began, attempting to assuage the team leader's precarious temper. "We're trying to help."

"No cover up," Gibbs insisted. "I messed up and I'll take responsibility for my actions."

"We just need to know what happed so we can…"

"Did you hear me, McGee? I said no cover ups!"

"We are just trying to help you," Ziva reasoned.

The team leader exploded. "Tony and I went into a situation with no back up and I didn't even give him time to put on his damn vest! We got in a shoot out and two of my bullets ended up in Tony's back because I lost my objectivity! That's what happened. Write it up however the hell you want to, but I don't want the truth hidden behind a bunch of lies."

"We need to know details. The sketches, measurements, and photos give us a pretty good idea of what happened, but we need to know…"

"Tony took one of the perps out, but he was shot. I thought he was down when I started to take the second one out. I didn't see him get up until it was too late. Once the doctor's remove what they can, you'll have the fragments to back up my report."

"Gibbs, it truly sounds like an accident. You did not shoot Tony on purpose," Ziva declared.

"No, I didn't, but that doesn't change the fact that it was my bullet that severed his spinal cord and let's not forget about the fragments that the doctors can't even remove yet. I shot him and now he's paralyzed. What else do you want me to say?" he growled.

"I want you to realize that it was an accident. Tony will not blame you."

"He doesn't need to. I blame myself. Tell the Director that my report will be on her desk as soon as I can get it done."

"You know that we'll have to have Tony's statement as well," Ziva reminded him.

"I know, but you'll have to wait until he's stronger," Gibbs said.

"We won't cover anything up, but we'll delay things as long as we can."

Gibbs shook his head. "I can't ask you to do that."

"We're not doing it for you; we're doing it for Tony," she said.

"Does anyone else know?" Gibbs reluctantly inquired.

"We told Abby because she would have eventually figured it out when she started processing evidence."

"How did she handle it?"

"She was pretty upset; determined to prove you innocent."

"I need to talk to her. When you go back, tell her I need to see her."

"Of course," Ziva replied.

A waitress brought Gibbs another coffee and he nodded his thanks. "I've got to get back to Tony. He shouldn't be alone."

"Would you like some company?" Ziva offered.

"No. You two go do your job," the team leader ordered. "I'll be in touch."

Ziva and McGee watched Gibbs as he left the coffee shop and headed back towards the hospital. Gibbs had instructed them to do their jobs; the only problem was that as soon as the Director figured out what happened, they would be pulled off the case and another team would be assigned to investigate the shooting. Their team was falling apart and they were powerless to stop it.

"We have got a lot of work to do," Ziva said.

"Yep, and we are pressed for time," Tim added.

"Let's go and see if Abby has found anything and go from there."

"Good idea and I'll go and review Sarah Carpenter's statement to see if there's something that we're missing."

"Sounds like a plan."

McGee pulled the keys to the car out of his pocket. "Let's go."

Ziva snatched them out of his hand. She smiled at the panicked expression on her teammate's face. "I will drive. After all, we are in a hurry."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Abby stared at the screen in front of her, her mind numb as she studied the results of the tests that she had run. She had managed to recreate the scene from the photos and sketches, only to learn the horrid truth that she had initially refused to believe. Gibbs had shot Tony.

She wasn't sure who she was supposed to be angry or if she was supposed to cry. "This can't be happening," she mumbled over and over again.

"What can't be happening?"

The Goth whirled around as the Director entered the lab. "Director Shepard," Abby greeted. "Boy, that's creepy. It was almost like Gibbs sneaking upon me. He must be giving you lessons."

"I was his partner for a long time," Jenny reminded her. "I did manage to learn a thing or two."

"I guess so," Abby said.

"So, speaking of Gibbs, I haven't seen him around since I've been back."

"Oh, that's right. You were in Paris," Abby recalled. "How was your trip?"

"It was fine, Abby. Now, where is Agent Gibbs?"

"He's um…at the hospital."

Abby couldn't lie, but hopefully, the Director wouldn't ask her for too many details.

"What happened?" Jenny wanted to know.

"I'm not completely sure. He's there with Tony."

"Agent DiNozzo? Is he all right?"

"He was shot," Abby answered truthfully.

The Director turned to leave. "If you talk to Jethro, tell him I'm on my way."

Abby waved and turned back around to her computer screen. She knew she should warn Gibbs, but right now, she wasn't sure that she wanted to talk to him. Forcing herself to pick up the phone, she called his number but her call was rerouted to his voice mail, which he never checked. She tried Ziva's number and after two rings, the Mossad officer picked up.

"David."

"Ziva, we have a problem," she began with a forced calmness. "Director Shepard is back in town and on her way to the hospital. I had to tell her that Tony was shot. She got this weird look on her face and ran out of here, so I didn't tell her that Gibbs shot him."

"So, you know," Ziva said.

"Yes. Did you talk to Gibbs?"

"We did and we will compare notes when we get back. Call Ducky and tell him what's going on; maybe he can stall her."

"Good idea." Abby hung up her phone, not caring that she had abruptly cut Ziva off. "Guess the Director's not the only one that's learned a thing or two from Gibbs."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for your wonderful support and feedback; I'm so grateful. I hope you enjoy this next post. Be prepared for lots of Gibbs angst!**

_***flashback***_

"_Boss? Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

_Leroy Jethro Gibbs stopped mid-stride and whirled around to face his senior agent. He felt a small amount of pride as the younger agent firmly stood his ground, despite the team leader's agitated demeanor. Gibbs' foul mood was due to their current case and DiNozzo had been on the receiving end of his anger and frustration more than once this past week. Tony had taken the former Marine's often harsh remarks with his usual good natured, carefree style; but now the agent seemed on edge, almost nervous, which was out of character for DiNozzo._

"_What is it, DiNozzo?" Gibbs snapped, knowing that the gruffness in his voice only exacerbated his annoyance at the sudden delay._

"_We should probably have this conversation in private," Tony suggested._

"_Can it wait? I'm on my way to MTAC to update Major Carpenter."_

"_Yeah, I know. I just don't think this can wait any longer."_

_Motioning for DiNozzo to follow him, the two men headed for the elevator. As the doors to the elevator closed Gibbs hit the emergency stop switch, bringing the lift to an abrupt halt. "You've got two minutes, DiNozzo."_

"_Good thing I'm a fast talker," Tony quipped._

"_One minute and fifty-five seconds."_

_Tony nodded. "Right."_

_The team leader glared at DiNozzo as the younger man took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. It was obvious to Gibbs that Tony was reluctant to say what was on his mind; which under the circumstances was very unusual. He should have listened to the warning signals going off in the back of his own mind, but instead, his impatience with his senior field agent grew to an almost intolerable level._

"_DiNozzo!" he barked. "I'm waiting."_

"_Boss," Tony began. "There's no other way to say this, so I'm just going to spit it out."_

"_I wish you would."_

_DiNozzo's eyes narrowed into angry slits as he clenched his fists, struggling to maintain his composure. Gibbs was taken back the rage emitting from the man who he could count on to follow him through the gates of hell._

"_We're worried about you," Tony stated with a forced calmness._

"_We?"_

"_Ziva, McGee, Abby, all of us," DiNozzo continued to explain. "We're concerned that you're taking this case too personally. It's starting to feel like Ari all over again."_

"_In case you haven't noticed, DiNozzo, a girl's life is at stake."_

"_I know that Boss, and I know that you feel some kind of kinship with Major Carpenter, especially with him being a Marine and the circumstances of the kidnapping. I'm sure that this case is making you think a lot about your wife and daughter and I know that you want to save Sarah Carpenter, but we're not going to be able to help her if we're running ourselves ragged chasing down dead leads."_

"_It's your job to run down leads, Special Agent DiNozzo!"_

"_I know my job, Special Agent Gibbs," Tony shot back. _

"_Then do it!"_

"_It's kind of hard when Captain Ahab keeps stonewalling us!"_

_Gibbs visibly bristled. When he had been pursuing Ari, Tony had confronted him and made the suggestion that he read "Moby Dick". In DiNozzo's own unique way, he had been warning the team leader about becoming too driven and too focused in his hunt for the terrorist. He had been obsessed, but Tony and the others had followed him without question. Now, he was being challenged again, but this time DiNozzo and the others were not going to let him off so easy. _

_Sarah Carpenter had witnessed a murder and was now being held captive to prevent her from testifying. She had missed the hearing, forcing the judge to declare a mistrial, but she had yet to be returned to her father. Once the identity of her kidnappers was made known, Gibbs knew that Sarah was running out of time. Alan Harris and Joel Aggleston were two men that the team leader had helped put away when he had been partnered with Mike Franks; they had been released on parole and would work for the highest bidder. _

_Once they had discovered Gibbs was the one leading the search, they had taken great pleasure in taunting him and remaining one step ahead of him. Sarah Carpenter was now being held because Harris and Aggleston were trying to get even with him. He was not about to let that innocent girl be used as a pawn so these two lowlifes could exact their revenge. Surely Tony and the others understood that!_

_The ex-Marine took a step closer to the agent. "Stonewalling you?" he asked._

"_That's what I said. Every time we think we get a lead, you conveniently forget to tell us that you've already checked it out. It's getting old, Boss. We want to help you, but you can't shut us out. Last time you did that, I had to jump into a freezing cold river and rescue you. What if I'm not there the next time?"_

_Before Gibbs could reply, his cell phone rang. "Gibbs," he answered. "When? Where? I'm on my way."_

"_Got a hit on the bolo," the team leader quickly explained. He hit the emergency stop button to release the elevator car and then punched the button that would take them to the garage. "You're with me; notify McGee and Ziva on the way," he instructed._

_He didn't miss Tony's sigh of resignation. "On it, Boss."_

_His gut was literally screaming at him but he chose to ignore it. Something was wrong, but he didn't have the time to sort out his feelings. Gibbs was close to saving Sarah from her tormentors and he wouldn't let anyone stand in his way. He vowed that when this nightmare was over, he would make it up to his team; however, fate was not going to be that kind to Leroy Jethro Gibbs._

_***end flashback***_

"I should have listened to you," the team leader whispered. "I should have taken the time to hear what you had to say. Instead, I ran off half cocked, and just like Ishmael, you followed me without question. I was wrong and I'm sorry."

Hannah, Tony's nurse came in and checked the young man's dressings. Gibbs watched as a satisfied expression danced across her lovely features. "He's doing as well as can be expected," she informed him. "He's definitely a fighter."

Gibbs nodded. "Yes, he is."

"Can I get you anything, Agent Gibbs?" she offered. "I just made a fresh pot of coffee and I can order you something from the cafeteria."

"Just some coffee."

"It's going to be a long couple of days," Hannah pointed out. "You need to keep your strength up; he's going to need you when he wakes up."

"I doubt that. I'll probably be the last person he'll want to see."

"You don't seem like the kind of man who normally wallows in self pity."

Gibbs had to smile at Hannah's forwardness. "Not usually," he answered. "But this time, I'm just facing reality."

"A reality that hasn't become a certainty. Don't give up hope."

"Hope is all I've got right now."

"Sometimes that's all we need." Hannah smiled and turned to leave. "I'll be back with your coffee in just a few minutes. In the meantime, try and get some rest."

"Thank you," Gibbs quietly replied.

Hope. What kind of hope did Tony have of ever walking again? Everyone seemed to take great pains in reminding the team leader that DiNozzo was strong and that he would be fine. He wondered if they honestly believed that or if they were just trying to make him feel better about shooting his senior agent; Gibbs felt that it was probably the latter.

"I wish I could trade places with you," he mumbled. "I would in a heartbeat; I hope you know that." Gibbs didn't know if Tony could actually hear him, but that didn't stop him from speaking his mind. He realized that a lifetime of apologies wouldn't make up for what he had done. How could Tony forgive him?

"Jethro?"

Gibbs looked up to see Director Jenny Shepherd standing in the doorway. He should have known that she would be here sooner or later, of course, he would have preferred later. The last thing that he wanted to do was to relive this disastrous day once again, but he would apparently have no choice in the matter.

"Director," he tiredly greeted.

"What happened?" she softly inquired.

"Haven't you heard?"

"I just got back from my trip to learn that Agent DiNozzo had been shot. I haven't received any official reports from you or from your team. So, do you want to tell me what happened?" Jenny pressed.

The team leader sighed. How many times was he going to have to retell the story? He figured that this wouldn't be the last time, especially after Jenny discovered the truth. "I can't do this right now," he said.

"Why not?"

"Because I need to stay with Tony," he attempted to reason.

"I'm sure that Ducky would be glad to come and sit with Tony for a few minutes," she countered. "Jethro, you know this can't wait. A shooting of a federal agent requires immediate…"

"Don't start spouting off regulations to me!"

"I don't want to do that, Jethro, but I will if I have to. I want to know how Tony got shot and I want the truth."

Gibbs glared at his former lover. "Do you think I'd be anything less than honest with you?"

"I didn't say that. I know how you feel about Tony," she attempted to reason. "You see him as the son you never had and those feelings can bring out certain parental instincts."

"Such as?'

"The instinct to protect your child."

"You think I'm covering up for Tony?"

"It almost seems that way."

"Tony didn't do anything wrong," he growled. Why would Jenny automatically assume that it was DiNozzo's fault? "_I'm_ the one who put him here."

Jenny's eyes narrowed, her expression confused. "What?"

"I'm the one who put Tony in here," Gibbs repeated. "You'll get my report when I get back to the office."

"I don't think so. I think you better tell me what happened and start from the beginning."

Frustrated at the Director's persistence, he reluctantly agreed to meet her in the cafeteria. "Give me ten minutes," he requested. "I need to find Duck and see if he can sit with Tony. I don't want him to be alone."

Jenny nodded. "Ten minutes," she conceded. "I'll be waiting."

Gibbs watched the Director leave, her movements both graceful and determined. She demanded his respect, but yet craved his attention. Jenny had drawn the lines between them years ago and he had not been willing to cross over them, although he had a feeling, that she had been tempted to do so once or twice.

She would use anybody to get what she wanted; unfortunately, that was a lesson that he and Tony had learned the hard way. DiNozzo was still reeling from his breakup with Jeanne, even though he took great effort to make sure that no one knew how deeply his heart had been scarred. Gibbs believed that Tony had actually found someone he could love and who had loved him unconditionally in return, until Jenny's personal vendetta fractured their relationship beyond repair.

His thoughts were interrupted by Hannah as she returned with his cup of coffee. "Is everything all right, Agent Gibbs?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered, taking a sip of the steaming liquid. "I'm going down to the cafeteria for a few minutes; do you think that you could find Dr. Mallard and ask him to come and sit with Tony?"

"Of course. He's just in the doctor's lounge with Dr. Pitt. I'm glad you're taking my suggestion and getting something to eat."

"Uh…yeah. Thanks."

Within a minute, both Ducky and Dr. Brad Pitt entered Tony's room. "Thanks for coming, Duck."

"Of course, Jethro," Ducky replied. "We were coming to see young Anthony anyway. Dr. Pitt wants to check his lungs and make sure that everything is all right."

He rose from his seat, coffee in hand. "I'll be in the cafeteria talking to Director Shepherd. Call me if anything happens."

"I will," the ME promised.

Nodding his thanks to the two men, Gibbs made his way towards the cafeteria. He had hoped to delay this confrontation, at least for a couple of days; but now he had to face not only losing Tony, but losing his career as well. There would no doubt be an IA investigation and his team would be removed from the case, but that was the least of his worries. His man concern was whether his senior field agent, his son, would be able to pick up the pieces of his life and put them back together again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, my boy," Ducky said. "You seem to be resting quite peacefully."

The ME took the recently vacated chair as Brad listened to Tony's lungs. "So, how do they sound?" he asked Dr. Pitt.

"Surprisingly good," Brad admitted. "As of right now, his lungs are clear. I'm going to go take a look at his x-rays, but I didn't hear anything that would cause me to worry right now. Of course, this is Tony we're talking about; I'll definitely be keeping a close eye on him until he's up and moving around some."

"That's what I like to hear. A note of optimism."

"Hey, he's beaten the odds before," Brad reminded him. "Who's to say he can't do it again?"

"We'll just keep thinking those positive thoughts," Ducky insisted.

"Sounds good to me. Listen Ducky, I've got to go, but I'll be back tomorrow to check on him."

"I shall see you tomorrow then."

"Good night, Ducky."

"Good night." He waved goodbye and then turned his attention back to Tony. "It's just you and me now. You are doing fine and before you know it, you'll be flirting with every pretty nurse in the hospital. I remember when I was in Scotland, I…"

The ME sighed. "I'm sure you're not interested in hearing one of my anecdotes," he mused. "But then again, we're not going anywhere for a while."

Ducky began to regale him with a story from his colorful past when Dr. Winesett entered. "I thought you had gone home," the Scotsman said.

"I'm on my way. I just wanted to go over Tony's tests again and make sure that I didn't miss anything."

"And did you?" the elderly physician inquired.

Dr. Winesett shook his head. "Unfortunately not. Truthfully, I'm not sure how much difference there's going to be in Tony's ability to feel or move when the swelling goes down. The damage that had been done is severe. I'm concerned about some of the fragments eventually shifting and causing more problems, but right now, I'm hesitant to try and remove them. If he has a good night, I'm probably going to start letting him wake up tomorrow evening, so someone should be here with him."

"I assure you that Tony won't be alone. I can guarantee that Agent Gibbs will be by his side."

"That's good," Winesett claimed. "Just make sure that Gibbs leaves his guilt outside the door. Tony doesn't need it."

Ducky sighed. "That my friend, will be easier said than done."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you so much for the reviews. I'm so blessed to have such incredible readers! **

**By the way, several people have wondered if Tony's paralysis would be permanent and I will just say that there will be no miracle cures or quick fixes. It is my intention in this story for Tony and the others to learn to accept and live with the fact that he will be permanently disabled. **

**Now, on with the next post. Happy Halloween!**

As Gibbs entered the cafeteria, he spotted Jenny sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. He had kept her waiting longer than he had intended to, but he had not wanted to leave Tony's side until Ducky had arrived. Despite the ME's reassurances, Gibbs had still been hesitant to leave DiNozzo's side, knowing that when Tony finally woke up, the young man wouldn't want the team leader anywhere near him. Once DiNozzo realized that he was paralyzed and that he was responsible, things would never be the same between them and Gibbs knew he only had himself to blame.

Making his way through the maze of tables, he was thankful that there weren't many people in the cafeteria; Gibbs knew that this conversation that he was about to have with Jenny was not going to be an easy one and it was probably a good thing that there weren't a lot of witnesses around. There would no doubt be an investigation and he would probably face suspension, but truthfully, none of that mattered. He would give up everything if it meant that Tony would walk again.

He pulled out a chair and sat down across from the Director. Gibbs nodded his thanks as he took a sip of the coffee now sitting in front of him.

"Thanks," the former Marine mumbled.

"You're welcome," she coolly replied. 'I wasn't sure if it would still be warm; I was expecting you fifteen minutes ago."

"Had to wait on Duck," was the only explanation that he offered. "I told you I didn't want to leave Tony alone."

"So where did you go after Ducky relieved you?" Jenny inquired.

Gibbs clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to tell her to mind her own business. "Just needed a few minutes alone," he finally managed to answer.

He said nothing else as he took another drink of his coffee. Even after all these years, Jenny had an annoying habit of trying to involve herself in every aspect of his life and he resented her for that. He was by nature a private man and only those he trusted completely were allowed a glimpse behind the veil of secrecy. At one time, he had considered Jenny to be among those trusted few, but that was a different lifetime. Now, his trust in her had been shattered when she had used Tony for her own personal vendetta against La Grenouille. Her actions had added to the scars that DiNozzo was now forced to bear.

"Well, Agent Gibbs," Jenny said, her tone formal and authoritative, "do you want to start at the beginning and explain to me how Agent DiNozzo ended up getting shot?"

"Not really, Director Shepard," he sharply retorted. "I guess I don't have a choice."

"No, you don't."

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs began to recall the events leading up to the shooting. He had to force himself to remain emotionally detached as he spoke of his obsession in finding Sarah Carpenter. The team leader admitted that his judgment had become clouded by his desire to save a young girl from her kidnappers and that the only thing on his mind was rescuing her. Gibbs explained how he learned the identities of the men and that discovery had resulted in the suspects using Sarah as a means to exact their revenge on him.

"So, instead of turning this case over to another team, you continued to work it," Jenny clarified.

"My team was perfectly capable of handling it," he growled.

"And that's why Tony's lying up in ICU; because your team was capable of handling this?" she shot back. "You just told me that your judgment was impaired and yet you didn't see fit to turn the case over to another team."

The team leader glared at the Director. "No," he forcibly answered. "Would you like me to continue?"

"By all means. Why don't you tell me what happened when you got a hit on the bolo?"

"When the bolo came in, Tony and I left to pursue the suspects."

"And did you call for backup?"

"Tony notified McGee and Ziva."

"Did you wait for Agent McGee and Officer David to join you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want the bastards to get away!" he barked.

"So you ignored protocol and ended up in a shootout that resulted in Agent DiNozzo getting severely wounded," she deduced.

Gibbs closed his eyes against the onslaught of memories that threatened to overwhelm him. Not for the first time, did he find himself wishing for the ability to turn back time, but he knew from experience that he could not change the past.

"We got out of the car and were fired upon. We immediately began returning fire and I saw Tony go down, but he still managed to get one of the suspects. I was concentrating on the second perp and I didn't see DiNozzo get up until it was too late. He was in my line of fire and…"

"_You shot Agent DiNozzo_?" she interrupted, a mixture of surprise and disbelief evident in her expression.

"Yeah," he admitted. "The two rounds he took in the back came from my gun."

"Jethro, do you realize what you're saying?"

He was struggling to contain his rage. His anger wasn't directed at Jenny; he was angry with himself. "Believe me; I know what I'm saying. The sight of him going down is something that I'll never be able to erase from my mind! I'm the reason that he's lying up there in ICU, completely unaware of the fact that he's never going to walk again!"

He wasn't sure if Jenny was going to cry or if she was still in shock from his revelation. She had the same look on her face after Tony's car had been blown up that day and she thought that she had been responsible for his death. "Tony's paralyzed?"

"Well yeah, Jen. What did you expect after taking two bullets in the back?"

The Director visibly tensed at his sarcastic manner. "There's no need to get petulant, Agent Gibbs," she warned.

"I'm just stating fact, Director Shepard."

"Then answer this question for me," Jenny insisted. "Where were your vests?"

"In the trunk."

"What? You knew that you were going into a potentially dangerous situation and you didn't take time to put on your vests?"

"Tony wanted to, but I didn't want to waste any time."

"It would have taken thirty seconds, Jethro!" she exclaimed. "Thirty seconds would have made the difference in Tony being able to walk."

"Don't you think I know that? All I've been doing since it happened is wishing that I could go back and do things differently, but I can't!"

Frustrated, he pounded the table with his fist. "Damn it, Jen! What do you want from me?"

"I want to know why you let this obsession get so out of hand!"

Gibbs allowed a tiny grin to escape his lips. "I don't think that you have any right to judge me, or do I need to bring up the whole Frog thing again?"

"This is different. Your actions have resulted in an injury to another agent."

"And yours didn't? I guess a wounded heart doesn't count, does it?"

It was Jenny's turn to glare at him, but he remained undeterred. She had always been good at justifying her actions, even if those actions were questionable. "I'm going to need your gun and your badge," she stated, her no nonsense tone projecting the anger that she was clearly feeling.

"I don't have my gun."

"Where is it?"

"I guess Ziva and McGee took it to Abby."

"Fine. Then I'll just need your badge."

Gibbs wasn't surprised by her request; he was just amazed that it had taken her this long. Tossing his badge and ID over to her, he said, "I guess this means I'm suspended."

Jenny nodded. "Yes. You are hereby suspended pending a full IA investigation. Your team will be taken off rotation and they will be off this case until this matter is cleared up. You and your team will cooperate fully with the investigation," she instructed. "Am I understood?"

"Crystal clear, Director."

He stood to leave, but his departure was prevented by the firm grasp Jenny had on his arm. "Where are you going, Jethro?"

"As if it's any of your concern, Director, I'm going back up to sit with Tony."

"I'm afraid that I can't allow that."

Gibbs snickered. "You really think that you're going to stop me?"

"I can't allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until the investigation is over."

Gibbs leaned forward, his unrelenting gaze fixed on the Director. "What? You can't be serious!"

"Unfortunately, I am. You shot a member of your own team and although I'm sure it was an accident, until the investigation is done, you can not see Tony," she declared.

"Don't you dare do this," Gibbs snarled. "Tony's..."

"I'm sure that Agent DiNozzo is in good hands; the staff here is excellent," Jenny reminded him. "Abby, Ducky, and the others can visit him at any time."

Furious, Gibbs pulled free of Jenny's hold and stormed out of the cafeteria, ignoring the stares of the few onlookers who were sitting at a nearby table. Damn Jenny! He had fully expected the suspension, but he was truly caught off guard when she informed him that he couldn't see DiNozzo. Surely she had to know that she couldn't stop him; he would find a way to see Tony despite her orders.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ziva, McGee, and Abby were huddled around the plasma, reviewing the results of the crime scene that the Goth had recreated. The evidence supported their findings; Gibbs had shot Tony. The trio was still stunned, knowing that although the shooting was accidental on Gibbs' part, the ramifications of his actions were going to be felt throughout NCIS.

"What about Sarah Carpenter's statement?" Ziva asked McGee.

"Nothing," he replied. "She was tied up in the back and all she heard were gunshots. The next thing she knew, Gibbs was pulling her out of the car and cutting her free. He made sure she was all right and then went back to Tony. Gibbs instructed her to call 911 and then it wasn't too long after that we got there."

"So, she didn't see anything?"

"No."

"I just can't believe that this has happened," Abby said as she tightly hugged Bert to her chest.

"I know what you mean," McGee said, gently squeezing her shoulder.

"We are not going to get anything done just standing around," Ziva pointed out. "We've got to find some way to…" The Mossad Officer was interrupted by her ringing cell phone. Glancing at the caller ID, she saw that it was the Director. Taking a deep breath, she answered, "Officer David."

Her eyes remained fixed on her two companions as she listened to the orders now being issued to her by Director Shepard. She should have known that they would be taken off the case, but Ziva had hoped that it would have taken longer. "I will tell the others," she said as she hung up the phone.

"Ziva, what's wrong?" Abby reluctantly asked.

"That was the Director. Gibbs has been suspended and we are to turn over all our findings to the investigation team that will be arriving within the hour. As of now, we are no longer working this case."

Ziva allowed the others to absorb information that she had just relayed to them. The immediate silence unnerved her slightly, but the stillness was quickly shattered by Abby.

"Gibbs is suspended?" the Goth cried out in disbelief. "He didn't shoot Tony on purpose. I mean yeah, he's been kind of distant and focused on the case, but a girl's life was at stake. Forget the fact that he's been kind of grouchy or that he's been almost obsessed…" Abby paused for a second. "Forget I said that, he's been more than almost obsessed, but he would never intentionally hurt Tony!"

"Abby, it's SOP for a shooting. There has to be an investigation," McGee informed her.

"No there doesn't. There has to be some way around it."

"Gibbs doesn't want a cover up."

"But…" Defeated, Abby squeezed Bert once again. "In that case, I've made copies everything I've done," Abby announced. "I had a feeling that something like this would happen."

"We'll do the same thing," McGee stated. "You know, just in case."

Ziva smiled at her friends. "That is a very good idea. Just because we are no longer working the case, does not mean that we are simply sitting wildly by."

"Idly," Tim interjected.

She glared at McGee. Usually, she didn't mind being corrected, but it was usually Tony who took great pleasure in pointing out her grammatical mistakes. The fact that it was McGee who had made the correction made her miss DiNozzo in a way that she had not expected. She couldn't explain her feelings for him; one minute she wanted to kill him for being so juvenile and the next minute she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him in an effort to keep his demons at bay.

"You can correct my English later, McGee," Ziva said. "Right now, we've got some work to do."

"You're right. We better get busy."

"You guys can use my computer," Abby suggested. "I'll double check and make sure that Palmer has copies of what he's done so far."

Ziva nodded as she sat down next to McGee and watched his fingers deftly fly over the keyboard. They now had a little less than an hour before they had to turn everything over to the IA investigators. It was hard to believe that this day had started out like any other day, but it had ended with their team leader being suspended, their senior field agent lying in the hospital, and the rest of the team being forced to sit on the sidelines while strangers decided the fate of Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Jenny had ordered them to cooperate and she knew that Gibbs would want them to; that was the only reason that she would ever agree to be part of an investigation that could possibly destroy the career of the man that she considered to be her mentor. Ziva couldn't shake the feeling that things were going to get worse before they got better; but at the moment, she wasn't sure how things could be any worse.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ducky had just finished regaling Tony with yet another of his adventures when Hannah entered Tony's room. The ME had been impressed by the high level of care that Tony was receiving and had complimented the young nurse several times on her compassionate manner in which she treated both the patients and their families. Tony was very fortunate to have her as his nurse and he could only imagine how pleased the young man would be when he discovered that she was also very beautiful.

"Hello again, Hannah," he cheerfully greeted.

"Hello, Dr. Mallard. Can I get you anything?" she offered.

"No my dear, I was just sitting here telling Tony about the time that I sailed down the Nile River; he loves that story."

Hannah smiled as she slipped a thermometer under Tony's arm. "Dr. Winesett decided to go ahead and start decreasing his sedation, so he should start coming around by morning," she informed him.

"I'm sure that Jethro will be here with him." Ducky glanced at his watch. "It's later than I realized. I wonder where he could be."

"I don't know. I'm sure he'll be along shortly."

"You're probably right."

The ME was surprised when he heard Jenny Shepard's voice outside of Tony's room. He looked at Hannah, who merely shrugged. Ducky stood up and walked to the door to find Jenny issuing orders to another agent.

"Jethro Gibbs is not allowed to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation," she stated. "Under no circumstances are you to allow him in this room. Do I make myself clear, Agent Spencer?"

"Yes, Director Shepard," he answered.

"You will be relieved by Agent Coulson at 0600. If you have any problems, call me."

"Jenny?" Ducky called out. "What's going on?"

"I had to suspend Jethro and until the investigation is over, he can not be allowed to see Agent DiNozzo," she hastily explained.

A lump formed in the physician's throat. He could only begin to imagine how lived Jethro must be. "I see. Don't you think the armed guard is over doing it a bit?"

"No, I don't. Not where Jethro's concerned. Now, if you'll excuse me, Dr. Mallard, I've got to get back to headquarters to make sure that Ziva and McGee give their full cooperation to the investigators."

"They will do what is required of them," Ducky said. "Even if they don't like it; they will do their jobs."

"I know that, but I want to be sure that all our bases are covered."

Ducky nodded. "Very good then," he stated. "I'll just go back and sit with Tony some more. He should be waking up in a few hours."

"Keep me informed of any changes," the Director requested. "Oh, and Ducky, do not even think of trying to sneak Jethro into Tony's room."

"The thought hadn't even crossed my mind," he lied.

The ME went back into Tony's room to find Hannah jotting something down on her note pad. "He's running a low grade fever" she explained, "but it's nothing unexpected. I'll let Dr. Winesett know."

"Thank you, Hannah. I know we all rest better knowing Anthony is in such good hands."

He watched as she took one final glance at Tony's monitor. "So, what's going on outside?" she asked.

"It seems that Jethro is not permitted to see Anthony until the investigation into the shooting is completed. Our Director doesn't trust Gibbs, so she's placed a guard outside Tony's room."

"Does Dr. Winesett know about this?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'll just have to mention it to him when I call him. I have a feeling that he's not going to like this arrangement."

Ducky grinned. "Would he like the number to Director Shepard's direct line?"

"I'm sure that he would."

He wrote down the number and handed it to her. After she left, Ducky sat back down next to Tony. "Well my boy," he sighed, "we'll just have to wait and see what happens. I have a feeling that Dr. Winesett is going to have a few words with our esteemed Director."

Close to half an hour later, Hannah entered with a syringe in hand. "Dr. Winesett ordered this for his fever," she said as she injected the medicine into his IV port.

"And the other matter?"

Hannah smiled. "Let's just say that Dr. Winesett was not happy; he should be talking to your Director as we speak."

"Wouldn't you love to be a fly on a wall?" Ducky mused.

"Yes, I would."

"Thank you for your assistance, Hannah."

"It was my pleasure," she assured him. The young nurse reached into her pocket and pulled out a note. "This is for you."

He nodded his thanks as she left. Ducky opened the note to discover that it was from Jethro. "Call me ASAP. Need to talk," he read aloud.

The physician couldn't use his cell phone in Tony's room, so he was going to have to go to the waiting room to make that call. He gently squeezed the agent's uninjured shoulder. "I'll be back in a minute, Anthony. I'll just be in the waiting room, so I won't be too far away should you need anything. I have a feeling that when I come back, we'll have worked out some way for Jethro to be here when you wake up."

Ducky rose from his seat and slowly made his way to the waiting area, acknowledging Agent Spencer with a nod. "I'm just going to stretch my legs."

"Very well, Dr. Mallard," Spencer replied.

The ME slipped into the room and turned on his cell phone. It only took one ring before he heard Gibbs' gruff voice. "It's about time, Duck."

"I just got your note, Jethro. I can't use my phone in Tony's room and…"

"How is he?" Gibbs asked, purposefully interrupting the physician.

"He's running a slight fever, but other than that, there's no change. Dr. Winesett went ahead and started decreasing his sedation; Tony should start waking up by morning."

"I can't see him, Duck."

"I know, Jethro. Jenny made that abundantly clear when she placed the guard outside Tony's door."

"I figured she'd do something like that. I need to be there when he wakes up and you know it."

"I know and hopefully if fate intervenes, you'll be able to."

"What do you mean?"

Ducky explained how Hannah informed Dr. Winesett about the armed guard outside Tony's room and the doctor was going to be calling the Director."

"What if it doesn't do any good?" Gibbs wanted to know.

"We'll just do what we've always done," Ducky replied.

"And that is?"

The ME grinned. "Improvise!"

**Coming in the next chapter, Tony wakes up!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm getting ready to go out of town this weekend, so I thought I would go ahead and post this chapter. I'm proofing and editing the next chapter of Bad Moon Rising, but I don't know if I'll get it up before I leave. If I don't, it will be up Monday morning! Thanks to all those who continue to read and review. I really appreciate the kind words of encouragement! In this chapter, Tony wakes up and learns that he is paralyzed. Hope you enjoy it!**

Gibbs had always been able to use his basement as a place of refuge from the harsh cruelties of his job, but tonight, he had not been able to find the solace that he had been so desperately seeking. The events of the previous day continually played through his mind, preventing him from having a moment's peace. Not that he deserved it; he had shot his own agent after all. His senior agent who had tried to warn him that he was taking this case too personally; his senior agent who always seemed to stand with the team leader despite his better judgment; his senior agent who managed to fill a void in his life, becoming the son that he had never had.

He had managed to destroy the young man's life in one split second and now he couldn't even see Tony to try and explain what had happened. Director Shepard had forbidden him to have any contact with Tony until the investigation was completed, but he knew that he could not wait that long. He hoped that Dr. Winesett had managed to convince Jenny to let him see DiNozzo, but truthfully, he wasn't expecting her to agree to it. Gibbs was aware that she was not going to bend any rules, even for him; not that he expected her to, but this would have been one time he would have been tempted to resort using their past history together to get what he wanted.

The team leader glanced at his watch. It was almost four in the morning. He had been sitting on the steps of his basement for over 3 hours, nursing the same bourbon that he had poured when he had first arrived at home. According to Ducky, Tony would be waking up soon and that knowledge only fueled the former Marine's determination to be by his side. If he didn't receive permission from Jenny within the next hour, he was prepared to implement the plan that he and the ME had managed to come up with during their last conversation.

As if on cue, his cell phone rang. "Gibbs," he gruffly answered.

"Do you want to know how I've spent the better part of my night, Jethro?"

It was Jenny. Gibbs tamped down the urge to offer a sharp retort, knowing that it would only make things worse. He could hear the anger and frustration in her voice and guessed that she had been talking to Dr. Winesett; she evidently didn't like what the physician had to say.

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me," he blurted out. So much for keeping his smart ass answers to himself.

"I've been on the phone with Dr. Winesett on and off for the past few hours," she continued, nonplussed by Gibbs' blunt reply. "Do you care to guess _why_ I've been on the phone with Dr. Winesett most of the night?"

"I already know."

"I'm sure you do. You thought that by having Tony's doctor calling me, you could railroad me into letting you stay with him. Does that about sum it up?"

"I had nothing to do with Dr. Winesett calling you, Director. He did that on his own free will."

"Do you expect me to believe that?"

Gibbs bristled. "Have I ever lied to you, Jen?"

"No," she admitted.

"Why would I start now?"

He could sense her annoyance with him, but at the moment, he didn't care. "So, are you going to tell me what Dr. Winesett had to say or am I going to have to guess?" Gibbs impatiently inquired.

"He wasn't pleased with the fact that I placed an armed agent outside of Tony's room," she informed him.

"I can see why. If you ask me, it's kind of overkill," he retorted.

"You know damn well why I placed the guard there. I can't allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation."

"I need to be there when he wakes up, Jen."

"Yes, Dr. Winesett mentioned that as well. He felt that it would be in Tony's best interest for you to be there, but I'm not so sure. You shot your own agent, Jethro. I'm sure it was an accident, but until IA takes DiNozzo's statement, I can not…"

"Why don't you just cut the crap, Director? I think you're enjoying this," the team leader growled. "I know what the rules are, but I also know that there are extenuating circumstances that allow those rules to be broken. I need to be there for DiNozzo; I need to be there to…to tell him I'm sorry. I'm not going to plant any ideas in his head, Jen; hell, you know Tony, he'll try and make this whole thing out to be his fault. If I'm not there when he wakes up…"

"He's won't be alone when he wakes up, Jethro," she countered. "Ducky is still there and Abby volunteered to go over this morning. I'm sure they can take care of Tony."

"I know they can, but I've still got to be there and I will be there, one way or another."

"Is that a threat, Agent Gibbs?"

"No, Director Shepard; it's a promise."

He could envision the anger radiating from her eyes. "I don't appreciate being bullied, Agent Gibbs. If I agree to let you see Tony, it will be on my terms; is that clear?"

"Now who's being a bully?" he asked. "Dr. Winesett must have unloaded both barrels on you to even make you consider letting me in to see Tony. What are your conditions, Director Shepard?"

"You will be accompanied by another agent and a member of the investigative team to make sure that you don't say anything you shouldn't and that you don't bring any further harm to Agent DiNozzo. You will only be able to stay with Tony…"

"What?" he exclaimed. "You actually think I'd do something to hurt Tony?" Gibbs had to resist the urge to sling his phone across the basement. How dare she even suggest something so ludicrous?

"No, but we have to play this safe, Jethro," she pointed out. "As I was saying, you will only be able with Tony for a little while. After that, your visits will have to be prearranged."

"Prearranged?"

"I'm putting my own neck on the line by agreeing to this, Jethro. You can either take it or leave it."

"I guess it'll have to do for now," he reluctantly conceded. Gibbs knew that at the moment, he had to agree to the stipulations set forth by the Director, but if Tony needed him, nothing or no one would keep him from his son's side.

"Then you better get to the hospital. I'll inform Ducky that you're coming. Don't make me regret this," Jenny warned.

"You won't." Gibbs hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. Grabbing the handrail, he pulled himself up and quickly made his way up the stairs and out the front door. He supposed that he should be grateful to Jenny for bending the rules for him, but if she hadn't, he would have resorted to other tactics and she was well aware of that fact. The team leader's need to be by Tony's side when the young man woke up had superseded his rational thoughts and he had been prepared to implement Ducky's rather creative suggestion.

He allowed a tiny smile to escape as he drove towards the hospital. "I guess I'll just have to save that idea for another day," he mumbled. "I have a feeling that I'll need it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He blindly groped his way through the fog that seemed to engulf him. Confusion and pain were his constant companions as he became aware of someone calling out to him. There was no mistaking who the voice belonged to; the soothing cultured tones of Dr. Donald Mallard had served as his voice of reason on more than one occasion. Tony could hear Ducky urging him to open his eyes, but he wasn't sure if he could even manage that simple feat.

Tony felt the Scotsman gently squeeze his hand. He wanted to obey the firm yet gentle commands that Ducky was issuing, but he was so tired. Except for the nagging pain in his shoulder, his body was numb and he wanted nothing more than to succumb to the embrace of the darkness that beckoned him back into its waiting arms.

"Anthony?" Ducky continued to ramble. "You're in the hospital but you're going to be fine. I need you to open your eyes for me. Jethro will be here shortly and you don't want him to catch you sleeping on the job."

If he was in the hospital, then there was no doubt in his mind that Gibbs would be nearby; the team leader was always around when he was sick or hurting. The team leader was listed as Tony's next of kin, a title that Gibbs took very seriously when it came to his well being.

"Open your eyes for me, Tony," the ME insisted.

Slowly Tony opened his eyes to discover Ducky now standing over him. He blinked several times in an effort to bring the physician into focus and once Ducky's image became clearer, he considered trying to talk. Questions were beginning to form in Tony's mind; questions that he wanted answers to. Hopefully, if he could get his mouth to work, he could ask Ducky to explain to him what had happened this time to land him in the hospital.

"Hello, my boy," Ducky cheerfully greeted.

"D…Duck," Tony rasped.

"It's good to see you're finally awake. I was beginning to worry," the doctor admitted. "I guess I shouldn't have doubted that DiNozzo stubbornness that always seems to get you out of some of the most difficult situations."

"Yeah."

"Dr. Winesett has been called and he should be here soon. He's the doctor who has been taking remarkably good care of you."

Tony merely nodded. At the moment, it was taking a great deal effort to stay awake, much less carry on a conversation; he needed to save his strength for when Gibbs arrived. He knew that the team leader would answer his questions without him even asking. More importantly, Gibbs would be honest with him and not try to placate him with false reassurances. His gut was telling him that something was dreadfully wrong and although Ducky meant well, the ME would try and shelter him from the truth, at least until he was stronger.

"Are you in any pain?" Ducky wanted to know.

"A little," Tony whispered. "Shoulder hurts. Rest of me…is still…numb."

He didn't miss the look of guilt and dread that the physician briefly wore before Ducky managed to slip his mask back into place. His instincts had been right; something was wrong. Tony's urge to know what happened intensified as he tamped down the urge to bombard the ME with questions. He would wait for Gibbs, relieving Ducky of the great burden that the Scotsman suddenly appeared to be carrying.

"I'll inform the nurse that you're in pain, but she probably can't give you anything until Dr. Winesett examines you," the doctor pointed out.

"It's…okay. It's not…that bad."

"That's good to know. Wounds to the shoulder can be very painful. I remember one time that…"

"Duck, I don't think he's up for a trip down memory lane."

Tony weakly smiled as Gibbs entered his room. Not only would he get the answers he sought, he wouldn't have to listen to Ducky recount another story from his youth. Truthfully, most of the time he didn't mind listening to the ME's recollections, but right now, he wanted to know why he was in the hospital and more importantly, when he could go home.

"Jethro!" Ducky exclaimed, relief evident in his cultured voice. "I'm glad you're here. He just woke up a few minutes ago."

"Sorry I'm late," Gibbs replied.

"Don't apologize," Tony mumbled. "Sign of…weakness."

"Yeah," the team leader said. "It's also a stupid rule."

DiNozzo had intended to ask Gibbs what he had meant by that last statement, but his attention was diverted when he noticed two other men standing in his doorway. They obviously weren't doctors and Tony thought that one of them looked vaguely familiar to him.

"Who are they?" he tiredly asked.

"My babysitters," the former Marine growled.

"What?"

"I'll explain it later." Gibbs glanced up at Ducky. "Can you give us a few minutes?"

"Of course, Jethro," Ducky conceded. "I'll go and see what's keeping Dr. Winesett."

"Thanks, Duck."

Tony swallowed hard, wincing at the pain that action caused him. His throat was scratchy and sore, a sure sign that anesthesia had been used on him at some point during his stay.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked.

"Throat's dry."

"I'm sure they'll at least let you have some ice chips after the doctor looks you over."

"I'd rather…have…hot chocolate. Makes my throat feel better."

"He probably won't go for that," Gibbs said as he sat down in the chair beside his bed.

"So…why am I here?" Tony inquired.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

He cleared his throat , hoping that his voice sounded stronger that he actually felt. "Catching up…to the kidnappers."

"Anything else?"

Tony closed his eyes as he tried to force his memories to return. He recalled getting out of the car with his weapon drawn and being fired upon. DiNozzo vaguely remembered his shoulder feeling like it was on fire and then hitting the ground. "I…was…shot?" he reluctantly asked.

"Yeah, you took one in the shoulder and another bullet grazed your side."

"More scars. It's a good…thing…women love scars," Tony quipped. "When…can…I…go home?"

"Not for a while."

"Hate hospitals," he slurred. "I'll rest…better at home."

The senior agent saw Gibbs' jaw tightly clench as the older man looked away. It was almost as if the team leader was purposefully avoiding making eye contact with him. He had never seen the ex-Marine looking so unsure of himself, at least not since Gibbs had been seriously injured in that explosion several years ago and had lost his memory. "Gibbs?" he quietly called out.

"Yeah?"

"Something wrong?"

"I know you well enough that I know you want the truth, so I'm not going to beat around the bush," he said.

"I appreciate that, Boss."

Gibbs raked his hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. "You took two bullets to the back." The older man's eyes exuded a mix of sympathy, pain, and regret. "The bullets did a lot of damage to your spinal cord."

Tony didn't need for Gibbs to say anymore. He had first thought that the numbness he was experiencing was possibly due to the anesthesia. DiNozzo had never considered the possibility that there was another explanation as to why he couldn't feel anything below his waist. His automatic reaction was to try and move his leg. If he could just move it a little bit, then he would have no cause to worry; there would have been no permanent damage and he would be able to walk out of this hospital.

His brow furrowed in concentration as he silently willed his brain to tell his leg to move. Nothing. Gritting his teeth, he tried once again, determined for any part of his lower body to move; he would even settle for a twitch. Again, nothing happened.

"Tony?"

He looked up to see Gibbs now standing over him. "Tony, I need you to listen to me," the ex-Marine pleaded.

"Is it…permanent?" he wanted to know.

"It's too early to tell."

"The truth."

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah, it's permanent. One of the bullets partially severed your spinal cord. You've still got some swelling and some bullet fragments that the doctors couldn't chance removing just yet. We'll know the full extent of the damage in a few days. Right now, you need to rest and give your body a chance to heal."

Tony wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and he had no idea what to do next. Was he supposed to cry? Was he supposed to be angry and throw things? Was he supposed to simply go on like nothing had happened?

"Was it…worth it?" his voice was almost inaudible, but he knew that Gibbs had heard his question.

"What do you mean?"

"Sarah?"

"She's fine. Thanks to you."

"Good."

"Did I…" Tony chewed on his bottom lip as he struggled with his warring emotions. "Did I…screw up?"

"No, Tony. This was not your fault," Gibbs tried to assure him.

"Did I let…the second guy…get behind me?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," the ex-Marine forcibly repeated.

"Then what happened?" he asked, his exhaustion threatening to overwhelm him.

Gibbs gently squeezed his hand. Tony saw the team leader look over at the two men standing in the doorway as if seeking permission for something. "I can't go into details right now," Gibbs said. "Just remember that it wasn't your fault."

"What do you…mean…you can't…go into details?"

"I just can't. I just need you to know that I'm sorry and…" Gibbs closed his eyes as his grip on Tony's hand tightened. "I'm sorry."

Tony couldn't believe this was happening. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and Gibbs was being tight lipped about how it happened. DiNozzo wondered what the older man was hiding from him. Whatever it was, it had something to do with the two strangers standing at his door.

"Agent Gibbs, your time is up," the taller of the two men announced.

"Just a couple of more minutes," Gibbs snapped.

"What…the hell…is going on?" Tony gasped. "Tell me the truth!"

"There's an IA investigation into the shooting and they're afraid I'm going to influence your statement. That's why I can't give you anymore information; they don't want you covering for me."

"Covering for you? I'm the one…who screwed…up."

"No you didn't."

Tony closed his eyes. He didn't care what Gibbs said. He had to have screwed up and now he was paralyzed because of his own carelessness.

"Look at me," Gibbs ordered. "You did nothing wrong. We'll talk about this later. I've already told you too much and your doctor is not going to be happy with me."

""Don't leave," Tony cried out, inwardly cursing his own weakness. "Please don't leave me.

"If I want to be able to see you again, I have to do what these guys say, at least for now. I'll be back in a little later and we'll talk some more."

Not trusting himself to speak, Tony nodded as he watched the team leader leave with the other two men. He knew for there to be an IA investigation, that something had to have gone terribly wrong and Gibbs was covering for him. Why couldn't he remember taking those two bullets in the back? He remembered getting shot in the shoulder and side, but after that, images became distorted and Tony didn't know what was real and what was actually part of a bad dream.

How he wished that this was all just a nightmare. Tony wanted to be able to wake up and walk out of the hospital but it wasn't going to happen. He was paralyzed and he had no one but himself to blame. In one split second, his life had drastically changed and unfortunately, in life, there were no do overs.

As he lay there, he thought about what Gibbs had said. The man had insisted that it wasn't his fault, but he still wasn't convinced. Was Gibbs trying to take the blame for his mistake? He needed to know what happened, but Gibbs and Ducky seemed to be dancing around the subject.

His private thoughts were interrupted by Ducky, who was being followed by another man. Tony assumed that this stranger was Dr. Winesett.

"Agent DiNozzo? I'm Dr. Winesett."

"I kind of figured as much."

"Agent Gibbs told me that he told you about the shooting and the fact that you took two bullets in the back."

"Yeah."

"I'm going to look you over first and then we'll talk some more. I don't want to wear you out since you've just woke up, but I also want to be honest with you and let you know where we stand right now."

Again, Tony nodded. He had so many questions going through his mind, but he was so tired that he couldn't even begin to formulate a coherent verbal response. He obediently answered the physician's questions with a nod or a shake of a head as he struggled to stay awake. He wanted to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say as much as he wanted to hear the truth about the shooting.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for the reviews…they certainly do inspire the muses. Hope you enjoy the next post!**

Tony wanted nothing more than to give in to the warm embrace of slumber as it beckoned him with open arms. Perhaps if he fell asleep and woke up again, he would discover that he was merely having a bad dream. Of course, the sharp pain now radiating from his shoulder reminded him that this wasn't a bad dream; this was fast becoming his worst nightmare.

A low groan escaped his lips as the doctor probed the tender flesh around where the bullet hole had entered his shoulder. He knew that the bullet had been removed and the damage repaired, but that knowledge did nothing to dampen the agony. Although Tony was hurting, he found himself welcoming the pain; it meant that at least the upper half of his body still worked.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Dr. Winesett apologized, interrupting his private musings. "I just wanted to make sure there's no inflammation or infection around the surgical site."

"It's okay," he mumbled, his reply barely audible.

"Everything looks good," the physician informed him. "It will take a while for it to mend, but I don't think you'll have any problems with your shoulder down the road."

"Except when it rains."

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Gibbs' shoulder always bothers him when it rains."

Tony didn't know why he had even made that comment, except for the fact that he had personally observed the team leader favoring that shoulder when it was cold or damp. Gibbs had been shot in the shoulder by Ari Haswari several years ago and was still physically suffering from the repercussions of that particular encounter.

"My uh…Boss…was shot in the shoulder once. Still hurts him when it's damp," he tiredly explained.

"I see. Well…"

"But it doesn't stop him from doing his job."

"I'm sure it doesn't."

Tony watched as the doctor carefully replaced the bandage. Winesett then proceeded to examine his side where he had been grazed by the second bullet. This time, the agent could only feel a slight pressure as the physician checked the wound; there was no searing pain and that realization troubled him greatly.

"That…um…that doesn't hurt like my shoulder does," Tony rasped.

Dr. Winesett appeared to be ignoring him, but the silent exchange of glances between him and Ducky told him other wise. Tony had almost forgotten that the ME was still in the room with him; the Scotsman had been unusually quiet, which was completely out of character for the older man. The agent closed his eyes, struggling to keep his emotions under control; he could not permit himself to show weakness in front of anyone. He had been taught at a young age that DiNozzo's did not admit or demonstrate vulnerability to family or strangers. It had been one of the few lessons that had followed him throughout his life.

"Tony?" Ducky gently called to him. "Try and stay awake, my boy. Just for a little while longer."

"I'm not asleep, Ducky," he assured the older man.

"Oh. Well, not that I could blame you if you were; you've had a rather grueling couple of days."

"Guess so."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Nope. Just waiting."

"Waiting for what?" the ME inquired, a hint of confusion in his cultured voice.

Tony opened his eyes and met Ducky's worried gaze. "For someone to tell me what's going on."

"In due time, Anthony; in due time. First, Dr. Winesett wants to check you over and then we'll talk."

"Seems…like he should be…done by now."

"Patience, Tony," Ducky gently admonished. "I promise you that he will answer all your questions."

The senior agent sighed. "He told me that…twenty minutes ago."

"Your perception of time is a little off. He's only been in here for ten minutes."

"I'm on Gibbs time," he quipped.

"I suppose that explains your lack of patience."

It was just a few more seconds before Dr. Winesett addressed him. "Agent DiNozzo, you can stop talking about me like I'm not here."

Tony glared at the doctor who had elected to ignore his earlier comment. "It's a two way street, Doc."

"You're right," the physician conceded. "I should have answered you earlier and…'

"Yeah, you should have," he sharply retorted.

"I won't make that mistake again," Winesett promised.

"In that case, we'll just call it a misunderstanding and start fresh."

Both Ducky and Winesett smile at him. Tony wasn't trying to be a difficult patient, but he was going to make sure that this doctor understood that he expected complete honesty and would not settle for anything less. Another trait that he and Gibbs shared.

Gibbs. He wished that team leader had not been forced to leave. Tony had a feeling that he would be able to handle the news that he was about to receive a lot better if the former Marine would have been allowed to stay. Gibbs wouldn't give him the chance to feel sorry for himself and right now, the young man knew that he needed that extra push to stay out of the trap of self-pity and self-loathing that he was tempted to wallow in.

He took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. "I guess it's the moment of truth, Doc."

Dr. Winesett pulled up another chair and sat down. "Agent Gibbs informed you that you were shot twice in the back," he began.

"Yeah, he did. The details of the shooting are still a little fuzzy," he admitted.

"I'm sure things will become clearer in a few days."

"I hope so."

"With the amount of trauma that your body has been subjected to, it'll take a couple of days for your mind to make sense of what happened. Right now, I'm going to give you an idea of what we're looking at right now."

Tony swallowed hard, suddenly unsure if he was truly prepared to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say. He forced himself to focus on the physician's words as he began to elaborate on his condition.

"Shrapnel from one of the bullets tore your right ureter, which is the tube connecting the kidney and the bladder. Some of the fragments were imbedded in your right kidney, but we managed to remove them and repair the damage to the ureter and the kidney. We're going to have to monitor your kidney and bladder function for a while to make sure that everything is working lie it's supposed to."

The agent sighed. "Guess that constitutes the good news?"

"What do you mean?"

"The doctors on TV always deliver the good news before the bad news; I figure you're doing the same thing."

Dr. Winesett grinned. "You watch too much TV."

"You have no idea," Ducky interjected.

"I've been told that…a time or two," Tony added. "So, what's the bad news?"

The doctor leaned forward slightly. "Keep in mind that you have a great deal of swelling around your spinal cord and so…"

"Doc, please. I need to know. Gibbs already told me…" Tony paused for a brief second, tamping down his warring emotions. "I just need to hear it from you."

"Since you were shot at such a close range, the damage is quiet severe," the doctor continued. "Your spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae."

Gibbs had told him that much, but Tony wanted to know more. "What's that mean?"

"Your spinal cord is divided into different sections; you were shot in the lower part of what we call the thoracic region," Winesett stated.

"Right about here, Anthony." Ducky stood up so Tony could see him and pointed to the coinciding area on his own back.

Tony nodded, thankful that the ME was here to translate. His thoughts were still muddled and he knew that once the fog cleared from his mind, he would have even more questions that he needed answers to.

"That's right," Dr. Winesett remarked. "Because of the location, your paralysis will basically be from your lower waist down. You will still have excellent control of your upper body, especially after your shoulder heals."

"You said my spinal cord was…partially severed," Tony recalled. "Can't you fix it?"

"I wish it were that simple, Agent DiNozzo."

"Yeah, so do I," he solemnly replied. "So, this paralysis is definitely permanent?"

The saddened expression in the physician's eyes was the only answer that he needed. Gibbs had already told him that the paralysis was permanent and although he knew the team leader wouldn't lie to him, Tony couldn't help but hope that Gibbs had simply misunderstood the prognosis. Who was he kidding? Gibbs didn't misunderstand anything.

"Yes," the doctor replied. "But like I said, there's a lot of swelling and…"

Tony didn't want to hear anymore. At least not right now. He needed to time to process what had happened and figure out how he was going to live his life without the use of his legs. He was a field agent and at the moment, he wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to do his job if he couldn't walk.

"Could you give me a few minutes alone, Doc?" he quietly asked..

The doctor nodded. "We'll talk more later. I'll be back in to check on you in a few hours. Right now, you need to rest."

"Yeah," was the only answer that he could bring himself to give.

Tony closed his eyes, mentally chastising himself for being so careless. His life had been changed in a split second and he wasn't even sure how or why it happened. He tried to compel the fog to lift from his clouded mind, but it was useless; all he had succeeded in doing was further exacerbating his headache.

"Anthony?" Ducky gently patted his arm. "Are you all right?"

"I need to be alone, Ducky."

"All right, but just remember that this isn't the end of the world. Consider this to be a new adventure."

He knew the ME meant well, but he wasn't in the mood to be inundated with platitudes of false hope. "Ducky, please not now. Just leave me alone."

"I'll be right outside," the older man stated. "If you need anything…"

"I know, Ducky. Thanks."

Once he knew that the ME was gone, he silently willed his leg to move. His brain was issuing the order, but his body was ignoring the command. "Come on, damn it! Move!" Tony grunted.

A fine sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as he continued to try and force his legs to move. Still there was nothing; not even a twitch. The only thing that he was rewarded with for his effort was an increased feeling of exhaustion. He really didn't want to sleep but once again, his body was not cooperating with his demands.

He wasn't sure how long he simply laid there with his eyes closed before he began to drift off to sleep. Tony no longer had the hope that everything that had happened had been a dream, because he knew for certain that his reality would now involve spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ziva paced the small waiting room outside of the Intensive Care Unit. She had wanted to see Tony, but Gibbs had been with him. Knowing how important it was for the team leader to be with DiNozzo when he woke up, she had elected to wait. It had already been a long night, so she figured that a few more minutes wouldn't make that much of a difference.

She and McGee had made copies of all their files before they had been taken by IA. After the IA team had left, she, McGee, and Abby had all agreed that they needed to get some rest. They knew that they would be useless to Gibbs and Tony if they were too tired to do their jobs; they needed to be sharp and focused in order to withstand the scrutiny of the IA team.

She had decided that before she went home that she would go and see Tony. Ziva knew that the doctor was allowing him to wake up and if Gibbs was not permitted to be with him, perhaps she would be able to stand in his place. Upon her arrival, she learned that the former Marine was with Tony and did not want to intrude.

Ziva had not been waiting too long when she heard the door open and Gibbs entered the small room. She watched as he headed for the coffee pot and poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid. Ziva could sense his anger as it coursed through his body; his jaw was tightly clenched and she could see the vein in his temple pulsing in time with his accelerated heart rate.

"Gibbs?" she softly called out to him.

He whirled around, managing not to spill a drop of coffee as his eyes narrowed into his steely gaze. "What?" he snapped.

"I was just wondering how Tony was."

"He's just been told that he's never going to walk again, Ziva. How do you think he's doing?"

Ziva bristled at his sharp tone. "You are not the only one who's worried about him. He's my partner and my friend too," she reminded him.

His expression softened slightly. "You're right, Ziva. I didn't mean to take my frustrations out on you."

"Is that an apology?"

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. "Closest one you're going to get."

"In that case, maybe you can answer my question without biting my head off."

Her dark eyes followed the team leader as he sat down in one of the chairs. Ziva couldn't recall a time that she had ever seen Gibbs appear to be so defeated.

"I'm not sure he really believes that he's paralyzed," Gibbs stated. "I don't know if it's the drugs in his system or he's just refusing to accept the facts. He thinks that this whole thing is his fault and even though I told him he didn't screw up, I can tell that he wasn't convinced. The doctor was going in as I was leaving; maybe Winesett will be able to get through to him."

"Does he remember the shooting?" Ziva inquired.

"Not all of it. He thinks he did something wrong and I can't really tell him otherwise. I kept telling him that he didn't mess up, but he's still blaming himself."

"I'm sure that he will remember in time."

"I know he will. I guess that's what I'm afraid of. He's going to finally remember that I'm the one who put those two bullets in his back."

"Gibbs, it was an accident," she attempted to reason.

He took another drink of coffee and set his cup down on the table in front of him. "I've got a meeting with IA at 1300. I need to get my thoughts together."

"Everything will work out."

"I hope so, Ziva. For Tony's sake."

"I was hoping that I could catch you before you left."

She and Gibbs turned at the sound of the ME's voice. The team leader rose from his seat and in two strides was standing face to face with Ducky.

"What's wrong?" Gibbs demanded to know.

"Nothing. Tony just asked for a few minutes alone," Ducky explained. "He needed some time to mull over what Dr. Winesett told him. You know Tony."

"Don't leave him alone too long," Gibbs warned. "He'll let his thoughts run away with him."

"I'll go and sit with him for a while," Ziva volunteered.

"I would welcome the break, my dear. Not that staying with Anthony is a burden, there are just some things that I need to get done," the ME clarified.

"I don't mind at all."

Ziva gathered her things and left the two men alone, quickly making her way towards Tony's room. She nodded a silent greeting to the nurses as she walked past their work station. Peering into his room, she studied the now sleeping form of her partner. Aside from the bandaged shoulder and the assorted IV's, Tony did not look as if he had just received a debilitating injury.

She quietly entered and sat in the chair next to his bed. Ziva picked up his hand, careful not disturb him. "There has to an easier way to get a date with a nurse," she teasingly whispered.

Tony didn't answer, but then again, she didn't expect one. "I'm sorry this happened to you, Tony. But you have to remember that being paralyzed does not change the man you are."

Ziva had a feeling that the road ahead was not going to be easy, especially once Tony learned the truth about what happened. There would be anger, denial, guilt, and a myriad of other emotions that they all would have to help him through, but they would be there for him. She would be there for him. He was her friend and as he had proven to her time and time again over the years, friends were always there for each other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'll be back after I'm done talking to the investigators," Gibbs stated as he drained the rest of his cup.

"I assume you'll have your escorts?" Ducky inquired.

"Yeah. I'll play their game for a little longer."

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I'm sorry it has to be this way."

"It's not your fault, Duck. I've only got myself to blame."

"Blaming yourself will not help Tony," the ME pointed out. "He really doesn't understand the full extent of his injury yet. There will be issues that are going to arise that Tony probably hasn't even considered."

Gibbs raked his hand through his salt and pepper hair. Ducky was right. Tony knew that he could no longer walk, but that was just the beginning. Mundane tasks that were usually taken for granted would become difficult and time consuming.

"I know, Duck," he finally replied.

"I don't think you do, Jethro. There will be other physical problems that Tony will have to deal with other than his inability to walk. He's more than likely going to have problems with his bladder and bowels, not to mention being more susceptible to infections and…"

"I get the picture!" Gibbs barked.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I just think that if we're going to help Tony, we have to be prepared to face the same reality he's going to face."

"If Tony can handle it, then we will too."

"Of course we will," the ME encouraged.

"We're going to get him through this," he vowed.

Gibbs couldn't begin to imagine not having Tony to watch his six. Although he trusted McGee and Ziva, the faith he placed in his senior agent was unflappable. However, he had shattered DiNozzo's trust by putting two bullets in his back and he wouldn't blame Tony if the young man wanted to nothing more to do with him.

"Jethro…"

"I've got to go, Duck. I've got to talk to IA at 1300."

"Don't let them crucify you," Ducky warned. "Tony's going to need you."

"I know," he replied unconvincingly.

"Don't crucify yourself. Tony wouldn't want that either."

Gibbs curtly nodded, not trusting his voice to answer the ME. He would not cover up his mistake and he didn't expect anyone else to lie for him; his carelessness had forced Tony to pay the ultimate price and he owed it to DiNozzo to tell the truth. Gibbs got in his car and sped off towards the Navy Yard, uncertain of what his future would hold.


	9. Chapter 9

**Just in time for the weekend! Hope you enjoy this next post! Stay warm!**

Gibbs sat in the interrogation room, coffee in hand, waiting for the IA team to interview him. This was not his first time being interviewed by Internal Affairs, but he had never been the focus of an investigation. Glancing at his watch, he mentally calculated that he had about five minutes before his scheduled interview; five minutes until he was forced to relieve the fateful moment when had destroyed DiNozzo's life.

Anthony DiNozzo was the closest thing that he would ever have to a son; a father wasn't supposed to hurt his child, but he had done just that. How could he have been so careless? What was he thinking? How could he put the welfare of a stranger before that of his own son? He probably would never have the answer to those questions, but he would be plagued by those thoughts for years to come.

The door opened and two well dressed men entered. One was in his mid fifties, his receding hair line making him appear older than his actual years. The second man was younger by a couple of decades, but Gibbs could tell by the way he carried himself that the young man thought he had something to prove.

The older man sat down across from him. "Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

"That would be me," he replied.

"I'm Inspector Jerry Carlson and this is my associate Mark Landry. We've been assigned to look into the shooting of Agent Anthony DiNozzo."

Gibbs merely nodded his understanding as he waited for Carlson to proceed. He knew what he was going to say and he was fully prepared to face the consequences. Whatever punishment was decided would be nothing compared to the guilt he would feel every time he saw Tony in a wheelchair.

"Agent DiNozzo is currently your senior field agent," Carlson began. "Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"How would you rate his job performance?"

"He's the best there is."

"How long have you worked together?"

Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. "Close to seven years."

"That's a long time," the inspector observed. "So, I take it you have a good working relationship."

"Yes."

"Do you think Agent DiNozzo would agree with you?"

"You'll just have to ask Agent DiNozzo, won't you?" he sharply retorted.

"I'm asking you."

How was he supposed to answer that question? Ducky had told him more than once that he and Tony were more alike than different. They complimented each other, always seemingly knowing what the other one was thinking. But that had been before he had shot his own agent.

"Agent Gibbs, you need to answer Inspector Carlson's question," Landry insisted.

He glared at the younger man; his icy stare silently informing the young investigator that he was not going to be so easily intimidated. "I would think that Agent DiNozzo would agree," Gibbs stated.

"If you have such a good relationship, then why is he lying in a hospital bed, Agent Gibbs?"

"Tony's lying in a hospital bed because he was wounded apprehending two men who had kidnapped a young girl."

"Why don't you tell us what happened?" Carlson suggested, obviously trying to ease the tension between him and Landry.

"It's in my report."

"I've read the report and now I want you to _tell_ me what happened."

Gibbs clenched his jaw; his personal opinion of IA investigators slipping yet another notch. If it wasn't for the fact that he needed to get back to the hospital, he would show them that he could play mind games with the best of them.

He began to recall in detail what happened from the time that they received a hit on the bolo up until the time Tony was wounded. He spoke of how the two suspects opened fire on them and how DiNozzo managed to take down the first one. Pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, he wanted to get every detail right, leaving nothing to interpretation.

"Agent Gibbs?" Landry called to him. "Please continue."

Clenching his fist, he struggled against the urge to slug the pompous bastard leaning over him. Mark Landry was trying to play the bad cop of the infamous good cop, bad cop routine, and in his opinion, he wasn't doing so well. It was a poor choice of tactics to use on someone as experienced as him. Ignoring the younger man, he met Carlson's patient gaze and prepared to continue to give his statement.

"Agent DiNozzo was shot in the shoulder and grazed in the side," the inspector clarified.

"Yes. I saw him go down. The other suspect was firing on me and he finally ran out of ammunition. At that point, I ordered him to surrender and he refused."

"And then what?"

"By that time, he had replaced his clip and was preparing to fire again. I raised my weapon to return fire and somehow, Tony had gotten to his feet and…stumbled into my line of fire."

"You didn't see Agent DiNozzo get up?"

"No."

"Why do you think Agent DiNozzo got up?"

"I can't say for sure."

"Speculation, then?"

"I think he was still trying to do his job."

"Which was?"

"To apprehend the kidnappers and save Sarah Carpenter's life."

"Do you think he was aware of your presence?"

"I don't know. He was losing a lot of blood; he could have possibly been disoriented."

Carlson wrote something down on a piece of paper and slid it over to Landry. Gibbs noticed that the young man did not look happy; a frustrated expression clouding his youthful features. Landry hastily left the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Your partner's got a big chip on his shoulder," Gibbs stated.

"Yep. Every once in a while, I've got to take him down a notch or two. I sent him for coffee."

Gibbs laughed. "That'll do it every time."

"Sounds like you've had experience in this area."

"A little."

"So, now that junior's gone, let's get this over with."

"Couldn't agree more. I've got better things to do."

Carlson put his pen down and leaned back in his chair. "You know, I'm quite a bit more relaxed than Mark, but I do take my job very seriously. I expect you to take this interview seriously as well."

"Believe me, I do," he assured the other man. "What happened shouldn't have happened and I accept full responsibility."

"Trying to be a martyr?" Carlson challenged.

"No, just being realistic."

The inspector simply nodded. "After you shot Agent DiNozzo, what happened?"

"I shot the perp and went and checked on Sarah Carpenter. After making sure that she was all right, I gave her my phone and instructed her to call 911. I then went and took care of Tony until the paramedics arrived. Officer David and McGee came along a short while later and began to process the scene and I rode to the hospital with Tony."

"Was Agent DiNozzo your only backup? Where were Agent McGee and Officer David?"

"When we got the bolo, DiNozzo notified McGee and Ziva and told them that we were in pursuit. I knew that they wouldn't be far behind, especially with Ziva driving."

"Based upon the severity of Agent DiNozzo's injury, I can only assume that he wasn't wearing a vest. Were you?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Neither of us was wearing one."

"Why not?" Carlson wanted to know.

"Agent DiNozzo wanted to take the time, but I didn't. He was following my lead."

"And by doing so, he ended up with three bullets in him. Maybe following your lead wasn't such a good idea."

"You're right. I screwed the pooch and now Tony's paying the price. Is that what you want to here?" the team leader growled. "I wanted to find Sarah Carpenter and I was willing to do whatever it took to get her back."

Carlson closed the file that was lying on the table. "This was a personal case for you, wasn't it? The kidnappers wanted to get even with you, so let me ask you this, Agent Gibbs. Once you discovered the identity of the two kidnappers, why didn't you hand this case off to another team?"

"It was my fight."

"Your fight? Aren't you familiar with the old adage, there is no 'I' in team?"

"I'm quite familiar with it. My team is the best there is; they would literally follow me into hell and they have several times. I tried not to involve them, but it didn't work out that way," he recalled.

"Would you say that your desire to take matters into your own hands clouded your judgment?" Carlson pressed.

"I don't know." He thought for a moment, recalling the conversation that he had Tony had just before the shooting. Tony had questioned his motives and Gibbs had become defensive, knowing deep down that DiNozzo had been right.

"Let me ask it this way; would your team say that your judgment was affected by the personal nature of this case?"

Gibbs studied his calloused hands. These were the same hands that pulled the trigger, destroying his son's life in a fraction of a second. He balled up his fists, sighing in frustration. "I don't know. You'll have to ask them," he finally answered.

"I will be doing just that," Carlson assured him. "If their statements back up what you've told me this afternoon, then your career as an NCIS agent could be in serious trouble."

"I'm aware of that."

"I will be in contact with you very soon, Agent Gibbs. You're free to go."

Gibbs rose from his seat and headed to the door. He pulled out his cell so he could check on Tony; hopefully DiNozzo was still asleep and he could be back at the hospital before Tony woke up. "Agent Gibbs?" Carlson called out to him.

Turning on his heels, he snapped his phone shut and impatiently waited for the inspector to catch up to him. "What is it?"

"I'm sure that you're worried about your agent, but until we can get Agent DiNozzo's statement, you are not permitted to see him."

"I'm listed as his next of kin," Gibbs angrily pointed out. "I've already agreed to having babysitters in the room every time I see him."

"Not this time."

"Why not?"

"It's the rules."

"I have my own set of rules, Inspector Carlson, and one of them includes not standing on the sidelines when one of my team is in trouble." Actually, that one had been Tony's, but he had claimed it for his own.

"Don't force me to get a restraining order," Carlson warned. "We're doing this by the book."

"Guess I'm a slow reader. I haven't gotten to that chapter yet."

"Gibbs! I'm serious."

"So am I!" he snapped. "It's bad enough that he's paralyzed because of me, but I will not let him go through this alone!"

"I understand that. All I'm asking you to do is to wait until we interview him. We'll do it as soon as his doctor gives the okay."

Gibbs began to walk away, ignoring the continued protests of the Inspector. He figured that the man was already on the phone making the necessary calls to make sure that he didn't get in to see Tony. He didn't care about rules; the only thing that mattered to him was making sure that DiNozzo was all right. As long as Tony needed him or wanted him around, he would be there for him, despite what anyone else had to say.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tony opened his eyes, struggling to bring the dimly lit room into focus. He wasn't sure what had awakened him from his slumber; it could have been a number of things. It could have been the dull ache in his shoulder or it could have been the fact that he wanted to wake up and discover that this whole ordeal had actually been a bad dream, or it could have been the fact that someone was sitting beside him snoring very loudly. He tiredly smiled as he recognized the familiar sound. Ziva.

He thought he had heard her voice earlier, but it had been difficult to discern if she had been real or a dream. She had told him that being paralyzed didn't change who he was, but she was wrong. It would change him. Tony had always prided himself on his independence. Truthfully, he had been on his own since he was twelve, so he had learned at an early age how to take care of himself. Now, he was going to have to rely on others for help and that was something that did not come easy for him.

He supposed he could just keep telling himself that this was all a bad dream; maybe one day, he would even believe it. There was only one way to tell.

With his good hand, he placed it on his right leg. Nothing. He scratched the top of his leg and still felt nothing. The words of Gibbs and the doctor came rushing back to him as they told him about the paralysis and how it was permanent.

"No," Tony whispered. "It can't be true."

The lack of sensation only encouraged him to scratch even harder. At the moment, he didn't even care if he drew blood; he just wanted to be able to feel something. After a few more attempts, Tony finally gave up and pulled his hand from underneath the sheet. He blew out a frustrated breath.

"God, this can't be happening," he muttered.

"Tony?"

He glanced over to see Ziva rising from her chair to stand over him. "Tony? Are you all right?"

Tony attempted to muster his infamous grin for his partner. "I'm fine," he lied. "I still see you haven't seen anyone…about your snoring problem."

"I could say the same thing about you," she playfully countered. "Now, back to my original question. Are you all right?"

Tony looked away, knowing that he couldn't look in her eyes and lie to her again. "Shoulder hurts a little," he admitted.

"I will tell the nurse."

He grabbed onto her wrist, wincing as he instantly regretted the sudden move. "No. Not yet," Tony pleaded. "It's not that bad. I'm not ready…to go back to sleep."

"You need your rest," Ziva reminded him.

"Please?" He stared at Ziva with puppy dog eyes, hoping to melt that tough exterior that covered her warm heart.

"Do not look at me like that," she warned. "It is bad enough that you are lying in a hospital bed, helpless, but looking at me like that will. Ziva stopped, realizing what she had said. "Oh God, Tony. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…"

"It's all right, Ziva," Tony assured her. "I know what you meant."

"I have never seen you as helpless and I do not believe you are helpless now."

"Ziva, it's okay. Slip of the tongue; happens to me…all the time. Please, just forget it."

"Only if you say you forgive me."

"Fine. I forgive you."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Do you really?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She took his hand and gently squeezed it. "Everything will be all right."

"Sure," Tony sighed.

"It will, Tony. We are all going to help you through this," she vowed.

"I know."

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that the team would rally around him in an effort to help him adjust to his new life in a wheelchair. Ducky and Palmer would make sure that his health was carefully monitored, Abby would be his cheerleader, McGee and Ziva would be anything he needed them to be, and Gibbs would probably remodel his whole apartment making sure that everything was handicap accessible. Hopefully, the team leader wouldn't have the urge to build a boat in his living room.

"Tony?" Ziva called to him, interrupting his thoughts.

"Huh?"

He noticed that she was now examining his fingers on his right hand. "You have some blood on your fingertips and it looks like bits of skin under your nails."

Tony jerked his hand free. "I probably scratched myself in my sleep," he reasoned.

Leaning over him, she examined the areas around his bandaged shoulder and side. "I do not see any nail marks. Care to try again?"

"Not really."

Ziva started to pull back the sheet that covered the lower half of his now useless body. "What are you doing?" he growled.

"I've already seen everything you have or have you forgotten?"

Tony could feel his cheeks flush slightly. How could he forget? He would never forget the softness of her skin as he held her or the passionate hunger of her kisses. They had been undercover as married assassins, but there had been times during that operation, the lust had been real, at least on his part.

He heard her gasp when she saw the scratch marks on his right leg. "Tony? Why?" she demanded to know.

He closed his eyes, a sense of shame consuming him. "I just wanted it…to be…a dream. I thought maybe Gibbs and the doc…were wrong. Should have known better. Gibbs is never… wrong."

Ziva went over to the sink and wet a wash cloth with warm, soapy water. As she began to clean the wound, Tony found himself hoping that he could feel her touch. He was forced to tamp down a scream when he realized that he could still feel nothing.

She then picked his hand up and washed the dried blood off his fingers. "I don't think it needs a bandage," she announced.

Tony nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Do you need anything else?"

"I'd like to sit up a little. I've never liked lying on my back, unless I'm…well you know,"

Ziva smiled as she covered him back up and tucked him in. "I'll ask the nurse. They don't want you moving around too much."

"Well, tell them that if I don't get a different view soon, that I'm leaving a complaint with the manager," he teased.

"I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor."

"Yeah, well." He couldn't afford to lose his humor; he was going to need it to get through the challenges that lay ahead. "Um, listen…you're not going to tell Gibbs about me scratching my leg, are you?" he nervously asked.

"I…"

"Sorry," he apologized. "I shouldn't put you in that position."

"Tony…"

"So, where is Gibbs?"

"He is being interviewed by Internal Affairs."

"Oh."

"I'm sure he'll be here as soon as he can," she promised. "Nothing will keep him from your side."

"I just hope he doesn't have to pay from my screw up," Tony mused.

"You did not screw up, Tony."

"You know, Ziva," he said. "I think I'm ready for that pain medicine now. Do you mind getting the nurse?"

Ziva nodded. "All right. I'll be right back."

Tony watched Ziva leave the room. No matter what anyone said, he knew he had messed up; he should have done something to stop Gibbs from heading down that familiar path of self destruction. Tony had followed him on this very same path several times and he should have drawn the line this last time. If he had, maybe he wouldn't be lying in the hospital, wondering how the hell he was going to weather this latest storm.


	10. Chapter 10

**In time for the snowy weekend! In this post, Gibbs admits to Tony what happened. I hope you enjoy it and everyone stay warm and safe. I know I intend to stay inside and write! Thanks to all who take the time to read and review.**

Ziva glanced back over her shoulder, studying her partner as he feigned sleep. Tony had asked her to tell the nurse that he needed some pain medicine, but she knew his request was partially a ploy to get rid of her so he could have a few minutes of solitude. She could easily sense his inner turmoil, knowing that he was trying to handle everything that had happened in typical DiNozzo fashion, but his underlying pain was crying out for relief. It was the way that he had sought that relief that was bothering her. After she had discovered that Tony had purposefully hurt himself because he so desperately wanted to feel something, her own feeling of helplessness had almost consumed her.

Her desire to help Tony was overwhelming. She knew she had to something, but for the first time in her life, she wasn't sure what to do and she hated that feeling of indecisiveness. Ziva blew out a pent up breath and walked past the guard that had been posted outside of Tony's room as she headed towards the nurse's station. She knew that Dr. Winesett did not approve of the guard and hoped that it was only a matter of time until the doctor rectified the situation. Once Tony was fully cognizant of everything that had happened, the knowledge that he was being guarded would only add to his stress.

She leaned on the counter top, patiently waiting for the nurse to finish conversing with a doctor so she could request Tony's pain medication. A familiar presence quietly appeared beside her. Easily recognizing the scent of sawdust and coffee, she greeted the team leader in a hushed tone. "Gibbs."

"How's Tony?" he asked, handing her a cup of coffee.

Ziva wasn't surprised that the first words out of his mouth were concern for the senior field agent. Even before she became an official member of the team, she had noticed a special connection between Gibbs and DiNozzo. She wasn't sure if the bond that they shared was that of mentor and apprentice, siblings, or father and son; although she did lean towards the latter. The one thing that was clearly obvious was the fact that Tony and Gibbs had each other's back.

"His uh…shoulder is hurting him," she replied. "He asked me to see if he could have something for pain."

"DiNozzo asked for a pain killer?"

"Yes. I'm sure his shoulder is causing him some discomfort, but personally I think that he wanted to be alone."

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. "Sounds about right."

She nodded in agreement, taking a drink of her own coffee. There was no doubt that Gibbs was an expert in DiNozzo avoidance techniques and she was on the fast track to becoming one as well. Both of them knew that Tony was using the time alone to put the mask that he constantly wore back in place so no one could see his true pain.

"He wants us to believe that he is fine, but he obviously is not," she stated.

"No, he's not," the team leader agreed.

"Being in a wheelchair is going to be difficult for him to accept and it will be even harder on him if he does not let his friends help him."

"It's always been hard for Tony to ask for help."

"But why?"

Gibbs merely shrugged as he continued to stare straight ahead. Ziva silently chastised herself. She should have known that Gibbs was not going to reveal any of Tony's secrets. There was a part of DiNozzo's life that he managed to keep behind a veil and Gibbs had been the only one that had ever been allowed to catch a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo.

Knowing that she wouldn't get an answer, she decided to broach another subject. "So, how did your interview go with Internal Affairs?"

"About like I figured it would."

"What do you mean? Do you think they will rule it as an accidental shooting?"

"I don't know, Ziva."

"What did you tell them?"

"I can't discuss it."

"I received a message on my cell phone that my interview is tomorrow morning at 9. I'm certainly not looking forward to it."

"Just tell the truth."

Ziva stared at the former Marine. "And what is the truth, Gibbs? I know that you would never intentionally hurt Tony, but could all this have been avoided?"

"You worked the crime scene; you know what Abby found when she processed the evidence. What do you think?"

Ziva thought for a moment. She wasn't sure how to answer that question or even if she wanted to. There was no doubt that Gibbs had been very focused on this case to the point that she had questioned his judgment, but she had not confronted him as Tony had dared to; maybe if she had, none of this would have happened.

"I don't know," she finally admitted. "Maybe if things had been handled differently, then…"

"Tony would still be able to walk," he finished.

"That is not what I meant."

"I know," he conceded. "But it's true."

The Mossad officer knew that Gibbs' guilt ran deep, but until now, she had no idea how bottomless the pit of his despair actually was. Now it was clear to her that this was a father agonizing over what had happened to his son. "Gibbs, I…"

"Just tell the truth, Ziva," he repeated. "That's all you can do."

Their conversation was interrupted as the nurse approached them and asked them if they needed anything. As Ziva informed her of Tony's request for more pain medication, she managed to keep a watchful eye on the team leader. Satisfied that her partner's needs were being met, she turned her undivided attention back to Gibbs.

"Have you been granted permission to see Tony?" she inquired.

"Not technically. The IA investigator wants me to stay clear, but I can't do it. I know DiNozzo and he's lying in that room, thinking that he somehow screwed up and I can't let him continue to do that. He's got to know the truth."

"So, you're going to tell him that you shot him?" Ziva wasn't sure that telling Tony the truth right now was a good idea. The senior agent was having enough trouble accepting the fact that he could no longer walk without finding out that he was shot by the one man who meant the world to him.

"Yeah," Gibbs sighed in frustration. "I have to."

"Perhaps you should wait," she suggested.

"I've known Tony a long time and I know how he thinks. What happened is not his fault and until he knows the truth, he'll continue to bear a burden that isn't his."

Although the former Marine had a valid point, Ziva still was uncomfortable with the timing of everything. "How do you plan on getting in to see him? You do not have your escorts," she pointed out.

"I lost them about an hour ago."

"How are you going to get past the guard?"

Gibbs looked at the guard standing outside of Tony's door. "It won't be a problem."

"What are you going to do?"

"Go on home and get some rest," Gibbs instructed. "You've got a big day tomorrow."

"You did not answer my question."

"No, I didn't. Good night, Ziva."

She watched Gibbs as he walked away from her and towards the guard. Ziva was prepared for a confrontation, but the agent who was guarding Tony's room merely nodded at the team leader as he entered DiNozzo's room. She stood firmly planted in place, uncertain of what had just happened. The agent was young and most of the younger men and women were easily intimidated by Gibbs, but the team leader had not even graced the guard with his infamous glare.

Ziva walked towards the guard, who was now smiling at her. "Um, excuse me," she said. "Can I ask you something Agent…"

"Watts. Danny Watts," he introduced himself.

"Agent Watts, I was wondering why you allowed Agent Gibbs into Tony's room. I'm sure that you were given strict orders not to, so why are you disobeying a direct order?"

"Agent Gibbs and my father served together in Kuwait and he saved my father's life. He brought my father home alive and I swore that if there was some way I could repay him that I would," he began to explain. "I've been working as an agent for a year or so and when I ended up pulling guard duty for one of Agent Gibbs' team, I figured something was going on. My supervisor explained the situation, but I knew that there had to be an explanation. I uh…let Agent Gibbs know when I would be on duty."

"You could get in a lot of trouble for doing this," she pointed out.

"I'm not going to tell, are you?"

"No, but what if someone figures it out?"

"Agent Gibbs said he would handle it."

Ziva nodded. "All right. Well, good night then."

"Good night."

Ziva stepped just inside the door and grabbed her bag. Gibbs was standing at the foot of Tony's bed, staring at the young man, who was now lightly dozing. Two lives utterly destroyed in one split second; was there anyway that they would be able to rebuild the trust that was about to be shattered?

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she made her way down the hall towards the elevator. Tomorrow she would be questioned about Tony's shooting and she would be expected to answer truthfully. Depending on the questions that were asked and the answers that she would be forced to provide, she could possibly end the career of the team leader. She was suddenly grateful that she was going to be able to go home; she had to prepare for tomorrow. Ziva had been trained to withstand interrogations under the direst of circumstances; perhaps it was time to call upon some of her former training.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

His senses were immediately on edge; he was definitely being watched. Although Tony had finally managed to drift off for a few minutes, he was instantly awakened upon the realization that he wasn't alone. He had to blink several times to bring the image hovering at the foot of his bed into focus. Gibbs. Tony allowed a small grin to escape his lips; he should have known that the team leader would find some way to see him.

"Where's your baby sitters?" he slurred, feeling the effects of the pain medicine that the nurse had given him just a few minutes earlier.

"Ditched them in Georgetown," Gibbs replied.

"Took the long way back, huh?'

"Yep."

"What about the guard?"

"Pays to have connections."

"Jenny?" Tony teased.

"Hardly," the team leader huffed. "Believe it or not, there are still some people that want to do the right thing."

"Be sure to thank him for me."

"I will," Gibbs promised.

Tony couldn't shake the feeling that something was definitely bothering the team leader. There was an uncertainty in the eyes of the former Marine that completely unnerved him. He had worked with Gibbs long enough that he knew the older man's moods all too well and it was clearly obvious that his mentor was upset. Tony couldn't help but wonder if Gibbs was here to tell him that he had been fired.

"So, what's up, Boss?" Tony asked, his need to know the truth outweighing the apprehension that he was experiencing.

"Sometimes you're too perceptive, DiNozzo," Gibbs grunted as he took the seat that recently been occupied by Ziva.

"I learned from the best."

Gibbs was silent. Tony had always been uneasy with complete stillness, usually shattering the quietness of any moment with some off-handed comment or movie reference.

"No," Gibbs softly disagreed. "You've always had that ability. The first time we met, it took you all of two seconds to figure out what the second 'b' stood for."

"It wasn't that hard," Tony quipped.

"I guess not."

Tony found the control that operated his bed and pressed the button that would raise the head of his bed a little more. He felt his shoulder pull a little, but thanks to the medication he had received, the pain was tolerable. He met the team leader's concerned gaze. "You've never beat around the bush before, so why start now?"

"I guess because I know you're not going to like what I have to say."

Tony sighed. "I'm being fired, aren't I?"

"No!" Gibbs sharply exclaimed. "Why would you even think that?"

"You know why! I messed up!"

The team leader shook his head. "No, Tony. You did not screw up!"

"I can't remember what happened and no one will tell me, so what else am I supposed to believe?"

Gibbs leaned forward and cupped his face in his hands. "Look at me, Tony. Have I ever lied to you before?"

"No."

"Why would I start now?"

"I don't know."

"What happened was my fault," Gibbs insisted.

"How can it be your fault?"

He watched the team leader as he leaned back in his chair. Tony wanted an explanation; he wanted to know what happened and more importantly he wanted to know why Gibbs was blaming himself. He watched as the former Marine seemingly struggled to form the words he wanted to say. Gibbs was not one to mince words and his reluctance to do so now only furthered Tony's anxiety.

"I should have listened to you, Tony," the older man finally managed to say. "If I had, you wouldn't be lying here in this bed."

"Gibbs, I…"

"Let me finish," he pleaded.

He nodded as he met Gibbs' saddened gaze with his own curious stare. "All right."

"If I had let you put on your vest…"

"Gibbs, don't even go there. I…"

"I said, let me finish!"

Tony flinched at the harshness of Gibbs' voice. That sharpness was usually reserved for the field and not when he was lying in a hospital bed.

"If I had let you put on your vest, you would have been protected from serious injury." Gibbs swallowed hard. "The bullets you took in the back were…from my gun."

That was not what Tony had expected to hear. The last thing that he clearly remembered was being shot in the shoulder while still managing to take the other man down. He could barely recall anything after that until he woke up in the hospital and had been informed that he was never going to walk again.

Now it was Tony's turn to be rendered speechless. "What?" he finally managed to ask, disbelief and uncertainty evident in his voice.

"I thought you were down," Gibbs continued to explain. "I didn't see you get up and you took two of my bullets in your back. I'm sorry, Tony. I'm…sorry."

Tony laid his head back against the pillow. "It's okay." He had no idea why he had said that. It wasn't okay. In fact, it sucked.

Apparently, Gibbs was also confused by his reaction. "Tony, it's not okay."

"It was an accident, Gibbs."

"It doesn't change the fact that it happened."

"No, it doesn't. There's just no use in crying over spilled milk."

Gibbs lowered the side rail and sat on the edge of mattress. "Tony, I just told you that I shot you in the back. My bullets are the reason that you're paralyzed and you're acting like I made you miss a Magnum marathon."

"Things happen for a reason, Gibbs."

"This happened because I was too careless and too pig headed to…"

Tony clenched his jaw, desperately fighting the urge to scream. "What do you want me to say, Gibbs? Do you want me to say that I blame you? Do you want me to be angry with you? What do you want from me?"

Gibbs looked away, sighing in defeat. "I don't know, Tony. I guess I want your forgiveness."

"You're forgiven," he blurted out, uncertain if he truly meant those words he had managed to utter.

"Tony, I…"

"Gibbs, I'm kind of getting sleepy. Can we talk about this later?"

"All right, but we will talk about this. I've also told IA what happened and I'll take full responsibility for…"

"You don't have to be a martyr. That's not going to change anything."

"I wasn't trying to be a martyr," Gibbs reasoned. "I just want you to know that when the IA team gets around to interviewing you, you make sure that they know that none of what happened was your fault. You were in the right."

Tony closed his eyes. A mixture of anger and exhaustion was consuming him. There was no doubt in his mind that the shooting was an accident, but that didn't change the fact that he had been the one to suffer the consequences of an obsession gone wrong. He was going to have to find a way to deal with this; Gibbs would never purposefully hurt him and he knew that, but it didn't change the fact that he was still paralyzed because the man that was like a father to him had shot him and changed his life forever.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to all those who have taken the time to read and review this story. I'm overwhelmed by the notifications that I get when it's added to a favorites list…I am so honored. Hope you enjoy this next post and I'm still waiting for someone to send me a sunny day or two with temperatures in the 80's. I think I could update faster if my fingers weren't frozen! **

Gibbs sat back down in the chair beside Tony's bed, waiting for the senior agent to do or say something that would be an indication of how DiNozzo was really dealing with the team leader's revelation. Admitting that the bullets that had changed Tony's life forever had come from his gun had been one of the most difficult things that he had ever done, but the younger man deserved to hear the truth and the team leader knew that he had to be the one to tell him what had happened. Tony's reaction to the news had been unexpected. Aside from one tiny outburst, DiNozzo had been calm and accepting of the fact that the former Marine had shot him.

He knew that Tony had a habit of hiding behind a mask, a testament to the man's unusual upbringing. The dark-haired agent didn't speak often of his childhood and when he did, he usually followed it by some kind of off beat joke. The team leader had learned to read in between the lines and had figured out that displays of emotion had been frowned upon in the DiNozzo household. When it came to dealing with personal feelings, Tony was a very private person and preferred to handle things in his own way, but Gibbs was determined not to let him face his future alone.

Leaning back in the chair, he watched as Tony's breathing finally evened out, signifying that he was no longer trying to feign sleep, but had actually drifted off. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was probably hoping that if he appeared to be asleep, then he would leave; but, Tony should have known that he would stay as long as he could. He glanced at his watched and mentally calculated how many hours he had before he would have to leave. There was so much more that needed to be said and Gibbs didn't know when he would have another opportunity to talk to his senior agent. Unfortunately, Agent Watts couldn't be on protection detail 24 hours a day so he could go and come as he pleased.

He decided that he would let Tony sleep a little longer, while he kept a silent vigil. Maybe by the time DiNozzo woke up, he would figure out exactly what he wanted to say to the young man; but at the moment, all he could come up with were a lot of meaningless platitudes.

"Agent Gibbs?"

The team leader looked up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. He rose from his seat and nodded a muted greeting to the physician. "Dr. Winesett."

"You can call me Bill," the doctor insisted.

"Jethro."

Gibbs genuinely liked this man; any one who had the balls to stand up to Jenny Shepard deserved his respect. So far, he and Tony had been the only ones to challenge her and now, he could add the good doctor to their distinguished club.

"I see he's sleeping," Bill observed.

"Yeah. He has been for a few minutes," Gibbs informed him.

"I'm sure he was glad to see you."

Gibbs shook his head. "I doubt it. Not after I told him that I was the one who shot him in the back."

The doctor glanced up from studying Tony's chart. "I guess that explains why Director Shepard didn't want you around Agent DiNozzo," Winesett mused.

"You mean that she didn't give you a reason why I couldn't see him?" he asked.

"All she said was that it had to do with an Internal Affairs investigation that you would both be involved in; I had no idea that it was your bullets that…"

"Caused him to be paralyzed?" the team leader finished. He sat back down in the chair, his gaze finally coming to rest on Tony's still form. "Now you know and so does Tony."

"You told him?"

"I had to. I didn't want him to find out from the Internal Affairs guys or pick it up from idle gossip."

"How did he take it?"

"He hasn't said too much."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know yet. He kind of shut down on me and went to sleep," Gibbs stated. "I don't know what's going to happen or what he's going to say when he wakes up."

"I'm sure that given time, Agent DiNozzo will come to terms with what happened. You just have to be willing to give him that time," the physician pointed out.

"I'll give him all the time in the world if that's what he needs."

"He'll need more than time. He's going to need a lot of support, not just from you, but from all his friends."

"We plan on being there for him every step of the way."

Winesett closed Tony's chart and then checked the monitor to make sure that his vitals were stable. Gibbs had always excelled at reading people and right now, it was obvious that the doctor had something that he wanted to say. "Something on your mind, Bill?"

"Jethro, would you care to join me for a cup of coffee?"

"As long as it doesn't take too long," he conditionally agreed. "I want to be here in case he wakes up again."

"I'll try not to keep you too long."

Gibbs followed Dr. Winesett out of Tony's room, pausing at the door long enough to spare a fleeting glance at the injured agent. "Hang in there, Tony," the team leader encouragingly whispered.

He continued to follow the doctor, nodding to Agent Watts as they headed towards the lounge. Gibbs was definitely going to have to call Danny Watts' father and let his old friend know what a fine young man his son had turned out to be. The young agent was taking a huge risk helping him and Leroy Jethro Gibbs would always be in his debt.

Following Dr. Winesett into the lounge, he took a seat as the other man closed the door and poured two cups of coffee. Gibbs took the offered cup and took a sip. He grimaced as he swallowed the bitter liquid. "Not my usual blend," he muttered.

"I never said it would a good cup of coffee," the physician quipped.

The team leader tiredly grinned. "No, you didn't. You could have a least warned me."

"Where would the fun be in that?"

"Remind me to treat you to a real cup of coffee sometime," Gibbs offered. "One taste and you'll never be able to go back to this swill."

"I'm looking forward to it."

Gibbs set his cup down on the table and pushed it away from him. "So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked. He didn't want to be away from Tony's side any longer than necessary.

Sitting down across from him, the doctor folded his hands on the table, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. "I want to talk to you about Tony," he began.

"I'm listening."

"I wish that you would have waited to tell Agent DiNozzo the truth about the shooting."

"And why is that?"

"He's just learned that he's going to be paralyzed for the rest of his life; don't you think it was a little too soon to deliver another blow?"

"Maybe," Gibbs conceded. "But I know Tony well enough to know that he expects the whole truth and if I didn't come clean, DiNozzo would blame himself. I couldn't let him do that."

He wasn't sure if Winesett understood his reasoning, but it didn't matter; the team leader was not going to permit Tony to carry a burden that wasn't rightfully his.

"I understand that and I respect that; I'm just speaking from a doctor's point of view."

"I know and I appreciate the fact that you're doing what you think is best for Tony, but so am I. I've known DiNozzo a long time and we've been through a lot together. Did you know that he had the plague once?"

Bill nodded. "I've read his history. Agent DiNozzo seems like a fighter."

"He is."

"That's good to know because he's going to have one hell of a fight in front of him."

Gibbs could remember Ducky say something similar but at the time, he had other things on his mind including his IA interview. "I know that and so does he."

"Do you?"

His eyes narrowed into an inquisitive stare. "What do you mean?"

"Agent DiNozzo is going to have to learn a whole new way of living. Simple tasks that we take forgranted are going to present a challenge for him. With paraplegia, comes the loss of bladder and bowel control; Tony will have to literally train his bladder and bowels when to go. He'll be more susceptible to kidney and bladder infections, pressure sores, and because of the damage done to his lungs, he'll be a likely candidate to develop upper respiratory infections.

"He's going to have to learn to dress himself and do things for himself that he used to be able to do without thinking. Although he can't use his legs, he's going to have to still work the muscles to prevent atrophy; that will certainly help prevent other problems blood clots and the sores I mentioned earlier."

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. He could imagine Tony's reaction when he learned that he was going to have to learn how to take a piss again, among other things. Ducky had tried to warn him, but somehow hearing this from DiNozzo's doctor made it seem so real, so final. "So, how's he going to learn to do all of this?"

"If he remains stable for the next 36-48 hours, I want to send him to the National Rehabilitation Hospital here in D.C.; I think that being there will help him immensely. The sooner he starts rehab, the better off he'll be."

"I've heard of this place."

"It's one of the best."

"How long will he have to stay there?" Gibbs wanted to know.

"As an inpatient, probably around three weeks," Bill answered. "Then depending on his progress, he'll move to a day program, and then finally to outpatient. They'll help him with everything from the personal issues we discussed earlier to learning how to drive. He'll come away from there with as much independence as he had before the shooting; Agent DiNozzo will just learn a new way of doing things. I've got a packet in my office for Tony that will go into more detail about the services they offer. I thought maybe you would want to read it and then discuss it with him."

Gibbs sighed. The doctor had given him a lot to mull over. "Thanks, Doc," he finally managed to say. "For everything."

"You're welcome." The doctor rose from his seat. "By the way, I'm still working on getting those restrictions lifted. Your Director is a difficult woman."

"You have no idea."

"Take care, Jethro. If I can do anything, please don't hesitate to have me paged."

Standing up, he shook the physician's hand, quietly nodding his thanks once again. Winesett left him in the lounge alone, the sound of water dripping from the faucet resonating throughout the tiny room as Bill's words were echoing through his mind. There was so much that Tony was going to have to face and knowing DiNozzo, he would hide behind that damned mask, trying to convince everyone including himself that he could handle whatever crappy hand that life had dealt him. Gibbs knew that some tough love would be in order, but he wasn't sure if he could overcome his own guilt to make sure that Tony got the help that he needed to live his life to the fullest once again.

As he made his way down towards Tony's room, he saw that Agent Watts was no longer outside DiNozzo's door. The team leader could hear voices coming from inside the room indicating that Tony was awake and the two young agents were talking. DiNozzo's ability to strike up a conversation with anyone was one of those characteristics that had served him well throughout his life and had also lured many unsuspecting criminals into making a confession.

Gibbs started to enter the room when a familiar voice called out to him. Turning at the sound of his name, he watched as Director Jenny Shepard came storming over towards him. Hands on her hips, she icily stared at him, making him wonder what happened to the woman he had loved. The slight tremor in her voice spoke volumes of the anger she was managing to keep bottled up inside. Unfortunately, that anger came spewing out when she asked, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Tony woke up, he quickly discovered that he was alone. He found himself cherishing the few moments of tranquility, welcoming the brief respite from the constant vigils that his friends seemed determined to subject him to. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that his friends meant well, but it was hard to see the pity in their eyes as they awkwardly searched for the right words to say. He wanted them to believe that he was going to be fine and that he was going to overcome this latest obstacle in his life and walk again; the only problem was that he was having a hard time convincing himself of the fact.

He glanced down at his legs that were covered by a sheet and a heavy blanket. They were just lying there, unmoving and useless appendages that no longer served a purpose. There would be no more long runs in the park, no more football games in the snow with his frat buddies, no more boxing with Gibbs in the ring. He would longer be chasing dirtbags, kicking in doors, or running out to get coffee. All that had changed because of two misplaced bullets.

Despite Gibbs' admission that he had been the one to put the two bullets in his back, Tony knew in his heart that it had been an accident, but his mind was having a hard time accepting that Gibbs had been the one who had pulled the trigger. He had tried to hide his anger from the team leader, even going as far as telling the man that he was forgiven, hoping that the former Marine couldn't see through the mask that Tony had been forced to hide behind.

A lesson that he had learned from his father was to never allow people see your true feelings because your emotions can be used against you. Tony had become an expert at a young age at hiding behind his sense of humor and quick wit, easily deflecting those who tried to get to close. Very few people got a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo; Jethro Gibbs had been one of those people. But now, until Tony got everything sorted out in his head, the team leader would only be allowed to see what he wanted him to see.

With his good arm, he reached for the water sitting on the table beside him. He managed to grasp the cup, but his hold was tenuous and both the cup and the water ended up on the floor. Tony's first instinct was to get up and clean up the mess before anybody came and saw what had happened. He tried to sit up until a searing pain shot up his back. With a choked sob, he cried out, "Son of a bitch!"

"Are you all right?"

Tony forced his breathing to regulate as he glanced at the stranger standing in his doorway. After a few minutes, he nodded as he collapsed back onto the mattress. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," he gasped. "Who are you?"

"Agent Danny Watts," the young man replied. "I was just standing outside your door and I heard you um…Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah. I was just getting a drink of water and I dropped the cup."

"I'll get you a new one and some fresh water," Watts volunteered. The agent retrieved a towel and quickly cleaned up the water off the floor.

Tony's jaw clenched as he saw how easily the other man had taken care of the mess. He couldn't even sit all the way up, much less get in the floor and swab up a little bit of water.

"Is there anything else you need?" Danny pleasantly inquired.

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

"You acted like you were hurting earlier; are you sure I can't get the nurse?"

"I said I was fine." Tony blew out a frustrated breath. "So, why are you outside my door?"

"Because I was told to stay there."

"By whom?"

"Director Shepard."

Tony shook his head. "Say no more." Now that Gibbs had told him about the shooting, he understood completely why the team leader had to have escorts and he had an armed guard outside his door. "Guess she doesn't want us comparing stories?"

"Sir?"

"Don't call me sir. I work for a living; or at least I used to," he mumbled.

"Yes Sir. I mean, I understand, Agent DiNozzo," Danny stammered.

The senior agent weakly smiled. "You remind me of our Probie."

"Really? How long has he been on Agent Gibbs' team?"

"About 4 years."

"And you still call him Probie?"

"He insists on it," Tony lied. "Keeps him humble."

"How long have _you_ been with Agent Gibbs?"

"Almost 7 years," Tony answered automatically. "Why all the questions? The scuttlebutt already started?"

Tony didn't miss the confused expression that now outlined the agent's youthful features. "Scuttlebutt?"

"About who's going to take my place on Gibbs' team?"

"Uh, not that I know of," the younger man nervously stated. "As far as I know, there's not a vacancy."

"Give it time."

"I'm not sure what you mean, Agent DiNozzo."

"Nothing. Just forget I said anything. Pain medication makes me kind of loopy; I tend to talk out of my head a lot," he explained, hoping that the other man would not try and push for answers that he was not going to give.

"That's all right," Danny assured him. "So, have you got any advice for a new agent?"

Tony thought for a moment. Normally, he would have filled the young agent's head with typical probie horror tales, but he found himself unable to muster any of his usual fervor for story telling and exaggeration. "Just make sure that you find someone who'll watch your six," were the only words that he could think to utter.

"Like Agent Gibbs watches yours?"

The kid obvious had a serious case of hero worship for the ex-Marine. Hell, he did too, or at least he used to. To him, Gibbs was no longer the superhero with supernatural powers that no one dared to challenge. That had changed, long before the shooting that had led to his paralysis. Maybe it had been after Kate had died or after Gibbs had taken his hiatus and spent four months in Mexico, but somewhere a long the way, the superhero had become human and humans made mistakes. Unfortunately being human also made you vulnerable and that's exactly how Tony felt at the moment; all of his insecurities were trying to rear their ugly heads and he was powerless to stop them.

How was he supposed to answer Agent Watts? Gibbs had always had his back; had that changed with the shooting? The team leader was like a father to him; but what kind of father puts the need of a stranger over the welfare of his own team? Was he blaming Gibbs? Was he blaming the Carpenters? The blame was supposed to lie with the kidnappers, and that's were he was going to have make sure that it stayed.

"Agent DiNozzo?" Danny called out to him.

Shaken from his reverie, he said, "Call me Tony."

"All right, Tony," Watts conceded. "So, you said to find someone who'll watch my back."

"Yeah. You'll live longer that way."

"You're lucky to have Agent Gibbs to do that for you."

"I guess so."

"I mean he's the best agent around and it's got to be…"

Uncomfortable with the turn that the conversation was taking, Tony cleared his throat and inquired about his drink. "Danny, how about that water?"

"Oh, right. I'm sorry. I'll be right back."

He breathed a sigh of relief when the junior agent left. There was a slight commotion outside his door and he could hear the voices of Gibbs, the Director, and Agent Watts, who voice seemed to go up two octaves. It sounded like all hell was about to break loose outside his door and he wanted no part of it.

Tony had other things on his mind. He had to figure out how he was going to handle this situation and how he was going to face life in a wheelchair. Tony usually didn't feel sorry for himself; he had learned throughout his life that self pity was a waste of time, but right now, he wasn't sure if it was pity or self loathing that he was experiencing. Whatever it was, it was starting to eat at him like a cancer and Tony wasn't sure how to stop it.


	12. Chapter 12

**It has been such a crazy week…I wasn't sure I would get this post done! But it is done and it's up! I wanted to get another chapter of Silent Tears up before the weekend, but we'll have to wait and see! I hope you enjoy the post and as always, my heart felt appreciation for the many loyal readers! **

The last person that Leroy Jethro Gibbs wanted to see was Director Jenny Shepard. Of course, judging by the angered expression she was now wearing, she wasn't happy to see him either. Her green eyes were hard and cold; temporarily void of any hint that they had once been lovers. The old adage that if looks could kill rang true; truthfully, he would probably already be six feet under.

He took a sip of his coffee as he spared another fleeting look towards Tony's room. The team leader was not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have, knowing that every second he spent arguing with Jenny, was taking away from the time he could spend with DiNozzo. He knew from experience that the longer Tony was left alone, the more time he had to build up the walls around his emotions.

Gibbs turned to face Jenny, his annoyance at the fiery red head evident in his own piercing gaze. "Something I can do for you, Director?" he asked, his voice tight and controlled.

"You can answer my question," she coolly replied.

"And what question was that?"

"What are you doing here?" the Director emphatically repeated.

"I was talking to Tony's doctor."

That wasn't a complete lie. He had been talking with Dr. Winesett about Tony's future; he didn't dare mention that he had already been to see Tony in hopes that he could convince the young man that he was not blame for what happened during the shooting. Gibbs refused to let DiNozzo accept the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Jenny shot back.

"Believe what you want, Jen."

"I know you, Jethro. I also know that more than likely you've already been to see Tony and I know that you were without your escorts. I assumed that when I allowed you to see Agent DiNozzo that you understood that you could not be left alone with him until after Internal Affairs interviewed him. I try and accommodate you and you repay my leniency by going behind my back."

The ex-Marine glared at the Director. "I wouldn't have to go behind your back if you would just come to your senses!"

"I'm not the one disobeying a direct order," she reasoned.

Gibbs grabbed her arm and escorted her away from Tony's door, not wanting to take the chance that DiNozzo would overhear their conversation. Jenny pulled free of his grasp, her irritation with him fueling her rage.

"What is it that you're trying to do, Jethro?" Jenny demanded to know. "You're taking a huge chance on throwing away your career! If IA discovers that you've been here before…"

"Who's going to tell them, Jen? I need to be here and you know it. I've _got_ to be here for Tony."

"To ease your guilty conscience?" she challenged.

He clenched his jaw, struggling to keep his own mask from slipping. There was no doubt in his mind that guilt was consuming him, but he could not let it motivate him. Tony was like a son to him and he wanted to believe that he was doing what a father should do. "No, Jen," he finally answered. "I'm doing it because…" He paused and blew out a frustrated breath.

"Because why?"

"Because if our situations were reversed, DiNozzo would be doing the same thing for me."

"Jethro, I know that DiNozzo means a great deal to you and you think that your presence is necessary for his recovery and that may be; but until the IA team talks to Tony, you can not see him without proper supervision," she insisted.

"So supervise me!" he growled as he turned to head towards Tony's room.

It only took three strides before he was outside Tony's door. The team leader purposefully ignored the Director's protest, tired of hearing all the reasons that he should stay away from his senior field agent. He would not abandon DiNozzo to face his future alone, even if he had to go against the Director of NCIS.

"Agent Gibbs!" she called out.

Gibbs whirled around, silencing her with his icy stare. "Don't," he warned. "Just don't."

Before Jenny had an opportunity to respond, the team leader and the Director were nearly bowled over by Agent Danny Watts. Startled, the young man dropped the cup that he had been carrying and watched in horror as it landed at the feet of the former Marine.

"Agent Gibbs," Danny stammered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's all right, Agent Watts," Gibbs assured him. "At least it wasn't full."

Danny picked the cup up off the floor. "I wasn't watching where I was going and I'm sorry."

"So I guess you've learned two lessons from this experience."

"Sir?"

"Make that three lessons you've learned," Gibbs corrected. "One. Always be aware of your surroundings. Two. Don't apologize, it's a sign of weakness, and three, don't call me sir; I work for a living."

"That's what Agent DiNozzo just said. He told me not to call him sir either," Danny recalled.

After he and Tony had met, it hadn't taken long for DiNozzo to learn about his aversion to being called 'sir'. Sometimes Gibbs found himself longing for the days that his team consisted of himself and Tony; life was much simpler back then.

"So, how is Agent DiNozzo?" he asked, forcing himself back to the present.

"He's all right. He accidentally knocked his water off and I was just getting him some more," Watts hastily explained.

Gibbs watched with amusement as Danny realized that he had failed to address the Director. He didn't bother to hide his smile as the agent once again, began to apologize profusely. Jenny could be very a very commanding presence, but the former Marine had shared too much history with the woman standing beside him to be intimidated by her.

"I'm sorry, Director Shepard," the young man apologized. "I didn't see you there. I mean…"

"Don't worry, Agent Watts," Gibbs chimed in. "Her bark is worse than her bite."

"It's quite all right, Agent Watts," Jenny answered, ignoring Gibbs' barb. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Danny eagerly replied.

"Has Agent Gibbs been in to see Agent DiNozzo?"

The team leader gave a slight nod to the agent, silently granting him permission to tell her the truth. He didn't want to get Danny into trouble and he could deal with Jenny's wrath; he had no intention of ruining the agent's career before it barely got started.

Gibbs managed to hide his surprise when Danny replied. "Not to my knowledge, ma'am."

"What do you mean, not to your knowledge, Agent Watts?" she wanted to know. "Did you leave your post at any time?"

"No ma'am."

"Yet, you don't know if Agent Gibbs…"

"Quit harassing the kid, Jen," Gibbs said. "He doesn't know you well enough to lie to you. Now, I'm going in to see Tony."

Gibbs walked into the room, Jenny following close behind him, leaving a confused junior agent standing out in the hallway. Tony was awake, his eyes riveted to the ceiling, apparently lost in his thoughts. The team leader moved to DiNozzo's side and quietly called out his name. "Tony?"

Tony sighed. "Hey, Boss."

"How ya doin'?"

"I'm okay."

Gibbs easily realized that Tony was already hiding behind the mask he wore when he wanted to convince everyone that all was right with his world. The team leader wondered how long it would take him before he could convince Tony to lower it once again.

"You need anything?"

Tony's eyes met his own concerned gaze. Gibbs could see in the younger man's expressive orbs that he was literally screaming on the inside, but what came out of Tony's mouth, was an almost inaudible, "No."

"Agent Watts will be back in a few minutes with your water," Gibbs stated in an effort to keep the awkwardness from consuming them.

"Nice kid," Tony mumbled.

"Yeah."

He desperately wished that Tony wouldn't keep his feelings locked away. Gibbs knew that despite outward appearances, that DiNozzo was barely holding it together; he was wearing the same lost expression that he had worn after he had chosen to give up the relationship he had with Jeanne. Tony was trying to be stoic, but inside, he was crying out for someone to wake him up from this nightmare.

Gibbs sat down in the chair and leaned forward slightly. It was the posture that he assumed sometimes when he had to talk to children; non-threatening and non-assuming. He saw Tony acknowledge the Director with a nod; she took that as her cue to address the injured agent.

"Agent DiNozzo," she greeted. "How are you feeling?"

The team leader saw Tony visibly bristle at her inquiry. There was still a lot of tension between Jenny and Tony after the undercover operation to capture La Grenouille had been blown all to hell; she had used his agent without considering the consequences to him, both personally and professionally. His confidence had been shattered and although he managed to disguise this fact from his other friends, Gibbs had seen first hand the scars that Tony still bore.

He could tell that Tony was trying to bite back the sharp retort that wanted to come out of his mouth; sometimes he was amazed at the senior agent's restraint. There had been many times over the years when DiNozzo had managed to hold his tongue, especially when he had incurred Gibbs' wrath. He wondered if Ziva and McGee how many times that they had been spared from his rage because DiNozzo had been the one to step in and absorb the team leader's frustration that sometimes occurred when they were working a case.

Tony cleared his throat. "I'm fine, Director," the agent declared. "Can't fell a thing below the waist, but what do you expect?"

As much as he hated to admit it, that comment had cut Gibbs to his soul. He knew that Tony was intentionally trying to shock the Director with his venomous words, but his own guilt over the situation came flooding back with Tony's proclamation.

"I'm sure that everything will work out, Tony," Jenny attempted to reason.

Tony's voice dripped with sarcasm. "You're probably right, Director. It usually does."

Sensing Tony's growing agitation, he placed his hand on the young man's forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Take it easy, Tony," he gently urged.

"I'm just not in the mood for a lot of company."

"I know, but right now, she's acting as my baby sitter." He glanced up at the Director. "But maybe she can wait just outside the door."

Jenny moved to stand in the door frame, pulling the curtain behind her. Gibbs was genuinely surprised at her response to his thinly veiled request. After their earlier conversation, he had expected her to remain undeterred in her declaration that the former Marine could not be alone with Tony; but she had managed to give the senior agent the privacy that he had craved while remaining in earshot so that she could monitor his and DiNozzo's discussion.

"Thanks, Boss," Tony mumbled.

"You're welcome."

Tony pulled his arm free of the team leader's grasp, an action that didn't go unnoticed by the older man. Perhaps Tony was finally showing some of his true feelings about the shooting. Was he finally placing the blame for his condition where it should have been placed from the beginning? Was Tony accepting the fact that Gibbs' carelessness was the reason that he could no longer walk? There were so many questions racing through his mind, questions that he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to.

"Something wrong?" DiNozzo asked.

"No. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About what happened."

"Gibbs, let's not get into this again," Tony pleaded. "It's over. There's nothing you can do to change what happened. Forgive and forget and all that good stuff."

"Can you?"

"Can I what?"

"Forgive and forget."

"I already told you I forgave you," DiNozzo reminded him, struggling to keep his voice even.

"I know what you said, but…"

"Then why are we having this discussion again?" Tony raked his good hand through his hair.

Gibbs sensed DiNozzo's desperation as he fought with his demons. The team leader quickly decided that he would let Tony set the tone for their conversation for now, giving the dark-haired man the opportunity to gain back some of the control that Tony needed to have.

"So, where'd you go after I went to sleep?" he finally inquired, purposefully changing the subject.

"Dr. Winesett wanted to talk to me," Gibbs answered.

"About what?"

Gibbs licked his lips. Tony wasn't probably going to be happy to learn that they had been discussing his future without him. "If you're still doing well, in the next day or two, he wants to send you to a rehab facility."

He saw Tony's mask slip as uncertainty clouded his features. "A rehab center?"

"Yeah."

"Where at?"

"Here in D.C.," he replied. "The doctor's going to bring you a packet he put together. It sounds like a good place. They'll be able to teach you everything you need to know."

"Everything I need to know," Tony mumbled under his breath.

"I'm sure that Dr. Winesett will go over it in more detail with you. I think it sounds like a good idea."

"You would."

Gibbs' eyes narrowed. Tony's mask was firmly back in place. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tony shook his head. "Nothing. Just the drugs talking, Boss."

"I don't think so, DiNozzo."

"Think whatever you'd like."

"Tony, I…"

"Gibbs, please. I just need a little time to get used to the idea that I'm never going to walk again. Once I get it through my head, I'll be back to my old annoying, cheerful, hyperactive self," Tony promised. "I just need some time."

"Take all the time in the world, but I don't want you holding everything in," the team leader warned. "You're going to have a lot to deal with and if…"

"I'm an expert with dealing with the unexpected." Tony permitted a tiny smile to escape. "I learned from the best. Remember?"

Gibbs couldn't bring himself to answer. He watched in silence as Tony lay his head back against his pillow. "You know, Gibbs," Tony began. "I was lying here thinking about some things."

"Like what?"

"I've been thinking about how I'm going to probably going to have to find a new place to live. I know I've got an elevator, but half the time it doesn't work. I can't exactly throw my wheelchair on my back and carry it up the stairs, can I? But then if I move, there'll be no one to look in on Mrs. Kiser and make sure that she's all right; she sometimes forgets to take her medicine and her stupid cat is always under her feet, making her fall.

"I was also thinking about how I was going to have to move my desk in order to get behind it with a wheelchair. Do you think that maybe we could rearrange the bullpen somehow? Hey, I'll always be ready for a campfire," Tony said as an afterthought.

"Then I realized that it was stupid for me to even consider rearranging the office, because more than likely, I'm not going to be a field agent any longer, once personnel figures out what happened. So you should probably go ahead and promote McGee and hire that Agent Watts as your new probie." Tony laughed to himself. "He's definitely wants to work for you; Watts has got you on a pretty high pedestal."

Gibbs reached up and tapped Tony on the top of the head. "I've got a senior field agent," he growled, "and _when_ he comes back to work, he can move the desks any way he damn well wants to! Got it?"

Tony nodded. "Got it, Boss. But still you might want to reconsider…"

"DiNozzo, I'm not considering any other possibilities except for you returning to your spot on my team. You've earned it and until the day you don't want it anymore, it's going to be yours."

"We'll see," Tony replied, doubt etched in his features.

"DiNozzo, you_ will_ be back. Now, you can…"

The curtain was pulled back, causing the two men to look up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. "I'm glad I caught you awake," Bill said.

"Doc," Tony greeted.

"I guess Agent Gibbs has talked to you about the rehab center?" Winesett surmised.

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm here to fill in the blanks, if you're up to listening."

"Might as well."

"All right," the doctor conceded. "Let me check you over and then we'll talk."

Gibbs sat back and watched the doctor, wondering what Tony's reaction was going to be to what Winesett had to say. He was aware that DiNozzo's recovery, both physically and mentally, hinged on how he approached his rehabilitation. The team leader hoped that the young man's tenacity and determination would motivate him, taking precedence over the sense of hopelessness that seemed to be hovering over him at the moment. Gibbs had vowed that he would be with Tony every step of the way, but right now, he wasn't sure Tony wanted him along for the journey.


	13. Chapter 13

**You guys won't believe how crazy this week has been. It's been all I could do to get this short chapter up before I went out of town tomorrow. I haven't even had time to reply to the reviews of **_**Bad Moon Rising,**_** which I will do first thing Monday morning! In the meantime, thank you all so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this post! **

Tony stared at the opened brochure in front of him as he half listened to the doctor sing the praises of the National Rehabilitation Hospital, where, according to Dr. Bill Winesett, he would be able to learn how to adapt to life in a wheelchair. The only problem was that Tony didn't want to have to learn a new way of doing things, as Winesett enthusiastically explained; he wanted to be able to walk out of this hospital and back into the bullpen at NCIS and resume his former life. Apparently, that was not going to happen in the near future.

He refused to look at Gibbs as he patiently listened to Winesett talk about how he would learn to take care of his personal needs and that he would be surprised at how quickly he would fall into a new routine. Tony's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as the doctor started discussing how the therapists would help him discover the best way for him to manage his bladder and bowel functions; the very thought of having to train himself when to go to the bathroom both horrified him and humiliated him.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Winesett added, as if reading his mind. "Before long, everything will become second nature to you; you'll…"

The younger man was glad that Gibbs seemed to be able to sense his obvious discomfort. "Why don't you move on to something else, Bill?" the team leader suggested.

"Sorry," the doctor muttered. "As I've already said, this is one of the best rehab facilities on the east coast. They will help you get adjusted and…"

"So when do I go?" Tony blurted out, purposefully interrupting the doctor. He was through listening to what Dr. Winesett had to say; the decision had already been made for him and so there was no further need for the physician to waste any more of his time trying to convince him how wonderful life in a wheelchair could be.

"If everything looks good, day after tomorrow," Winesett replied.

"Kind of quick. Maybe I don't want to go."

Tony knew that he was on the borderline of being rude, but at the moment, he truly did not care. He was still getting use to the idea of not being able to use his legs and now he was going to have to deal with the more humiliating aspects of his disability; something that he was not sure he was ready to do. Picking up the brochure with his good hand he studied it so he wouldn't have to watch the silent exchange now taking place between Gibbs and Dr. Winesett.

His hand began to shake as he continued to read. That familiar knot in his stomach began to tighten as a feeling of nausea threatened to overwhelm him. He felt a calloused hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he met the concerned gaze of the team leader. "You okay, DiNozzo?" Gibbs quietly asked.

Ignoring the former Marine, Tony glared at the doctor. "They can even help with fertility problems? Something you're not telling me, Doc?" he challenged.

"I assumed that you realized that having intercourse will be difficult, if not virtually impossible."

"You're saying that I won't be able to have sex?" he finished, not bothering to hide the anger that was beginning to course through him. This was definitely the so called straw that broke the camel's back.

"Due to the severity of your injury, it will be hard for you to maintain an…"

"Don't even say it," Tony growled. "I can't believe this."

"You shouldn't limit your options," the physician warned. "Especially if you want children in the future.

"Children?" Tony clenched his jaw tightly. "I just found out I can't have sex and you think I'm thinking about having children; one problem at a time, Doc."

"I just said to keep an open mind. Once the shock wears off, you'll see that it's not as bad and hopeless as it seems."

"Really?" No longer able to contain the turmoil churning inside him, the dam that had been holding back the raging rivers of his emotions finally burst from the pressure that had been building the past couple of days.

"I wake up after accidently being shot by my Boss to learn that I'm never going to walk again and that I'll be spending the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Then I get told that I'm going to a rehab center so I can learn how to do simple every day things such as get out of bed, pull up my pants, _and _take a piss or a crap. Let's not forget to mention that it will be virtually impossible for me to enjoy one of my favorite past times and I'm not talking about watching 'Magnum' marathons! Of course, not that my dating life has been that great ever since…" Tony closed his eyes as memories of his time with Jeanne came flooding back. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he continued. "But still, it was nice to know that I could if I wanted to. Now, what's the use?"

He raked his hand through his hair. "But hey, let's look at the bright side. I'll be able to do wheelies and I'll always win in musical chairs! Not much call for that as a federal agent." Tony laid his head back on the pillow, refusing to meet what he deemed to be Winesett's pitying gaze. "Forgive me if right now, I'm finding it hard to, how did you put it? Keep an open mind? Screw you and your silver lining in every cloud attitude; I can't handle it right now."

The doctor nodded as he handed the rest of the pamphlets to Gibbs. "Take some time and think about everything," Winesett urged. "It may not seem like it now, but you can have your life back if you want it. It's not going to be easy, but you know that. I know you're a fighter, Agent DiNozzo; you're just going…"

"I said _not now_," Tony repeated. His teeth were clenched so tightly that he thought his back molars would shatter from the pressure. How many ways did he have to spell it out for the physician? Tony was tired of everyone telling him that everything was going to be all right; as far as he was concerned, they were simply trying to reassure him by feeding him continuous lies. When was it going to end? When were they going to accept that he was never going to walk again? When was _he _going to accept he fact that he was never going to walk again?

It wasn't fair! He was doing his job and ending up paralyzed was his reward for a job well done. The more he learned about the problems that he could possibly face as life as a paraplegic, the more livid he grew. He crumpled the brochure and threw it in the floor. "Leave now."

"All right," Bill conceded. "I'll be back to check on you later."

"I'm not going anywhere; at least for a day or so."

He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the pillow. He easily sensed the nonverbal conversation taking place between Gibbs and Winesett; it didn't take a PhD to figure out that they were making plans to meet later and discuss his outburst. Tony tiredly sighed, struggling to calm his frazzled nerves.

"You okay?"

Tony raised his head at the sound of the team leader's voice. He watched as Gibbs laid down the brochures on the table and sat down on the edge of the bed. The young man could see the river of emotions flowing in the team leader's blue orbs; anger, guilt, disbelief, uncertainty, were all manifested in his eyes. "I'm fine," came the familiar reply.

"Really?" Gibbs pressed.

"Yeah."

"Seems to me that if you were fine, you wouldn't have been so rude to the doctor.

He knew Gibbs was purposefully baiting him in fear that he might hide behind that infamous mask that he always wore; he wondered if the older man realized that the mask had just shattered into a thousand pieces. "Rude? Just thought I was expressing my feelings. Isn't that what everybody's been after me to do?"

"Yeah, but usually you're a little more tactful."

Tony chuckled. "Tactful? Me? A lot of people wouldn't agree with you on that one, Boss."

Gibbs expression remained serious. "You know what I mean, DiNozzo."

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I know what you mean."

"I want to see you get your life back," Gibbs continued. "I know your upset and you have every right to be. I'm not sure that I could handle all this as well as you have, but if I were you, I'd give this place a chance. I believe they can help you."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "But you're not me, are you? You're not the one laying here with a half severed spinal cord; you're not the one who can't even tell when you have to take a piss; you're not the one who has to figure out what the hell he's going to do the rest of his life and you're definitely not the one that needs to be telling me what I should and should not do!"

"Someone's going to have to," Gibbs reasoned. "Or else, the only thing you're going to accomplish is sitting on your ass all day as the world passes you by."

"But at least it's my choice," Tony countered.

"Yeah, it's your choice DiNozzo; but you damn well better make sure that it's a good choice. You've lost a part of your life that you can't reclaim, but that's no reason to close the door on your future."

He began to massage his temples in an effort to alleviate the dull ache that had taken up permanent residence in his head. "And you think that this National Rehab place is the door to the future?"

"Maybe. It certainly couldn't hurt to try it out," the former Marine pointed out.

Tony stared at the blanket, hoping that Gibbs would simply leave him alone. His confrontation with the doctor had left him exhausted and in a less than desirable frame of mind. He knew that if he and Gibbs continued down the path that they were on, that the team leader would be the next victim of his wrath. "I'm tired, Gibbs," he said, an icy undertone evident in his voice.

"I'm sure you are, but we need to talk about what's going on inside your head. Let's deal with it now so we can…"

"What? So we can put this all behind us and move on? Is that what you were going to say, _Boss_?"

Gibbs leaned forward slightly, his hard stare penetrating his crumbling walls. "You got something to say to me? Go ahead and get it out of your system."

He looked away, trying to resist the urge to tear into the team leader. If Gibbs would simply leave him alone, he would be able to sort out his thoughts and feelings, regaining control of his wayward emotions. But as always, the ex-Marine pushed harder. But this time, Tony was prepared to push back.

"Fine," he barked, meeting Gibbs' steely gaze. "Are you sure you really want to hear what I have to say?"

"You can't keep it bottled up forever."

"It's worked so far."

"What do you mean?"

Tony swallowed hard. "Nothing." He wasn't prepared to unleash seven years of pent up anger; two days worth would be sufficient enough to make his point.

"Tony, you need…"

"There you go again, telling me what I need! What I need is for you to back off until I get my head around what happened! You shot me and although my head knows it was accidental, I can't help but wonder if once again, you let your obsession get in the way of doing your job."

Now that the venomous words had started flowing, Tony found himself unable to quell the urge to use his words as a weapon. "Once again, someone else pays the price for your inability to trust your team enough to help you! We were _all_ working this case, but yet _you_ took off with it and never looked back."

Tony pushed back the blanket that covered his motionless legs. "And this is the result."

He hated himself for taking pleasure in seeing the team leader's face pale as he stared at Tony's legs. Guilt began to replace his rage as he caught a glimpse of the sorrow that Gibbs now wore. Tony knew he couldn't take back what he had said, nor did he want to; he had meant every word, but his delivery had left a lot to be desired.

Reaching down, he pulled the blanket up to his waist. Tony silently admonished himself for being so angry with the one man who had believed in him no matter what the circumstances. Gibbs had been like a father to him and he had just thrown it all away because he had allowed the mask to slip.

"I'm sorry," Tony apologized. "I shouldn't have…"

"You have every right to feel the way you do, Tony. You're right. I lost sight of what was truly important. I…I let the team down and more importantly, I let you down."

It had been a long time since he had seen Gibbs speechless. He had not been prepared for what was as close to an apology that he had ever received from the team leader, but right now, Tony wasn't sure if it was enough.

"I'm kind of tired, Gibbs."

"Tony, I…"

"Gibbs, not now," he warned. "Please."

"All right. Just give this rehab center some thought."

Tony shrugged. "Maybe."

The former Marine never got a chance to reply before Jenny Shepard entered the room once again. Tony closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to face her; he had forgotten that she had been outside the door listening to his tirade.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," she said. "Jethro. You need to leave; the investigators will be here in a little while to talk to Tony."

"They're supposed to interview Ziva first thing this morning," Gibbs informed her.

"They rescheduled her interview once they found out that Agent DiNozzo was awake and well enough to answer questions."

Tony heard Gibbs mutter a curse under his breath, but refused to open his eyes. He felt the team leader gently squeeze his good shoulder. "I'll be back later, DiNozzo. Take care of yourself. Call me if you need anything," Gibbs instructed.

He refused to acknowledge the team leader or the Director and it wasn't until he heard his door shut, did he open his eyes and clumsily wipe away the tears that threatened to fall. He pushed down the covers once again and stared at his legs. "Useless," Tony whispered. "What am I going to do?"

Tony tried to sit up, but his effort was in vain as he collapsed back against the bed. Before he could try a second time, a knock at his door interrupted his attempt. "What?" he growled at his unexpected visitor, silently praying that it wasn't Gibbs or Winesett.

"Hey Tony, can I come in?"

A tiny smile escaped Tony's lips. It was Palmer. During Gibbs' unexpected hiatus, he and Palmer had cultivated a friendship reminiscent of Gibbs and Ducky. Palmer was someone that he could talk to and accepted him for who he was. So many people were always trying to make him be something he wasn't, but Jimmy Palmer accepted his friendship unconditionally.

"Come on in, Jimmy. It's good to see a friendly face."


	14. Chapter 14

**Yeah! Three updates this week! Thank you for your support and encouragement. I hope you enjoy the post. By the way, I will reply to the reviews from Bad Moon a little later. I wanted to get this done, but I will get those replies done as well. It is my belief that if you have taken time to review, you deserve a personal reply. Thanks for your patience and once again, I hope you enjoy the post.**

Gibbs watched as Jimmy Palmer entered Tony's room, his usual steely gaze was softened by sadness and regret. He wanted nothing more than to stay by DiNozzo's side until they had resolved the tension that had taken up residence between them, but unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. Today had been the first time that Tony had dared to exhibit any other emotions beside complacency over the shooting and the team leader felt that so much had been left unsaid between them.

"Are you coming, Jethro?"

He visibly bristled at the sound of Jenny Shepard's voice. Despite the fact that she had permitted him to see Tony, Gibbs could not hide his irritation with his former lover. He headed down the corridor to the elevator, purposefully ignoring the Director as she called out to him.

"Jethro, I know you're angry with me for making you leave; but if Internal Affairs had caught you in Tony's room, then we would both be in a lot of trouble," she pointed out.

"It doesn't matter," he growled. "DiNozzo needs me and…"

"It sounded like to me that Tony needed some space; he was obviously feeling overwhelmed."

"Of course he's overwhelmed, Jen! He's never going to walk again! How do you expect him to feel?"

He could feel her glare bore through his soul, but he refused to look at her. Gibbs knew that he had a tenuous hold on his temper and that he could lose his grasp at any moment. The team leader truly didn't have the energy to argue with her, but he knew from experience that this conversation was far from over.

The former Marine was thankful that the elevator doors opened, providing him an all too brief respite from what was sure to quickly develop into a heated discussion. The silence between them was almost deafening, but Gibbs welcomed it. As far as he was concerned, he didn't care if they spoke the rest of the week; however, that arrangement was not going to suit Director Jenny Shepard.

"Jethro, I know that it may not seem like it now, but Tony is going to fine," Jenny stated with confidence.

He reached out and hit the emergency stop switch. Turning to face Jenny, he didn't bother to hide the disbelief at her obvious ignorance. "Do you really believe that Jen? Have you got some kind of crystal ball that you can look through and tell the future with? DiNozzo is far from fine and right now, I can't do a damn thing to help him."

Gibbs continued to glare at her as she reached around him and restarted the elevator. "This isn't your personal office and no I don't have a crystal ball. I do know Agent DiNozzo well enough to know that given time, he will adjust to his new life."

"He shouldn't have to adjust to anything!" he barked. "He should be sitting in the bull pen correcting Ziva's English, thinking up new names for McGee, and shooting baskets with wads of paper!"

"But he's not."

He blew out a pent up breath. "No, he's not. He's lying in a bed wondering if he even has a life that's worth living! He's angry and he's scared and so far, there's nothing that I've been able to say or do that seems to matter."

"I understand you feel helpless," Jenny attempted to reason. "But you're going to have to wait until Tony's ready to accept your help."

Gibbs hit the emergency stop button once again, bringing the elevator to a sudden halt. "Do you honestly think that's going to happen, Jen?" he seethed. "I'm the one who shot him! I'm the reason he's going to be in a wheelchair the rest of his life."

"That's very true," she agreed. "However, dwelling on something that you can't change is not going to help you or Tony."

He hated it when she was right. Gibbs knew that in order to move forward, he had to let go of the past. His anger began to dissipate as Jenny restarted the elevator again. The team leader knew he had a lot to think about and there was only one place that he would be able to find the solitude that he so desperately craved. He silently willed the elevator to move faster so he could go home and work on his boat. Working with his hands always provided him with the peacefulness that he seemed to need whenever his emotions were as frayed as they were now.

"Tell me one thing, Jen."

"What?"

"Is DiNozzo going to be able to keep his job?" he wearily inquired.

"Let's not cross that bridge until we get there."

"Meaning what?" Gibbs pressed.

"Meaning that we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Right now, I've put him on extended leave and that should carry him a good while, considering all the time he has banked. We'll just have to wait and see what kind of job he will qualify for."

"He's already qualified for one," the team leader reminded her. "He's still my senior field agent."

"Jethro…"

Not wanting to hear Jenny's rationalizations about Tony still being listed as a field agent, as soon as the elevator doors opened, Gibbs quickly disappeared into the parking garage. As he opened the door to his car and slid in the seat, he realized that he had never felt so old in his life. Much had happened these past couple of days, aging him beyond his years. He felt ancient and useless and he didn't cherish those feelings.

He laid his head against the steering wheel, trying to muster the strength and the desire to turn on the ignition. Right now, he couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and he was fast becoming terrified of the darkness that seemed to surround him. He was trying to pull himself out of this abyss that he had somehow fallen into, but some times the weight holding him down was too great.

The click of heels coming towards him brought him out of his reverie. He didn't have to look to know it was Jenny; he recognized that walk anywhere. Sitting up, he started his car and pulled out of his parking place. Waving to her as he sped off towards the exit, he knew that she would more than likely follow him to his house. He tiredly smiled as he decided that today would be the day that he actually locked his door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With his good arm, he motioned for Jimmy to come in and sit down. He tiredly smiled and nodded his thanks as Palmer set a gift bag on the table beside him. Their friendship was a mystery to both of them; two men with apparently very little in common had been able to put their differences aside to become close friends. Maybe he and Palmer could do yet another remake of _The Odd Couple. _

"So what's in the bag, Jimmy?" Tony asked, trying to peer through the bag as if he had X-ray vision.

"It's a just a little gift," Palmer replied. "Just something to help pass the time."

Tony's brow arched. "Really? What is it?"

His grin widened as Palmer set it on his lap. Tony began to pull out the tissue paper, digging until he pulled out his present. "A portable DVD player? Palmer, this is too much. Man, you didn't have to do this."

"I know, but I know that cable TV in the hospital sometimes doesn't have the greatest selection of things to watch and I figure that you can just make me a list of the DVD's you want and I'll bring them back later tonight."

"That'd be great. Thanks Jimmy."

"You're welcome."

Tony put the player back in the bag and handed it back to Palmer, who set it back on the table. "So, does Ducky know you're going to be late for work?"

"I told him last night that I was stopping by to see you. He sends his regards and told me to tell you that he'll stop by later this afternoon."

"He doesn't have to."

"I'm sure he wants to."

"Whatever," Tony sighed.

Confused, Palmer asked, "Don't you want Dr. Mallard to drop by?"

"Not if I'm going to get another lecture on how wonderful life can be in a wheelchair."

DiNozzo didn't miss the look of realization that fluttered across Palmer's youthful features. "Something wrong, Palmer?"

Jimmy could no longer meet his gaze. "I guess that I didn't want to believe it."

"Believe what?" Tony asked.

"That you couldn't walk again," Palmer quietly replied. "I heard everybody talking, but I guess I just didn't want to admit it to myself."

"Yeah, well I know how you feel." Tony laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm having a hard time accepting it myself. I just keep laying here hoping that it's nothing more than a bad dream."

"I'm sorry, Tony."

"For what? It's not your fault. It's…" He caught himself before he could utter Gibbs' name. Tony didn't want to blame the team leader, but the anger and frustration building inside of him urged him to hold Gibbs responsible. "It's nobody's fault. I was careless and now I have to live with the consequences."

"I heard what happened, Tony. It wasn't your fault. Agent Gibbs didn't even give you time to put on a vest."

"I should've taken the time."

"Still doesn't make it your fault, Tony. You were doing what you always do…following Gibbs' lead," Palmer reasoned.

"I don't always follow his lead. We had an argument right before we got the bolo; I should have tried to pull him off the case."

"What's done is done, Tony. You can't change the past. You've just got to deal with the future."

"What future?" he snorted. Tony couldn't hide the bitterness that he was feeling for having his life completely turned upside down. "Certainly you can't be talking about my future as an agent? I mean, come on Jimmy, how many field agents are there in wheelchairs?"

"I don't know, I…"

"Exactly my point," Tony snapped. "Until I talked to Winesett, I kept holding onto this little hope that kept telling me that maybe I was going to walk again. But then he comes and starts trying to push me into going to this rehab place so I can learn how to get used to life in a wheelchair. He and Gibbs act like it's going to be so simple to get used to rolling around everywhere! Did I mention that I'll have to learn new techniques for going to the bathroom? It's pretty humbling when a man can't take a piss without help."

Tony wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall. He was thankful that Jimmy was just sitting there, listening as he vented. He didn't think he could stand to hear one more false platitude. "You want to know the best part?" he continued, choking back a sob.

"What?" Palmer softly urged.

"This place will even save my sperm for me in case I want to have kids some day. Do you have any idea how degrading that is? I can't even…"

He noticed Jimmy's face flushing with embarrassment. "Well, you get the picture."

"Yeah."

Tony swallowed hard, his rage tearing through him like a flame. He made a fist with his good hand and began hitting his legs, his desire to feel something, even pain, was consuming him. "Come on! Give me something!" he cried.

Palmer grabbed his hand and shook his head. "No, Tony," he gently insisted. "Hurting yourself is not going to solve anything."

"I can't do this, Palmer," Tony whispered. "I can't do this!"

"Yes, you can."

He shook his head as the tears began to flow freely. "I can't. I don't want to live like this. If he was going to shoot me, why couldn't it have hit my heart?"

Palmer stood up, his expression morphing from concern and worry to disbelief and anger. "I can't believe you just said that."

"I can't help how I feel."

"I understand that this is hard for you; I can't even imagine what it's like having to face the reality of not being able to walk. But you're here and you're alive. You've got a lot more living to do, Tony. Don't let this get you down."

"It already has."

"Only because you're letting it."

"Thank you, Dr. Phil," Tony mumbled.

"I'm being serious, Tony."

"So am I."

"It's not going to be easy, but if anyone can beat this; it's you."

Tony exhaled slowly. What was wrong with him? He seldom cried and here he had been crying like a baby in front of Palmer. His father would have been appalled. "I don't know," he moaned.

"I do," Palmer said.

The confidence his friend was exuding in those two simple words was overwhelming. "One day at a time; right, Palmer?"

"That's the only way to take it."

Tony raked his hand through his hair. "Sorry I unloaded all that on you."

Jimmy squeezed his hand and smiled. "That's what friends are for. I mean, you've done the same for me."

He returned Palmer's smile with one of his own. "Who would have thought that a dashing NCIS agent and an autopsy gremlin could be friends?"

"Agent Gibbs and Dr. Mallard."

Tony involuntarily flinched at the mention of Gibbs' name. Why couldn't he let it go? It was an accident. He knew that accidents happened, but this one was costing him dearly. "Yeah."

"So, what DVD's do you want me to bring?" Palmer asked, obviously sensing Tony's discomfort.

He thought for a moment. "Magnum and Airwolf will be a good start."

"Which seasons?"

"All of them."

"Okay. You got it."

Palmer glanced at his watch. "I've got to go, but I'll be back later. Think about what I've said."

"I will."

As Jimmy started to leave, Tony called out to him. "Hey Palmer?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you go to this place if…if you were me?"

"I don't know, but I'd at least give it some thought."

Tony nodded and stared at the door long after Palmer had gone. "Give it some thought."

He began to drift off, his body demanding the rest that it desperately craved. A knock at the door forced him back to alertness as two men entered his room. He knew these men were from Internal Affairs without waiting for them to introduce themselves. Why did they have to do this now? He was having a difficult time discerning what had happened and now he was going to have to recount it to these men. What he told them would probably either convict or acquit Gibbs and this realization only served to exacerbate the slight headache that had been plaguing him.

Of course, this headache could be blamed on the little voice that continually reminded him that it had been Gibbs who had ruined his life. So far, he had been able to ignore that voice, but now, he had the opportunity to ruin Gibbs' life. If he couldn't be an agent any longer, why should Gibbs be allowed to continue in a job he loved? He tried to push that voice out of his head as the two men began to question him, but he wasn't having much luck.


	15. Chapter 15

**I was going to get this posted last Friday, but I was having so much fun writing it, I couldn't stop. I hope you enjoy this post and that it is worth the wait! You get to meet Tony's neighbor! Thank you all so much for the continued support and encouragement. I'm always so amazed when I continually see story alerts and favorite author and story alerts; I'm so honored. Again, I hope you enjoy the post.**

Gibbs wasn't sure how long he had driven around the streets of Washington, D.C. before he found himself pulling into a parking space in front of Tony's apartment building. The team leader had no desire to go to the office and as tempting as it was to exile himself to his basement and bottle of bourbon, he couldn't bring himself to go home. Instead, he was sitting in his car, sipping on his coffee as his thoughts drifted to his senior field agent.

There was a part of him that wished he was still at the hospital with Tony, providing the emotional support that DiNozzo desperately needed, despite the younger man's protests. The other part of him was glad to have this time to himself; he had a lot to think about, including his future as an NCIS agent.

His thoughts were interrupted as he observed an elderly woman trying to juggle two bags of groceries in an effort to open the door that led inside the apartment building. Gibbs got out of his car and hurried towards her, barely managing to catch one of the bags before it hit the ground. He smiled at the gray headed, petite woman as he took the other bag as well.

"Let me help you with that, ma'am," he offered.

"Thank you, dear," she kindly replied. "I usually don't have to get my own groceries, much less carry my own bags, but sometimes you do what you have to. I'm sure you know what I mean."

Gibbs smiled and politely nodded. "Yes ma'am. I do."

He followed her inside and waited patiently while she checked her mail. Gibbs noticed that her mailbox was next to DiNozzo's and he couldn't help but wonder if this was the Mrs. Kiser that Tony was so worried about. He received his answer when he saw her opening Tony's mailbox and retrieved his mail as well.

"Anthony should be happy; he got his new GSM," she announced. "I'll have to see he gets this while he's in the hospital."

"Do you know Anthony well?" Gibbs finally asked, confused as to the role this woman played in his senior agent's life and equally surprised that she knew he was in the hospital.

"Oh yes!" she proudly exclaimed. "He's been my neighbor for a long time. I don't know what I would do without him. He's the one who usually gets my groceries for me; he's such a sweet boy. Do you know Anthony?"

Gibbs nodded. "Yes ma'am. I'm his…I'm his boss."

"You're Agent Gibbs?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Well, Anthony has told me so much about you; it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Let's head on up to the apartment and I'll fix you some coffee and we can chat. You can tell me how Anthony is really doing."

"All right," he amicably agreed. "Lead the way."

"You'll have to take the stairs, the damn elevator is out of order again."

"That'll be fine ma'am. I'll manage."

As they started up the stairs, she paused and turned to face him. "Don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel old. You can call me Edith."

"Jethro."

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs. A fine name indeed!" she proclaimed. "I feel like I've known you for years."

Gibbs followed Mrs. Kiser up the stairs, her words echoing in his mind. She felt like she knew him, but until Tony had mentioned her last night, he had never even heard of this woman. Tony had obviously told her all about him and more than likely his coworkers, but he knew nothing of her. DiNozzo was a private person and Gibbs had respected that, but he was quickly discovering that there was another side to Tony. He hoped that by the time that he and Edith Kiser were through talking, he would have a better grasp on the man that he thought of as a son.

After she unlocked her apartment, he entered and placed the bags on the counter. "Do you need any help putting the groceries away?" he asked.

"No. It won't take me long," Edith assured him. "I'll just get the coffee started and get these few things put away and then we can talk. I'm so grateful for the company. Good conversation is one thing that I never seem to lack when Anthony is home; he sure likes to talk."

"That he does."

"I don't mind. Like I said, he keeps this lonely, old woman on her toes. Of course, he's easy on the eyes too. The ladies at the auxiliary love it when Anthony escorts me to the fundraisers and all those special events. They turn green with envy. Did you know that Anthony and I are the reigning champions of the Golden Hoofers Dance-a-thon? That boy is light on his feet! Have you ever seen him jitterbug?"

Gibbs shook his head, once again amazed at the depth of the younger man. "No, I haven't."

"Well, next competition we have, I'll make sure he invites you. Can you dance?"

"I…uh…"

Edith didn't give him a chance to answer. "I have this friend, Vera," she continued. "She needs a new partner. Her old partner, Fred, ended up having hip replacement. I think you'd fit in just fine."

"I'm not much of a dancer."

"That's okay. Vera's a good teacher."

The team leader shifted in his seat, grateful that Edith decided to change the subject; he didn't particularly like the idea of Edith trying to set him up with Vera.

"You have to have one of my chocolate chip cookies," she insisted. "I just made them this morning."

Gibbs gratefully accepted the cookie and took a bite, as he watched her make her way around the kitchen. She began to put the rest of her groceries up, her movements both precise and graceful. The team leader was curious as to what Edith Kiser had been like as a young woman; he figured that she had been a handful back then, just as she was now. He respected her spirit and determination, but most of all, he admired her obvious devotion to DiNozzo.

"I'm taking the rest of them to Anthony later on," Edith said. "My cookies always have always cheered him up."

"How did you find out that Tony was in the hospital?" he asked.

"Mr. Palmer called me. Do you know him? He's one of Anthony's young friends that will come by and check on me when he is working." She set a cup of coffee down in front of him. "You really shouldn't work that boy so hard. He's not had an easy time of it, you know."

He was all too aware of the fact that DiNozzo had been through a lot in the last several years; unfortunately, he had been the cause of a lot of Tony's distress, especially the last few weeks. "Mrs. Kiser, I mean Edith," he quickly corrected. "Do you know why Tony's in the hospital?"

"All James told me is that Anthony was hurt on the job. Knowing that boy, he probably told Mr. Palmer not to tell me any details; he knows how I worry about him. I figured that when I showed up this afternoon that I would get the whole scoop. Unless, you're willing to tell me, Jethro."

Gibbs sighed. He didn't particularly want to have to walk down this road again, but she deserved to know the truth. "He was shot."

Mrs. Kiser staggered at the news. "Shot? Well, Mr. Palmer didn't tell me that. Is he going to be all right?"

He took her by the arm and led her to the nearest chair, uncertain how to answer her query. Tony would live, but it was going to be awhile before he would be able to return to his life. "He was…uh…shot in the back," the team leader finally managed. "He's paralyzed from the waist down."

The expression of disbelief on her face mirrored his feelings. He was still having a difficult time believing that Tony would never walk again.

She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Paralyzed? Oh no! What's he going to do? Who's going to take care of him?"

"He's got a lot of friends who will look out after him."

Edith patted him on the hand and smiled. "You mean a lot to him. Anthony doesn't have a very good relationship with his father and he looks to you to fill that void."

Gibbs didn't trust himself to speak. Tony was the son that he had never had and now he had probably ruined that relationship forever because of his carelessness. "He's a good man," he whispered.

"Do you know that man actually called him last week?" Edith asked.

His eyes narrowed at the revelation. "His father? I didn't know that. So, what did his dad have to say?"

"Anthony would never tell me. He just told me that worrying about it would make me get wrinkles; he's always looking out for me. Do you know every Sunday morning, he sets up my pills for the week and then calls me every day to make sure I've taken them? Anthony always teased me and said that he told his teammates that he was calling his girlfriend; he has such an incredible sense of humor."

She wiped away at another tear that threatened to fall. "I don't know what I'd do without him. He's brought such joy to my life. Do you think that he'll be able to come back here? He loves it here or at least that's what he says; I think that he hangs around here because of me."

"I don't know," he honestly replied. "I'm not sure what he's going to do."

Edith sat up and smoothed her skirt with her aged hands. "I tell you what _we're_ going to do, Jethro. We're going to go over to Anthony's apartment and see if we can't do a little renovating. There are a lot of people in this building who think the world of Anthony DiNozzo and who would want to help him out. So, do you want to go over to his apartment and take a look around?"

Gibbs smiled at the elderly woman. "You have the key?"

"Yep," she grinned. "But if I didn't, I know you do."

"And how do you know that?"

"I know a lot of things, Jethro," she said, giving him a sly wink.

"Really?" Gibbs was amused by Edith's harmless flirting; it was easy to see why DiNozzo was so taken with this woman.

"Hang around long enough and you might learn a thing or two."

"I'm looking forward to it."

He rose from his seat and held out his hand to assist the spirited woman. She brushed off his attempt at chivalry, mumbling something about not being an invalid.

"Are you coming, Jethro?" she impatiently inquired, grabbing her keys as she headed out the door.

The team leader followed her out of her apartment and across the hall, where she was already unlocking the door to Tony's place. Edith turned on the light and motioned him to join her. "Come on in, Jethro," she urged.

Gibbs glanced around the apartment, feeling Tony's presence in every room. He studied the impressive DVD collection conveniently located next to his widescreen TV; everything from John Wayne to James Bond littered the shelf, reinforcing his senior agent's love for the cinema. The team leader recalled that Tony had confided in him that movies had been his escape from the loneliness of his childhood and Gibbs couldn't help wonder if DiNozzo still used movies as an escape from reality.

"What do you think, Jethro?"

He turned at the sound of Mrs. Kiser's voice, silently berating himself for allowing his thoughts to wander. "About what?"

"Do you think we could make some adaptations to his apartment so he'll be able to still live here?" she asked, a hint of hope sparkling through her crackly voice.

"I think so," he answered. "Just a few additions should allow him to move about freely. Of course, I'll have to speak to the superintendent about keeping the elevator in working order."

A mischievous grin spread across Edith's face. "I bet he'll listen to you."

"I'm sure he will."

"Well, when do we get started on Project Anthony?" she wanted to know.

Her willingness to help DiNozzo warmed his heart. It was obvious that she was ready to do whatever it took to make sure that Tony was able to continue living life to the fullest. "I guess as soon as possible. First things first though, I have a special mission for you."

"Do I get a badge and a hat?"

"No, but if you're successful in your assignment, I'll see what I can do," he promised.

"And what is this special mission, Agent Gibbs?"

"When you go and see Tony, encourage him to go for rehab. The doctor has an excellent facility lined up and DiNozzo's being a bit…"

"Stubborn? Pig headed?"

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah."

"You leave Anthony to me," Edith insisted. "You just start figuring out what needs to be done to this apartment so that Tony can come home."

"Fair enough."

"Can you give me a ride to the hospital? That way, I don't have to take Mr. Palmer away from his work," she explained.

"I'd be honored to."

"I'll just get my purse and the cookies and I'll be right out."

Gibbs took one final look around Tony's apartment and then he walked out the door. Making sure that the door was locked, he waited for Mrs. Kiser. Within a couple of minutes, she appeared with her pocket book and a container full of chocolate chip cookies. "Are you ready?"

She weaved her hand through the crook of his arm. "Ready when you are, Jethro. By the way, if you want to speak to the superintendent before we go, I can show you where his office is."

"Lead the way!"

The two of them walked down the stairs arm in arm. "You know something, Jethro?"

"What's that, Edith?"

"If you were just a little younger, I'd give you a run for your money," she teased.

The team leader laughed. There was no doubt in his mind that this woman was exactly what DiNozzo needed. Maybe she could put some of the spark back in his eyes that had been extinguished by his bullets. "I bet you would, Edith; I bet you would."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tony DiNozzo waited patiently for the questioning to begin. Ever since Jerry Carlson and Mark Landry from Internal Affairs had entered his room, he had silently mulled over the possible questions and his likely responses. They were setting up their equipment and getting themselves situated for what appeared to be a lengthy interview. He had considered telling the two men that he was too tired to answer their questions, and that really wouldn't have been a lie; but truthfully, he wanted to put the shooting behind him and try and figure out what he was going to do the rest of his life.

"Agent DiNozzo?

As he met Carlson's concerned gaze, he mentally head slapped himself for letting his thoughts escape from the tightly sealed box that he tried to keep them locked in; he couldn't afford to lose control of his thoughts or his feelings and remain level headed and focused during the interview. Tony could not let his anger control his words as they had threatened to earlier when he had briefly considered holding Gibbs completely accountable for his inability to walk.

"Sorry. You guys were being so chatty, I was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation, so I went to my happy little place for a few minutes," Tony quipped, hoping that his sad attempt at humor would coverthe fact that he had momentarily become unaware of his surroundings.

"Uh, no problem," Carlson replied. "We're ready to get started if you are."

Tony sighed. "Fire away."

"You're name is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and you are currently the senior field agent for Lead Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Is that correct?"

"Yes." Tony didn't bother adding that he wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be a field agent since being able to walk was one of the requirements.

"How long have you been with NCIS?"

"Almost 7 years."

"And you have worked under Agent Gibbs the entire time?"

"Yes."

"How would you describe your working relationship with Agent Gibbs?"

That was definitely a loaded question. There was so much history between him and Gibbs that it was difficult to come up with a brief description of their working relationship. They knew how to capitalize on each other's strengths and weaknesses and together, along with the other members of the team, had the highest closure rate in the agency.

"We um…work fine together. If we didn't, I wouldn't have stuck around all these years," he managed to answer.

"Do you think he respects you as an agent?"

Tony paused a brief second before answering. "Yes."

"Are you positive?"

Tony's eyes narrowed. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing, Carlson, but I'm not sure how these questions are relevant to the investigation."

"We're trying to establish a working history between the two of you just to make sure that there are no underlying issues."

"Underlying issues?" Tony shook his head. "There aren't any underlying issues. It was a freakin' accident."

Landry cleared his throat. "Just answer the original question, Agent DiNozzo. Are you positive that Agent Gibbs respects you as an agent?"

"Yes," he said without a second thought.

"Did you feel that he respected you when he handed the team over to you when he left for Mexico?" Carlson inquired.

"Yes. He wouldn't have left me in charge of the team if there had been any doubts in his mind that I couldn't handle it."

"When he returned from Mexico, you were quickly demoted back to senior field agent. How did that make you feel?"

"I was fine with it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Do you think Agent Gibbs trusts you?"

"Yes."

"Even after you lied to him about being undercover and…"

"The hell with your underlying issues! Get to the point! You're supposed to be investigating the shooting, not trying to delve into my inability to separate work from my personal life!" Tony cried out in frustration.

"We're trying to establish a pattern that may explain Agent Gibbs' recent behavior and why you were shot by your team leader," Landry barked.

Tony glared at the two investigators. "I was shot because I stepped in front of him as he fired two shots! End of story!"

"You stepped in front of him?" Landry pressed.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I lost sight of the second perp and I thought Gibbs may need help. I had already been hit and I guess I wasn't thinking too clearly. The only thing I was worried about was having Gibbs' six!"

"Did you at any time question his motives on this case? Did he seem more preoccupied with this case than most?"

"I'm not qualified to make that call," Tony shot back.

"You've worked side by side with him for almost seven years. Would you say that Agent Gibbs was on the verge of obsession with the Carpenter case?" Carlson repeated.

"He was doing his job," he responded through tightly clenched teeth.

"Did you at any time question his judgment on this case?"

Tony didn't answer. His response could ruin Gibbs' career, but his sense of loyalty to the team leader prevented him from doing so. The truth was that he should have stayed down and not tried to be the hero; maybe Gibbs had broken rule #10, but so had he, and on more than one occasion.

"My role as senior field agent is to play devil's advocate which I do with all our cases. I point out the good and the bad of every situation."

Carlson smiled. "And what was the bad in this situation?"

"My memory is kind of fuzzy on that. I really couldn't tell you."

He saw Carlson jot something on his notepad. "Then maybe you can tell me why you weren't wearing your vest."

"Because I didn't put it on."

"Why not?"

"There wasn't time," Tony stated.

"Why not? Couldn't you have put them on as you were headed to intercept the kidnappers?" the older man pressed.

"They were in the trunk."

"Did you remind Agent Gibbs that about SOP regarding the vests?"

Tony shrugged, wincing at the sudden movement. "That's one of those things I don't remember."

He sensed Landry and Carlson's growing irritation with him; maybe he should recommend that they compare notes with his nemesis from the FBI, Agent Sacks.

"Agent DiNozzo," Carlson began. "Do you realize that we're just trying to get to the truth and you purposefully stonewalling us? Maybe it would be easier if you just told us what you do remember."

"We would've been done twenty minutes ago if you had just gotten to the point."

Nonplussed, the agent continued. "Do you remember the shooting?"

"Not likely something I'll forget," he growled.

"It's nice to see that you do remember something," Landry mumbled.

Tony didn't miss the daggers that Carlson shot at his younger associate. "You said the shooting was accidental because you inadvertently stepped in Agent Gibbs' line of fire."

"That's right."

"Was Agent Gibbs aware of the fact that you had already been wounded?"

"I think so." Tony laid his head back against the pillow. "Nothing gets past Gibbs."

"Except for the fact that his wounded agent managed to get off the ground unnoticed and walk in front of his weapon as he pulled the trigger," Landry pointed out.

Tony clenched his jaw. "Are we done?"

"We have a few more questions, Agent DiNozzo."

He visibly bristled, ignoring the ache in his shoulder. "No, I think we're done. I've told you what happened and its obviously matching up to Gibbs' story or you wouldn't be trying so hard to cast the blame. It was an accidental shooting. If you're going to blame anyone, blame me. I was the idiot who got up off the ground. Is there a reprimand for stupidity? I don't care what you do to me because my days as a field agent are over!"

Carlson stood up and began to close up his laptop. "If we have any more questions, we'll come back later, Agent DiNozzo. Thank you for your time."

Tony glared at Landry as he began to protest, but one look from the older man and the young investigator decided not to push the issue. He watched them leave, allowing himself to relax only when the door had closed.

Despite his earlier intentions, he had managed to defend Gibbs' actions, and hopefully, there would be no consequences for the team leader. He knew that it was going to be hard enough for the ex-Marine to face him, knowing that his bullets were now a permanent part of his spine; Tony was determined not make things any more difficult for Gibbs, but his decision came with a high price.


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm posting this on my lunch break, so I apologize that I have not sent out individual replies to those who have reviewed Bad Moon Rising. I will hopefully get to this tomorrow. I do hope you enjoy this next post and that it has been worth the wait. I will now be working on updating Silent Tears and then perhaps the beginning of a new story. Thank you all for your continued support and loyalty; it truly means a lot!**

Jimmy Palmer entered autopsy, his eyes glancing about the room in search of Dr. Mallard. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that the medical examiner was nowhere in sight. The ME's assistant had stopped by the hospital before coming to work and ended up staying longer than he had intended; of course the morning traffic was horrendous and by the time he had navigated his way through it, he had arrived at work even later than usual. Hanging his jacket up, he began to prepare for the day ahead. Palmer hoped that by busying himself that he could keep his mind off of Tony, but it was no use.

His visit with Tony had left him uneasy. The thought of the normally vibrant agent confined to a wheelchair had been a difficult concept for him to grasp, but after seeing his friend, he understood the harsh reality of Tony's condition. Anthony DiNozzo was never going to walk again and there were no miracle cures that would give him back the use of his legs.

DiNozzo had shared with him some of the more personal issues that he would be facing; everyday necessities that had once been as natural as breathing would become a time consuming chore. Palmer was concerned that Tony wouldn't be able to adjust to his new life on his own. He was hopeful that he had managed to convince his friend to go for rehabilitation; the young man knew that it was more than likely going to be the only way that Tony would learn how to adapt and reclaim his life.

"Ah, Mr. Palmer, there you are."

The soothing cultured tone of Dr. Donald Mallard scattered his thoughts as he greeted the Scotsman.

"Uh, Dr. Mallard," Jimmy nervously stammered. "I didn't think you were here."

"Actually, I've been here for a while," the doctor informed him. "I've been chatting with Abigail; she's very distraught about everything that's happened. She's so close to both Jethro and Anthony and she is worried how this tragedy is going to affect our tight knit family. I tried my best to reassure her that it would all work out, but I don't think I was very successful in my attempt to cheer her up."

Palmer knew that Abby truly adored Agent Gibbs as a daughter would her father, but her relationship with Tony was unique and he had yet to figure out all the twist and turns of their friendship. The senior field agent and the Goth shamelessly flirted with each other, but the love they shared was reminiscent of a brother and a sister. They were protective of each other and loyal beyond fault and Abby more than likely felt that her loyalties were being divided.

"Maybe I'll go up and talk to her," Palmer mused.

"I'd give her a few minutes alone," the ME suggested.

"All right," he agreed. "If you think it's for the best. I'll check on her a little later."

"That's a good idea, Mr. Palmer." Ducky clapped his hands together. "Well, shall we get started?"

"Of course, Doctor."

The older man joined him as they prepared to do an autopsy on the second victim from the shooting that Gibbs and Tony had been involved in; the very same incident that changed his friend's life forever. It was all so senseless. He knew he couldn't change the past and no amount of wishing was going to make Tony walk again. Jimmy despised the feeling of helplessness that had been constantly plaguing him since leaving the hospital.

"Mr. Palmer?" the ME called out to him. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Doctor. I was just thinking about…"

"Tony," Ducky finished.

"Yeah. I went and saw him this morning."

"That explains your tardiness then."

"Uh, yes sir. I was just going to drop in and check on him, but I ended up staying longer than I had planned."

"I'm sure that Anthony appreciated your visit," the medical examiner stated. "How is he doing?"

Palmer shrugged as he handed the scalpel to the physician. "I'm not sure I can sum it up in one word. He's angry, frustrated, worried, maybe even scared."

The doctor took the scalpel and made the first incision. "That's to be expected. In a sense, Tony is going to have to go through the stages of grief before he can accept what has happened to him. As his friends, we must convince him he does have a future and we must be patient as he struggles to figure out what that future is."

"When I walked in that room, I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought maybe he'd be dealing with everything in his usual style…"

Ducky smiled. "You mean by insisting that he's fine and hiding behind a joke or two?"

"Yeah, and maybe throwing a movie reference or two in for good measure," Jimmy added. "He's just so unsure of himself. He's trying to take the blame for what happened, even though I think part of him still holds Agent Gibbs responsible for the shooting. His doctor wants him to go to this hospital for rehabilitation and I'm not certain that he's completely sold on the idea. I told him that if it were me, I'd at least give it some thought."

"Anthony will come around. I've seen that boy overcome some insurmountable odds," the ME recalled. "It's not in his nature to give up and believe me, there have been several times since I've known him that he's had the opportunity to throw the towel in so to speak and he hasn't. He's not a quitter."

Looking back, he knew that Tony had survived many things both physically and emotionally that would have defeated any other man. Now, he was going to have to overcome yet another obstacle, one that was going to change his life permanently, but Jimmy knew that with the help of his friends, Tony would survive this as well.

"You're right, Dr. Mallard," he finally conceded. "He's not a quitter."

"How about we go pay him a visit later on this evening? I've got a couple of books for him and I'm sure that he would welcome something to eat besides hospital food."

"I'm sure he would. Maybe we should ask Abby if she'd like to go with us; it might help cheer her up," Palmer pointed out.

"That's a splendid idea, Mr. Palmer. Now, can we get back to the task at hand?"

"Of course, Doctor."

Palmer's spirits were lifted by the ME's words of wisdom and encouragement. Not for the first time, he found himself thankful for the opportunity to have such a compassionate mentor, whose heart rivaled the knowledge in his gifted mind. He was looking forward to one day following in Dr. Mallard's footsteps and serving as the medical examiner for NCIS. Jimmy grinned at the thoughts of him and Tony becoming the next Ducky and Gibbs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Investigators Mark Landry and Jerry Carlson didn't speak a word to each other as they made their way out of the hospital. The two men were each lost in their own thoughts, trying to decide what their next step should be. This particular investigation had several unexpected twists and turns including two people taking responsibility for the shooting. Agents Jethro Gibbs and Anthony DiNozzo were obviously cut from the same cloth and neither would dishonor the other by casting blame.

As they neared the car, Carlson unlocked it and got in on the driver's side. He could almost sense his counterpart's irritation at not being able to drive once again. The older man waited patiently for Landry to get in the passenger's seat and fasten his seat belt; Mark knew that he wouldn't even start the car until the younger man was secure. Satisfied, Jerry put the keys in the ignition but did not start the car.

Turning to his partner, he asked, "What do you think?"

A frustrated sigh escaped Mark's lips. "I don't know. The one thing that is constant in both accounts is that DiNozzo stepped in front of Gibbs' line of fire; I think we can rule the shooting accidental."

"But what about the obvious negligence? I mean Gibbs obviously ignored standard SOP by not taking time to put the vests on," Carlson pointed out.

"That's true," Landry agreed. "Gibbs has a reputation for doing things his own way and usually things work out for him. This time, his lack of judgment ended up costing his senior field agent his career and almost his life."

"And Gibbs is going to have to live with that the rest of _his _life. I think it sounds like a fitting punishment."

"So do we need to talk with the other members on Gibbs' team?"

Carlson thought for a moment. "We'll do it just to cover our butts. They were involved after the fact, so there's probably not a lot they can tell us. It shouldn't take long to ask them two or three questions."

"Then we release our findings," Landry concluded.

"Yes, the shooting will be ruled as accidental with a recommendation that since Agent DiNozzo, the injured party does not wish to pursue further action, that none be taken."

"No official reprimand?"

Carlson shook his head. "No. Like I said, Gibbs is going to have to live with this the rest of his life; I think his guilt will be enough of a reprimand."

"I think you're getting soft in your old age," Mark grinned.

"And I think you're starting to learn a thing or two about investigating. It's not always so cut and dry, is it?"

Landry reached over and started the engine. "Nope, it's not. Now, let's go and wrap this thing up."

The older man shifted into drive, his own smile matching that of his colleagues. Sometimes this job didn't suck after all. "You've got it, partner."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tony put down the brochure that he had been reading about the National Rehabilitation Hospital. He couldn't deny that they had a lot to offer in terms of helping him to learn to live life as a paraplegic, but he wasn't sure that he was ready to accept the fact that he was one of these statistics that he had just read about. Tony wanted his life back, but he was still confused on how to go about getting it back. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, he still wanted to believe that he was going to be able to walk again; however, with each passing second, those dreams were becoming obsolete.

He laid his head back against his pillow as exhaustion began to claim him. The interview with the investigators from Internal Affairs had taken a lot out of him; that coupled with everything that he was facing left him feeling fatigued and uncertain of his future. Tony wanted to sleep, but forced himself to stay awake; he couldn't stand waking up to the realization that he had no feeling or movement from his waist down.

The senior agent was becoming adept at fooling the nurses into believing that he was asleep, but he figured that when Gibbs finally was allowed in to see him that the charade would be over. The team leader had always been able to see behind the mask that he wore so efficiently; Tony knew that he was going to have to work harder to keep his walls intact. If he were going to have any semblance of a normal life, he was going to have bury his anger and doubts where no one could see them and hope those emotions stayed hidden.

A gentle knock at the door brought him out of his reverie. Tony was actually grateful for whoever his company was; now he could temporarily escape the deep abyss that his thoughts were banishing him to.

"Come in," he tiredly called out.

A tired grin spread across his face at the sight of his elderly neighbor Edith Kiser. She was carrying what he figured to be a container of chocolate chip cookies; any time he was sick or hurt, he could always count on a batch of her infamous cookies.

"You do know that I would have made you some cookies without you getting yourself shot, don't you?" she teased.

"I know, but what can I say? I forgot to duck."

She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. "Well, when you get better, I will just have to give you a refresher course on ducking."

Tony laughed. "Yes ma'am."

The first time they had met, she had roused him from bed stating that there had been an intruder in her apartment. Tony had gone over, instructing her to stay outside. She hadn't listened and had entered her darkened apartment, arming herself with a rolling pin, Edith had then proceeded to assault whom she believed to be the burglar, but in fact, had been Tony. When she realized what she had done, Edith apologized profusely, wondering why in all his years as a police officer, he had never learned to duck.

Although there had been no signs of an intruder, Tony had taken it upon himself to look after Edith. He couldn't help but wonder who was going to take care of her now. Forcing that particular thought to the back of his mind, he opened the container and took out a cookie.

"Still the best around," he boasted as he savored the first bite.

"Your friend, Agent Gibbs liked them as well."

Tony stared at her in disbelief. "Gibbs? When uh, when did you see Gibbs?"

"He helped me with my groceries and so I invited him in and we had a wonderful little talk, mainly about you."

"Why was he there?"

Edith considered the question for a moment. "You know, I didn't ask him. You can ask him yourself though, he's right outside."

Before Tony could reply, Edith had made her way over to the door and motioned for Gibbs to join her. "Now, come on in Jethro! I told you that if anyone had anything to say about you being in here to tell them that you're with me."

"I don't want you to get you in trouble," Gibbs protested.

"You won't get me in trouble. I think I can take that little red headed director of yours." Almost as an afterthought, Edith asked, "She is still the director right?"

"Yes ma'am she is, but…"

"Well, she shouldn't be but that's not important right now."

Tony was actually enjoying the fact that Gibbs was getting bossed around by Edith, whose spunk matched her natural charm, ounce for ounce. "You might as well give it up, Boss," he added. "She's pretty persuasive."

Gibbs walked in the room and the smile faded from Tony's face. Images of the shooting began to assault his mind. He had to get past this if he was going to move on with his life; he had told himself he had forgiven Gibbs, but forgetting seemed damned near impossible.

Edith allowed the team leader to escort her back to Tony's bedside, where he had managed to slip his stoic mask back into place.

"Now Jethro, you sit here in this chair and I'm going to sit right here on the edge of Tony's bed," she instructed.

The former Marine obliged her, obviously resigned to the knowledge that he had met his match. Tony wondered if he should tell him that Edith used to be a red head. Sensing Gibbs' discomfort, he decided that bit of information could wait until later.

"So dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your accident."

"Thank you, but I'll be fine," Tony reassured her. "I'll be back to pestering you to take your pills in no time. By the way, did you take them this morning?"

"Yes I did. Right before I had to go and get my own groceries."

Tony's face fell. He always purchased Mrs. Kiser's groceries for her; just one more thing that he could no longer do.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I should have asked Palmer to…"

"Nonsense! I will manage until you're back home and then you can resume your duties."

Tony swallowed hard. "Mrs. Kiser, I don't know if you're aware of this, but I was shot in the back. I'm never…I'm never going to be able to walk again." He had said it and for the first time, the reality sank in, forcing him to accept the fact that his life had taken a dramatic change.

He had read about the physical problems that paraplegics faced and he had ranted about certain aspects that he had found to be utterly humiliating, but now, it was real. This was going to be his life and he either had to accept it and move on or do something that he wasn't sure he was prepared to do.

"I know all about your injury," she stated. "That doesn't change the fact that you're going to be released from your obligations as far as I'm concerned. Now, Mr. Palmer or the charming Agent Gibbs are more than welcome to fill in for you, but they are only temporary. Have I made myself clear?"

Tony sighed. Gibbs wasn't the only one who had met his match. He sometimes wondered if Mr. Kiser had ever been able to win an argument in all their years of marriage. "Yes ma'am," he answered.

She reached over and picked up the pamphlet he had been studying. "Is this the place that the doctor thinks you need to go?"

"Yes ma'am." He glared at Gibbs as he became aware of the team leader had more than likely put her up to encouraging him to go to rehab.

"Well, when do you leave?"

"I haven't decided that I'm going."

"What? Don't you want to get better?"

"I don't have to go to this place to get better."

"But I think it would help you to see others around you facing similar problems; it would help you to remember that you're not alone."

Tony shrugged. "I don't know."

"Anthony DiNozzo, you sound like you're giving up," she declared.

"I'm not giving up. I'm just…"

"Feeling sorry for yourself?"

There was nothing in the world like the directness of an obstinate woman who had not allowed circumstances to control her life. Tony knew that she had lost her husband and her children, but had managed to embrace life instead of shun it. Now, here she was urging him to reclaim his life and he was trying to think of every excuse as to why he couldn't.

"I guess I am," he admitted.

"Then get off your sorry ass and do something about it," she urged.

Tony took Edith's hand and kissed it. "I love you, Mrs. Kiser."

He smiled when her cheeks flushed a light crimson. "And I love you, Anthony," Edith replied. "Now, we have six months to the next dance-a-thon and I want you to be ready for it." She leaned closer so that she could whisper in his ear. "I think that Jethro would be a good partner for Vera, what do you think?"

Tony glanced at Gibbs and then back to Edith. "I don't know. Vera may be too much for him."

Edith's laughter filled the room. "You may be right." She patted his arm. "Now, I'm going to find you some chocolate milk to wash those cookies down."

The last thing Tony wanted right now was to be alone with Gibbs but she was gone before he could beg her to stay. There was so much that needed to be said but he wasn't sure if he was ready to reopen that wound again. The oozing sore of his soul felt like it was held together by a band aid and if he pulled it off, he would never stop bleeding.

"She's pretty smooth," Gibbs said, shattering the awkward silence between them.

"Yep. Always has been."

"You doing okay?"

Tony clenched his jaw. "Yep."

"I'm not sure I believe you."

"How else am I supposed to be doing?"

"You tell me."

Tony's eyes narrowed as he met the team leader's inquisitive glare. Gibbs was baiting him, much like he would do whenever he was closing himself off. He couldn't relinquish control of his feelings; in the past, any demonstration of emotion came with a high price.

He licked his lips. "Gibbs, let it go. It's hard enough for me to deal with not being able to walk without you breathing down my neck. I don't blame you; I told IA I don't blame you. What else do you want from me?"

"I want you to fight with everything you have. There are a lot of people who care about what happens to you and I've never known you to give up."

"This is different."

"Why? Because you can't walk?"

Tony clenched his fist. Why was Gibbs trying to push him? Why did everyone seem to think they knew what was best for him? "Yeah, Gibbs," he snapped. "Because I can't walk and I will never be able to walk, but I'm going to have to learn to live with it! Can you? Can you accept that I'm not going to be able to do my job any longer? Can you accept what happened and move on? I apparently have no choice, so the ball's in your court."

Gibbs tiredly smiled at him, which only seemed to irritate Tony even more. "You're right. We're going to have put it behind us and concentrate on the future. But, just so you know; I don't plan to lose my senior field agent just because he's in a wheelchair. You've got your job when you're ready to come back."

He merely nodded. Tony wondered if Gibbs had even discussed this with the Director. He was going to be on extended medical leave and he wasn't so sure that Jenny Shepard felt the same loyalty to him that Gibbs did. "I hope you're right," Tony mumbled.

"You never gave Mrs. Kiser an answer. Are you going to the rehab center?" the team leader wanted to know.

"I guess I have to give it a try at least. I'm not sure I can handle it, but…" Tony wasn't sure why he was admitting his reluctance to the team leader; he hated showing any kind of weakness in front of Gibbs. The irrational fear stemmed from his childhood; DiNozzos did not show fear. It had taken the lead agent a long time to teach him that a healthy dose of fear kept you sharp. Right now, he was scared and confused, but he had to work through it. He had to face the uncertainty of his future.

"You can do this, Tony. I've got faith in you."

Tony opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by the return of Mrs. Kiser with a glass of chocolate milk in hand. "Here you go, Anthony. It's got a couple of ice cubes in it, just like you like it."

He took the glass with his good arm and began to sip on the milk. "Thank you."

"I almost forgot!" Edith exclaimed.

"What?"

She reached into her purse and pulled out a magazine. "You got your new issue of GSM today. I thought you might enjoy reading the articles during your convalescence."

"When did you start reading the articles, DiNozzo?" Gibbs quipped.

"I've always read the articles, Boss."

"Uh huh."

Ignoring the jibe, he turned his attention back to Mrs. Kiser and took the magazine. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Now, Jethro, can you take me to back home? I've got the bridge club coming over this afternoon and I have to get things ready."

"Of course."

Tony smiled at the kind hearted woman. "Thanks for coming by and for the cookies."

"Next time I visit you, I expect you to be at that rehab center or you and I may have a trip to the woodshed," she warned.

"Yes ma'am."

Gibbs rose from his seat and offer his arm to Edith. "I'll be back later, Tony. We're not through talking."

He gave no response but knew that Gibbs more than likely didn't expect one. The team leader would be back and they would talk, but Tony wasn't sure what good it would do. What more did Gibbs want from him? In the very least, he could find out why Gibbs had been at his apartment.

After Edith and Gibbs had left him alone, he began to study the cover of the magazine that Mrs. Kiser had brought him. The knot in his stomach began to pull tighter as he quietly read aloud the titles of the main articles. "_Ten Ways to Please Your Lover_; _A New Technique That Will Enhance Your Love Life; Five New Positions That Will Give You The Most Out of Your Sexual Experience_."

Tony closed his eyes. "Damn it," he whispered to himself.

Glancing at the magazine once again, he blinked back the tears of anger that threatened to fall. His frustration and fear had reached the point where he could no longer contain them. Taking his good hand, he ripped the cover of the magazine. It wasn't fair. He tore another page and then another. Within a couple of minutes, the magazine lay in shreds on his bed and on the floor as hot tears streamed down his face. He could no longer control the rage that was building up inside of him as he threw back the covers and tried to sit up in bed.

Grateful that the nurse had accidently left his bed rail down the last time she had checked his catheter, he scooted his torso over to the edge, determined to get out of the bed any way possible. He cursed as his lower body refused to cooperate.

"Come on, DiNozzo! Damn sorry son of a bitch! You can do this! Get out of this bed and walk!"

As he started to fall to the floor, he realized the foolishness of his actions. He barely had time to throw his good arm out in order to cushion the impact of his body hitting the floor. Tony ended up on his side, his good arm now cradling his injured shoulder. "God, why?" he cried out. "Do you hate me that much?"

Tony heard his monitors blaring and knew that it would only be matter of time that his room was flooded with medical personnel. He found himself wondering if his gown was properly fastened in the back, judging by the coolness of the air on his back, he doubted it. Tears faded to laughter as he realized that more than likely the first sight that greeted the nurses would be his buttocks. The fact that he could find humor in his current situation only proved to him that he was losing his mind.


	17. Chapter 17

I apologize for the delay. Real life has been so hectic this week at work! That will teach me to take a vacation! Hope you enjoy this post and thanks again for your patience. Hope its worth the wait!

The moment of humor that Tony had managed to find in his current predicament quickly faded as pain began to overtake his body. An agonizing fire was emanating from his lower back and quickly spreading up his spine until he thought flames were going to shoot out his skull. He no longer cared about his dignity; Tony simply wanted relief from the unexpected anguish that was now engulfing him. Despite his suffering, he couldn't help but wonder if the pain he was experiencing was a good sign that he was possibly getting some feeling back in his legs. He attempted to move his left leg, but his efforts were met with futility.

His teeth clamped down on his bottom lip as he struggled against the urge to cry out. Even after all these years, his aversion to showing weakness usually hindered him from seeking assistance when he needed it, but the blinding agony that wrapped around him like a cocoon was causing him to have second thoughts about asking for help. Fortunately for him, the alarms that were blaring weren't attuned to his pride. Within a few seconds, Tony was surrounded by a myriad of medical personnel including his doctor.

"Take it easy, Agent DiNozzo," the physician instructed.

"H…hurts," Tony gasped. "Back hurts."

As the pain worsened, his ability to remain calm seemed to disappear. Panic was beginning to overwhelm him as he felt his world beginning to spin out of control. He could hear Dr. Winesett barking orders, but his jumbled mind wouldn't allow him to process everything that he was saying. Tony closed his eyes, unable to handle the commotion around him.

He inhaled sharply as he felt himself being rolled onto a board and subsequently being lifted onto his bed. Tony gritted his teeth, hoping that Winesett would order something to preferably send him into the arms of Morpheus. His clouded brain was attempting to rationalize how someone could be paralyzed but yet experience such debilitating pain.

Grabbing on to the doctor's arm, he pleaded, "You've got…to give me…something for the pain. I…can't take it."

The tiny prick he felt in his arm brought a sigh of relief that in a few moments, he would be back in control of his body and his mind. Tony's breathing began to even out as the pain began to subside. He nodded his thanks to the doctor who, judging by his soured expression, was not pleased with his hair-brained stunt.

"Care to tell me what you were trying to prove?" Dr. Winesett wanted to know.

"I don't know," he groaned. "How stupid I can be?"

"Guess you did that," the doctor snapped.

"It's not the first time."

"And it probably won't be the last time."

"Probably not," Tony agreed.

Dr. Winesett sighed. "Once your pain eases up some, I'm going to order another X-ray of your spine."

The agent swallowed nervously, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer to his next question. "What for?" he gingerly asked.

"Just to be sure that the fragments haven't moved. You took a pretty good fall and I just want to be sure that everything is still stabilized," the physician explained.

"And if it's not?"

"Then we could have a whole new set of problems."

Tony clenched his jaw at the doctor's unexpected declaration. What could possibly be worse than being paralyzed and never being able to walk again? He studied Dr. Winesett's gaze as realization dawned upon him. "Meaning that the paralysis could end up spreading?"

"It's a possibility. Hopefully, nothing has changed and we will proceed with our plans to transfer you the rehab hospital. I assume that you've decided to go."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll go. I'm not sure how long I'll stay there, but I'm going."

"I think you're going to be surprised at what you can learn. I…"

"I said I would go," Tony growled. "I really don't need another pep talk."

Winesett raised his hands in surrender. "All right, Tony; no more pep talks. Just give it a chance. You stick with the program; you'll quickly learn that you'll be able to lead a completely normal life."

Tony laughed bitterly. "A normal life? Whatever you say, Doc."

"Tony? I know that it's going to be a…"

"No more pep talks. Remember?"

"All right," the doctor conceded. "I'll be back to talk to you after I've seen the X-rays. Take it easy and no more unscheduled trips out of bed."

He stared at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge the physician. Tony was tired of everyone trying to tell him that he was going to be able to live a normal life. Why couldn't someone be honest with him and tell him that his life was never going to be the same again? Now he was faced with the possibility of making his injury worse by not being able to accept his current limitations.

"You never think things through, do you, Tony?" he muttered. "Guess I could blame it on repeated head trauma from all those years of head slaps."

"Talking to yourself again?"

Tony glanced towards the door and managed a weak smile as he recognized one of his favorite nurses. "Hey, Annie," he tiredly greeted the petite blond woman.

"So I heard that you're in such a hurry to get out of here, you kind of forgot that your legs aren't working," she quipped.

"Short term memory loss," he sleepily replied.

Annie picked up his wrist and silently counted his pulse. "Still a little fast."

He shrugged. "I'll be all right. The pain meds are starting to kick in."

"You've got orders for some X-rays; it's probably a good thing you've got those meds in your system."

Tony watched Annie pour him some water, which he gratefully accepted. After quenching his parched throat, he nodded his thanks and handed her the cup back. His cheeks flushed a light crimson as she picked up his GSM magazine that Edith had brought him earlier. "Let me guess," she teased. "You read it for the articles."

"Uh…yeah. They have some interesting articles…"

"And pictures?" she added.

"And pictures," he sheepishly admitted.

"My brother says the same thing."

"How old is your brother?"

"18."

"So is he going to college?"

"Actually, he's going to the police academy," she proudly stated. "He's always wanted to be a cop."

"I was a cop before I came to work for NCIS."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he yawned.

"Tell you what, I'll come back later and you can tell me all about your days as a cop," Annie promised. "Right now, there are a couple of guys standing in your doorway who need to take some pictures."

"It's a deal."

Tony half-heartedly waved good-bye to Annie as two technicians entered with a portable X-ray machine. "Agent DiNozzo?" the first tech called out.

"That would be me," he sighed.

"I'm Phil and this is Mack and we're your friendly neighborhood radiology techs for the day."

"Yeah, well. I guess that makes me your photographic subject for the day," he shot back, hoping that he feebly managed to hide his self-loathing sarcasm.

Phil seemingly ignored his less than snappy comeback as he guided the X-ray machine in the room. Tony couldn't help but notice that the more Phil spoke, the more pronounced his southern accent became. "Old Doc Winesett didn't want you to be jostled around too much so we had to bring the X-ray room to you."

"Convenient."

"Don't worry. We'll be gentle."

Tony laughed. "I've heard that before."

As Phil and Mack carefully began taking pictures of his spine, Tony found himself hoping that his act of stupidity hadn't cost him more than just the use of his legs. Tony suddenly found himself saying a quick prayer, hoping that his request would be heard. The fear of becoming totally paralyzed could in fact become a reality that he wasn't prepared to handle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gibbs had safely seen Edith to her door, promising that he would keep her informed of Tony's progress as well as assuring her that he would take her to see the young man once he was settled in the rehab facility. He couldn't help but grin when she placed a kiss on his cheek; this lady was quickly earning a special place in his heart. She had managed to create a special bond with his senior field agent and anyone who was worthy of Tony's friendship was worthy of his.

"You know something, Jethro?"

He took her key and unlocked the door for her. "What's that, Edith?"

"I think Tony was wrong. I think that you would be an excellent dance partner for Vera. She's an excellent teacher and I bet your light on your feet," Edith cheerfully observed. "Must come from sneaking up on all those people when you were a sniper."

The team leader was surprised that she was aware of his past. "How'd you know I was a sniper?" he asked.

"Tony told me," she replied. "He really admires you; he strives so hard to live up to your expectations."

DiNozzo had always felt like he needed to constantly prove his worth to Gibbs; but truthfully, the former Marine had seen something special in Tony the first time that they had butted heads in Baltimore. The brash young man definitely knew his way around the crime scene, but Gibbs had quickly discovered that there were many layers to the detective and he had been trying to peel back those layers for years to have a glimpse at the real Tony DiNozzo.

"He's done more than that," he boasted.

"Maybe you should remind him of that," Edith suggested.

"Count on it."

Edith slowly made her way into her apartment. "I'll hold you to that, Jethro. You make sure and take good care of our boy."

"With everything I've got," he vowed.

As soon as she wished him farewell, she closed the door leaving him alone in the hallway. His eyes came to rest on Tony's door. He fumbled for his keys and came across the one that would allow him access inside DiNozzo's domain. Gibbs entered and closed the door behind him and began to look around. If Tony planned on returning home, there would have to be some adaptations made and he and Edith had formed a union to ensure that the changes would be as unobtrusive as possible.

Gibbs began to walk room to room, sensing Tony's presence in every corner. His senior field agent was known for making lasting impressions, including ones that were not visible to the naked eye. Pulling his notepad out of his pocket, he began to jot down ideas as well as make a list of things that he would need in order to begin the renovations.

A blinking light on the nearby answering machine caught his attention. Tony had once told him that he was going to get rid of his landline and simply use his cell phone; he knew that most people called DiNozzo on his cell, so he couldn't help but wonder why he had kept the landline. The team leader's curiosity started to consume him as he hit the play button on the machine. He listened as a resonant baritone emanated from the speaker.

"_Anthony, it's your father. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time, but I really need to talk to you about something. Call me back when you get the chance."_

So that was DiNozzo's father. He remembered Edith saying something about Tony's father calling him, but with everything else going on, he had thought nothing of it until now. Gibbs had never personally met the man, but over the years, he had grown to dislike Anthony DiNozzo, Senior. Tony tended to hide certain aspects of his childhood, downplaying the emotional scars that he bore so stoically; scars caused by the callousness of a father who never had time for his own flesh and blood.

Gibbs vividly recalled the time when Tony was recovering from pneumonic plague and his father had not returned any of his calls; anger had raged through the former Marine at the thoughts of the elder DiNozzo not caring enough to come visit his son. "You couldn't be bothered a couple of years ago," he mumbled. "What do you want now?"

The ringing of Tony's phone startled him out of his musings. Glancing at the caller ID, he saw that it was DiNozzo's dad again; evidently he _really_ needed to speak with his son. Pushing the talk button, he gruffly said, "Hello?"

"Anthony?"

"Nope."

A sigh of disgust. "Is Anthony there?"

"Nope," Gibbs answered through tightly clenched teeth.

"May I ask whom I am speaking to?" Tony's father inquired.

"Gibbs."

"Gibbs? As in Agent Gibbs? You're Tony's boss."

"Yes I am," he declared.

"Can I ask why you're answering Tony's phone?"

Gibbs fought the urge to reach through the phone and strangle the man on the other end of the line. "Because he's not here."

"Where is he? When will he be back?"

"Don't know," he answered honestly. "I'll tell him you called."

"You do that," DiNozzo Senior growled.

The line went dead and Gibbs put the handset back on the receiver. He knew that he couldn't keep this a secret from Tony, but he truly dreaded telling him because then he would have to admit to being in his apartment without DiNozzo's consent. Before the shooting, he knew that Tony wouldn't have given a second thought to the team leader letting himself in, but now, he wasn't so sure.

Putting his notepad in his pocket, he headed out the door and towards the car. He had to talk to Tony and he couldn't put it off any longer; they both needed closure on the shooting if they were going to move forward. As he slid behind the driver's seat, his cell phone rang.

"Gibbs," he barked.

"Jethro, it's Jenny."

He rolled his eyes and muttered a curse under his breath. "Yeah?"

"I need you to come by NCIS headquarters. The results of the IA investigation are in."

"Can this wait?" He could care less about the findings of the investigation; Gibbs desperately needed to talk with Tony.

"I expect you to be here in fifteen minutes. I would hate to add insubordination to your file," she threatened.

"It wouldn't be the first time," he shot back. "I'll be there when I can get there…right now, I'm stuck in traffic."

He turned off his phone and threw it in the passenger's seat. Gibbs was determined not to let this wound fester until there was nothing left but dead tissue. He and Tony were going to talk and the team leader made a vow that he wouldn't leave until things were right between them.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for your patience…we're starting to get back on a 'normal' schedule now that school is back in session, so hopefully updates will be regular once again. Thank you all for reading and sticking with this story; your encouragement is so inspiring. Hope you enjoy the post and that it was well worth the wait! **

Tony DiNozzo knew he should consider himself lucky, but he also knew that his luck had run out the second that those two bullets had entered his back. He had truly felt relieved when Dr. Winesett had informed him that there had been no further damage done to his spine because of his little escapade, but the fact remained that he was still paralyzed; there was nothing that he could do that would change the fact that he was never going to walk again.

The physician had been overly optimistic that once Tony started rehab, his outlook on life would greatly improve. He wondered if those words would have flowed so easily out of Winesett's mouth if he had been the one facing life in a wheelchair. Tony had read the brochures several times and although the National Rehabilitation Hospital had a lot to offer, he still couldn't see himself so easily adjusting. He had always prided himself on being self reliant and now his independence was being compromised by legs that no longer worked.

He blew out a frustrated breath. Tony was aware of the fact that he had to get a handle on his anger and bitterness or it would consume him. Despite his initial misgivings, there wasn't a doubt in his mind that the shooting had been an accident. Perhaps it could have been avoided and then again, maybe it would've happened regardless; he wasn't God and he wasn't going to pretend to be able to predict the future or alter the past.

"You gotta move on, Anthony," he whispered to himself. "You've done it before, you can do it again."

How many times in his life had he been forced to start his life over by simply moving on? Tony began to try and calculate the number of times but at the moment, a trip down memory lane was too taxing for his jumbled mind. He wanted to sleep, but he was tired of waking up to discover that he hadn't been dreaming and that his worst fears had been realized.

A soft rap at his door brought him out of his reverie. He looked up as Annie, his nurse, entered the room. "I just need to check your vitals one more time before I go on break."

"Okay," he sighed. "Just be gentle with me."

Annie laughed. "Trust me, I've been doing this for years and I haven't had a complaint yet."

"That's comforting."

Tony watched her as she studied his monitor. "Everything look okay?'

"Yep, everything looks good. Your heart rate and blood pressure are back down. Are you in much pain?"

He bit back a sharp retort. Annie didn't deserve his anger; she was simply doing her job. "Not too much. My shoulder's a little tender but nothing I can't handle."

"You're due for your pain meds in another hour, think you can make it?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks."

She fluffed his pillow, pulled the sheet around his frame, and handed him the call button. "If you need anything before then, just push the call button."

"Thank you, Nurse Annie."

Tony saw her reach into the pocket of her sweater. "I almost forgot. This card came for you."

Puzzled, he accepted the card and studied the familiar script of his father's distinctive handwriting. Tony nodded his thanks as Annie turned to leave. "When I come back, I'll have your transfer papers ready to sign," she reminded him.

If his lack of response offended her, she hid it well. Tony couldn't fathom how his dad found out that he was in the hospital. His dad had called him several times in the last few weeks, which had been highly unusual, but he had yet been able to work up the courage to return his calls. Even after all these years, his father seemed to hold some kind of power over him that made him revert back to a child.

"Tony?"

Startled, he glanced up to discover Gibbs standing in his doorway. Tony tucked the card underneath his leg and motioned for the team leader to come into the room. "Come on in, Boss."

"You sure?"

Tony shrugged. "I guess."

Gibbs made his way over to the chair beside his bed and sat down. Tony studied the man before him as the silence only served to exacerbate the tension between them. What more did they need to say to each other? He had told Gibbs that he knew that the shooting was an accident and that he didn't hold the former Marine responsible. What did Gibbs need to hear him say? Why was Gibbs having such a hard time accepting his paralysis?

Of course, if he were being honest with himself, Tony had to admit that he was having a hard time as well absorbing the life changing ramifications of his disability. There was no hiding behind that infamous mask that he wore so casually; it was time for everything to be laid on the line.

"Did IA clear you?" Tony finally asked.

Gibbs shrugged. "I don't know. Since you don't have a bodyguard outside your door, I'm guessing that I'm in the clear."

"That's good."

"Being cleared on paper doesn't mean much."

"That's all that counts in the grand scheme of things; the brass saves face and all's well with the world."

Tony was too exhausted to concern himself with censoring his feelings. His nerves were raw with emotions that had been pent up for far too long and he didn't have the energy to control the words that came out of his mouth.

"But that's not how it really is," Gibbs challenged. "All's not well with your world, is it, DiNozzo?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"You're life has been irrevocably changed and not by your hand."

He clenched his jaw. Tony definitely didn't need Gibbs to remind him of what had happened; the shrapnel in his back and the wheelchair that he would be sitting in the rest of his days, served as a constant remembrance of his former life. "Not much I can do about it now."

"I guess not. As much as I'd like to, I can't change the past," Gibbs stated.

"Then why dwell in it?" Tony snapped. "Why can't you just let it go? I told you that I know it was an accident and that I forgive you; what else do you want from me? I'm not going to walk again, I'm not going to be able to be your senior field agent, I'm not even going to be able to have sex! We've been through this! Why do you want to keep rehashing it?"

Gibbs' determined gaze cut right through him. "Because it's still eating you up, just like it's eating me up! You're not going to be able to move on and neither am I until we clear the air between us."

"I said I forgive you! What more is there to say?"

"I don't know, Tony. Why don't you tell me that I screwed up? Why don't you tell me that you're angry with me? Why don't you…"

Tony could no longer contain his raging emotions. "Fine! You screwed up, Gibbs!" he roared. "Is that what you want to hear? You screwed up! Once again, you forgot you had a team and once again, we're the ones who get caught up in your private little war! I guess we should be grateful that one of us didn't up dead this time!"

He didn't give Gibbs a chance to defend himself as Tony continued his tirade. The team leader had insisted on pushing him closer to the edge and now that he had gone over that precipice, he was barely hanging on to the side. "All you had to do was take a few seconds so we could put on a vest. How far were they going to get in those 15 seconds? Did you even know I went down the first time? How could you not have seen me get up? You know what, Gibbs? None of that really matters because when you get right down to it, I'm the idiot that walked into your line of fire.

"I guess that means we're both at fault," he stated, fire dripping from every word. "I've come to realize that it's not you I'm pissed at; it's me. I'm pissed because I was stupid enough to follow you like the loyal St. Bernard I am. I should have stopped you."

"You couldn't have," Gibbs quietly admitted.

"I just didn't try hard enough and now I'm paying my penance."

Gibbs expression faded from uncertainty to disbelief. "You think you deserve this?"

"Don't you?"

"How can you even ask me that?" the former Marine growled.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose as he paused to consider his next words. For someone who enjoyed talking as much as he did, he was finding it difficult to sum up a life that had been filled with doubt and self loathing from a young age. "Just forget I said that."

"Kind of hard to do that, DiNozzo."

"Not now, Gibbs," Tony warned. "I really don't want to get into my warped psyche right now."

"Tony, I…"

"Not now!" he bellowed. "Why can't you just leave well enough alone? I've tried to live up to your expectations and I obviously can't do it!"

"What do you mean by that?" Gibbs pressed.

"Just what I said. I don't know what else you want me to do. I had your back for almost 7 years and it's not good enough! I deserve what happened because I'm not good enough to…"

Tony choked back a sob. He couldn't lose it now, not in front of Gibbs. Mentally chastising himself, he clenched his eyes shut but the tears still fell as his cheeks flushed a crimson red. "Go, Gibbs!" he cried. "Leave me alone!"

He didn't have the energy to resist when he felt a pair of strong arms pull him close. The tears continued to flow uninhibited as Gibbs stroked the back of his head with his calloused hand. "We're going to get through this, DiNozzo," the Marine vowed.

"I can't…do this, Boss. I can't live my life…in a wheelchair. I can't do this!" Tony wept.

"Yes, you can. Do you hear me?" Gibbs cupped his face in his hands. "Yes, you can. You can do anything that you set your mind to, Tony."

The young man tried to pull away, but Gibbs would not relinquish his hold. "I'm going to help you through this; you're gonna come out of this stronger than before."

Uncomfortable with the display of fatherly affection, Tony pulled back once again in hope that Gibbs would sense his uneasiness with the physical contact. The team leader had always been able to read him like a book and he hoped that his skills didn't fail him now. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Sorry for losing it like that."

"Don't apologize."

"I know," Tony sighed. "Sign of weakness."

"That and you have nothing to apologize for. You have every right to feel the way you do."

"What? Bitter and pissed at the world?"

"Don't you mean bitter and pissed at me?"

"That too."

"Good."

Tony stared at Gibbs in disbelief. The stress from the past few weeks and more specifically the last few days, must have finally caught up to the team leader. "Good? You want me to be mad at you?"

"It means you're starting to accept what happened."

"Really, Dr. Phil?" he shot back. "Because I don't think I'm doing a very good job of accepting anything. One minute I'm angry as hell and the next minute I'm crying like a baby. Doesn't sound like someone who's accepting the fact that he's never going to walk again!"

"Don't sell yourself short, Tony."

His eyes narrowed. "What about you, Gibbs? When are you going to accept it?"

"Tony, I…"

"No!" Tony barked. "I want to know when you're going to accept it. You said that you'd get me through it, but how if you can't accept it? Can you accept the reality that I'm never going to be able to walk into the office again or go out to a crime scene? Can you deal with the fact that although it was an accident, it was your bullets that ended up paralyzing me? When you see me in that wheelchair, are you going to be able to treat me like you always have?"

Gibbs' silence provided Tony with the answers to his questions. "That's what I thought."

"Are you through?" the team leader coolly inquired.

"For now."

His eyes remained fixed on Gibbs as he stood up and moved to hover over the head of his bed. Unfortunately, his reaction time was slower than it used to be and the palm of the team leader's hand made contact with his head. "Have I got your attention?" Gibbs demanded.

Tony's good arm flew up but he was met with resistance as the former Marine grabbed his wrist. "I am always going to have to live with the fact that I put you in a wheelchair," Gibbs began. "But I have no intention of treating you as anything less than the man you are. Those bullets didn't change who you are inside; you're still Tony DiNozzo, my senior field agent, my friend, and my…son."

Gibbs took a deep breath and blew it out. "I'm proud of you Tony and nothing's going to change between us. You're still the best agent I've ever worked with and the fact that you can't walk has no affect whatsoever on your mind. I've got people who can do the leg work, but what I don't have is someone who can put the pieces together like you do. You've stood by me for a long time and now it's time you let me return the favor."

"I don't want your pity," Tony grunted.

"You're not going to get it. I'm going to push your butt so hard, you'll think you're in boot camp. I'm not going to let you down again," Gibbs declared.

Tony pulled his hand free and fingered the loose threads on his blanket. "It's not going to be easy."

"I know."

"Sometimes it's not going to be pretty."

"I know."

"I'm going to be in this rehab center a while. Is Jenny, I mean Director Shepard going to hold my job?"

"Yep. I'll make sure of it. I think she owes you one or two."

"Or three or four," he added.

Gibbs held out his hand. "Do we have a deal, DiNozzo?"

Tony shook the older man's hand. "Deal, Boss."

"Good."

He watched as Gibbs stepped outside and quickly returned with a duffle bag in hand. "Thought you'd like to wear something else to the rehab center besides a hospital gown," he informed him.

Tony took the bag and clumsily opened it with one hand and pulled out a pair of sweats and a Marine Corp T-shirt with the words _Semper Fidelas._ "Trying to recruit me, Boss?"

"Nope, DiNozzo. Just reminding you to Semper Fi."

He clutched the shirt in his hands, not trusting his voice to say anything but a simple, "Thanks, Boss." Maybe things were going to be all right; only time would tell.

"Let's get you ready," Gibbs said. "Annie will be back with your papers in a minute."

"You going with me, Gibbs?"

"Yep."

"You don't have to do that. I'm a big boy; I can do this on my…" Gibbs glare silenced him. "Shutting up, Boss."

Tony wasn't comfortable with the idea of Gibbs dressing him, but at them moment, he really didn't have a choice. As the team leader pulled back the cover, the card that had been concealed under his leg fell to the floor. Before Tony realized what had happened, Gibbs had picked up the card and was studying the address with great interest.

"This is from your dad," Gibbs said.

"Yeah."

"He's been trying to get in touch with you. Why?'

Tony's eyes narrowed. "How do you know that he's been trying to get in touch with me?"

"Mrs. Kiser told me."

He had a feeling that Gibbs wasn't being completely honest with him, but he wasn't sure he had the strength to start another fight. "Can I have my card back?"

Tony took the card and placed it inside his GSM magazine. "Thanks."

"Aren't you going to read it?"

"Not now."

Gibbs sat on the edge of the bed. Tony silently cursed his useless legs as he realized he couldn't escape the interrogation he was about to be subjected to. Out of the frying pan and into the fire; that seemed to be a summary of his life. Tony was beginning to wonder if this day was ever going to end.


	19. Chapter 19

**Wow! Two updated stories in a week…hoping I'm finding my groove now! Thank you all for the incredible response to this story and I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Have a great weekend and here's keeping my fingers crossed for more writing time!**

Jethro Gibbs intently studied his senior field agent, hoping that his persistent glare would encourage Tony to talk about his father and why the elder DiNozzo had suddenly developed an interest in the son that he had all but forgotten over the years. DiNozzo had quickly tucked the card out of sight, clearly indicating that his relationship with his father was not a topic for discussion and Gibbs knew that he had to respect the young man's wishes for now.

He could not chance alienating Tony when they had just managed to come to an understanding about the events of the past few days. Gibbs still felt guilty about shooting DiNozzo and only time would lessen that wound, but in order to move forward, they had both agreed that they would have to accept the past. That was easier said than done, but both men were willing to try.

Deciding that the best thing to do was not to question Tony about his father's motives, he patted the young man on the leg in a silent gesture to assure him that things were still good between them. His cheeks flushed slightly as he realized that DiNozzo didn't feel the comforting touch; how could he have been so stupid as to forget that Tony had no feeling or movement in his legs?

"I'm sorry, Tony," he humbly apologized. "I just didn't…"

"It's okay, Gibbs," DiNozzo replied. "It was kind of nice that you forgot; it kind of made me forget." Tony's gaze shifted to his hands, his own embarrassment evident by the sudden inability to maintain eye contact with the former Marine. "I guess that sounds kind of weird, huh?"

"No, not at all. You want to be treated like normal."

Tony shrugged, his eyes now fixed on the older man. "I guess I figure that if you're going to help me get through this, I can't be wearing my feelings on my sleeves." A mischievous smile played upon his lips. "Especially when I'm wearing a Marine t-shirt."

Gibbs grinned at his friend, thankful that DiNozzo's unique sense of humor had not been lost because of the circumstances that fate had dealt him. "Got a point there, DiNozzo."

Standing up, he set the bag that he had brought the change of clothes in on the bed and started placing DiNozzo's personal items in it. "Might as well make sure you're packed up when the transport arrives to take you to the rehab center. Once you get settled in your room, you can make a list of stuff that you're going to need and I'll go out and get it for you."

Tony nodded as he handed Gibbs the magazine that contained the card from his dad. Gibbs hesitated briefly before taking it and placing it in the bag, the simple gesture spoke volumes of how much Tony actually trusted him.

"Thanks, Gibbs," DiNozzo quietly said. "Thanks for not pushing me to talk about my dad. I uh…just some things are better left alone."

"You're welcome," the team leader replied. "Just know that if and when you want to talk, I'm ready to listen."

"I know, Boss. I've always known that. My dad is a difficult man and sometimes I don't understand him; I certainly don't expect anyone else to be able to figure out what makes him tick."

"The offer still stands, Tony."

"Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs acknowledged Tony's gratitude with a nod and returned to his task at hand. He noticed that the silence between them was surprisingly comfortable; the team leader knew from experience that sometimes words often would get in the way of the message that was being conveyed. The unspoken message between him and DiNozzo was one of trust and Gibbs was determined not to break that faith that Tony had in him.

As he finished packing, Gibbs placed the bag in the seat. "Did we forget anything?"

Tony glanced around the room and shook his head. "I don't think so. You can take the flowers to the nurse's station and tell them to pass them out to someone who might need their day brightened up a little bit."

The team leader was never surprised by Tony's kindness and generosity, as his co-workers often were; DiNozzo truly had a giving heart when it came to others, but years of conditioning had taught him how to hide behind a mask of indifference. He had lost count of the number of times that both Ziva and McGee had missed a rare opportunity to see the real Anthony DiNozzo, but because of their own blindness, they had missed those occasions when Tony had dared to show a glimpse of his true nature.

"I'll be glad to."

"Thanks. I figure that somebody in this hospital needs a pick me up; I figure that they'll just be in the way at the rehab center."

Gibbs grabbed a couple of the arrangements and then headed towards the door. "I'll get the rest in a few minutes. You just hang tight."

"I'm not going anywhere. Literally," Tony softly muttered.

He bit back a retort knowing that Tony didn't need a lecture on positive thinking. DiNozzo still had to come to terms with living life in a wheelchair and Gibbs could not condemn the young man for his feelings. The former Marine wasn't sure what he would do if his and Tony's positions were reversed; he had a feeling that he would have already put a bullet through his brain.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Nobody had dared to question Abby as to why she was sitting at Tony's desk and even if they had, Abby would have simply sent them packing with her own glare that at times could rival Gibbs'. She missed Tony and simply wanted to absorb his presence so she had made her way to the bullpen and was now staring at a picture of him that she had uploaded from her camera onto his computer. "Oh Tony," she whispered. "Hurry back. I promise to make sure your desk is just the way you left it."

"Uh…Abby?"

She looked up to discover McGee standing in front of her, his expression a mixture of concern and confusion. Choosing to ignore him, she once again fixed her gaze on Tony's picture. Unfortunately, McGee was not going to be so easily dismissed.

"Abby, what are you doing?" he inquired.

"What's it look like I'm doing, McGee?" she testily countered.

"It looks like you're sitting at Tony's desk and staring at his picture on the computer."

"Then that's what I'm doing."

"I can see that, Abby," McGee sighed. "But why?"

Abby leaned back in Tony's chair and crossed her arms. "Don't you have anything better to do than interrogate me?"

"Uh, well actually…"

"Good," she declared. "Don't let me keep you."

"Don't _you _have any work to do?"

"I'm taking a break."

"You don't take breaks," McGee pointed out.

"I do now."

McGee walked around with the intention of sitting on Tony's desk but a stern look from Abby prompted him to remain standing. "Abby, you do realize that it could be a very long time before Tony comes back to work? It's even possible that he won't come back."

"Don't say that, McGee," Abby warned. "Tony is coming back and when he does, you better be nice to him!"

"Nice? Abby, I'm…"

"Don't go there, McGee. You and Ziva both could be nicer to Tony. You have no idea what he does for you, do you?"

"Abby, I…"

"Don't interrupt me, Tim," the Goth instructed. "Whether you know it or not, he's always looking out for you and Ziva; he's always taking the brunt of Gibbs' bad temper, and…" Abby visibly bristled as an almost imperceptible smirk danced across McGee's lips. She had known the agent far too long not to realize that he was trying to hide something. Abby rose from her seat and step by step, she forced him back towards his desk. "What are you not telling me, McGee?"

"Abby, I don't know what you're talking about."

She placed her hands on her hips. "Abby's rule number one; _never_ lie to Abby. I started talking about Tony's job and you look like the cat that swallowed the canary. What's up?"

"Nothing," he tried to assure her. "You're imagining things, Abs."

"No I'm not," she argued. "You had this tiny smirk on your face and you only get that look when you're thinking very highly of yourself."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do! I see it a lot, even around me. I just choose to ignore it, Elf Lord."

Abby noticed that McGee winced at the mention of his moniker than Tony had bestowed upon him. "You can't lie to me," she reminded him. "You might as well come clean."

McGee sat his backpack down and sat in his chair. "I just came from the Director's office and..."

"What?" Abby impatiently pressed.

"She wants to promote me to senior field agent."

"On whose team?"

He swallowed hard. "Gibbs' team."

"Gibbs already has a senior field agent," she pointed out. "Did you happen to remind her of that fact?"

"I did, Abby. I told her that I couldn't take Tony's place and…"

"And what did she say to that?"

An exasperated sigh escaped from his lips. "If you would quit interrupting me, I'll tell you."

Abby stared at him, her eyes silently daring him to tell her that he was undermining Tony's position. She knew that it wasn't McGee's fault that the Director offered him the position of Senior Field Agent, but she was truly upset at Tim's waning sense of loyalty. "Then tell me, McGoo."

"I reminded her that Tony was still technically Gibbs' senior field agent and she understood my reluctance to step in and assume his responsibilities. She appreciated my loyalty and suggested that I just take it temporarily until we see if Tony's coming back."

"Don't you mean _when_?" she purposefully corrected.

"Abby, you've got to face the facts; Tony may never come back."

She found herself wishing she could hit the delete button on McGee's keyboard and erase the words that had just come out of his mouth. Tony _was_ coming back and he would take his rightful place as Gibbs' right hand man. "Don't say that! You just wait, McGee; Tony's going to come through those doors one day and kick your butt for doubting him. I hope that the Director has another team lined up for you because I have a feeling that your stint as Gibbs' senior field agent is going to be short lived."

"Abby, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you angry."

Her brow arched as her lips curved upward. "It's not me you're going to have to worry about, McGee. I just don't want to be around when Gibbs gets a hold of you and the Director."

Turning on her heels she stormed out of the bullpen and towards the elevator. How could McGee do this to Tony? Although Tim had been Tony's senior field agent while Gibbs was in Mexico, he had never served in that capacity under the team leader and he was in for a rude awakening. She briefly considered going and talking to the Director regarding McGee's sudden promotion, but Abby knew that there was someone far better suited for that dirty deed.

Reaching in the pocket of her lab coat, she pulled out her cell phone and hit speed dial. If anyone could fix this mess, it was Gibbs. She impatiently willed the former Marine to answer his own phone. "Come on, Gibbs. This is an emergency."

After the third ring, she heard the voice that was like music to her ears. "Gibbs," came the gruff reply.

"Gibbs," she excitedly began, "You're not going to believe this…"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tony closed his eyes, taking a moment to cherish the solitude. He usually didn't want to be alone because it gave him too much time to think and generally feel sorry for himself. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that he had earned these rare times of self pity, but he couldn't be controlled by them. Given his current circumstances, Tony was amazed that he hadn't drowned in a sea of self loathing deprecation, but fortunately, Gibbs had his six.

A soft knock at the door interrupted his musings and desire for seclusion. "Come in," he sighed, hoping that it was the transport people to take him to the Rehab Center; he was more than ready to leave the hospital and the well meaning ministrations of its staff.

"Anthony?"

He opened his eyes at the sound of the distinctive voice. His heart began to pound in his chest and he felt his throat momentarily constrict as Tony struggled to find his voice to address his father. "Dad," he finally managed. "What are you doing here?'

Anthony DiNozzo, Senior carefully placed his trench coat and hat on the foot of Tony's bed and then proceeded to sit down on the edge of the bed. Tony studied his father and aside from his hair being a little grayer and a few more lines around his eyes, his dad had not changed that much. "You wouldn't return my calls so I finally managed to track you down. I was…uh surprised to learn that you had been shot, but I see that you're feeling better."

"I'm fine," Tony flatly answered.

"That's good to hear, Junior."

"So, I guess you can leave now."

"Anthony, I just got here," Senior protested. "I thought we could talk and…"

"What could we possibly have to talk about, Dad?"

"Anything you wanted to talk about."

Tony laughed and shook his head. "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure now is not the time that you want to hear what I have to say. Why don't you just tell me what it is that you want?"

Senior visibly bristled. "You always were difficult when you were sick; perhaps I should come back later."

"That's probably a good idea," Tony retorted, not bothering to tell his father that he was being transferred to a rehab center.

"When you're at home, I'll drop by later and…"

"I'm not going home, Dad."

Puzzled, Senior asked, "You're not going home? Where are you going?"

"Does it matter?" Tony shot back.

"Of course it does. I'm your father; I have a right to know."

"Why?"

He saw his father instinctively clench his fist, but Tony no longer feared the blow that would often follow. The last time his dad had backhanded him for challenging his authority was the last time that he had seen his father until he had graduated from college. "You're still as impudent as ever," Senior growled. "Is it so hard to believe that I've learned from my past mistakes and want to try and make amends?"

"You've tried that angle before, Dad. I don't think I'll fall for it as easily this time."

"Anthony, I…"

Tony's tenuous rein on his temper was about to be unleashed; years of pent up anger and frustration were threatening to erupt and his father was going to be the recipient of a myriad of pain filled emotions that had been locked away for a long time. "I don't want to hear it, Dad. I've got a lot more important things to deal with than trying to make up for lost time!"

"What could be more important than trying to salvage our father and son relationship?"

"What relationship? Dad, we don't have a relationship; we're nothing but mere acquaintances!" Tony's voice was trembling with rage and he was determined not to spare the older man's feelings. He scrubbed his face with his good hand in an unsuccessful attempt at getting his wrath back under control. "As for what's more important," Tony continued. "How about the fact that I'm going to have to learn how to live my life in a wheelchair? How's that for important?"

"A wheelchair?" Senior uttered, disbelief etched in his distinguished features. "I had no idea, Anthony. I…"

"I don't need your pity, Dad."

His dad's mouth was set in a firm line. "I've never pitied you, Junior," his father seethed. "I've always taught you how to face life head on and be a man."

Tony bit the inside of his cheek drawing blood. Why did he let his father do this to him? Would he ever be anything other than a matter of convenience to the man? What gave his dad the right to waltz in and out of his life whenever he wanted to? Tony decided he would give anything for Gibbs to walk through his door right now. "I think you better leave now. We'll try this father and son thing again in a few years."

"Anthony, it's obvious that you're angry about your situation. I can't blame you for that," Senior said. "Maybe there's something I can do to help."

"The only thing you can do is leave."

Senior stood up and gathered his coat and hat and turned to leave. "Obviously this was not the best time for us to visit. What rehabilitation center are you going to? Perhaps I can work a visit into my schedule once you've settled in and become adjusted to your new living arrangements."

"Doesn't sound like he wants your company."

Tony breathed a sigh of relief as Gibbs seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He was really going to have to figure out how the team leader so easily accomplished that feat. His father was about to address Gibbs until the agent's phone rang.

"Gibbs," he answered, his piercing gaze fixed on Tony's dad. After a few seconds, the former Marine replied, "I'm going to have to call you back, Abs."

The tension in the room seemed to increase significantly as his father and Gibbs, the man he truly considered to be his father, stood toe to toe, each one silently sizing up the other. Gibbs made the initial move. "Jethro Gibbs."

"I never forget a voice," his dad boasted. "We spoke earlier."

"Briefly."

Uncertainty was now plaguing Tony as he attempted to figure out how and why Gibbs would have been talking to his dad. The two older men continued to stare at each other, a mixture of anger and newly found hatred for each other seemed to consume their aura.

Tony cleared his throat to garner his dad and Gibbs' attention. "Excuse me? Does somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on here?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Another update! Yippee! Thank you all for your continued patience and the offers to picket outside my work so that I can update more often; it is greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoy the next post and hope it's been worth the wait. Again, my heartfelt thanks to my loyal readers! You guys are the best!**

**Part 20**

Two sets of eyes were now fixated on him, clearly surprised by his unexpected outburst. Tony was still reeling over the realization that his father and Gibbs had actually exchanged words before today without his knowledge; he wasn't sure what had been said between the two men but evidently it was enough that they had developed a mutual dislike for each other. Neither of these men was used to having their actions questioned but at the moment, Tony didn't care. He wanted an answer to his question and he wanted the truth.

"I'm waiting," he pressed, unable to hide his growing impatience as he waited for a believable explanation.

His father was the first one to speak. "Agent Gibbs and I had a brief phone conversation earlier; it seems that he was assuming the responsibility of being your answering service."

"My answering service?"

"I called your apartment and Gibbs answered," Senior further explained as his steely gaze focused on the team leader.

His attention turned to Gibbs. "Was this when you were there with Mrs. Kiser?" Tony inquired.

"No," Gibbs answered. "After I took her back home."

He wasn't receptive to the idea that the former Marine had been in his apartment alone. Tony liked to keep his personal life private and although Gibbs knew almost everything about him, the team leader had never ventured into his domain without his consent. Gibbs must have had his reasons for being there because Jethro Gibbs didn't do anything without a reason; he would just have to figure out later. He didn't want his father getting a scent of any dissention between him and Gibbs because there wasn't a doubt that Senior would somehow use it to his advantage.

"He's keeping an eye on my place while I'm in the hospital," he quickly offered as a justification for the team leader's presence in his apartment.

He watched his dad's eyes shift between him and Gibbs, trying to understand the unspoken agreement between the leader and the senior field agent. "I figured that you would get one of your neighbors to do that, Anthony," his father assumed.

"Gibbs is also looking in on Mrs. Kiser for me."

"Mrs. Kiser?"

"My elderly neighbor," was the only enlightenment that he offered to his father.

"I see."

"So, what did you guys have to say to each other?" Tony wanted to know.

"Not much," Gibbs answered. "We exchanged a few pleasantries and after I wouldn't tell him where you were, we hung up."

Tony rolled his eyes. "A few pleasantries?"

"I was concerned because I hadn't heard from you lately," Senior interjected.

Tony laughed at his father's ludicrous statement; the only time that Tony DiNozzo, Senior remembered that he had a son was when he wanted something. "I didn't want you to know where I was, Dad; I figured that if you wanted to see me bad enough, you'd figure it out on your own."

The subsequent awkward silence in the room was starting to grate on Tony's frazzled nerves. He wished that Gibbs and his dad would just leave so he could focus on his immediate future. The prospect of going to the rehabilitation center was weighing heavily on him; the thought of the unknown caused his doubts and insecurities to fester like an infected wound.

For all his father's faults, the man knew to pick his battles carefully. His dad only fought for something when he thought that the victory would be beneficial for him. Tony figured that would explain why he never seemed to fight for the love of his own son; it never mattered to his father if he was loved by his flesh and blood as long as he had power over every situation.

He sensed that his dad was in danger of losing that control and had quickly arrived at the decision to bow out gracefully so he could regroup for his next attack. Life was a game to his dad and unfortunately over the years, Tony had been the one to lose each and every time.

Senior made a motion of glancing at his watch. Picking up his coat and hat, his father excused himself from the room. "Look at the time!" his dad exclaimed, failing to break the tension between the three men. "I'm late for an appointment. I _will_ check on you later, Junior. What rehab center did you say you were going to?"

Tony glared at him. "I didn't."

"We'll talk soon, Junior," the older man vowed.

Tony didn't miss the determined gleam in his father's eye. There would undoubtedly be another confrontation where he would be forced to listen to what his father had to say. These personal conflicts between father and son usually resulted in a couple of physical and mental blows and years of resentment on both sides. He would not allow his father to penetrate the shields around his heart and so far, he had managed to keep those walls intact.

Without another word, his father left the room, leaving the young man alone with the team leader. Raking his hands through his hair, he glared at his mentor and asked, "So what were you doing in my apartment?"

"I was just looking around to get an idea of how it can be adapted so when you get out of rehab, your place will be ready for you," Gibbs stated.

Tony felt the tiny vein his forehead throb as he clenched his jaw. Gibbs was only trying to help him; why did he feel like tearing the man apart? Was he going to spend the rest of his life angry and bitter when someone offered a kind gesture? He had been relying on himself since he was a teenager and his father's visit had forced him to resort to his self preservation tactics to avoid getting hurt by the man that was supposed to love him unconditionally.

"Thanks," he finally managed to mumble. "I appreciate it. I really do. I just…" Tony pinched the bridge of his nose as he attempted to quell the feelings of annoyance he was internally experiencing. "Next time, just let the machine pick up."

"Tony, I…"

"Not now, Gibbs," Tony warned. "I thought that you weren't going to push me to talk about my dad. You've met him face to face and apparently exchanged so called pleasantries, so I don't think you need me to expand upon why I don't want to discuss anything pertaining to the great Anthony DiNozzo, Senior."

"All right," the team leader reluctantly conceded. "But we're not done with this conversation by any means."

"I know."

Fortunately before Gibbs could offer a rebuttal, his nurse entered with his transfer papers in hand. "Good news!" Annie announced. "All I need is your autograph and you're on your way."

Tony blew out a pent a breath and forced a smile as he took the papers with his free hand. "I think you should come with me," he teased.

"And why is that?"

"Because my next nurse might be an old, blue headed, grandma with no teeth and a wart on her nose, who will enjoy those sponge baths a little too much."

"Actually, I've already spoken to the nurse who will be doing your orientation once you get there and she has promised me that she will take good care of you. Her name is Gretchen and you'll like her; she and I graduated together."

Tony eyed Annie suspiciously. "What does she look like?"

Annie patted him on the head. "You're hopeless." Handing him a pen, she instructed, "Start signing everywhere you see an 'X'."

"Give me a hint?" Tony pleaded.

"Sign."

He tried to still the tremor in his hand as he signed his name over and over. Tony wasn't sure if he was trembling from weakness or if his nerves were still raw from the emotional roller coaster he had been riding on for the last several hours. He scowled at his shaky signature as he listened to Annie talking to Gibbs. The senior agent hoped that his boss was paying attention to her instructions because he was having a hard enough time concentrating on the simply chore of writing his name.

Finally completing the mundane task, he handed the papers back to Annie. She quickly perused them and satisfied that everything was in order, checked his vital signs one last time. "Your chariot is downstairs and the EMT's are waiting to transport you. We've already sent over your records and Agent Gibbs has everything else you're going to need when you check in," she informed him. "Do you have any questions?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope. I guess I'm ready."

Annie graced him with a beautiful smile as she squeezed his hand. "When you get better, you come back and see me," she said. "You're a special man, Tony DiNozzo. You can do this."

Although he knew his grin was not as convincing as hers, he nodded his thanks and gave her a sly wink. "Gretchen better be a looker or I'm coming back here."

Annie and Gibbs both laughed at his thinly veiled threat. "Take care, Tony. I'll never forget you."

"I'm pretty unforgettable," he mused.

If he had not been out of Gibbs' reach, Tony knew that he probably would have received a head slap for that comment and truthfully, he probably deserved it. "Thanks for everything, Annie," he called out as she headed towards the door.

She motioned for the EMT's to enter and then gave him one final wave. Tony allowed the two men to transfer him to a gurney; the fact that he couldn't feel what they were doing was pushed to the back of his mind as he quietly joked with the team leader who had grabbed his bag and copies of his papers. His anger towards Gibbs had temporarily subsided some as he subconsciously started handling things like he usually did by using humor and avoidance.

"You comin', Boss?"

"On your six, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied. "I'll be right behind the ambulance."

Tony nodded to the EMT's that he was ready. "I'll see you there, Gibbs."

As he was wheeled out of the room, Tony felt as if he were in a sense closing the door on one part of his life. He was going to have to learn a new way of living his life and despite the front that he was now determined to hide behind, he was scared to death of what his future entailed.

He could almost hear his father's words playing in his mind, _"DiNozzo's aren't scared of anything!" _

Tony laughed to himself, formulating his own reply to his father's condemnation. _I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you once again Dad; this DiNozzo isn't just scared, he's terrified…_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The team leader got in his car and leaned his head back on the head rest, the events of the past few hours randomly playing in his mind. He and Tony had come to an understanding and a semi-acceptance of the shooting and the resulting consequences only to almost have it undermined by Tony's father and Gibbs' seeming disrespect for the young man's privacy.

Despite all outward appearances, DiNozzo was a very private person; he kept his personal life close to the vest and very few people ever got the privilege of seeing the real Tony DiNozzo. Gibbs knew that he was one of those few and did not take that honor lightly. He was grateful that Tony seemed willing to brush this episode aside if for no other reason than to tick off his father. There were obviously a lot of hidden issues between Tony and his father that he would probably never be privy too, but that didn't stop the former Marine from having Tony's back.

He tiredly sighed as he started the car, wondering if every day was going to be as long as this one had been. Gibbs had a feeling that until Tony was able to do things on his own, the days would more than likely seem endless. He hadn't taken any of his leave since his return from Mexico, so he could possibly take another leave of absence, but more than likely Tony would balk and insist on him working. The agent knew that DiNozzo would feel like a burden and that was the last thing he wanted to happen; there was already enough guilt between the two of them to fill the San Andreas Fault.

Pulling up behind the ambulance, he waited as the EMT's situated DiNozzo in back; the team leader could tell that the dark-haired man was trying to hide his discomfort from the two men. Tony's arm had to be hurting him, but his senior field agent was stubborn and would more than likely refuse any offer of pain medicine. Gibbs had to admit that Tony and pain killers were not a good combination, but he hated to see the agonizing expression on DiNozzo's still too pale features.

As the ambulance pulled away, he closely followed behind in his car. He wanted to arrive at the same time so that Tony would know that he wasn't alone but more than that, Gibbs wanted to make sure the staff knew his name and his face because they would be seeing him a lot.

His phone began to ring and he muttered a curse when he remembered that he hadn't returned Abby's call. He knew that she would understand once he explained the circumstances but his gut was telling him that his abruptness was the last thing on her mind. "Gibbs," he answered.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! Can you talk now?" Abby frantically inquired.

Her voice was strained with a hint of impatience interwoven in the gravelly tone. He easily sensed that she was upset about something other than the fact that he had been forced to hang upon her earlier. "Sorry, Abs. Tony had an unexpected visitor," he explained.

"Is everything all right?"

"For now," Gibbs assured her. "We're on our way to the rehab center to get him settled in. I don't know how long I'll be."

"I know you need to take care of Tony, but there's something going on here that you need to know about too."

"And that is?"

There was a slight pause before she blurted out, "The Director wants to promote McGee to senior field agent. _Your_ senior field agent."

Gibbs should have expected that Jenny would try something like this. She was advertising her power and punishing him at the same time; he couldn't help but think that Jenny was somehow jealous of Tony and the paternal feelings that he had towards the younger man. His grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles were white. Damn her! He had a senior field agent and his name was Tony DiNozzo!

He didn't doubt that McGee had the makings of a good senior field agent, but Gibbs wasn't so convinced that he could withstand up to the expectations that he had placed on Tony and that DiNozzo consistently exceeded. In other words, he truly didn't think Tim could handle being _his_ senior field agent.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Abs," he promised.

"What are you going to do?'

"I'll take care of it."

"You won't let her replace Tony, right?" she pressed. "I mean, Tony is coming back and he's still _your_ senior field agent and although I love McGee, well not right now, because I'm upset with him, but I just don't think he has what it takes to keep up with you and Tony. Oh my gosh, Tony is just so amazing; it's like he knows what you expect without you having to speak a word and the way that his mind works..."

"Abby," Gibbs called out to her in hopes of getting a word in edgewise. "You don't have to convince me. Tony is still my senior field agent and nothing's going to change that!"

"Not even the Director?"

"_Especially _not the Director," he growled.

"I knew I could count on you," Abby cheerfully replied.

"Always, Abs."

"Give Tony a hug for me," she instructed.

"I think he'd appreciate it more coming from you."

"You're probably right. Tell him that I'll be there tomorrow to see him and that I'm bringing him some of Grammie's gumbo. Anyway, call me after you talk to the Director; I want details, Gibbs."

"Later, Abs."

Gibbs hung up and dialed his former lover's cell phone but ended up getting her voicemail. What he needed to say to hear couldn't be said in a message so he snapped shut his phone and slung in the seat beside him. He was not going to play her game and he was definitely not going to allow her to pit his team against each other.

"You're not going to get away with it, Jen," he muttered under his breath. "Tony's already had too much taken away from him; you're not taking his job."

He was forced to tamp down his anger as they pulled into the entrance of the National Rehabilitation Hospital. Gibbs parked in a temporary parking space reserved for new admissions and their families and grabbed Tony's bag and other forms out of the back seat. The team leader stood at the back of the ambulance as the EMT's carefully unloaded Tony.

"You doing okay, DiNozzo?" he asked.

"Yeah," Tony answered through clenched teeth.

"Did you let them give you anything for your shoulder?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope. I'm okay now that we're not hitting every pothole on the beltway."

Gibbs walked by the side of the gurney as they entered the center. He could see the nervous anticipation in Tony's emotive orbs; DiNozzo was scared and Gibbs truly didn't blame him because he was scared too. Reaching down, he gave the injured man's hand a subtle squeeze. "You can do this."

DiNozzo's hushed tones tore at his heart. "Hope you're right, Boss; I hope you're right."


	21. Chapter 21

I humbly apologize for the delay in posting. No excuses except that real life got hectic! Thanks to my readers for not giving up on me and for sticking with this story. I hope you enjoy the post and that it was worth the wait! Part 21

The two agents were greeted by a dark-haired, green-eyed beauty that Tony could only hope was Annie's friend, Gretchen. Her perfect smile made her eyes sparkle as she approached him with an air of confidence that he would normally find very appealing; unfortunately, his life was about as far from normal as it could get. He expertly slipped his mask back on and returned her smile, he was prepared to pretend that he was willing to accept his future.

"You must be Agent DiNozzo," Gretchen exclaimed. "Annie has told me all about you."

"I hope she hasn't told you everything," Tony teased.

"Just enough to know that I'm going to have to keep my eye on you."

Tony winked at the nurse, his grin effectively hiding his increasing discomfort. The ride in the transport ambulance had been difficult and if he were honest with himself, a dose of pain medicine would certainly make his life easier at this point; it would also mean a loss of control. At the moment, he had very little control of his life and the very idea of not being able to have power over his own body was more than disconcerting.

"Seems like she's got your number, DiNozzo," Gibbs said, inadvertently slicing through the tension that Tony had created with his silence.

"I'm sure I still have a few lines she hasn't heard yet," Tony pointed out.

"I doubt that," she playfully shot back as she turned her attention to the team leader. "You must be Agent Gibbs. Annie said that you would be accompanying Tony and that you were good to have around when it came to handling our prize patient here."

"I don't know about that," the older man icily replied. "I'm here to help Tony any way I can, but he's his own man."

"I didn't mean to imply…"

Tony couldn't figure out why Gibbs' mood seem to sour so quickly, but he was certain that he didn't want to be caught in the middle of a standoff between the former Marine and the nurse. "So, where's my room?"

Relief flooded Gretchen's lovely features as she turned her focus back to him. Tony flashed his famous grin once again, hoping to diffuse yet another stressful situation. He was getting tired of being the peacemaker and one of these days, Tony knew that he would reach his limit and he prayed that no one would be around to witness the fallout.

"We've got your room ready for you. It's on the second floor, room 222; your room is on the west wing. It's a semi-private room but you don't have a room mate right now," Gretchen informed him. "I'm going to escort you to your room and get you settled in and then we'll go from there."

"Sounds like a plan."

"All right. I'll get a couple of aides to push the gurney and we'll be on our way."

"I'll wait right here."

As soon as Gretchen was out of earshot, he glanced over at Gibbs who was clenching his jaw so tightly that the vein in his head was throbbing. Tony had seen that determined expression before and knew that something was weighing heavily on the team leader's mind.

"You want to tell me what that was about?" Tony asked.

"What?"

"Give me a little credit, Gibbs. I may not be able to walk, but I can hear and see; you were fine when we came through the door," he recalled. "Why'd you nearly take Gretchen's head off? She was just doing her job."

"I didn't like her implying that you needed someone to keep you in line."

Tony couldn't help but laugh. He instantly regretted the action when a sharp pain shot through his shoulder; he rubbed his shoulder as he forced his breathing to even out. "You've always kept me…in line; gonna have to come…up with something better than that."

"You should let them give you something for pain."

"Quit changing…the subject. What gives, Boss?"

"I guess everything's just catching up to me, DiNozzo."

"Fine, don't tell me; but you know I'll eventually figure it out," he reminded Gibbs. "I am a top notch investigator."

"I'm aware of that."

"Just wanted to remind you, just in case it slipped your mind."

He found himself unnerved by the team leader's unwavering gaze. "I want you to listen to me, Tony," Gibbs instructed.

"Sure, Boss," he nervously answered, feeling slightly unbalanced by the serious tone in Gibbs' voice.

"I told you a long time ago that you're irreplaceable and I meant it; I only work with the best and you DiNozzo, _are_ the best."

"Um…thanks, I think. Why are you telling me this now?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Just felt like it needed to be said."

"Oh." Tony was at a loss for words. Gibbs didn't normally hand out compliments, especially to him. "Are you sure nothing's going on that I should know about?" He couldn't shake the feeling that his mentor wasn't being completely honest with him.

"Nothing you need to worry about."

"Yeah," Tony mumbled, realizing that Gibbs was not going to reveal anything else until he was ready. He would have to be temporarily satisfied with the unexpected praise and use his lauded skills as an investigator to find out the reasoning behind the commendation.

Fortunately, his mind didn't have time to wander too far as Gretchen approached him once again. "Are you ready, Agent DiNozzo?"

"I was born ready," he quipped.

"I don't doubt it," she laughed.

"Be prepared, that's my motto!"

"I think that one belongs to the Boy Scouts."

"And what makes you think that I wasn't a Boy Scout?"

Gretchen shook her head in amusement. "Were you?"

"Nope," he grinned.

"I didn't think so."

Tony noticed two men making their way down the corridor towards him. He watched with interest as the nurse greeted them and then turned to introduce them to him. "Tony, this is Tom and Mike; these guys are going to take you to your room and get you settled in so we can get you squared away."

"Sounds like a plan."

He glanced up at the team leader. "Comin' Boss?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, DiNozzo."

"Follow me, gentlemen," she sweetly instructed, her previous encounter with Gibbs all but forgotten. Tony hoped that Gibbs would do the same; it certainly would make things easier for him.

As he was pushed down the hall, Tony stared straight ahead, not wanting to look into the eyes of those that he passed by. He knew that these people wondered who he was and what his story was, but Tony wasn't ready to share anything with these strangers. Truthfully, he still wasn't convinced that this was where he wanted to be, but he had given his word and Tony DiNozzo did not go back on his word; right now, that was all he had.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The silence in Abby's lab was oddly deafening to the two individuals who were standing outside the door; the absence of music told Ziva and McGee that the Forensic scientist was not happy. Tim had explained what had happened and although Ziva couldn't blame McGee for wanting to become a senior field agent, she couldn't blame Abby for her anger and for her desire to protect Tony. The senior field agent and the Goth had always enjoyed a special friendship and she admired Abby's loyalty to Tony, but Ziva also knew that Abby Scuito tended to be blinded to reality by her emotions and the reality was that Tony may never come back and work as an NCIS agent.

Ziva knew that many people considered her at times to be cold and sometimes heartless, but that truly didn't matter to her. Those individuals who shared those opinions simply did not realize that she was a realist and accepted the circumstances that were dealt to her; perhaps that explained her unwillingness to form a deep bond with people. Trust did not come easily to her and she knew that it would take a long time before she arrived at being able to completely trust the people that she now considered to be friends; maybe someday, she would even consider them to be family.

That future was now at stake and she had felt compelled after talking to McGee to help him make amends with Abby. The two of them had too much history to simply throw away and now, with McGee standing beside her, Ziva was prepared to try and fix a friendship on verge of collapse.

She cleared her throat and softly called out as they entered the lab, "Abby?"

It only took a couple of seconds before they discovered Abby in her office with the door closed. The scientist was at her desk, worry etched in her porcelain features as she stared at Tony's picture on her monitor. Ziva blew out a pent up breath and glanced at McGee. "This may not be as easy as I thought."

"I told you," McGee reminded her. "She's really mad about this."

"I can see that." Ziva knocked on the glass door. "Abby?"

The scientist looked up, her eyes narrowed as she shot daggers of rage through McGee. "I'm busy," Abby snapped.

"We just want to talk to you."

"I don't have anything to say to Agent McGee at the moment."

"Please, Abby," Ziva pleaded. "Just hear me out."

"Are you siding with him?"

"Not completely, but I think that you are being a bit irrational about this."

"Think what you want, but I believe that Tony is coming back and that he's coming back as Gibbs' senior field agent."

"And what if he doesn't, Abby? What if he can't come back? Then what?"

"That's not a possibility. He's coming back."

Ziva sighed in disgust as she turned to McGee. "Maybe you better let _me_ handle this," she suggested.

She was relieved when McGee readily agreed with her. "Sounds like a plan to me. Let me know what happens?"

"Of course, McGee."

As she watched McGee until he was out of sight, Ziva quietly considered how she was going to get through to Abby. She was regretting her offer to mediate between Tim and Abby; she would more than likely have better luck negotiating world peace. "He's gone now, Abby. Will you let me in?"

Much to Ziva's relief, Abby opened the door via remote and then returned her attention to the computer screen. "That's a good picture of Tony," she began, deciding that a more gentle approach would be necessary. "Where was it taken?"

"Virginia Beach."

"Really?"

"Yep. It wasn't long after he started here," Abby began to explain. "We were talking one night and something came up about the sunrise and how beautiful it was as it came up over the ocean. We hopped in his car and drove down to Virginia Beach; I remember we sat on the beach and watched the sun come up and just talked. I learned a lot about Tony that night and that was when I figured out that I could always count on him; just like I can Gibbs. They really are two of a kind."

"I've never thought of Tony as being comparable to Gibbs; to me, they are two very different people."

"That's where you're wrong, Ziva. They're more alike than anyone realizes; sometimes Tony and Gibbs don't even realize it, but I do."

Ziva sat on the edge of Abby's desk. "Abby, about what happened with McGee; don't you think you're overreacting just a bit?'

She saw Abby visibly bristle. "No, I don't and Gibbs doesn't think so either. He's not very happy with McGee or Director Shepard."

There was no doubt in Ziva's mind that the situation had now escalated beyond her powers of mediation. "You called Gibbs?"

"Of course I did. He's the only one that can fix this."

"Abby, don't you think McGee has earned the right to be senior field agent?" Ziva pressed.

"I don't have a problem with him being a senior field agent; he just can't be Gibbs' senior field agent," she countered.

"Why not?'

"Because."

"That's not a reason, Abby. What if the shooting had never happened and one day Tony decided to leave for a better job? Would you deny McGee the promotion?"

"That's different. If Tony left, it would be his decision. It wouldn't be anyone else's decision and I would be fine with that. Right now, he has everyone making up his mind for him and that's not right. It's bad enough that he's lost the use of his legs; I'm not letting anyone take anything else from him," Abby vowed.

Ziva found herself speechless. Tony was truly a lucky man to have Abby and Gibbs in his corner; the three of them made a formidable team. "Abby, I…"

She was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. "David," she answered, which was quickly followed by, "Yes, Director."

Placing her phone back in her pocket, she met Abby's cool gaze. "That was the Director," Ziva informed her.

"What does she want?"

Ziva took another calming breath and blew it out. Her failed attempt at resolving the emotional upheaval between Abby and McGee had failed and now another player had been added to the mix. "Director Shepard wants me to keep you here. She's on her way to see you."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Gibbs watched the flurry of activity buzzing around DiNozzo as the orderlies and nurses situated Tony in what was to temporarily become his new home. He waited patiently while Gretchen formally admitted the younger man, who was now sporting a wrist band and complaining of writer's cramp from having to sign his admission and consent forms. All the while, DiNozzo had been joking with everyone within ear shot, but the team leader knew all too well that the younger man was hiding behind the mask of a clown. He was one of the few people who had ever been able to see behind the mask and Gibbs considered it to be both a privilege and a burden.

"Did ya hear that, Boss?" Tony's voice broke through his reverie.

Putting on a smile, he moved to stand beside DiNozzo's bedside. "What's that, DiNozzo?"

"Remember Brad Pitt? Not the actor, but my doctor when I had the plague?"

"I remember."

"Gretchen and Brad were dating the very year that I broke my leg. I told you about that game, right?'

"They'll have to compare notes," Gibbs teased. He was often amused by other's reactions when they discovered that DiNozzo had suffered from the plague, and Gretchen was no exception. Tony had beaten the odds then and there wasn't a doubt in Gibbs' mind that he would be them again.

"You had the plague?" she questioned, disbelief etched in her graceful features.

"Yeah, about two and half years ago," Tony answered.

"He almost died," Gibbs quickly added.

"But I'm too tough."

"I'm inclined to agree with that. You're obviously a fighter," the nurse stated. "I'm looking forward to seeing you use some of that strong will and positive attitude while you're here."

"You got it," Tony agreed. "I'm the poster boy for a positive attitude."

The confidence in Tony's voice didn't match the look of fear and apprehension in his eyes; Gibbs knew that DiNozzo needed a break from the attention that was being showered upon him. He watched as Tony laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes, purposefully shutting out the world around him.

Obviously, the staff had sensed DiNozzo's discomfort as well and had wisely and efficiently dismissed themselves from Tony's room. Gibbs watched as Gretchen patted Tony on the arm, assuring him that things would be all right. "I'm going to let you rest for a while, Tony," she informed him. "If you need anything, the call button is right beside you."

When Tony didn't even acknowledge her, he knew that DiNozzo was truly struggling. Gibbs didn't miss Gretchen's concerned gaze as her eyes danced between him and her patient. With a curt nod, he silently communicated to her that he would make sure Tony was all right. He was grateful that the nurse didn't seem to hold his previous comment against him and was willing to trust him with her patient. When he was finally alone with Tony, Gibbs sat down in the chair in the corner, prepared to give the young man the space that he seemed to crave.

"It's too much," Tony finally whispered as he met his steady gaze. "It's too much to handle."

"Just take it a day at a time, Tony," the team leader urged.

"I don't know about this, Gibbs. I can't get my head around it."

"No one expects you to have your head around it; no one expects you to be positive and upbeat all the time," he insisted. "You've just had your life turned upside down and you're trying to make everyone think that you're all right with that and we both know that it's not."

"Thanks, Dr. Phil."

Gibbs immediately knew that Tony was shutting down; there would be no more heart to hearts today. The team leader would concede for now, but he would be ready to listen whenever Tony was ready to talk. "I prefer Montel," he replied.

"You just like Montel because he sends everyone to boot camp to solve their problems."

"It works."

"Guess it does. It's probably cheaper than boarding school."

"I wouldn't know."

"Trust me. I was told at the beginning of every school year just how much it was costing to send me away."

He wasn't expecting a glimpse into Tony's past, but DiNozzo had surprised him yet again. Gibbs' dislike for DiNozzo's father seemed to grow with every passing second. "Did you…"

"You know, Gibbs. I'm kind of tired," DiNozzo admitted. "I think I'm going to start reading this patient guidebook and maybe catch a little nap before lunch. You can go on and do whatever it is that you need to do. I'll be fine."

"It's nothing that can't wait."

Tony shook his head. "I don't believe that. I know that something's got you worked up; go and deal with it. I'm kind of looking forward to some alone time."

Knowing that after all the events of the day, Tony had certainly earned some time to himself. Gibbs rose from his seat and shook DiNozzo's good hand. "All right. I'll be back soon. Can I bring you anything?"

"Pizza?"

The team leader smiled at Tony; he should have expected that request sooner rather than later. "I'll see what I can do."

He headed towards the door, sparing a final glance over his shoulder at his senior field agent. Tony was staring out the window and Gibbs couldn't help but wonder what was going through the young man's mind. Hating the feeling of helplessness, the team leader found a new determination to do whatever he could do to help the man that was like a son to him and he knew exactly where to begin.


	22. Chapter 22

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday; I know I did! I caught up on some reading and some writing and had an all around peaceful holiday. (Of course, I ate too much, but that's beside the point. LOL) Anyway, hope you enjoy this post and that it was worth waiting for. My resolution is to not make you all wait too long between posts…keep your fingers crossed!Part 22

Gibbs entered the bullpen, purposefully ignoring those well meaning colleagues who wanted to know how Tony was doing; he answered most of them with a curt, "He's holding his own," and hoped that his reply would satisfy them, at least temporarily. Tony was well liked and it was a constant battle for Gibbsto keep other supervisors and agencies from luring DiNozzo away from his team. He was grateful that Tony had never entertained the thought of leaving; DiNozzo was the heart of his team and a team couldn't live without its heart.

Perhaps that's why McGee's apparent eagerness to become his senior field agent left him riled and angry with the younger man for entertaining the idea. Tim was a good agent, but he wasn't Tony and until he learned to listen to his instincts instead of a computer, he would never even begin to measure up to DiNozzo.

As he rounded the corner, he found himself stopping in front of Tony's desk. Everything was in its place, waiting patiently for the return of their owner. He sat down in DiNozzo's chair and opened the top desk drawer where he kept the former Marine's medals that he had obtained over the years. Gibbs had never understood the younger man's fascination with the awards; most of them had been given for some act of bravery when he had simply been doing his job.

His picked up the box that was lying on top, allowing his calloused fingers to dance over the ribbon and medal. He didn't deserve these awards, but there wasn't a doubt in his mind that his senior field agent deserved every one of these medals that he kept hidden in his desk drawer. Gibbs closed the case that held the precious medal and stuck it in his coat pocket; he would make sure he presented it to its rightful owner.

He stood up and headed over to his own desk, the fact that Ziva and McGee were not at their stations had not gone unnoticed. They were probably doing their best to avoid him and at the moment, that was probably a wise decision on their part.

"Jethro?"

Gibbs glanced up at the sound of the familiar voice of his old friend. "Hey, Duck," he tiredly greeted. "What's up?"

"I was just on my way out to take mother to her doctor's appointment and I had to drop off something by Timothy's desk, but obviously he's not here."

"No, he's not."

"I figured that you would still be with Anthony. Did he get settled into the rehab center?"

"Pretty much," Gibbs replied, leaning back in his chair. "He's resting and waiting for me to bring him back a pizza."

"That sounds like our boy. Do you think he's up for some company? Perhaps I can stop by after mother's appointment," the ME suggested.

"I'm sure he'd be glad to see you."

The team leader knew by the awkward pause that Ducky was contemplating his next words. Because of their long friendship, Gibbs had a difficult time hiding his true feelings from the ME. "Is there something bothering you, Jethro?" the doctor gently probed.

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose, the events of the last few days finally catching up to him. Blowing out a pent up breath, he tossed his pencil on his desk. "Did you know that the Director offered McGee the job of senior field agent?"

"No, I didn't," Ducky admitted, his expression now one of surprise. "Surely she realizes that Tony will be coming back."

"Evidently not."

"Well, just imagine the look on her face when Tony comes strolling back in…"

Gibbs' eyes narrowed at the unintentional slip of the tongue. He was aware that Ducky would never say anything that could be construed as hurtful or demeaning, but the reality of Tony never 'strolling' into the bullpen was almost unbearable.

"I'm sorry, Jethro," Ducky apologized. "I didn't mean…"

The team leader waved off the older man's apology. "I know, Duck. I know what you meant and you're right about one thing; Tony _will_ be back and he _will _come back as my senior field agent."

"What about Timothy's promotion?"

"What about it? If the Director wants to promote him, I can't stop her; but he's not going to be _my_ senior field agent."

"Jethro, maybe…"

He was aware that Ducky took pride in his role as a peacemaker but at the moment, Gibbs wasn't ready to listen to the ME's reasoning. The only words he was interested in hearing were the ones that would come out of Jenny's mouth as she tried to offer a plausible reason for permanently benching DiNozzo. Rising from his desk, he began to make his way to the stairs that would take him to the Director's office.

Ducky grabbed his arm in an effort to stop him but Gibbs easily pulled free. "Not now, Duck," he warned.

"Jethro, please don't do anything you'll end up regretting."

He didn't acknowledge the ME's advice, his attention was now focused on the two individuals that he had nearly bowled over. Any other time, he might have been remotely amused by the identical expressions of shock on McGee and Ziva's faces, but now, seeing them only fueled his rage.

It was McGee who finally broke the awkward silence. "Boss, we didn't expect you back so soon. We figured that you'd be busy with Tony and uh…"

"I had some things to take care of," he growled.

"Anything we can help with?" Ziva asked.

Gibbs shook his head. "Nope."

"How's Tony doing?" McGee nervously inquired.

Not trusting his voice to answer McGee's obvious attempt at deterring his wrath, Gibbs stepped around the two agents and resumed his trek up the stairs to Shepherd's office. As he started up the stairs, McGee called out, "If you're going to see the Director, she's not in her office."

Stopping in his tracks, he turned around and impatiently waited for McGee to finish informing him exactly where Jenny was. When no voluntary response came, he walked back down the stairs and stood toe to toe with McGee. "I assume you know where she's at."

"Uh, yeah Boss, she's down in the lab talking to Abby."

"About what?"

"I don't know; she didn't want us to stay."

"I guess your new promotion wasn't enough to wrangle an invitation," he seethed.

Gibbs couldn't help but feel a bit of satisfaction when McGee paled at his icy retort.

"Boss, I…uh…" McGee stammered.

"You got something to say, McGee?"

"Well, I…um…"

"That's what I thought."

Gibbs headed towards the lab; his purposeful stride was clearly reflecting the resentment he was feeling. He knew that he would have to eventually talk to McGee about his promotion, but he had more pressing matters to attend to; the team leader had to make sure that the Director understood that Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was still his senior field agent and would remain in that position until Tony choose to do something else with his life.

Walking into the lab, he saw Abby confronting Jenny. Determination was etched in both of their lovely features, neither woman backing down from what had obviously become a heated argument.

He cleared his throat as he approached Abby. "Is there a problem, Abs?"

"I'm not the one who has a problem," she spat, her eyes sparkling with fury and the passion that came whenever Abby was defending someone she cared about.

"You want to tell me what's going on?"

"I simply came here to…" Jenny began, taking the opportunity to defend her actions.

"I wasn't talking to you," Gibbs snapped, turning his attention back to Abby.

With a satisfied smirk, the forensic scientist explained, "She was just informing me that I had no business informing you of Agent McGee's promotion."

"Really? I guess she wanted to reserve that honor for herself; she knows how much I like surprises. Isn't that right, Jen?"

Jenny placed her hands on her hips. "Just who do you think you're talking to?"

"I used to know, but lately, I'm not so sure."

"Well, I'll be more than happy to remind you. I'm the Director of NCIS and _your_ boss," she shot back. "And just for your information, I don't care how pissed you are at me, I will not allow you to talk to me like I'm one of your suspects."

Gibbs grabbed her by the arm and escorted her to the elevator. "Fine, we'll continue this conversation in private."

As soon as the doors closed, he smacked the emergency stop button and whirled around, forcing the Director to take a step back. This was going to be more than a private conversation; this was going to be a lesson in loyalty; Jenny Shepherd would soon understand that he never left a man behind and he certainly didn't count him out because he could no longer walk.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tony wondered how many more people were going to traipse in his room and introduce themselves as a member of his 'team'; the people who were devoted to helping him learn how to live with his newfound disability seemed to increase every minute. He silently hoped that there wouldn't be a pop quiz later because there was no way that he could remember all those names.

Gretchen and a couple of aides had come in and sat him in a chair next to the window. She had insisted that he needed to start spending time out of bed and start getting some of his strength back. Everyone seemed to have their own idea what was best for him; maybe one day someone would ask him what he wanted but until then, he would have to play their games.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. He dreaded meeting another member of his so called team, but at the moment, he didn't have much choice as to who came in his room; although it would be nice to see a friendly face. "Come in," he sighed.

"Is this a bad time?"

Tony smiled at the familiar, cultured voice of Ducky. A genuine smile spread across his face as he motioned with his good arm for the congenial physician to join him. "Come on in, Ducky; I just figured that it was someone else."

"Oh, I'm sorry, my boy," Ducky apologized. "I can come back later."

"No!" he exclaimed a bit too quickly. "It's just been a regular parade of PhD's through here and I just figured you were another one. Well, actually you are another one, but you're different. I mean…"

"I know what you mean, Anthony," the ME assured him.

"I'm glad, Duck. Maybe one day you can explain it to me."

"Explain what?"

Tony shook his head. "You can't pay attention to anything I say right now, Duck; I just got a dose of pain medicine. Maybe that's why I can't remember crap right now."

The Scotsman laughed as he pulled up another chair beside Tony and patted him on the knee. Tony ignored the gesture and the fact that he couldn't feel the well-meaning touch of encouragement. "So, how are you, Ducky?" he asked, purposefully changing the subject.

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking," the older man replied. "I was supposed to take mother to the doctor but her appointment was changed, so I thought I'd come by and see you."

"I appreciate that Ducky. I really do."

"Have you managed to get settled in your new abode?"

"I guess. Gibbs was going to bring me some more of my stuff and a pizza when he comes back; so I ought to be set."

"Ah, yes. Well, he may be detained for a while; he had some things to take care of."

"Yeah, I figured as much. I could tell he was kind of bugged about something, but he never would tell me what was bothering him. I uh…have a feeling that something's going on at work."

"I'm not sure of the details, but I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about."

"That's easier said than done. Not only do I have to learn to live in a wheelchair but I may not even have a job to come back to; I have a feeling that the Director will finally be able to get rid of me."

Tony knew better than anyone how Jenny Shepherd thought and ever since the Frog had slipped through her fingers, he had lost his usefulness as her personal secret agent. He knew that she had simply been looking for a reason to get rid of him and now, she had the perfect opportunity.

"Jethro will never let that happen," Ducky pointed out.

"It may be out of his hands anyway. With the exception of Gibbs, no one else has even hinted at the possibility of me being able to return to work at NCIS; we're just going to have to wait and see."

Ducky leaned forward and placed his hand on top of Tony's and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Don't lose faith, Tony. Whatever happens, don't lose faith in Gibbs, but more importantly, don't lose faith in yourself."

"I'm trying, Ducky."

"I know you are. Just remember that I'm here for you if you need me."

"I appreciate that."

Tony grinned at the ME. Ducky always seemed to know exactly what he needed to hear; he greatly respected the physician and his words of wisdom. He nodded his silent agreement as Ducky sat back in his chair and made himself comfortable.

"Tell me about all the visitors you've had today," Ducky insisted, his interest genuine.

"Well let's see," he began. "First there's my doctor; his name was Dr. Gibson and he gave me the whole 'I'm running my own tests to determine the extent of your injury' spiel. He seems pretty straight forward, which I like. I'd rather know exactly where I stand, no pun intended."

Ducky failed to see the humor at his meager attempt at a joke prompting Tony continue in order to prevent any further awkwardness. "Then I met the guy who's going to torture me while I'm here; my physical therapist looks like a retired linebacker from the Redskins. He's all pumped up to get me started on some kind of exercise regime to build up my upper body and keep my legs from atro…what's the word?"

"Atrophying?"

Tony nodded. "That's it. Anyway, he's a real go get 'em kind of guy. Kind of like McGee on steroids."

"Now, that's a scary thought," Ducky teased.

"Tell me about it. Anyway, I have a personal dietician who will tell me what I can and can't eat to keep myself regular; I think her name was Gloria. She was pretty nice but I'm really going to have to hide that pizza Gibbs is bringing me later on."

"Well, she is right about having to following a stricter diet. Your ability to control certain bodily functions are now impaired and you…"

"Ducky, I really don't want to hear that lecture again. I've heard more about my digestive system in the last two hours than I did in anatomy class at college." His tone was a bit sharper than he had intended but he still wasn't ready to accept all the changes that he was going to have to make.

"My apologies, Anthony."

"I'm sorry, Ducky. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"I think that you are showing a remarkable amount of restraint regarding your emotions. Your being very Gibbs like."

"I don't know about that."

Tony shrugged, momentarily forgetting about his injured shoulder. "Crap. Gotta remember not to do that."

"Maybe they can give you something else for pain? Something to kind of hold you over between the scheduled doses," the ME suggested.

"I don't know. They're pretty strict. Besides, I'm all right as long as I don't do any sudden movement."

"Maybe I should let you rest."

A sense of panic crept over him at the thought of being alone again. He was becoming convinced that he was losing his mind; one minute he was angry at the world and wanted to be left alone and the next minute, he was scared of being left alone in this place. There would no doubt be a constant bombardment of medical personnel, but right now, he needed a friend. Tony clenched the arm of the chair. "No! I mean, it's okay; you don't have to leave."

"Are you sure?'

He tiredly grinned at the kind, elderly man. "I'm just…I don't know. I'm surrounded by people but I just don't want to…"

"I think I understand." Ducky patted his knee. "Now, you were telling me about Gloria."

"Actually, I'm pretty much done with Gloria," Tony recalled. "Have I told you about Gretchen?"

"No, I don't think you have."

Tony's smile reached his eyes. Ducky seemed to understand exactly what he was trying to say without forcing him to admit his weakness. That was one of the things that he admired about the physician; he truly understood what people needed and right now, Tony DiNozzo needed someone to sit and listen to his nonsensical rambling.

"Well Ducky, Gretchen is my nurse and let me tell you, she's pretty hot…"


	23. Chapter 23

_**Here's the next post! As promised, the argument between Gibbs and Jenny is in this chapter; I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations! Again, my deepest thanks to all my loyal readers; I really appreciate it. You guys are the best! Hope everyone is staying warm and safe! **_

**Part 23**

It was almost inconceivable how someone could feel so alone in a facility streaming with people, but that was exactly how Tony DiNozzo felt at this very moment. The hustle and bustle outside his room as the staff went up and down the hallway did very little to assuage the sense of loneliness that was now consuming him; he wished that Ducky had been able to stay longer but Tony knew that the ME had to go home and tend to his mother. He had enjoyed the kind hearted physician's company, but asking Ducky to stay would not only have been an inconvenience for the older man but an act of selfishishness on his part.

Time seemed to crawl and with every second that passed by, Tony seemed to sink further and further into the pit of self deprecation. He was aware of the fact that he needed to keep a positive outlook regarding his recovery but reality had a way of bringing negativity to the forefront. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, he mentally calculated that he had been at the rehabilitation center for almost six hours. "I hope the rest of the days don't go by as slow as this one," he mumbled.

"Talking to yourself already? Usually it takes most patients a couple of weeks before they do that."

Tony looked up to discover a woman who looked to be in her late thirties standing in his doorway holding what he assumed was his chart in her hands; her dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her chocolate eyes seemed to be able to look into his soul. He quickly slipped his mask back in place, hoping that she would ignore his blatant attempt to hide his true emotions.

"I figured that I would get a head start. I've always been an overachiever," Tony quipped.

"I can tell."

His gaze followed the woman as she entered his room and approached his bed. There was an air of confident beauty about her that Tony found both appealing and disconcerting; the uncertainty of her purpose made him wary and he was inclined to keep his feelings guarded until he learned the true nature of her visit. Ordinarily he would have been able to perform a song and dance number on her worthy of an Oscar, but he had a feeling that she had probably already heard the tune before.

She extended her hand and introduced herself to him. "I'm Dr. Claire Williams; I'm the…"

"You're the shrink," he stated as he took her hand.

"That would be me."

"Let me guess; you're yet another member of my team."

Claire laughed as she sat down in the chair beside his bed. "Let _me_ guess; you've had a parade of people marching in and out of here, each one telling you something different and expecting you to jump on the bandwagon with them."

"That's one way of looking at it," Tony sighed.

"You've got the best team around; they all know their stuff."

"That's comforting."

Watching the doctor study his chart made him feel like a teenager awaiting his father's approval or more accurately the indication of the level of disappointment the older man was going to exhibit after he brought home his report card. He hated feeling like his life was under the microscope, especially when those examining it were total strangers.

Tony cleared his throat. "Anything interesting in there?"

"Just finishing catching up on your history," she answered. "You were shot in the line of duty?"

"You asking or telling?"

"Asking."

He nodded towards the chart. "It's right there in black and white."

"I'd like to hear it from you, Agent DiNozzo."

"Tony," he quickly corrected. "You can call me Tony."

"All right, Tony," Claire conceded as she closed the chart.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that she was not going to delve into his psyche, at least not at the moment. He visibly relaxed and graced her with one of his infamous smiles. "So, what do you want me to call you?"

"Claire will be fine," she replied, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"So Claire, how many times a week are we going to be seeing each other?"

"I'll determine that after your initial evaluation tomorrow."

"So, if I pass with flying colors, do I get to ask you to dinner?" he purposefully teased in an effort to dispel the hidden tension in the room.

"You can't even answer a simple yes or no question," Claire pointed out. "Do you actually think you'll pass with flying colors?"

Tony bit back a sharp retort, his defensive walls quickly erecting themselves once again around his warring emotions. "Yes, I was shot in the line of duty," he admitted, anger now emanating from his expressive orbs.

Claire smiled at the display of emotion. "Am I sensing a little anger?"

"Nope," Tony answered, his jaw tightly clenched. "You're probably sensing a lot of anger."

"Why?'

"Why what?"

"Why are you angry?"

"I think we're done here."

Claire nodded as she stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Tony. Until then, I have an assignment for you. I want you to make a list of things that make you angry."

"Manipulative shrinks will be right at the top of that list," Tony growled.

"I would be disappointed if I wasn't," she shot back, clearly undeterred by his open hostility. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Tony glared at the doctor as she left his room, obviously pleased with her performance. He couldn't believe that he had allowed himself to be so easily manipulated by the psychiatrist; Tony usually had the department shrink eating out of his hand but this woman was different. She had seen through his charade and called his bluff, causing him to wonder if he was beginning to lose his touch.

Another tentative knock interrupted his private chastisement; he was beginning to consider the possibilities of putting in a revolving door outside his room. Tony scrubbed his face with his good hand, the stubble of his beard reminding him that he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. "Come in," he sighed, his voice laced with fatigue and irritation.

"Is this a bad time?'

He looked up to see McGee standing in his doorway. The last time that McGee had come to see him, he was still in ICU and wasn't really aware of their presence. Tony hadn't seen McGee since then and had chalked Tim's avoidance up to the fact that the team was shorthanded and were putting in extra time; at least that's what he had told himself in order to keep his thoughts from assuming the worst.

"McGee! Come on in!" Tony motioned Tim to come into the room.

"Are you sure this is a good time?" McGee nervously inquired. "I can come back later."

"No, I'm glad to see a friendly face!"

"I was just on my way home from work," Tim began to explain, "and I thought I would drop by and see how you're doing."

"I'm doing okay," he replied, knowing that McGee more than likely didn't want to hear about the problems that he was going to face. "The first day's been kind of hectic. I've met so many people, I'll never remember all their names and I've had a couple of visitors. Gibbs was here and then Ducky swung by for a while."

"I would have come by sooner, but with the IA investigation and work…"

"You were busy; it's all right."

He gestured towards the empty chair beside his bed. "Sit down," Tony insisted. "Tell me what all's been going on. Until I get back, you're my eyes and ears, McGee." He wasn't sure why he was even talking about returning to work; that dream was more than likely out of his reach now.

It didn't escape DiNozzo's notice that McGee had yet to look him directly in the eye. Something was definitely disturbing the agent and Tony had a feeling that whatever it was that was making Tim so edgy, more than likely, McGee's nervousness had something to do with him and his new found disability.

"You okay, McGee?" he pressed, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer. The little voice in his head was telling that him that he needed to prepare for whatever storm that McGee was getting ready to unleash.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Tony," Tim answered as he sat down. "I um…just don't…um…"

"Spit it out, McGoo."

"I need to talk to you about something," McGee blurted out. "It's something that you need to know because you're my friend; I thought that you should hear this from me rather than the rumor mill."

Tony swallowed hard. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what McGee had to say and that whatever announcement Tim had to make was going to provide him with yet another life changing experience; one that he wasn't sure that he could handle. Blowing out a pent up breath, Tony mentally braced himself for McGee's next words. "All right, McGee; let's have it."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
**

The semi darkness of the elevator did little to conceal the rage burning in the eyes of its occupants. Leroy Jethro Gibbs' piercing gaze was matched by Jenny Shepherd's lethal stare, each refusing to back down from the fight that was about to ensue. The team leader was not about to permit her to take away the one thing that Tony still had to hold on to; he still possessed the ability to do his job as Gibbs' senior field agent and he was not going to let anyone take that opportunity away from him.

"You have a lot of nerve," Jenny snarled.

"I could say the same for you," he seethed.

"What do you mean by that?"

Gibbs took a menacing step towards his former lover. "Don't insult either one of us by playing dumb, Jenny. You know exactly what I mean. You undermined my authority as team leader and offered McGee a promotion to senior field agent."

"In case you've forgotten, _you _aren't the Director of NCIS; I am. It is my responsibility to ensure that operations flow smoothly and…"

"Cut the crap, Jen!" the former Marine barked. "You've been waiting for this chance; maybe you look on it as justice served since Tony didn't hand over La Grenouille on a silver platter. Whatever your reasoning, I'm not going to let you do this to Tony."

"La Grenouille is water under the bridge and my decision has nothing to do with the past."

"Then please explain to me why you insist handing Tony's job over to McGee. DiNozzo hasn't offered his resignation and is still more than able to do his job."

Jenny crossed her arms as if daring him to edge any closer. "What kind of dream world are you living in, Jethro? How can Tony adequately do his job when he can't go in the field?"

"He still has his mind," Gibbs angrily countered. "His instincts are the best I've ever seen; his ability to see the big picture is uncanny and his devotion to the job is something to which no one can hold a candle to, including McGee."

"Jethro, how long will it be before Tony returns to work?" she wanted to know.

"I don't know."

"A couple of weeks?"

"You know good and well that it's going to be longer than that," he hissed.

"A couple of months?"

"Possibly."

"That's very optimistic thinking, but unrealistic. Tony will be fortunate if he's back to work within four or five months and I can't have his position vacant for that long. McGee is the obvious choice; he's next in line and he did an admirable job during DiNozzo's stint as team leader; you remember that time, don't you? You were on your little Mexican siesta," Jenny reminded him.

Gibbs' fist hit the wall, impacting mere centimeters from Jenny's head. The rage coursing through him could no longer be contained; she was attempting to use his past to justify her decision to promote McGee and he couldn't allow that to happen.

There wasn't a doubt that Tony had been a great leader and McGee had done an adequate job in the role of senior field agent, but McGee had never had Tony's back like DiNozzo always had his. Tony had never said anything after his return, but he knew that both McGee and Ziva had not always given him the support that DiNozzo had needed, questioning his authority when they should have been following his orders.

He braced his arms against the wall, effectively trapping Jenny against the wall. "You listen to me," he gruffly demanded. "Until Tony makes the decision on what he wants to do with his life, he will remain my senior field agent; I'm not going to let you ruin his life again."

"You're not going to let _me _ruin his life? I'm not the one who shot him," Jenny insisted, her usually sultry voice dripping with venom. "I don't care what the IA report says, we both know that you were so obsessed with finding that girl that your judgment was deeply affected and you messed up! You shot Tony and now he's paralyzed and you have no one but yourself to blame if he can no longer serve as your senior field agent!"

"How dare you!" Gibbs exclaimed. "How dare you try and throw this back on me! I'm going to have to live with what happened and every time I see Tony, I'm reminded of the fact that there are still fragments from my bullets in his spine! I know I'm responsible and that's something that both Tony and I are learning to accept; you are not going to guilt me into seeing things your way!"

"You have no input in my decisions, Agent Gibbs. Agent McGee will be your new senior field agent; _if _Agent DiNozzo can return to work, we will find something suitable for him."

"He doesn't need your charity; he has a job."

"You're not listening to what I'm saying, Jethro. Agent McGee has been offered the position of senior field agent and I have a strong feeling that he's going to take it. You might as well get used to the idea because this is how it's going to be."

Gibbs shook his head. "If you want to promote him, that's your business; I hear Mitchell is looking for a senior field agent."

"Let's say that Tony doesn't want to come back, then would you have a problem with McGee filling the position?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation.

The team leader knew that his reply had surprised the Director, but he honestly wasn't sure that McGee would ever be able to be his senior field agent.

"You haven't even given him a chance," Jenny attempted to rationalize.

"He wouldn't stand a chance."

"Because you're being narrow minded and stubborn! Change is inevitable, Jethro; you're going to have to learn to accept it."

"McGee is not ready," he repeated.

"I think he is. McGee is a good agent."

"I'm not disputing that; he's just not ready to take on the role of my senior field agent on a full time basis."

"I think he is."

"Don't try and get into a pissing contest with me, Jen. You'll lose every time." Gibbs hit the switch to start the elevator. "I'm putting in my leave slip for the next couple of weeks or however long it takes for Tony to get settled."

"You've just been cleared by IA and you're taking off again?"

"I told you I would be."

Your team is short handed as it is."

"I wasn't asking permission. I've got more than enough leave to cover my absence. Besides, you think McGee's ready; let him prove it."

"McGee and Ziva can't…"

"Tony and I used to work cases by ourselves and we had a 100% solve rate. Are you saying McGee couldn't handle that kind of pressure?"

Jenny hit the switch to stop the elevator once again. "That's not what I'm saying, Jethro; you're being a total ass about this whole thing."

He threw his hands up in disgust. "What makes you say that, Jen? Because I'm not ready to give up on a man who has had my back since the first day that I met him? Because I wasn't even consulted about this so called promotion? I would think that before you offered someone a promotion that you would get a recommendation from his supervisor!"

His hardened gaze was relentless as he continued his tirade. "McGee still has a lot to learn; he kind of reminds me of my former partner when I was in Paris. I want Tony to have something to come back to; he deserves to know that he has the support of the agency and his team! Why is that too much to expect?

"If I have to Jen, I'll go over your head on this. I have a feeling that SecNav wouldn't mind being enlightened about a few things."

"Are you actually trying to blackmail me?"

"Nah. Just giving you something to think about. I'm not going to let this go," he vowed. "By the way, Abby did the right thing by telling me, so leave her alone. I'll know if you're bothering her."

Gibbs was tired of hearing her excuses and attempts at placating him. Restarting the elevator once last time, he refused to look at the Director, wondering when she had become so bitter and cold hearted. He was known as a hard man and he knew that at times, many considered him to be uncaring, but those that knew him was aware that he had many layers and only those few had the privilege of knowing the real Jethro Gibbs.

That was probably why he could relate to Tony so well; they both let people see what they wanted them to see. He also knew that if their situations were reversed, Tony would be battling with the Devil himself to defend Gibbs' honor and his job.

The door opened and he exited, brushing past several curious onlookers who had been waiting for the elevator. He was grateful that Jenny didn't try to follow him; Gibbs wasn't sure that he could be responsible for his actions should one more word come out of her mouth.

He sat down at his desk, his gaze coming to rest on Tony's desk. Gibbs sensed Ziva's presence, her gaze fixed upon his stoic features. "Do you need something, Ziva?" he quietly asked.

"No, I was just getting ready to head home and I saw you get off the elevator; you seem upset."

"Do ya think?"

"Gibbs, I know that you are upset by everything…"

The former Marine shook his head. "No, Ziva," he sighed. "I don't think you have a clue." Refusing to offer any further explanation, he abruptly changed the subject. "Where's McGee?"

"He's already gone for the day. He was going to stop by and see Tony for a few minutes and…"

He stood up, pushing his seat against the back wall of his cubicle. "He's what?"

"He's going to see Tony and…"

"Crap!"

Grabbing his keys, Gibbs jogged to the stairwell and down the stairs, quickly making his way to his car. Surely McGee wouldn't tell Tony that he'd been offered a promotion; but then again, Tim more than likely thought he would be doing DiNozzo a favor by telling him so that Tony didn't hear it second hand. Unfortunately, McGee's timing left a lot to be desired and now, DiNozzo would have one more thing that he was going to have to deal with. Gibbs couldn't help but wonder how much more Tony was expected to take.


	24. Chapter 24

Again, my heartfelt thanks to my loyal readers and reviewers. Words can't express the deep level of appreciation I have for you all; you are truly an inspiration to me. So, in this chapter we have McGee revealing to Tony the purpose of his visit and Tony's reaction. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter and that it was worth the wait. If only I could just write fan fiction all day…(sigh) Any way, enjoy the post!Part 24

No matter how much he tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever McGee had to say, he couldn't help dread the words that were fixing to come out of the younger man's mouth. Various scenarios played through his mind, each of them leaving with the feeling that he was about to once again have his world come crashing down around him; he wasn't sure that he could keep picking up the pieces only to have them scattered once again.

A brief flicker of sadness crept over Tony's features as he realized that Tim's visit had nothing to do with shooting the breeze with an old friend, but his purpose in coming to the center was completely work related. His newly acquired disability had already taken away so much from him and now it was apparently claiming his friends as well.

McGee had yet to say a word and the awkward silence was unnerving him. It had been a long time since he had seen Tim display such uncertainty and reluctance and Tony was disturbed by McGee's sudden inability to speak. "Spit it out, McGee," he quietly urged. "I mean I have all day, but I'm sure you don't; so lead on, McDuff."

McGee nervously cleared his throat. "I rehearsed what I was going to say all the way over here and now that I'm here, it's not as easy as I thought it would be," Tim attempted to reason. "It's really not that important; just forget about it."

"You're here," Tony pointed out. "You might as well go ahead and say what you came to say."

"Now's not a good time."

"Why not?"

"Well, you're…um…"

"Paralyzed? That's not going to change, McGee."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean?"

"Tony, I'm sorry," McGee sighed. "I should have waited to come by after you've had a day or two to settle in."

"And why is that?"

"It's just that you're probably worn out from the stress of the move and I know it's been a long day…"

"No, Tim; I don't think you do know."

"I'll just come back later," McGee decided.

The frustration that Tony was feeling was quickly feeding into the anger that had been boiling beneath the surface of his warring emotions. Ever since the shooting, he had struggled to keep his feelings in check and he had failed miserably. His temper was like a smoldering ember that was ready to burst into a raging inferno with the least bit of provocation; unfortunately for McGee, he was about to experience his blazing wrath first hand.

"McGee!" he barked, his voice gruff and demanding. "Just tell me!"

"But Tony, I think that maybe…"

"Who asked you to think, McGee? You came here for a reason and it wasn't to check on my well being. So why are you here?"

He saw Tim visibly bristle at his remark and Tony quickly realized that he had struck a nerve with the young agent; McGee was definitely avoiding telling him the real motive behind his visit.

"That's not fair, Tony," McGee countered. "Of course I'm interested in how you're doing; I told you that I would have been by sooner but work has been kind of hectic and…"

"And you couldn't spare a few minutes to come by the hospital," Tony finished.

"IA was…"

"IA has been done with their investigation for a couple of days."

"Do you think that you could let me finish a sentence?"

There was no mistaking the exasperation in McGee's voice, but Tony refused to back down. He had been purposefully taunting the younger agent in hopes of forcing him to tell the truth as to why he was here and what it was he wanted to say.

"Do you think you can form one that will sound intelligent and informative?" he shot back.

Tony noticed the way that McGee was clenching his jaw; it silently thrilled him that Tim was now experiencing some of the anger that he had been consuming him the last few minutes. "I was trying to spare your feelings," Tim attempted to reason.

"You weren't too worried about them when you first walked in the room and said that you had something you wanted to tell me," Tony pointed out. "Now, all of a sudden you're making excuses all under the guise of sparing my feelings. Well do me a favor, McGee; don't worry about _my _feelings because I've learned not to wear them on my sleeve."

"Fine," McGee snapped as he hastily stood and moved to the the foot of Tony's bed. "Director Shepard has offered me the position of senior field agent."

He was confused by McGee's revelation. Why should Tim's promotion upset him? Given the tutelage of the right team leader, McGee would flourish; he had always known that his 'probie' would one day want to spread his wings and he would do so with his blessing.

"McGee, that's great!" Tony exclaimed. "Why were you so nervous about telling me that? Whose team are you moving to?"

The knot in his gut pulled tighter as Tim's silence provided Tony with the answer that he should have but never expected to hear. "Wait a minute; Shepard promoted you to _my _position?"

"Um…yeah. I…uh…"

"Is Gibbs still the team leader?"

"Yes, but…"

"And he knows about this?"

"He does now. When I left he was on his way to talk to the Director."

"I'm sure he'll straighten it out," he mumbled to himself.

"Tony, I'm pretty sure the Director has made up her mind."

"But Gibbs hasn't and Director Shepard doesn't tell Gibbs what to do with his team."

Tony's laughter was forced as he tried to process what McGee's announcement meant to his future; surely, he hadn't been discarded by the wayside so easily by the agency that he had given the last seven years of his life to. "Besides, it's not like you're even considering accepting it. I mean, that's crazy; right?"

The fact that McGee could no longer look him in the eye didn't escape his notice. "Right, McGee?"

Again, his inquiry was met with silence. Tony blew out a pent up breath. "Wow. I guess I know now why you were acting so…McGeeish."

"Tony, I just wanted you to hear it from me but when I got here, I realized that it wasn't a good time."

"I'm not sure there would have ever been a good time, McGee."

"I don't know what to say."

He met Tim's concerned gaze with his own steely glare. "Are you going to accept the promotion?"

"I uh…I want to," Tim admitted. "I think I'm ready."

"You think you're ready to be Gibbs' senior field agent?"

"Yes, I do."

"Have at it, man."

Judging by the surprised expression on McGee's face, he had not received the reaction that he had been expecting. "Are you serious? You're okay with me taking over your job?"

Tony's eyes narrowed, disbelief and rage shooting daggers at the younger man. "Seriously? Are you seriously asking me that question?"

"But you just said to have at it and I assumed that meant that you're…but obviously you're not."

"Do ya think, McGee?"

"I just figured that you would be more comfortable knowing that I had Gibbs' back since it'll be a while before you come back to work."

"Why should I come back? I apparently won't have a job to come back to."

"Director Shepard promised that you would still have a job and…"

"But it won't be _my_ job because _you're_ going to be doing _my_ job." Tony reminded him, not bothering to hide the anger and contempt he was experiencing.

"Tony, please don't be angry. I knew this was a bad idea," McGee muttered to himself. "I'm ready for this, Tony; I know I am."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in a futile effort to ward off the impending headache that was making its presence known. "What do you want from me, McGee?"

"I want you to be okay with all this."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not okay with it."

Tony felt as if a knife had been plunged into his heart and with every word McGee spoke, the blade was being thrust deeper and deeper until he no longer cared if he lived or died.

"Tony, just listen to me; I can do this."

"This isn't about you, McGee! Why do you think that this is about you? You don't get it!"

"But…"

"Get out," Tony growled. He needed to think but it was a difficult feat to accomplish with McGee constantly attempting to tell him how ready he was to take on the responsibilities of a senior field agent. The only consolation that he could walk away with was that Gibbs would more than likely make Tim's life miserable when he assumed that role.

"I can't leave when things are so strained between us," Tim reasoned.

"Did you not hear me the first time? Has your promotion affected your hearing? Get out!" he roared, not caring who heard him as they passed by his room. "I may not be able to kick your ass out of here but this is _my_ room and I can have you physically removed if I want to. It's your choice; walk or be carried."

"I suggest you walk, McGee; it's a lot less humiliating."

Both men glanced up to see Gibbs standing in the doorway. Tony simply shook his head in defeat and stared out the window once again. His emotions had literally been on a roller coaster all day and he wanted off this ride before the car he was riding in derailed.

He would let Gibbs handle McGee; Tony had said too much already. Why couldn't he just have wished McGee good luck and put it behind him? Maybe because the hope that he was going to be able to return to work was all that he had been clinging to in an effort to psyche himself up for rehabilitation and now that dream had been shattered.

"Boss," McGee nervously greeted. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that Tony asked you to leave," Gibbs answered. "Twice."

"Boss, I didn't mean…"

"We'll talk later, McGee."

"I can do the job, Boss. Just give me a chance."

"I said we'd talk later, McGee."

"Right," McGee conceded. Making his way towards the door, he turned to acknowledge Tony. "I'm sorry, Tony."

Tony continued to gaze out the window, purposefully ignoring McGee's empty apology. He couldn't blame McGee for wanting to be Gibbs' senior field agent but at the same time, Tony couldn't dismiss the feeling that Tim and the Director were undermining his efforts to reclaim his life.

He heard the door close but he knew that he wasn't alone. There was no mistaking the determined footsteps of the team leader as he walked across the room and sat in the empty chair beside his bed. He should have known that Gibbs wouldn't leave him alone so he could sulk in private; Tony hoped that the older man didn't expect him to be very good company.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked, his usual gruffness replaced with quiet concern.

"I'm fine," he lied, hoping that the team leader would understand that he wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Really?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope, but I'll deal with it."

"Tony, you don't…"

"Gibbs, don't patronize me by telling me that I don't have to deal with this alone because when it comes down to it, I don't have a choice but to handle this myself; nobody can do it for me."

"You're right," Gibbs agreed. "Nobody can do it for you, but you gotta remember that you've got a lot of people in your corner."

"Like McGee and Director Shepard? What's the old saying? With friends like that, who needs enemies?"

He knew that he probably sounded like a petulant child but at the moment, he didn't care. Tony had been so concerned about keeping up appearances in front of everyone that he had been consistently pushing his own feelings and anxieties to the background; it was past time for a little self pity and thankfully Gibbs seemed to be willing to allow him to indulge in a little self abhorrence.

Tony sighed in frustration. "Never in a million years would I have thought that McGee would pull the rug out from under me like that."

"It kind of surprised me too," Gibbs admitted. "Of course, he had a little help."

"I guess the Director is finally getting me back for screwing up her personal vendetta against La Grenouille and she's using McGee to do it."

"Seems that way."

"I guess I thought that he'd always have my back; although I should've known better. He never really got used to me being the team leader when you were on your hiatus, I mean your sabbatical, I mean…"

"Stop while you're ahead, DiNozzo." Gibbs leaned forward in his chair. "Are you saying that McGee challenged your authority as team leader?"

"Sometimes, but he always came through in the end."

"You never wrote him up?"

"No; it really didn't serve any purpose especially after you came back and…"

"And took the team back?" Gibbs reluctantly finished.

"Yeah. But it was no big deal; I was glad you were back, although I wasn't sure how stable you were."

"Is that why you didn't take the promotion?"

Tony closed his eyes hoping that Gibbs would take the hint that he didn't like the direction in which the conversation had digressed. He didn't like thinking about the past and second-guessing himself but ever since the shooting, he had done nothing but think about the 'what ifs' in his life.

What if he had died from his bout with pneumonic plague? What if things had turned out differently the time he had been accused of murder and had ended up spending his life in jail? What if he had taken that promotion? What if he had chosen Jeanne over NCIS? What if he had taken the time to put on his vest? There were too many what ifs in his life and rehashing them in his mind never changed the outcomes.

When he finally mustered the desire to speak, his voice was dripping with fatigue and his eyes bore a weariness that aged him several years. "Gibbs, I'm kind of tired. It's been a…long day."

"I'm sure it has. You've had a lot dumped on you today."

"That's a bit of an understatement."

"Just for the record; I told the Director that McGee wasn't ready to be my senior field agent and that as far as I was concerned, that position was still filled by you."

"I bet she loved that."

A mischievous grin escaped from Gibbs' lips. "I'm not sure what she liked more; the fact that I said that you were still my senior field agent or the fact I told her I was taking off a few weeks."

Puzzled, Tony asked, "You going somewhere, Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Nope. I told you when this first happened that I was going to be by your side and I meant it. You've always had my six and I…"

Tony visibly bristled. "I've already told you that I don't need your guilt and I don't need a round the clock babysitter; I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself."

"Whether you want to admit it or not, you're going to need help. There's nothing wrong in needing help."

"I'm used to doing things on my own. I have been for a long time."

"I'm not your father."

"Tell me something I don't know," Tony scoffed. "I don't want you to stay out of guilt or pity, Gibbs."

"You know me better than that."

A knock on the door prevented Tony from having to answer the team leader. He knew the team leader, perhaps a little better than the other man realized; Gibbs would stay by his side and take whatever abuse that he heaped on him because the former Marine was still trying to ease his troubled conscience.

"Am I interrupting anything?" a familiar voice called out as the door opened.

"Great," Tony mumbled under his breath. "I thought I got rid of her."

"Who?' Gibbs asked.

"Jethro Gibbs, meet Dr. Claire Williams; my shrink."

Tony watched with feigned interest as Claire extended her hand to Gibbs. "It's nice to meet you." She quickly glanced at the file in her hand. "You're Agent DiNozzo's boss; am I correct?"

"Yes, I am."

"Good. I'll need to speak to you as well." She turned her attention back to Tony. "One of the nurses paged me and told me that you were obviously upset; you were apparently screaming at one of your visitors."

"Everything's fine now," Tony assured her. "It was a misunderstanding."

"Do you always play the role of peacekeeper?"

Tony felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. The last thing he wanted was this woman trying to air his psychiatric issues in front of Gibbs. "Maybe we can discuss this in my evaluation tomorrow," he suggested, his tone tight and controlled.

"I'm sure we will. Do you need anything to help you relax? I can prescribe something…"

"No thanks. I'm good." The last thing that Tony wanted was something that would force him to give up what little control he had in his life.

"Until tomorrow then," she stated as she headed out of his room. "Agent Gibbs, may I have a word with you?"

"Be careful, Boss. She's a tricky one," Tony informed him.

"I'll be right back," Gibbs vowed.

"I'll be right here."

Where else was he going to go? He had only been at the rehab center for a day and he was already regretting his decision to stay. Tony was facing a difficult road and it seemed like fate was doing its best to work against him. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that life would have been much easier if he had died.


	25. Chapter 25

Part 25

Gibbs wasn't sure exactly what he thought of Dr. Claire Williams but he had decided to reserve his judgment until he heard what she had to say. As a rule, he didn't trust psychiatrists; he merely tolerated them when necessary and right now was apparently one of those times that he would have to curb his natural gut reaction of dislike and distrust.

He followed her down the corridor until they were out of earshot of Tony's room. The team leader had easily sensed DiNozzo's discomfort around the doctor; they had obviously exchanged words and now Tony was guarded and Gibbs knew that Dr. Williams was going to have a difficult time breaking through the barrier that Tony had erected around his private thoughts and emotions. He and DiNozzo both kept their feelings close to the vest, neither one welcoming any outsider to delve into their psyche; there were too many demons vying for control and they didn't need anyone else in the fray of the battle.

Leaning against the wall, he waited impatiently as the psychiatrist took yet another glance at Tony's chart. After a few minutes, she clutched the record to her chest and met his piercing orbs with her own determined gaze. Gibbs had a feeling that he was about to receive a dressing down that would put his old drill instructor to shame.

"I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me, Agent Gibbs," the physician began. "I know you want to visit with Agent DiNozzo, so I won't keep you long."

"I appreciate that. He's probably ready to see a friendly face; he's had a rough first day."

"Yes, he has," she agreed. "I'm sure that he's feeling overwhelmed but it will get easier."

"Shouldn't you be giving DiNozzo this pep talk?" Gibbs asked, his distaste for the seemingly arrogant psychiatrist growing every second.

"I don't think he's ready to listen yet; he's still quite defensive about everything that has happened," Claire pointed out.

Gibbs arched his brow, his grim expression etched with disbelief and frustration. "Defensive? How did you expect him to react?"

"Truthfully, I fully expected him to be defensive; it's common for someone who's had such a life altering experience to be angry and scared. Until he truly accepts what happened, his moods will be unpredictable and his emotions will be all over the place; Agent DiNozzo may hide behind his sharp wit and a shield of false bravado, but sooner or later, it will all come to a head. When it does, I just want to make sure that you're prepared to deal with the fallout."

The team leader scrubbed his face, using those precious few seconds to attempt to conceal his irritation. "I can take care of Tony."

"You may _think_ you know how to deal with Agent DiNozzo, but now that he's starting rehabilitation, this is a whole new ball game. He doesn't need someone to take care of him; he needs someone who can both support him and give him a push when he needs it.

"He's in for a rough road both physically and mentally and since you're listed as his next of kin and obviously plan on being around a majority of the time…"

"How about you stop beating around the bush and get to the point?"

He realized he had struck a nerve when he saw the doctor visibly bristle. Gibbs was tired of playing games; he needed to go and try and finish undoing the damage that McGee had inflicted by informing Tony of his promotion. Unfortunately, McGee's revelation had opened up some old wounds that he didn't realize existed until today; his unintentional callousness that he had exhibited all those years ago had been a blow to DiNozzo's self confidence and although the senior field agent had hidden behind the mask of indifference, there wasn't a doubt in Gibbs' mind that his actions had once again hurt the son of his heart.

"Okay," Claire frustratingly conceded. "I'll get to the point."

"Please do."

"I know that you think by constantly hovering over Agent DiNozzo that you're helping him, but truthfully, you're guilt and sense of obligation are only going to get in the way of his rehabilitation. It's quite obvious that you're a person of influence in his life and he wants your approval; if he thinks that you're opposed to any aspect of his treatment, especially the mental component, he'll balk and become resistive to the people that are trying to help him."

"You mean people life you?"

"Yes."

Her venomous words were meant to sting, but they only served to further anger the former Marine. How dare this woman all but accuse him of trying to sabotage Tony's recovery? How could she accuse him of something so ludicrous when she didn't even know him?

He took a menacing step towards her, forcing her back against the opposite wall. "Who do you think you are? You clearly have no clue as to what you're talking about because if you did, you'd know that I would never do anything to hinder Tony's recovery! What he does or doesn't do is entirely up to him; I'm not in control of his life and quite frankly neither are you!"

"I never claimed to be in control of his life, Agent Gibbs," she seethed. "I'm his psychiatrist and it's my job to help him come to terms with everything that's happened and that includes helping him accept the fact that someone that he knows and trusts shot him, leaving him paralyzed for life."

"You don't pull any punches, do you?"

"No; not when it comes to the welfare of my patients."

"Evidently you've done your homework," Gibbs fumed. Was he ever going to be able to put his mistake behind him? He and Tony had supposedly moved on; why was Dr. Williams trying to throw the past in his face?

"I know that I'm responsible for Tony never being able to walk again, but I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and let you tell me that my mere presence is going to be a setback. We've moved past what happened and now we're both trying to focus on his recovery, but it seems that you've already passed judgment on something that you know nothing about."

"I…"

He leaned even closer to her until their faces were mere centimeters apart. "Don't say another word," the team leader warned. "It's my turn to talk and your turn to listen. You've talked to DiNozzo twice and all you've managed to do is tick him off; doesn't seem like you're doing your job, does it? If you're going to get into a pissing contest with him every time you walk in there, you're going to lose him; Tony may get defensive but he's still got some pride and he's not going to be intimidated by the likes of you."

The doctor began to laugh. Gibbs glared at her, confused by her sudden change in demeanor. "You find something funny about this, Dr. Williams?"

"It doesn't take much to push your buttons; does it Agent Gibbs?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She stepped around him in an effort to regain some of her personal space. "It means that I needed to see how hard you were going to fight for Agent DiNozzo and it's clear to me that you're in this for the long haul," she calmly explained.

Dr. Williams had been testing him and according to her, he had passed with flying colors. "I don't like head games," he growled.

"Neither do I."

"Yet you seem intent on playing them. You're lucky that I'm not having you removed from Tony's case."

"Why would you do that? I'm very good at my job and I can help your friend."

"I'm not because it's not my decision; like I said, Tony makes his own choices regarding his treatment. However, the first time I see you try and manipulate him, I'll throw you out on your arrogant ass and there will be no second chances. Have I made myself clear?"

"Perfectly," Claire confidently stated. "I admire your loyalty to Agent DiNozzo; I don't think it's something that he's completely used to."

"I take care of my own; he knows I have his back."

Dr. Williams sighed in what Gibbs couldn't only describe as temporary defeat. Tucking the chart under her arm, she began to head down the hallway towards Tony's room. She glanced over her shoulder, her final words were clearly meant to condemn him. "Does he, Agent Gibbs?" Claire inquired as she walked away, clearly satisfied that she had gotten the final word.

Gibbs watched her go back into Tony's room. His first impulse was to rush down to DiNozzo's room and throw her out, but that would do nothing but add to the stress that he was already experiencing. He raked his hands through his hair as he permitted the anger and frustration that had been fueling him to ebb away. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he leaned against the wall beside the nurse's station.

"She's actually very good at what she does; she just has an unorthodox ways of doing things."

He looked up to see one of the night shift nurses standing beside him with a cup of coffee in her hand. "Here," she said, handing the cup to him. "You look like you could use this."

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"You're welcome," the nurse replied. "Listen, I know it doesn't seem like it, but she really does care; more than most. We've all seen families torn apart by a loved one's disability; she just wants to be sure that Tony's not going to have to face the possibility of you walking out on him when the going gets tough."

"I'm not going anywhere," he vowed.

"I know and I'm pretty sure she realizes it now."

He took a sip of his coffee and stared after the psychiatrist. Maybe she did have Tony's best interests in mind, but he still wasn't sure that he trusted her; of course, there were very few people he trusted so he couldn't pass judgment on that fact alone.

Nodding his thanks to the nurse, he slowly headed back towards Tony's room. "I'm not going anywhere, Tony," he mumbled to himself, reaffirming the promise he had made earlier. "I'm not going anywhere."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Despite the fact that he was physically and mentally exhausted, Tony found himself unable to sleep. Within the span of a day, he had moved from the hospital to the rehab facility, met what seemed like a hundred different people, each one attempting to explain what part they would play in his rehabilitation, fought with his shrink twice, and learned that he more than likely wouldn't have a job to come back to if and when he ever got out of this fine facility.

Of course, he couldn't forget the fact that someone he considered to be a friend had betrayed him by accepting the promotion to Gibb's senior field agent; a position that meant more to him than anything in the world. Being Gibbs' right hand man had given him an identity and now it had been ripped away; the position had helped him become the man he was, or actually the man he used to be. He was no longer Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo; he was…Tony sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Who was he kidding? He had no idea who he was anymore.

"You should have taken me up on my offer of giving you something to help you sleep."

Tony rolled his eyes at the sound of Dr. Williams voice. "I told you I don't want anything," he grumbled.

"I know what you told me but you have yet to fall asleep."

He blew out a pent up breath. What was it about this woman that got under his skin? "I will when I'm ready. I do my best thinking at night."

"What are you thinking about?" she inquired.

"About what I have to say to get you the hell out of my room," he coolly replied.

"You could just tell me to get out," Claire suggested.

"Get out."

"Abrupt and to the point. Just like your Boss."

"Why are you still here? You told me that I could tell you to get out."

"And you did. It doesn't mean that I have to comply," she retorted.

"What do you want from me?" Tony barked, his exhaustion fueling his anger and irritation at the physician.

"Honesty."

Tony winced when his body visibly bristled; he had to start remembering that his shoulder was still injured before he allowed his emotions to dictate his physical reactions. When he finally answered, his voice was tight and controlled as he fought against the pain in his shoulder. "My evaluation isn't until tomorrow. I'm not answering anything else for you tonight; besides, I thought you were talking to Gibbs."

"I was."

"And?"

"I was just making sure that he was prepared for the road ahead."

"Gibbs is probably more prepared than I am," Tony admitted.

"I'm not sure either of you are prepared but time will tell."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence, Doc."

"I'm just being a realist."

Tony couldn't help but laugh; she wasn't the only one adept at reading people. "Judging by the way you're acting, I'm guess Gibbs told you to go to hell?"

"Not in so many words," she smirked. "He is very protective of you and I believe that he wants what's best for you."

"Yeah," he whispered. "He does."

"I'm glad. Now, I'm heading home; the nurse's have my number if you need anything, otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow for your evaluation."

The echo of footsteps caused both he and Claire to glance up at the door. Tony followed Gibbs' every movement as he went around the doctor and pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed. There was no mistaking the tension between the doctor and the team leader; Tony found himself wishing he could have been a fly on the wall during what apparently was a heated conversation.

"Agent Gibbs," greeted the doctor.

Gibbs merely nodded; it was obvious that he didn't have anything else to say to the psychiatrist. Tony could easily sense his aversion of the woman; the daggers that his eyes were shooting at her were a testament to the dislike that he felt.

"Tony, I'll leave an order with the nurses if you change your mind," Claire informed him as she made her way to the door. "Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it."

As she closed the door behind her, Tony turned his attention back to the former Marine. "Kind of got chilly in here; don't ya think?"

"I'm rather comfortable."

"Right."

"I figured you'd be asleep."

"Can't sleep. My mind's too wired; too much too take in."

"Wanna talk about it?" Gibbs offered.

"Not really; I've got to get it all straight in my head first."

"Planning on trying to pull the wool over Dr. Williams' eyes? You're going to have your work cut out for you."

"I've handled shrinks before," he reminded the team leader.

"She's not your average shrink," Gibbs pointed out. "She's got a devious streak."

"I know. She must have really got to you, huh?" Tony taunted. "I mean, whatever she said must have pissed you off; that little vein in the side of your head is still throbbing."

"Let's just say that we came to an understanding of sorts."

"And that would be?"

"We both want what's best for you."

Tony swallowed hard. Sometimes the paternal devotion that Gibbs exhibited towards him was too much to bear. He had always considered himself to be self reliant but now, that particular trait had been shattered into a million pieces by a bullet. Tony had to count on the assistance of others to help him with the most basic necessities of life; it was humiliating beyond words and he didn't like being a burden to others. Who was he to say that he knew what was best for him? He had no idea what to do next and his confusion and frustration grew with every passing moment.

"I don't even know what that is right now," Tony mumbled.

"You will in time."

"I guess so; seems like all I've got is time."

Gibbs leaned forward and waited patiently for Tony to meet his gaze. "Tony, I know you're upset about McGee but believe me, you're irreplaceable. Rule number 5."

"I don't think I qualify as 'good' anymore," Tony countered. "Maybe used up 'goods'."

He felt a familiar slap upside the head. "I don't want to ever hear you talk like that again. You still have a lot to offer, Tony; don't count yourself out."

"Sure," Tony scoffed. "I think I'm kind of sleepy after all, Boss."

Tony was done talking for the night; there had been too many people trying to get inside his head lately and he was not in the mood to rehash the events of the day. There would be plenty of time to talk, once he figured out what it was he was supposed to say.

Just as he closed his eyes, an unbearable pain shot through his back; it felt like thousands of sharp knives cutting into him. Tony gasped in pain, clutching the sheet with his good hand as the razors in his back continued to slice into his nerves. How was this possible? How could he feel such a high degree of agony when he was supposed to be paralyzed?

Gibbs was now standing over him, calling his name, alarm and concern evident in his voice. "Tony! Tony! What's wrong?"

Unfortunately, Tony could not make his lips form the words that would bring relief to the waves of pain that he was being forced to endure. After a few seconds, some garbled words finally escaped and DiNozzo silently prayed that Gibbs could understand him.

"My…b….ba…back!" he cried out, arching his back in an effort to ease his pain.

"You're back?" Gibbs repeated.

"Sh…sharp…pain…h…hurts…"

"All right," Gibbs soothed. "Take it easy!"

"Can't…hurts…sick."

Tony promptly vomited; the agony that he was experiencing forced his stomach to do somersaults. He barely heard Gibbs calling for the nurse; all he was aware of was that he was in a world of pain and at the moment, he was desperately hanging on a precipice over a dark abyss.

He felt several pairs of hands on him, cleaning him up and asking him questions that his muddled mind could not follow; a moan was the only answer that Tony could muster although he knew that his guttural reply would not satisfy the medical personnel, especially the man that was now hovering over him.

"Tony, I'm Dr. Lassiter. I'm the on call physician for tonight; I know you're hurting, but I need you to listen to me. Do you understand me? I'm going to give you something for the pain and then I have a few questions to ask."

He felt a prick in his good arm and within a few seconds, the pain was beginning to subside to a constant dull ache. Tony reached out blindly and felt a familiar calloused hand grab onto his hand.

"You're gonna be all right, DiNozzo," Gibbs promised. "Just take it easy."

Tony merely nodded as he continued to permit the effects of the drug take over his body. He was starting to relax and although he could still feel the all too familiar ache, Tony no longer had to fight the pain that had snuck up on him like a thief in the night, leaving him spent and feeling more debilitated than before.

"All right, Agent DiNozzo," the doctor began. "Let's see what's going on with you."

**All right! We're back on track with this story! Thanks for your patience while I was finishing Silent Tears and Bad Moon Rising; I hope the wait has been worth it! Now I'm off to work on A Pound of Flesh and yes, I've started my Baltimore story but it's not quite ready to publish yet. Again, my thanks to everyone for their loyal support and encouragement; it means a lot! **


	26. Chapter 26

**Part 26**

Gibbs wished that Dr. Lassiter would say something; other than issuing orders to the nursing staff and a few monosyllabic responses, the physician had said very little to assuage the worry that was consuming both him and DiNozzo. He could easily sense the tension radiating from Tony as the younger man struggled with the pain that was still plaguing him despite the medicine that the nurse had given him earlier; the team leader saw the desperation etched in Tony's features as his frustration with his circumstances continued to grow. DiNozzo had been through so much already and the thought of another setback was more than either of them could bear; he wondered how many more surprises Tony would willingly accept before he threw in the proverbial towel.

Tony was lying on his side, his jaw clenched tightly as the doctor continued to examine the younger man. The former Marine tightened his grip on Tony's arm, reassuring the dark haired agent of his presence as Lassiter continued to probe the areas where the bullets had entered DiNozzo's back. Gibbs was glad that he couldn't see the scars; it was hard enough knowing that because of his actions Tony was never going to walk again, he didn't need to see the physical reminder of his carelessness.

With his other hand, he brushed a stray lock of hair off Tony's forehead that was covered with a light sheen of perspiration. "You doing okay, DiNozzo?" he quietly asked, despite the fact that he already knew the answer to his question.

"Just…peachy, Boss," Tony gasped. "Couldn't be…better."

"You always were a horrible liar, Tony."

"Actually…I'm a great…liar unless…there's pain involved."

Tony's words echoed in Gibbs' mind. Yes, DiNozzo had the ability to be a good liar; his past undercover work was a testimony to that fact. Tony was an excellent actor, engaging in a masquerade whenever the situation warranted a facade; whether it was intentional or not, the senior field agent constantly hid behind a mask and only removed it the few times he found himself needing to bare his soul. Now was quickly becoming one of those times.

The pain, the pent up anger, and the sheer aggravation of everything that he had experienced his first day in the rehab center had completely ravaged Tony's nerves. DiNozzo was trying to hold himself together but with each passing second, he was slipping further away. Gibbs knew that he had to be the source of strength that Tony needed in order to cling on to the miniscule atom of hope that existed in his mind.

"Just hang in there, Tony," Gibbs softly urged. "We'll know something soon."

He gave Tony's good shoulder a gentle squeeze, prompting Tony to acknowledge him with a slight nod. Gibbs continued to stroke DiNozzo's hair just like he used to do when he comforted Kelly whenever she was sick or had a bad dream and now he was comforting the son of his heart in the same manner; it was funny how life was a circle.

Gibbs noticed that Lassiter had finally finished his examination and had made his way to the other side of the bed so that he could talk with Tony face to face. DiNozzo blindly reached out and grabbed Gibbs' hand, tightly clutching it as another wave of pain assaulted him; the agony that Tony had previously experienced seemed to be lessening but he was still battling some remnants of pain that refused to be abated.

"All right, Agent DiNozzo," Lassiter began. "I guess you'd like to know what's going on."

"Do ya think?" Tony gruffly replied.

Gibbs smiled to himself as Tony's sharp retort seemingly caught the doctor off guard. DiNozzo was hurting and the constant ache had soured his mood to the point where he didn't care about making a good impression on the physician.

"Well, Agent DiNozzo, I won't know for sure until after we get some X-rays, but my guess is that the bullet fragments in your back have shifted slightly and are pressing against a nerve."

"And that's your best guess? With all the poking…and prodding you've been doing…all you have is a guess?"

"Yes," Lassiter admitted. "Like I said, we'll be sending you down for X-rays momentarily and then once I get them back, we'll have a better idea of what's happening."

Gibbs tamped down his own anger as he continued to listen to the conversation between the doctor and DiNozzo. Tony's pain was fueling his venomous words as he slung them at the doctor. He was glad that DiNozzo's shrink wasn't around; the last thing that Tony needed was Dr. Williams seeing her patient in what could be a full blown rant. Gibbs had been on the receiving end of a DiNozzo tirade a couple of times and needless to say, it wasn't pretty.

"I want to know what's going on!" Tony demanded. "What does it mean if the fragments…are shifting? Does it mean I'm going to walk again? Does it mean that I'm going to lose the use of the rest…of my…body? Am I going to have…to live with the pain? Quit beating…around the bush and be…honest with me!"

"I am being honest with you, Agent DiNozzo," the doctor replied with a forced calmness.

"Then…answer my questions!"

"I can't until after I see the X-rays. I'm going to order you something else to take off the edge and…"

"I don't want it."

"Believe me, you'll want it."

He knew that Tony was too worked up now to listen to the doctor's reasoning; the Marine wasn't sure that DiNozzo would even listen to him but he had to try and calm the hurting man before Tony did anymore damage to himself.

"Tony?" Gibbs called out, cautious of the agent's frame of mind.

"What?" Tony snapped.

Gibbs cupped his face, forcing the young man to look at him. "Listen to me," he instructed, knowing Tony wouldn't refuse one of his orders; a pang of guilt swept over him as he used DiNozzo's unwavering loyalty to his advantage.

"I know you're hurting and you're pissed but you need to try and relax and let them do their job," Gibbs stated.

"What have they been doing…for the last thirty minutes? I can't…take this; I need to know what's…going on! I've had enough surprises for one day," Tony reminded him.

He hated hearing Tony's desperate pleas but there were no words that he could offer that would comfort the ailing man; DiNozzo wanted answers and Gibbs couldn't blame him for being angry. "I know," Gibbs sighed. "We're going to figure out what's wrong but in the meantime, you need to relax; getting yourself worked up isn't going to help matters."

"I know…I'm just…I'm just…"

"Scared?"

Tony weakly smiled. "DiNozzos…don't get scared."

"Really?" Gibbs challenged.

"Maybe a…little," Tony conceded. "Can we keep…that little tidbit…just between us?"

Even after all those years DiNozzo's insecurities haunted him at the most inopportune times, causing him to doubt himself and those around him. It was important to Tony to appear confident and in control and Gibbs' bullets had taken both those abilities from him. He quickly tamped down his feelings of guilt; Gibbs had made a promise to Tony not to dwell in the past and he intended to keep it.

"Don't worry, DiNozzo; I've got your back."

"Thanks, Boss."

The door opened as two aides entered the room with a gurney, presumably to take Tony to X-ray. Gibbs wished that DiNozzo would have permitted the doctor to give him something to help with his anxiety but Tony had the right to make his own decisions and he wasn't going to tell the agent otherwise. "Looks like your ride is here," he announced.

Tony merely nodded as the two men carefully maneuvered and positioned him on the gurney. Gibbs pulled up the blanket and tucked it around Tony's frame, the gesture reminiscent of a father tucking in his child.

"I'll be here when you get back," he vowed.

"All right."

Gibbs watched the gurney disappear from sight. Raking his hands through his hair, he suddenly realized how tired he was; the emotional fallout from everything that had happened that day was beginning to catch up with him and his body was screaming at him for a reprieve. Sitting down in the chair that he had already claimed as his own, Gibbs slumped down in it as he tried to make himself comfortable. He laid his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes, hoping that he would be able to catch a few minutes of sleep.

As he drifted off, Gibbs found himself feeling both grateful and guilty as he enjoyed these few moments of solitude; he tried to tell himself that he deserved the time to himself but the reminder that Tony was in limbo, waiting to discover what was wrong with him, filled his mind with doubt and regret. The team leader succumbed to the sweet arms of slumber, his thoughts quickly melding into dreams that would only serve to remind him of the high price of his carelessness. So much for learning to live with his guilt; it was difficult to put the past behind you when it kept resurfacing in your dreams.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**X

Knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep, Timothy McGee went back to the office in hopes of finding enough work to keep himself busy so he wouldn't have to think about his disastrous visit with Tony. He had been convinced that he had been doing the right thing by telling Tony about his promotion but the conversation had not gone as planned and now he had probably lost one of the best friends that he had ever had. What had he been thinking? McGee had been asking himself that question ever since he had left the rehabilitation center and he had yet to come up with an acceptable answer, especially one that would ease his conscience.

"Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?" he mumbled.

"McGee? What are you doing here?"

He looked up to see Ziva approaching his desk. She was obviously dressed for a night out on the town and if Tony were here, he would stop at nothing to learn everything about where she was going and whom she would be going with; quite frankly, he couldn't find it within himself to care. "Hey Ziva," he sighed.

"I did not know that you were working tonight; I thought you were going home after you saw…"

"Tony," he finished.

Ziva perched on the edge of his desk. "I take it that things did not go well," she assumed.

"Nope."

"What happened?"

McGee shrugged, his gaze fixed on the blank computer screen. "Let's just say that it didn't go as planned. I thought that it would be better coming from me before he heard it from someone else; he wasn't ready to hear it at all."

She tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. "Well McGee, Tony does have a lot to deal with; he's still getting used to the idea that he will never walk again; I'm sure that once he thinks about it some more that he will be relieved to know that you are watching Gibbs' back."

"You really think so?" he asked.

Ziva's silence answered McGee's question; unfortunately it wasn't the answer that he wanted. "That's what I thought," he groaned. "I don't know what to do, Ziva. I feel like I've waited so long for this opportunity and now that I have the chance to prove that I'm ready to be a senior field agent, but I'm not sure that it's worth the price. I want this so bad that I can taste it. I've learned so much from Tony and I _know_ I can do the job."

"I'm sure you can or the Director would not have suggested you for the position," Ziva rationalized.

"But?"

"But convincing Gibbs that you can do the job is going to be difficult; truthfully, he will be harder to convince than Tony. Gibbs is still planning on Tony returning to NCIS and until he knows for sure that he isn't, you're going to have an uphill battle on your hands."

He considered Ziva's words for a moment. "Do you think Tony will come back?"

Once again, his question was met with an awkward silence; it was a few seconds before Ziva managed to reply, "I do not know."

"Gibbs seems to thinks he will," McGee pointed out.

"Only time will tell."

McGee glanced over at Tony's empty desk; it was a desk that he had occupied for a few months during Gibbs' self imposed sabbatical and a desk that he had hoped to occupy once again. Was he willing to advance his career at the expense of the respect and friendship of his team? Were Gibbs and Tony being fair to him putting him in this position?

He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs that were starting to take residence as he forced himself to return to his present reality. "Ziva? Have you seen Tony since that first day in the hospital?" McGee wasn't sure where that question had come from but he had suddenly been overcome by the necessity of redirecting the conversation away from his problem.

"No, I have not."

Surprise and disbelief were etched in his features; surely he had misunderstood her. "What?"

"We've been busy, McGee," she shot back defiantly. "I'm going to give him time to get settled at the rehab center and then I will…um…go and see him."

McGee couldn't believe that Ziva had yet to see DiNozzo; the two of them had a unique relationship and it had developed into an unusual friendship that had a tendency to bring out the best and worst in each of them. The only time she had seen him, Tony had been in a medically induced coma with wires attached to his body; the sight of their injured friend must have been harder on her than she had originally let on.

"I guess that's a good idea," McGee reluctantly agreed. "Maybe I should've done that."

Ziva pushed herself off his desk and began to pace. "Truthfully, I am nervous about seeing him; I can not imagine what Tony is going through. I do not want the awkwardness that undoubtedly would be between us to add to his stress."

"Awkwardness?" he pressed.

"I do not know what to say to him," she explained. "Tony is my partner and I am uncertain as to how I'm supposed to act around him at the moment. It would be like having a hippopotamus in the room."

"Elephant," Tim corrected.

"What?"

"You mean an elephant in the room."

"Whatever! I am just not ready to see Tony so…still."

"Maybe you don't have to say anything; maybe just knowing that you care will be enough. I think he's kind of feeling alone, especially after I dumped my news on him."

He could tell that Ziva was quietly pondering his words. "Perhaps I will go by tomorrow."

"If you do, could you give him a message for me?" Maybe Tony would listen to Ziva and she could convince DiNozzo that he never meant to hurt him. Although he wanted the promotion, he didn't want to lose Tony's friendship; maybe Ziva could convince DiNozzo that he was right in accepting the Director's offer.

"Of course."

Tim swallowed hard as he searched for the right words. "Could you tell him…could you tell him that I'm sorry?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tony had just arrived back in his room, the X-rays that had been ordered had been completed and now he was waiting on Dr. Lassiter to come and talk to him. When the aides had brought him back, he immediately noticed that Gibbs was asleep and he motioned to the orderlies to be quiet as they repositioned him back in his own bed. The team leader had constantly been by his side and deserved to rest; Tony was envious of the older man's ability to sleep anywhere.

He was grateful that the pain he had been experiencing earlier was all but gone, but so were his hopes that he was actually getting some feeling back in his legs. Tony had determined that he would gladly live with the constant agony if it meant he'd be able to walk; unfortunately, fate had one again intervened with his hopes and dreams.

Within a couple of minutes, he was situated in his bed with nothing but Gibbs' soft snores to keep him company. He picked up a cup of water and took a sip, grateful for the relief that the cool liquid bought to his parched throat. Setting the glass back down, Tony glanced around his room, his expressive orbs finally coming to rest on the team leader.

Making sure that Gibbs was still asleep, Tony laid his head back on the pillow as he fixed his gaze towards the ceiling. He was so tired of acting like nothing was wrong; he was angry at the injustice of his situation but he had no one to blame but himself.

"Why me?" he whispered. Tony had never considered himself a religious person and he knew that he didn't have any right to try and bargain with God, but at the moment, he felt like he didn't have anywhere else to turn.

"I know that we haven't talked since my mom died," Tony began, "but I've got to talk to someone. I guess I could talk to my shrink but I'm not quite sure what I think about her yet and Gibbs, well, he's asleep and I don't want to wake him up; besides, I think that this is something that only you can handle.

"I never thought of myself as a bad person but now, I kind of have to wonder; I guess that bad things happen to good people and it's not that I believe that I'm good, but…" Tony blew out a shaky breath. This conversation wasn't going like he had originally planned. "I admit that I'm not a saint but I'm not sure that I deserved this; or maybe I do. I need my legs, God," he pleaded. "If I've got any hope of going back to work, I have to be able to walk. My job is all I know; it's who I am.

"I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm going to move to Africa and wear Bermuda shorts and do hard labor, but I will try and be a better person," he vowed. "It'll take me a while to get over McGee trying to undermine me but I'll work on it; I'll stay out of Ziva's love life and I'll up my donation to the youth center downtown. I'll do anything! I just…I just want to walk. Please God! I'm begging you."

Tony choked back a sob, afraid that he would awaken Gibbs. "Please give me back my legs. Please…"

A single tear escaped as his eyes began to close. Denial, anger, bargaining; thanks to the pamphlets that he had been reading, he knew the stages of grief all too well. Unfortunately now he had to look forward to depression and acceptance; he figured depression was going to come easy but he didn't know if he would ever accept the fact that he would never walk again.

Maybe he would be lucky and God would answer his prayer, but the way his luck had been going, he wasn't counting on it. Tony couldn't blame God if he had ignored his poor attempt at praying but at least he had tried. As he drifted off to sleep, he never felt the team leader pull the blanket up to his chin and tuck it under his still frame and he never heard Gibbs whisper his own prayer.

"That goes for me too," Gibbs quietly added. "Amen."

**I hope you all enjoyed the post! A big thank you to all my readers; I really appreciate you all so much! Words can't describe the gratitude I feel for your support and loyalty! **


	27. Chapter 27

Part 27

Gibbs had been watching Tony sleep for close to an hour, grateful that the young man was finally able to rest. It had been a long day for both of them and unfortunately it wasn't over yet. Glancing at his watch, he wondered how much longer it would be before the doctor returned with the results of the X-rays; although Lassiter's appearance would mean waking DiNozzo from his semi-peaceful slumber, he knew that Tony would want to hear what the doctor had to say.

DiNozzo's control over his emotions was tenuous at best and the doctor's vagueness was only adding to Tony's ever mounting frustration. Gibbs recalled the desperate prayer that had escaped the dark-haired man's lips as he begged God to give him back the use of his legs. It had been a heart-wrenching plea, one that he would never forget; the sincerity and simplicity of Tony's words had stirred something within him that had persuaded him to utter his own prayer.

He was brought out of his reverie by a light rap on the door. Gibbs looked up to discover Dr. Lassiter entering the room carrying what appeared to be Tony's record. The team leader gently shook Tony, quietly urging him to wake up. "Hey DiNozzo; the doctor's here."

It only took a few seconds for Tony to become aware of his surroundings. Gibbs rose from his seat and stood beside DiNozzo in hopes that his physical presence would serve as a source of encouragement and support to the hurting man.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," Lassiter began, "but I know that you were anxious to hear the results of your X-rays."

"It's about time," Tony muttered.

Gibbs had to smile at DiNozzo's sharp retort; whenever he was tired or hurting, Tony tended to become curt and short tempered, often surprising those around him. Ever since the shooting, Tony's moods had been unpredictable and he knew that until he truly came to terms with everything that he was going to have to be prepared for the waves of anger that would be coming his way.

"I'm sorry it took so long," the physician apologized. "I was comparing them to your original X-rays and it looks like I was right in my initial assessment; the fragments have shifted slightly and are pressing against a nerve and that's what was causing you so much pain."

Gibbs gave Tony's shoulder a gentle squeeze but DiNozzo seemed to ignore the gesture as he attempted to process the doctor's words. He realized that more than anything Tony wanted to Lassiter to tell him that this latest development meant that he was going to be able to walk again, but Gibbs had a feeling that was the last thing that the doctor was going to say.

"I'll speak with Dr. Gibson in the morning and we'll discuss what the best course of action we need to take," Lassiter continued.

"Course of action?" DiNozzo pressed. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, there is the option of surgery, but it's still very risky; however, we may not have a choice but to operate. There's a chance that they could shift again and cause further problems and…"

"What's my other option?"

"To do nothing. The fragments may stabilize and not cause anymore problems; personally I think…"

"Is either one of those options going to allow me to walk again?"

"No, but…"

Gibbs saw Tony purposefully shut down; he was through talking with the doctor and the team leader knew DiNozzo well enough to know that he was done listening to what Lassiter had to say. With a subtle shake of his head, he silenced the physician who promptly excused himself from the room with a promise to come check on Tony at a later time.

Lassiter left them alone, pulling the door closed behind him to afford them some privacy. Gibbs knew that he should have some words of wisdom or comfort for Tony, but for some reason, his lips couldn't form the words he needed to say. He sat back down in the chair so that he was now eye level with Tony.

"Are you all right?" he asked, mentally preparing himself for the storm that was brewing.

"I'm fine, Gibbs; you don't have to worry about me," Tony replied, his jaw clenched tightly as he fought a losing battle with his emotions. "I shouldn't have even got my hopes up; I was stupid to think that I'd walk again. I should have known…"

"Should have known what, Tony?" Gibbs gently urged.

"That I was wasting my time."

"Wasting your time?"

He had a feeling that Tony was referring to the prayer that he had uttered earlier that night. DiNozzo had taken a chance and had once again been burnt for his endeavor; neither he nor Tony considered themselves to be religious men and for them to call on a higher power was a leap of faith on their part. Now, that faith had been shattered.

"Tony, I'm sorry." Gibbs didn't know what else to say.

"You're breaking one of your own rules, Gibbs."

"Wouldn't be the first time; probably won't be the last."

"Probably not," Tony agreed.

Gibbs shifted forward in his chair. "Tony, look at me," he insisted. Although his tone lacked its usual gruffness, it still demanded respect and DiNozzo would not deny him his request.

His steely gaze met the pain filled one of his senior field agent. Gibbs recognized that it wasn't physical agony plaguing Tony; it was the emotional anguish that was consuming him. "Are you listening to me?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I know that you're disappointed and…"

"Don't say that. You have no idea how I'm feeling right now," Tony fumed.

"Frustrated? Helpless? Hopeless? Pissed? Does that about cover it? I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too! Don't you think that I want your doctor to walk in here and say that you're going to walk again? Don't you think that I want that for you?"

"Do you want it for me or for you? If I'm able to walk again, you won't have to live with your guilt."

Gibbs was taken back by Tony's venomous accusation. He had done his best to bury his guilt, but despite his efforts, DiNozzo managed to see through his façade. The team leader couldn't help but be angered by the other man's gall in questioning his actions. Tony's well being had become his top priority and now his motives were being challenged.

"My guilt is my business," Gibbs countered. "How dare you throw it in my face! I'm trying to help you!"

"I don't want your help!"

"Yes, you do. You're just too afraid to accept it!"

"Maybe I am," he relented, "but I've got a right to be! What's your excuse? You're just as afraid as I am!"

Gibbs took a deep breath and blew it out in an effort to calm his frazzled nerves. He couldn't argue with Tony's reasoning; he was scared but he wasn't sure of what. "I didn't mean to upset you, Tony. Maybe I should let you rest."

"Yeah, like I don't get enough of that."

He stood up and started towards the door. "Tony, I know you're angry but just so you know, you're not gonna run me off that easy. I'm in this for the long haul and not because I feel guilty; I'm in it because I want to be and I know that if our situations were reversed, you'd do the same thing. It's called being a family."

Tony continued to stare at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge him. With one final glance, Gibbs opened the door and left Tony's room, leaving DiNozzo alone to mull over his last words. Maybe a little time away from each other would do them both good; he could count on one hand the times that he had left Tony's side and truthfully, he could use the break as well.

Gibbs walked out the main entrance and to his car; he had a bottle of bourbon and a boat calling his name and hopefully between those two things, he would figure out a way to reach Tony.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The next morning Tony woke up, uncertain of how long he had actually been asleep. After Gibbs had left, the nurse had come in and given him something to help him sleep and he had forgone his normal protest and accepted the medication without offering any resistance. His quiet acceptance had surprised the nursing staff and he was sure that he would be receiving an early visit from his shrink. She seemed determined to get inside his mind but he was determined to keep her out; Dr. Claire Williams missed her chance last night to see him at his worst. Pain and disappointment had spurred on his anger, prompting him to lash out at everyone, including the one person who had been by his side since the shooting.

He was ashamed of the way that he had treated Gibbs and wouldn't blame the team leader if he simply gave up on him. Maybe he was trying to give the former Marine a way out without any regrets, but he knew that Gibbs would be back; the team leader wouldn't quit on him. Gibbs' loyalty and friendship was the one thing he wasn't sure he could do without.

"Good Morning, Tony."

Tony recognized his regular physician, Dr. Gibson, as he entered his room studying what he assumed to be his chart. The physician's appearance was just what he needed first thing in the morning; someone else to remind him of the fiasco of the previous night. He had lost control of his emotions, something that he rarely did; his pain and frustration and had only served to aggravate his frazzled nerves and he had lashed out at everyone around him.

"Morning," he mumbled.

"I spoke with Dr. Lassiter and he told me that you had a rough night."

"Dr. Lassiter has the gift of understatement."

Tony's gaze followed Gibson as he sat down in the chair next to his bed, hoping that the physician wasn't going to give him another pep talk; he wasn't ready to hear a bunch of false platitudes.

"I've looked at the X-rays and the fragments…"

"I know," Tony sighed. "The fragments have shifted; Lassiter told me."

"I'm going to put you a few more days of bed rest to make sure they stabilize; if they don't then we'll have to go ahead and remove them"

"And if you don't remove them?"

"Depending on the damage the fragments cause, your paralysis could spread or worse."

"Worse?" Tony shook his head. "Right now, I'm not sure it could get much worse."

Tony didn't bother to hide the bitterness that was beginning to consume him. Was it too much to ask to be the recipient of some good news for a change?

"Look Tony, we just have to wait and…"

"That's all I've been doing! I've been waiting for someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life now that I can't walk, but no one seems to have an honest answer."

"You want to know what to do with the rest of your life?" Gibson asked. "You live it."

"I'm not sure I can or if I want to."

"With that attitude, you'll never make it," the doctor stated. "You're alive, Agent DiNozzo and that has to count for something."

Tony closed his eyes, hoping that Dr. Gibson would take the hint that he was through talking. Fortunately, the physician didn't push him and with a pat on his arm, promised to come by and check on him later. He started to tell the doctor not to waste his time but he figured that comment would have simply led to yet another lecture.

A few minutes later, he heard the sound of his food tray being placed on the table. Opening his eyes, he saw Gretchen taking the lid off his breakfast and making sure that everything was within his reach.

"At last, a friendly face," Tony tiredly grinned.

"Surely it hasn't been that bad," Gretchen said, as she pressed the button that would raise the head of his bed. Tony instinctively tried to sit up prompting the nurse to place a gentle restraining hand on his chest. "You let me do all the work," she reminded him. "Doctor's orders."

Tony relented and allowed the nurse to position him to where he was sitting up better. He despised feeling helpless and due to circumstances beyond his control he was once again dependent on the kindness of others whether by duty or friendship. His cheeks flushed a crimson red as he clumsily wiped a tear away before it could be seen by the lovely nurse.

"I'll be back after breakfast to help get you cleaned up and situated," Gretchen promised.

"I can't wait," he grumbled.

"Tony, I know you don't want to hear this, but it's all going to work out. I've seen men and women lose far more than you have and they are in the community holding down jobs and living normal lives; give it time. Let us help you," she pleaded.

He felt his anger boiling beneath his skin, coursing through his veins like a river; Tony knew that Gretchen meant well and he genuinely liked the woman and she didn't deserve his wrath. He gave her a curt nod and a tiny smile, hoping that she would accept his silent answer as a form of acceptance to her idealistic optimism.

Tony was relieved when Gretchen left; he was able to take off his mask that had hidden his doubts and insecurities and cast it aside. His anger and frustration was all but consuming him and he could no longer control it, nor did he particularly want to. Tony needed to vent but all that usually got him was another pep talk; he was tired of talking and he was tired of people telling him that everything would be all right when nothing would be the same again.

The frustration building, Tony took his good arm and sent the breakfast tray flying across the room, splattering on the floor and the wall. It was a good thing that he wasn't hungry because nothing had been spared from his fit of rage. He no longer cared that he was supposed to stay quiet and still as a guttural cry escaped from his throat; taking his good arm, he tore at the bandages that was binding his other shoulder as the need to be able to use the parts of his body that he could feel and move took precedence over common sense.

"I see I've arrived just in time."

Looking up at the sound of the familiar yet unwelcome voice, Tony's hardened gaze met the disapproving one of Dr. Claire Williams. He didn't want this woman inside his head and he was bound and determined to keep her out. Tony reminded himself that he had the ability to beat most shrinks at their own game; he just wasn't sure that he was at the top of _his_ game.

"What are you doing here?" Tony wanted to know.

"Have you forgotten already? We have an appointment to do your initial psych eval and since you had a difficult night last night, I thought I'd come in a little early and see if you wanted to…"

"Talk?"

"Yes."

"I'm not in the mood."

Claire laughed as she stepped over the mess on the floor and claimed the seat beside his bed. "I'm not use to hearing that from men."

"There's a first time for everything," he replied, clenching his jaw so tightly that he was beginning to get a headache.

"Agent DiNozzo, you've been through a lot and now you're facing the possibility of another surgery; you have every right to be upset and angry. Your nerves are fried and you have no idea how much more you can take and you want everyone to understand how you feel, but they don't."

How could this woman seemingly see right through him? Was he that transparent? "No, they don't," he quietly agreed. "I don't even understand how I feel." Tony gave himself a mental head slap for that revelation; he was giving her ammunition and he knew that she wouldn't hesitate to use it.

"That's why I'm here," Claire pointed out. "To help you understand your feelings as well as help you adjust to your new life."

"There was nothing wrong with my old life."

"But you can't go back to your old life."

Tony knew she was right but to accept that his old lifestyle no longer existed was to lose the glimmer of hope he had firmly held onto despite the doctors' efforts to force him to face reality. "It's not worth it," he whispered, momentarily forgetting that Dr. Williams was sitting beside him.

"What's not worth it?" she inquired.

He brushed off her question with a shake of his head. Tony had already revealed too much to the psychiatrist; if she expected anything else, she was going to have to work for it.

"Really, Agent DiNozzo; I expected more than to receive the silent treatment from you."

"Get used to disappointment."

Tony saw Claire jot down something in his chart; he was beyond caring about what she had written because he knew that she had already formed her supposed objective opinion regarding his state of mind. He was glad when she stood up and began to make her way towards the door.

"I'll tell Gretchen that you had an…accident with your tray and see about getting you another one," she stated as she tucked his file under her arm.

"I'm not hungry."

"Then I'll tell her that you're ready to be cleaned up and we will begin your evaluation at nine a.m. I'll see you in an hour."

His fingers wrapped around the blanket as he bit back a sharp retort. He was dreading this evaluation because he figured that she was probably already prepared to send him to the psychiatric ward; why couldn't she simply write 'crazy' across his file and leave him alone? Tony heard her just outside his door informing Gretchen of what had happened; the nurse was not going to be happy with him but he couldn't find it within him to care.

Tony tried to block out the women's voices, but at the mention of Gibbs' name, he began to listen in earnest, straining to hear every word they were saying. From the conversation he gathered that Dr. Williams was going to call Gibbs and talk to him again; obviously she didn't get enough of the team leader's charming personality that he usually reserved for when he had to deal with shrinks.

As Gretchen entered his room and closed the door behind her, he heard the psychiatrist saying, "Agent Gibbs, this is Dr. Williams. We need to talk."

**Thank you all ****for your continued support; I'm so honored and humbled by your loyalty. I hope you enjoyed this post and that you could feel Tony's anger towards himself and everyone around him; but don't worry, Gibbs isn't giving up on him!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Part 28**

**Okay, here's the last post to hold you over until I get back from the beach. A little warning, lots of heavy angst on Tony's part including suicidal thoughts; I hope that his inner turmoil seems real and that you as the reader can feel his frustration. I don't have time to send out replies to those who reviewed the last chapter of From the Ashes, but I will do it when I get back! Again, thank you all so much for everything. I'm honored to have such wonderful and loyal readers! **

The sound of his phone ringing awoke Gibbs from his semi peaceful slumber. Although he had managed to fall asleep, he couldn't completely vanquish the dreams that had been haunting him since that fateful day; he was beginning to wonder if there would ever come a day that when he closed his eyes, he didn't see Tony being felled by his bullets. Shaking off the remnants of his nightmare, he groped for the phone that was lying on the coffee table; before he had fallen asleep, he had made sure that the phone was within his reach just in case the rehab center called.

"Gibbs," he finally answered, rubbing his eyes as they slowly adjusted to the early morning sunlight drifting through his window.

"Agent Gibbs; this is Dr. Williams. We need to talk."

The team leader sat up on the couch; the no nonsense tone of the psychiatrist was not the voice that he expected to hear first thing in the morning. Their last conversation had not gone well and he certainly wasn't in the mood for round two. "What can I do for you, Dr. Williams?" he sighed.

"I want to talk to you about Agent DiNozzo," the psychiatrist began. "He's had a rather difficult morning and is facing some even harder obstacles today; I think he could use a friendly face or two. I also think we need to make sure that we're on the same page regarding Tony's treatment; I have some ideas that will help make his adjustment to his time at the center as well as his new life easier and I would like your input."

"You want _my_ input?"

He could almost hear her bristle at his biting comment. Dr. Williams was the type of woman who was liked to be in control and Gibbs could only imagine that in dealing with DiNozzo, she had quickly recognized the fact that in a battle of wills, she was sure to lose. He had tried to tell her how to deal with Tony but she had refused to listen; why was she suddenly ready to do so now?

"Yes, Agent Gibbs," she coolly stated. "You obviously know Agent DiNozzo very well and I need that insight in order to help him. I know that you and he share a similar opinion of psychiatrists, but I'm not the enemy."

"You haven't convinced me of that yet." Gibbs glanced at his watch and mentally calculated how long it would take him to get ready and get back to the rehabilitation hospital. "I'll be there in thirty minutes," he vowed. "If you want a piece of advice, I'd hold off on that evaluation."

"I'll put it on hold until we have the chance to talk."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Claire replied. "I'll see you when you get here."

"I want to stop and see Tony first."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea; he needs some time to cool off," the doctor suggested.

"I'm going to see Tony," he forcibly repeated. "Like you said, he probably could do with seeing a friendly face."

"And you think yours is the face he needs or wants to see? Truthfully, yours isn't the face I had in mind."

"I'd say he'd want to see mine more than he does yours," Gibbs shot back. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

He hung up his phone and pushed himself up off the couch and headed towards his bathroom. Within ten minutes, he had showered and dressed and was on his way out the door; his concern for Tony was utmost on his mind as he replayed Dr. Williams' words in his mind.

Gibbs knew DiNozzo as well as he knew himself and he knew without a doubt that Tony had finally reached his breaking point; the team leader had seen it coming and although he had wanted to stay by Tony's side, he had respected his agent's wishes to leave because he knew better than anyone that some things should remain private. DiNozzo had never been open with his true emotions and Gibbs never called him on it; he and Tony were more alike in that aspect than either of them cared to admit.

Perhaps that was why he understood DiNozzo; when he looked at Tony, it was as if he were looking at a mirror image of himself at that age. Ducky had often pointed out how much he and Tony were alike and Gibbs had usually brushed the compliment aside, never truly taking the ME's observation at face value. Now he realized that Tony followed his example in a lot of things including how he buried his feelings of sadness and frustration until they became manifested in anger.

Perhaps it was time to convince Tony that expressing his emotions wasn't a crime, especially considering the circumstances. Of course, he was going to have convince himself of that first.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tony had just finished being bathed and although he felt a little more refreshed, the humiliation of the act had cut him to the core. It was yet another task that he could add to this list of things he had always taken forgranted; going to the bathroom, taking a shower, getting dressed, having sex, the list continued to grow. He had been reassured that he would be able to do most of these things once again but it would take time.

Time. That was the one thing that he did seem to have, especially now that he was bedridden for another few days. The only movement allowed was at meal time and under the strict supervision of his physical therapist that was scheduled to come start working on strengthening his wounded shoulder which thanks to his earlier fit of rage, was no longer bound to his body.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, he was disheartened to learn that only five minutes had passed since Gretchen and the aides had left; if his life was going to be filled with watching time crawl by, he didn't want to live. He especially didn't want to live if he was going to lose the use of his arms, which was a distinct possibility depending on whether or not the fragments in his back stabilized. Maybe he should just go ahead and end it now; maybe it was selfish, but he couldn't find it within him to care.

A soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Figuring it was Dr. Williams, he didn't answer; she was probably outside his door reading his mind while he considered ending his life. She was probably already prepared to admit him to the psych unit; maybe that was where he belonged. The door opened and he heard the familiar sound of Ziva's voice drift into the room. He hadn't seen her since before the shooting and while he had been told that she and McGee had stopped by while he was unconscious in the hospital, there had been no other visits from Ziva. Tony hadn't inquired as to her whereabouts because he wasn't sure he could handle facing her knowing that she would look at him different because of his disability.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Sure," he tiredly replied.

"If this is a bad time, I can come back later," Ziva insisted. "The nurse said that you've had a rough night and…"

"You can come in, Ziva."

Tony's eyes followed her graceful movements as she made her way to his bedside. It was obvious that this was the last place that she wanted to be; if she was here out of some sense of guilt or obligation, he would rather her turn around and walk out the door.

"You look a lot better than the last time I saw you," Ziva stated. "How are you feeling?"

He wanted to blurt out that he wasn't feeling anything but at the moment that would be a lie. Tony could feel the daggers being driven into his back, but had refused to ask for anything to alleviate his pain; he needed his mind clear, not to mention the fact that he needed the constant agony to keep his anger focused.

Biting back a sharp retort, he forced a smile upon his lips. "I'm fine."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"So, um..."

"Is it that hard to talk to me?" Tony wanted to know, his tone quiet and bitter. He had never seen Ziva at such a loss for words.

Ziva took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I guess I do not know what to say; it is difficult seeing you like this," she admitted. "You seem…defeated."

"Defeated? I guess that's as good a word as any."

"But you don't have to be," Ziva insisted. "You can rise above this; you can get better. So you have to learn to do things a little differently; it is not the end of the planet."

"World," he automatically corrected. "It's not the end of the world."

"Same difference. What I mean is that you can live a normal life in a wheelchair; you can still work for NCIS and…"

"Did McGee send you?" Tony challenged, knowing that there had to be a reason for her to say that he could work for NCIS but not Gibbs.

"No, he did not send me. I've been so busy that I did not get to see you before you left the hospital, so I made time this morning and stopped by on my way to work."

"So glad you could fit me into your schedule."

"Tony, it's not like that," she attempted to reason.

"Then what's it like, Ziva? I've seen everyone else at least once," he pointed out. "Everyone else has made time, including McGee who only came to inform me that he was going to be Gibbs' new senior field agent."

There was no mistaking the guilt and the exasperation that danced upon Ziva's perfect features as she defended McGee. "Director Shepard offered him the promotion! What was he supposed to do? Turn it down?"

Tony laughed as he pulled his hand out of her grasp. "So you are here for McGee," he deduced.

"No, I'm not! I'm here to see you but at the moment, I do not know why I even bothered. All you are doing is lying here and feeling sorry for yourself; that is not the Tony DiNozzo I know!"

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought!"

"Perhaps you're right," Ziva conceded.

He gasped in pain, his fist entwining itself in his sheet as he fought against the waves of torment that was assaulting him. Tony could hear Ziva calling his name but it was only when she started to summon the nurse that he grabbed her by the arm and refused to let her go. "No," he whispered. "It'll pass."

"Tony, you are in pain. Let me get you some help."

"No! Just give…me a minute," Tony pleaded.

He took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. After repeating that motion several times, the pain began to subside; a small sense of accomplishment coursed through him as he briefly considered that he had managed to ride out the pain that was becoming his constant companion. "I'm all right," he finally assured her.

"Tony, I did not mean to upset you," Ziva apologized.

"Not your fault; I'm a little on edge."

"Why don't you let the nurse give you something?"

"I have to have a clear head; my psych eval is today."

"Tony, I…"

"I'm kind of tired, Ziva. I'd like to rest." Tony wasn't lying but he wasn't being completely honest either. He was tired but he also wanted to give Ziva an excuse to leave; if seeing him was such a burden to her, then he could alleviate that weight of guilt that she carried.

"Very well," she relented. "But I _will_ be back to see you and not because I have to; I will be back because I want to."

"I'm not going anywhere."

As Ziva turned to leave, he called out to her. "Ziva?"

"Yes?"

"Tell McGee to take Shepard up on the promotion; he deserves it."

"Tony, McGee would never do anything to intentionally hurt you," she reminded him.

"I know; just tell him to take it. Gibbs is going to need someone to watch his back because I won't be there to do it."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, DiNozzo?"

Tony visibly flinched when Gibbs entered the room; the team leader had evidently heard the last of their conversation and wasn't pleased with what he had to say. DiNozzo silently dismissed Ziva with a curt nod so that she wouldn't have to witness what had the potential to become a heated exchange. Tony laid his head back on his pillow; Gibbs could argue all he wanted to but he was tired of fighting. He was tired of everything and that included living.

"I asked you a question, Tony," Gibbs growled. "We've been over this before; you're my senior field agent and as far as I'm concerned you still have a job."

"I'm not coming back," Tony muttered. "McGee can have it."

"You're giving up? I thought DiNozzo's didn't give up."

"I guess this DiNozzo does. All I hear is false platitudes about everything getting better and so far, it hasn't. I'm tired of hearing people tell me that I have to be patient and give myself time to adjust; I don't want to adjust! I want my life back the way it was and if I can't have that, then screw it!"

"Tony, you're pissed off and you have every right to be but that's no reason for you to simply give up. You're going to get better," Gibbs vowed. "You're experiencing a minor setback right now and…"

"A minor setback? I don't call facing surgery or quadriplegia a minor setback. I can't handle this Gibbs; I can't do it."

"You don't have to handle it alone."

Tony defiantly shook his head. "You have a life Gibbs and it's not being stuck here with me day in and day out."

"It's my choice."

"Well, it's a bad one."

Tony despised himself for the way he was treating Gibbs; if the man would leave him alone, life would be so much easier for the both of them. The one thing that had always motivated him was the fear of disappointing the Marine and the past few weeks had been nothing but disappointment after disappointment.

He pressed his palms against his eyes, forbidding the tears of anger and frustration to come. Despite what everyone was telling him, there was no silver lining in the cloud and things were not going to look any better tomorrow. Tony wanted a means of escape and he knew that he only had one option.

"I'll be back in a minute, Tony. We're not done with this," Gibbs warned.

Choosing not to acknowledge his mentor, Tony waited until he was sure Gibbs was gone before looking around the room. "There's got to be something I can use," he mumbled to himself. It only took a few seconds for him to ascertain that there was nothing useful in the room; he would have to come up with another plan.

He reached up and gave himself a head slap worthy of the one Gibbs usually bestowed upon him. What was he thinking? "What is wrong with me? I'm lying here trying to figure out how to kill myself. Stupid, DiNozzo; real stupid. That psych ward is looking more inviting all the time."

Before he could further contemplate his situation, another sharp pain coursed through him, setting his nerves on fire. Something was definitely wrong; tears began streaming down his face as he blindly searched for the call button. That was when he discovered that he could barely force his arms to move; the words of Dr. Gibson started echoing in his mind as he realized what was happening. The agony was now unbearable, his ability to cry out for help almost nonexistent.

He had never been so happy to see Gibbs as he was when the older man came running in his room. Tony was grateful that despite his efforts at severing the bond between them, it was still intact and Gibbs had immediately known that he was in trouble.

Tony basked in Gibbs' physical presence as the team leader grabbed his shoulders and called out to him, forcing him to focus on his voice. "Tony, it's all right; I've got you! What's wrong?"

"My back…hurts…like…a…son of a…bitch! My arms, Gibbs…I can't move 'em! I can't…"

"Everything's going to be all right, DiNozzo," Gibbs tried to assure him. "Are you listening to me?"

"Just…let me go…if…don't…have…arms. Won't…live…like that."

Tony saw Gibbs call for the nurse and within a few seconds, once again, his room was flooded with medical personnel. The last thing he heard was the voice of Dr. Gibson ordering a sedative and something for pain. He was also sure that he heard the doctor telling Gibbs that surgery was going to be his only option, but as the drugs took effect, the voices in the room became muddled leaving him to question if that was what Gibson had even said. The physician was trying to talk to him, but he couldn't force himself to focus; all he wanted was to be put out of his misery and at the moment, he decided that he would welcome death.


	29. Chapter 29

Part 29

Now that the excruciating agony that he had been experiencing was more of a constant dull ache, Tony attempted to force himself to focus on what was going on around him but the sedative that he'd been given was making it difficult to do so. He could hear voices and he was sure that one of them belonged to Gibbs; Tony assumed the other one belonged to the doctor but he couldn't be sure. Nothing made a lot of sense at the moment and until his mind was clearer, he would have to depend on the team leader's judgment; despite his earlier outbursts and pleas to be left alone, Tony knew that he could count on Gibbs to watch his back.

He felt a calloused hand on his forehead, brushing the stray stands of hair away from his sweat soaked skin; the familiar smell of sawdust permeated his senses as he tried to fix his gaze on the older man. Although his vision was somewhat blurred, he could make out the fine lines of worry etched on Gibbs' face. Something was definitely wrong and even though he wasn't sure that he wanted to know what the doctor said, Gibbs would tell him the truth.

"Tony?" Gibbs softly called out to him. "Can you hear me?"

Tony licked his parched lips as he managed to grace his mentor with a slight nod. He wanted to give in to the urge to close his eyes and sleep but he had to hear what Gibbs had to say.

"I hear you, Boss," he rasped, semi surprised at the weariness his voice now possessed.

"That's good, Tony. I need you try and stay with me a few more minutes; I've got to talk to you about a couple of things."

"I'll try."

"I know you will."

"What's…going on?" he wanted to know. "How bad…is it?"

"I'll tell you what I know but first, Dr. Gibson needs to know a couple of things," Gibbs informed him.

"What?"

"First of all, how's the pain?"

"Tolerable."

"Scale of 1 to 10?" Gibbs pressed.

"3."

"All right," the former Marine sighed. "Have you got any feeling or movement back in your arms?"

He carefully considered Gibbs' words. If he tried to move and failed, Tony wasn't sure that he could handle the reality of being a quadriplegic. Tony had yet to fully accept that he would never walk again and there was no way he could accept that his body would be completely useless. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the muscles in his arms, silently willing them to obey his command. He breathed a sigh of relief when he was able to make a fist; although his hands were shaking, he could move them and that's what mattered at the moment.

"Yeah. It kind of…tingles but I can move my hands a little," he informed the team leader. "Feels like I've…got a thousand…pins sticking in my arms and hands."

Tony felt Gibbs give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Just rest, Tony."

"Can't. Do I have…to have surgery?' he weakly asked, unwilling to acknowledge what his gut was already telling him.

Gibbs nodded. "Dr. Gibson has talked with Dr. Winesett and they both agree that surgery is your best option."

"Don't want…surgery," he slurred.

"Tony, if you don't have surgery, the paralysis will spread or worse, the fragments could shift enough to cause you to bleed out."

He had silently debated ending his life when the doctor had earlier informed him of his predicament but knew that he could never go through with it; he remembered all to well how it felt to be the one left behind. But what kind of future was he facing? Tony knew the answer; he would be facing a life of total dependence upon others and the last thing he wanted was to be a burden to those who would care for him.

"Tony? Did you hear me?" Gibbs patiently inquired.

"I heard you," Tony quietly answered.

"Are you all right?"

"No." There was no use in lying to Gibbs; his longtime friend could always see right through him.

Tony clenched his eyes shut in an effort to keep his tears at bay; he had always been able to keep a tight rein on his emotions but ever since the shooting, his feelings had been an open book for everyone to read and he despised himself for being so vulnerable. He heard Gibbs asking the staff to leave them alone for a few minutes and once again, he found himself grateful for the former Marine's interference.

"They're gone," Gibbs announced.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"You don't…have to stay."

"Where else would I be?"

"I don't know."

A tear escaped and flowed down his face; his automatic response was to wipe it away but he still hadn't fully regained the movement in his arms and hands. The reality of his helplessness hit him hard. "Son of a…"

Gibbs took his handkerchief and gently dabbed at his tear stained cheeks; the act of kindness was almost too much for Tony to bear. "Why?" he gasped. "Why…is this happening to me?"

"I don't know, Tony," Gibbs said. "I wish I did. You don't deserve it."

"I must. I guess all those…years of…thinking nothing can…hurt me is finally catching up with me. I pushed…my luck too many times and now…I have to pay the price for my…arrogance. I guess…there's nothing more…humiliating than being unable to wipe your own…ass." Tony's level of self pity had reached an all time low but he didn't care; he figured that he deserved to partake in a little self-loathing.

The team leader leaned in closer to him, his eyes boring holes into his soul. Tony had seen this look several times throughout their years of friendship; it was the look that told him that Gibbs wasn't going to put up with his crap and that he better get his act together. "I want you to listen to me," Gibbs ordered.

Tony wanted to look away but he couldn't; even during the rare times that he and Gibbs were at odds, he respected the older man too much to disobey a direct request. "What?"

"I know that this is one more setback, but that's all it is," Gibbs reasoned. "Yeah, you're going to have to have another operation but it's better than the alternative."

"Is it?' Tony challenged.

"Yes."

"I'm not…so sure about that."

"Well, I am," Gibbs barked. "You're not giving up."

"I'm tired of fighting."

"You're going to have to dig a little deeper, DiNozzo. You're not going to have worry about wiping your ass because if you don't fight with everything you've got, I'm going to _kick_ your ass and believe me, paralyzed or not, you'll feel it."

There wasn't a doubt in Tony's mind that Gibbs meant every word he had said. The team leader was about the only person who talked to him like he was still a human being and not an invalid and he respected Gibbs for that; if only he could see himself through the team leader's eyes. Unfortunately, he had seemingly lost that insight that had allowed him to see the entire picture and Tony wasn't sure that he would ever regain that ability.

"Gibbs…" Tony found himself speechless; he had no idea what he should say.

"You just think about what I said," Gibbs insisted. "They're getting ready to transport you to the hospital; I'm coming with you and we'll get through this together."

Tony merely nodded; he was too tried to argue, especially with Gibbs. He wanted nothing more than to give up but knew that the former Marine was quite serious about kicking his tail; Tony wondered if Gibbs had perhaps missed his calling as a motivational speaker.

"Thanks, Gibbs," Tony croaked.

"You're welcome. Now, I've got to check on a couple of things; don't give Gretchen a hard time when she comes in."

"I'm paralyzed, Boss, not crazy; although, lately I'm not so sure about that last part."

"Just take it easy."

He heard Gibbs' distinctive footsteps cross the floor as he left the room. The muffled sound of voices outside his room were more than likely discussing him and his situation but it didn't matter; they could talk about him all they wanted to but no amount of talking was going to enable him to walk again.

Tony knew that Gibbs didn't want to hear him voice his negative and self-deprecating thoughts, but that didn't keep him from thinking them. What was wrong with him? He had to pull himself together, but he wasn't sure that he was up to the challenge. The faith that Gibbs had in him unwavering; perhaps it was time that he started having faith in himself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, how did it go?"

Gibbs visibly bristled at the sound of Dr. Claire Williams' voice. Although she had been the one to call him back to the hospital, he really didn't want to talk to her at the moment; her arrogant manner irritated him to no end and he was in no mood to get into another verbal sparring match with her.

"Fine," he grunted.

"Fine? Elaborate, please."

"I don't have time right now. They're getting ready to move Tony and…"

"They're going to have to do surgery?" she inquired, interrupting him in mid sentence.

He fought back the urge to head slap her but fortunately for her, he refrained himself from giving in to his desire. "Yes and now is not the time to get into this."

"Into what, Agent Gibbs?" the physician demanded to know.

The team leader took a menacing step towards the psychiatrist; his frustration and concern for Tony fueling his anger. "I don't have time to play your games."

"I'm not playing games, Agent Gibbs; I'm not only concerned about Agent DiNozzo's physical well being but truthfully I'm more worried about his frame of mind. His mental state has deteriorated since his arrival and I'm afraid that if we don't do something that we may lose him."

"And I guess that would put a black mark on your perfect record," he growled. Gibbs made a mental note to make sure that Tony was no longer on Dr. Williams' caseload when he returned to the rehab center. DiNozzo had enough to worry about without having to engage in the mind games that she seemingly wanted to play.

"I'm not worried about my record," she testily countered. "I'm worried about Agent DiNozzo, who…"

"Who is getting ready to face another surgery! He's got more on his mind than a bunch of Rorschach tests! " Gibbs rage was getting ready to break through the dam that had been holding back the waves of fury that he felt not only towards the psychiatrist, but himself as well. "I think we'd better hold off on this discussion until later; otherwise, I know that I'll say some things that you really don't want to hear."

"Agent Gibbs, if his mental state is questionable, then his physical recovery will be affected; I've dealt with enough of these cases to know what I'm talking about!"

"I'm sure you do. However, you can't treat each case the same and I can tell you from experience that DiNozzo eats shrinks for breakfast. You're not going to get him to talk until he's ready and if you push him too far, you'll be the one picking yourself up off the floor."

"How dare you tell me how to do my job!" the doctor seethed.

"Somebody's got to," Gibbs shot back. "Now, they're getting ready to transport Tony and I promised him I would be there. Think about what I said, Dr. Williams and we'll talk later."

Gibbs fell in step beside the gurney as the aides wheeled DiNozzo towards the awaiting ambulance. The knot in his stomach pulled tighter as he noticed Tony's pallor; his condition was obviously taking a turn for the worse. He made sure that he was in Tony's line of sight; it was important to him that DiNozzo knew that he had his six.

"Hey, Gibbs," Tony weakly greeted.

The team leader glanced up at Gretchen, whose expression of concern mirrored his own. "How ya doin'?"

"His blood pressure's kind of giving us a fit," Gretchen answered for her exhausted patient. "But, he's hanging in there."

"It's your beauty that's making…my vitals go haywire," Tony teased the nurse.

"I'm always a sucker for a smooth talker," she playfully admitted.

"You should hear me…on…a…good day."

"She'll get that chance, DiNozzo," Gibbs promised.

"That's right," the nurse readily agreed. "I'll keep your room waiting for you and when you come back, I'll expect to hear some of that infamous smooth talking."

"I'll do my best," Tony grunted.

Gibbs didn't miss the lines of pain that adorned Tony's faced; he would do anything to take away the agony that seemed to consume the son of his heart. "I know you will," he encouragingly whispered.

He stood aside as Tony was carefully loaded into the waiting ambulance; as soon as they had situated DiNozzo, Gibbs climbed in beside him. Ignoring the stares of the EMT's, he took Tony's hand in his calloused one, refusing to let go despite the fact that he didn't know if Tony could even feel the well meaning gesture. Gibbs could feel the unspoken fear emanating from DiNozzo and if he were honest with himself, he was just as scared as Tony was.

"You still doin' okay?" he asked the ailing man.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Nope, but maybe if I keep…telling myself that, I'll believe it."

For the first time since the shooting, there was a hint of hope in Tony's voice. "Sounds like a plan," the team leader grinned.

Tony closed his eyes and Gibbs could only hope that DiNozzo was actually sleeping and had not passed out. He watched as the EMT took Tony's blood pressure again and shook his head in disgust.

"Something wrong?" he inquired of the paramedic sitting across from him.

"His BP's down even more, almost sounds like he's got a bleeder somewhere."

Gibbs felt the ambulance accelerate when the driver was informed of Tony's condition. The movement startled Tony back to the present moment; his confused gaze fell on Gibbs for an explanation. "They're just trying to get you to the hospital; Gretchen's not around to keep your blood pressure up," he informed DiNozzo.

"Maybe you should…drive, Boss," Tony suggested.

"We'd have already been there."

"Yeah."

"You hang on."

"Okay," the senior field agent mumbled.

It was only a couple of more minutes before the ambulance was pulling into the emergency room entrance. Gibbs walked beside the gurney as the EMT's wheeled Tony down the corridor into a room where the familiar face of Dr. Winesett greeted them. One of the nurses informed him that he would have to stay in the waiting area and that someone would be out to talk to him soon.

He realized that Tony was in good hands, but it didn't stop him from wanting to be in the room with DiNozzo. Gibbs sat down in one of the uncomfortable vinyl chairs that seemed to be designed to torture the person sitting in them; surely there was someone in the world that could design comfortable chairs for a hospital waiting room.

The team leader laughed to himself; he was starting to think like Tony. His senior agent could at times become obsessed on the most trivial things that quickly turned into major issues, much to the chagrin of his coworkers. He found himself looking forward to the day that Tony would be able annoy Ziva and McGee with one of his eccentricities; one of these days they would learn not to underestimate DiNozzo.

Gibbs knew what Tony was capable of and he knew that his senior field agent had an inner resolve that had seen him through many difficult times throughout his life; he hoped that DiNozzo would be able to once again call on those reserves and rise above this latest obstacle.

He raked his hands through his cropped hair and then cradled his head in his hands. Gibbs knew he needed to call Ducky and Abby and let them know what was going on but he needed a moment to himself. Unfortunately, the silence that he craved was interrupted by a familiar voice; it wasn't a voice that he particularly wanted to hear.

"Someone better tell me what's going on with my son!"

**Sorry it took me a little longer to get this post out; I had to revamp it a couple of times, so I hope that it's worth the wait. I know I sound like a broken record, but I do appreciate the loyalty and support of everyone who continues to follow this story; I'm so blessed to have readers like you! **


	30. Chapter 30

Part 30

Tony was having a difficult time processing everything going on around him but then again, it was hard concentrating on anything else but the agony that seemed to be tearing through him. He thought he had heard Dr. Winesett order one of the nurses to give him something for pain but of course, that could have simply been wishful thinking on his part.

A guttural moan escaped from his throat; if he could make his lips form the words, he would be pleading with the doctor and nurses to provide him some kind of relief. At this point, Tony didn't care how his pain was alleviated; he would welcome almost anything as long as it rendered him either unaware or completely unconscious.

He closed his eyes tightly, the constant movement around him was not helping his already queasy stomach. Unfortunately, it was only a few seconds before the doctor was leaning over him and calling his name, forcing him back to a world of pain that he wanted nothing to do with. Tony struggled to open his eyes; sleep had meant a break from the constant ache that had been plaguing him and now he was being asked to give up that one tiny comfort.

"Tony, can you hear me?" Dr. Winesett asked.

He licked his parched lips, searching for the single word that would answer the doctor's question; why was it so hard for him to do what had always come so naturally to him? After what seemed like an eternity, he managed to whisper, "Yeah."

"Good. We're almost ready to begin surgery; we've started your IV's and a blood transfusion," Winesett informed him.

Tony wanted to tell the doctor that he didn't even feel the needles going into his arm, but that thought was too complicated for him to express; he was also scared of the possibility that the lack of feeling in his arms was going to be permanent and he wasn't ready to face that reality. His eyes came to rest on the red bag hanging on the IV pole, his muddled mind attempting to recall what the other man had been telling him.

"B…blood?" Tony cursed himself for not being able to utter a coherent sentence.

"You're bleeding internally and we want to stay on top of things," the doctor explained.

"Hurts."

"I know; I'm going to take care of that. You're pretty sensitive to pain medication so I had to order something special."

"High…main…ten…ance."

He was glad that Dr. Winesett seemed to understand his feeble attempt at a joke; a mischievous grin lit up the physician's face. "Yep; it's in your file. Anthony DiNozzo is a high maintenance patient; handle with care."

"Soon as we get your blood pressure up a little bit and your pain under control, we're going to operate and remove those fragments; for right now, you take it easy and just let us do all the work."

"Better…tell…Gibbs…what's…"

Tony clenched his jaw in an effort to ride out the consistent wave of torment that he was currently experiencing; he realized that the doctor and nurses were doing everything they could, but at the moment, it didn't seem to be enough. Calling on his nearly depleted inner reserves of strength, he weakly repeated his last words, hoping that Dr. Winesett would understand what he was trying to say.

"Let Gibbs…know…what's going…on. He'll…be…worried."

"I will," Winesett promised as he injected the medicine that would bring him the respite that he desperately craved. "Now, you rest and I'll be right back; then we'll take care of those fragments."

"Then…everything…will be…back to…normal," Tony weakly quipped, knowing that any hopes of having a normal life no longer existed.

"Take it easy, Tony," the doctor urged, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

He acknowledged the physician with a slight nod. Tony was grateful for the almost instantaneous reprieve from the misery he had been in for the last few hours. As he closed his eyes once again, he welcomed the opportunity to drift off into obliviousness; if he was asleep, then he wouldn't have to think about what would happen if the surgery didn't work.

The thought of being completely paralyzed was a possibility that he didn't want to consider; he had barely started accepting the fact that he would never walk again and now there was a chance that he would be completely dependent on someone else for the rest of his life. As he drifted off, he offered up a silent prayer. _Please God, let this work._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Anthony DiNozzo, Senior was not used to being ignored; his formidable yet alluring presence usually garnered a loyal following wherever he went. Except for now. The medical staff was seemingly too busy to talk to him despite his repeated demands to know what was going on with his son. Although he and Tony were estranged, the elder DiNozzo still felt like he deserved to know why his son was facing surgery once again and he was determined to find someone in the hospital who could give him the answers that he sought.

After several more failed attempts at finding out about Tony's condition, he was instructed by a young nurse to stay in the family waiting area until she could find out something. Senior smiled his most captivating grin and thanked the nurse; his charm hadn't failed him after all.

He entered the room and froze mid stride as he recognized the other man sitting in one of the chairs. Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was the last person that he wanted to see. Gibbs was an unwelcome intrusion in the relationship he had with his son; whenever he and Tony spoke, the younger DiNozzo could only sing the praises of the team leader. Sometimes Senior even believed that Tony considered Gibbs to be more of father to him than he was and that realization troubled him more than he wanted to admit.

Since their last encounter, the elder DiNozzo had done quite a bit of investigating the former Marine; Gibbs was a force to be reckoned with and he had always made it a point to discover his enemy's weaknesses. Finding the agent's Achilles heel had not been difficult, especially after he had learned the details of Tony's shooting.

His son had been shot in the line of duty and Gibbs had been the one to deliver the debilitating shots. According to the investigator he had hired, rumor had it that the team leader had been trying to go lone ranger on a case and as a result of a subsequent shoot out, Tony could no longer walk. How could his son still respect the man who had taken so much from him? Was Gibbs here out of guilt or loyalty? Of course, he could ask himself the same question.

Senior finally acknowledged the other man with a curt nod. "Agent Gibbs."

"Mr. DiNozzo," Gibbs quietly replied.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting."

With exaggerated care, he laid his coat over the back of a vacant chair, purposefully smoothing out the wrinkles. Senior then sat down across from Gibbs, his gaze finally coming to rest on the man whom he had only met a few days ago, but had instantly become his adversary. Although the former Marine had never done anything to him personally, he still resented the fact that Gibbs was the reason that Tony was paralyzed and despite everything, was still closer to his son that he had ever been.

"Waiting for what?" he inquired.

"To hear how Tony's doing."

"I guess we're both here for the same reason. All I've been told is to wait for someone to come and talk to me; maybe _you_ can give me some answers."

"Yeah," Gibbs sighed. "I heard you bellowing out in the hallway a few minutes ago; it didn't get you very far, did it?"

Gibbs was taunting him but Senior was not going to rise to the bait. He had to be careful around this man; the agent was smart not easily intimidated and the last thing that he wanted to do was to be forced into a corner by the likes of Jethro Gibbs.

"Surely you can understand my position," Senior said. "I'm concerned for my son and I have no idea what's going on. I wasn't even told the name of the rehab center that he was taken to and by the time I found out where Tony was, I learned that he was on his way back to the hospital for more surgery. As his father, I simply want to know what's happening with _my _son.

His eyes betrayed a sense of annoyance as he watched Gibbs calmly sip his coffee. What was it about this man that completely unnerved him? Was he afraid that the team leader would be able to see through the well constructed walls that he had created around himself? Very few people in his life ever dared to see what was behind that wall; there were those who had taken up the challenge only to learn that he was a fraud, but with a bit of exaggeration and damage control, he had repaired his image in the eyes of those individuals with the exception of his own son. Tony knew who and what he was and seemingly accepted it without question; he knew that if Gibbs ever realized how much of his life was a deception, he wouldn't be as forgiving as Anthony had been over the span of a lifetime.

"I guess you're just going to have to wait for those answers, Mr. DiNozzo," Gibbs coolly stated.

Senior was aware that Gibbs' icy tone was a reflection of the animosity that the team leader obviously felt towards him. The open hostility that Gibbs exhibited towards him made the elder DiNozzo wonder what Tony had told the agent about their father and son relationship; whatever tales Junior had woven throughout the years were obviously good enough that Gibbs unconditionally believed them. He might not have been the greatest father, but in his opinion, they were more than mere acquaintances as Tony had previously claimed.

"I guess I will, Agent Gibbs," he retorted.

Gibbs leaned back against the cushion and stretched his legs out in front of him; there was an air of arrogance about the former Marine that irritated Senior, but he refused to show his annoyance. He was a con man by nature and that ability had served him well throughout his life; it had allowed him to remain cool and in control of any situation, and it would help him now as he dealt with the obstinate NCIS agent.

"Did they give any indication of how long the surgery will take?" Senior inquired.

"No."

"How did he seem before surgery?"

"In pain."

"I can't imagine how difficult this is for Anthony; he must be terrified. Not only will he never walk again, he's going to have to live with the knowledge that he's disabled because of someone else's careless act."

The team leader didn't have a monosyllabic comment this time. Was there a hint of regret in Gibbs' hardened gaze? There wasn't a doubt in Senior's mind that he had struck a nerve; the former Gunnery Sergeant had unwittingly confirmed the findings of his investigator. Sometimes silence was enough to condemn a man and that was exactly what Senior intended to do.

He cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something, Agent Gibbs?"

"Sure."

"Tony is very loyal to you," he began. "Why?"

"That's something that you'll have to ask Tony."

"I'm asking you. Even after all you've done to him, he remains steadfast in his devotion to you. If I had been the one that shot him instead of you, I doubt that he'd even give me the time of day," Senior pointed out.

The gauntlet had been thrown and Senior was more than anxious to see how Gibbs responded to the challenge. He realized that the former Marine was used to playing hardball, but he had never played against Anthony DiNozzo, Senior.

Gibbs sat up and set his cup down on the table beside him. If Senior had been one to be easily rattled, he would have wilted under Gibbs' glare and excused himself from the room; however, he wasn't prepared to back down and would see this conversation through to the end.

"What happened is between me and Tony," Gibbs quietly seethed. "We've moved on and if you know what's good for you, you'll leave it alone."

"I find it hard to believe that Tony has moved on, as you so succinctly put it. He lets you see what he wants you to see and he tells you what you want to hear; he's always been that way."

"I know. He inherited that trait from you."

"Then you must know how hard this is for him. It might be better if you kept your distance until he's stronger," he suggested.

Senior could sense the rage now emanating from Gibbs; he was definitely accomplishing what he set out to do. He wanted to make sure that the team leader knew his place. Tony had a father and it wasn't Leroy Jethro Gibbs; he would do everything in his power to make sure that the agent understood that the role of Tony's father had been taken.

"Tony's more than capable of speaking for himself," Gibbs insisted. "If you'd ever taken the time to actually listen to him, you would know that. I know what you're trying to do and it won't work. You send him a damn power sander for his birthday a few years ago and you think that qualifies you as father of the year? Where've you been since then? Where were you when he almost died? Where were you when he really needed you?"

His gaze followed Gibbs as he rose from his seat and walked over to the trash can to throw his cup away. "You're lucky I wasn't around when Tony was a kid," the silver haired man boldly stated. "I'd have had your ass in jail for neglect, abandonment, and whatever else I could think of to throw your way!"

The elder DiNozzo pushed himself to his feet and intentionally stepped in Gibbs' path. "I don't know what Anthony has told you but…"

"He's told me enough for me to know that I don't have any use for you. You're an arrogant, pompous bastard who threw the love of his child away like it was nothing!"

"Is that what he said?" Senior asked.

Gibbs shook his head. "No. He didn't call you any of those names; those were my words. Believe it or not, he always tries to rationalize your behavior toward him; he's always hoping that one of these days, he'll be worthy of your love."

"Stay away from Tony; I'll take care of him."

"I don't think so. If I recall, Tony wasn't too happy to see you the other day; what makes you think he's changed his mind?"

Before Senior could reply with a sharp retort, they were joined by another man, whom he assumed to be Tony's doctor. He watched with interest as Gibbs acknowledged the physician.

"Dr. Winesett, how's Tony doing?" Gibbs anxiously asked.

"Let's go to my office so we can talk in private," Winesett quietly recommended.

Stepping forward, Senior introduced himself to the doctor. "I'm Tony's father; how's my son?"

"I'm only authorized to discuss his condition with Agent Gibbs."

"But I'm his father!" He was beginning to believe that everyone was conspiring against him.

"And Agent Gibbs is listed as his next of kin and power of attorney."

"What?" Senior was livid. How could his own son do this to him? "Do you realize who I am?"

"You're his father, but I can't talk to anyone except Agent Gibbs. Now, what he chooses to tell you, well, that's up to him."

His contempt for Jethro Gibbs was escalating. As he watched the doctor and Gibbs walk down the hall, Senior could feel the inferno burning within him. He had obviously lost this battle, but he wouldn't lose the war.

Senior hastily left the waiting room in search for his son. He would check every room in the emergency department until he found Tony; with Gibbs and the doctor preoccupied, he could charm his way in to see his ailing child.

"We'll see, Agent Gibbs," he mumbled to himself as he continued his search. "We'll see who emerges the victor."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was impeccable timing on Dr. Winesett's part that had prevented Gibbs from literally punching Tony's father in the nose; he had been pushed beyond his limits and was more than ready for the altercation to move from the conversational level to the physical level. Senior's attempt at playing the concerned father would have been convincing had it not been for the fact that Gibbs could see right through his charade.

The team leader knew too much about Tony's past and the heartache that the absence of a paternal relationship had caused; he had always been able to relate to DiNozzo's pain because of his own estrangement from his father. Gibbs never doubted that his father loved him, but too many other factors had come into play creating a chasm between father and son; maybe it was past time to rebuild a bridge across the great divide.

Forcing himself back to the matter at hand, he followed the physician into his office and sat down in the proffered chair. "How's he doing?" Gibbs asked once again.

"He's holding his own," Winesett admitted. "We're having to give him some blood so we can get his pressure back up; he's finally got something for pain and is resting right now. We'll be taking him to surgery in a little while; I want to be sure that he's a little more stable before I open him back up again."

"How long will the surgery take?"

"Probably at least two to three hours; it depends on what I run into once I get in there."

"Will he have the use of his arms?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer to his question.

"I don't know. I hope so. We'll have to see how much damage the fragments have caused."

"Can I see him before you take him up?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, but if he's asleep, let him sleep. He's pretty exhausted; the pain he's been in has pretty much been working against him."

"I will," he promised.

As he stood to leave, the doctor motioned for him to sit back down. "Agent Gibbs, can I make a suggestion?"

"Sure."

Gibbs could tell by the solemn expression on Winesett's face that he was concerned about something else. Was there something about Tony that he wasn't telling him? "What is it?"

Winesett blew out a long, steady breath. "It's pretty obvious that you and Tony's father have a mutual dislike for each other. I don't need to know the details, but I am asking you to put it aside for now. Tony doesn't need this and right now, he's my top priority."

He knew that the physician was right; if he and Tony's father were at each other's throats, DiNozzo was sure to find out about it and it could hinder his recovery. Tony hated to be the cause of conflict and this time would be no exception; Gibbs didn't want to be the reason that his recovery was hindered.

"All right," he conceded. "I'll make sure to keep my distance from Senior, but I'm not going to let him hurt that boy again. This sudden concern for Tony's welfare is totally out of character for him so I'll be keeping my eye on him."

"I will too," Winesett vowed. "Tony's been through enough; we're going to get him over this hurdle so he can concentrate on the future."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," the doctor replied as he stood up. "Come on, let's go see Tony. It'll do him good to hear a friendly voice."

It didn't take them long to reach the room where Tony was being prepped for surgery. The two men met one of the nurses as she was coming out of the young agent's room.

"He's awake but resting," she informed them. "His father is visiting with him right now and…"

"What?" Gibbs exclaimed. Why had he left Senior alone? He should have permitted him to come with him to talk to the doctor; at least then he could have kept an eye on the enigmatic man.

"I didn't see any harm in it," the nurse nervously stated, attempting to defend her decision. "I figured it would help Agent DiNozzo to see his father before surgery."

Gibbs clenched his jaw so tightly that he felt the vein in his forehead begin to throb. What was Tony's father trying to do? He couldn't help but wonder if Senior was truly trying to kill his own son. Tony had not been pleased by his dad's last visit and he doubted that he would be any happier about this one. He tamped down the urge to barge in the room; he had given his word to put their differences aside for Tony. As he peered through the small window and saw the distressed look on DiNozzo's face, he realized that he may just have to go back on his promise.

**In time for the weekend…I apologize that I'm not going to have time to give review replies to "From the Ashes" today, but I promise that I will have them done in the next few days. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this post and I want to thank you for being such loyal readers; I'm not sure I'm worthy of such devotion, but I really appreciate it. Have a great weekend and those who may be in the path of Hurricane Irene, you're in my thoughts. **


	31. Chapter 31

Part 31.

When the nurse had informed him that he had a visitor, the last person that he had expected to see was his father; actually, his father was the last person that he _wanted_ to see. Tony neither had the desire nor the strength for another verbal sparring match with his dad; the man seemed to always pick the most inconvenient times to try and reassert his authority as a father figure. He had spent his childhood vying for his father's attention, but business and women had monopolized Senior's time; Tony had become used to being invisible in his father's eyes until his dad wanted or needed something. That being the case, the agent couldn't help but wonder what Senior wanted this time.

As he heard his father's distinctive footsteps, Tony clutched the sheet and subconsciously twisted it around his long fingers. He suddenly felt like he was eight years old and his father was getting ready to punish him for breaking the window in his study; he hadn't been able to hide from him then and he couldn't hide now. Tony schooled his features, not wanting his father to be privy to the weakness and desperation that he felt.

He had learned long ago that he couldn't permit his enemies to know his limitations; it was the one lesson that his father had drummed into him that had actually stuck with him through the years. Tony knew that it wasn't normal to think of one's father as an adversary, but ever since his mother's death, they had been on opposites sides, constantly butting heads; the agent couldn't help but wonder if Senior even realized that he was responsible for him always guarding his feelings.

He met his father's indiscernible gaze as the older man slowly approached him. "Dad," he gasped. "What are…you doing here?"

"I came to see you, Junior," Senior casually replied.

"Why?"

Tony could tell by the flicker of surprise that danced across Senior's distinguished features, that his simple question wasn't what his father had been expecting. At the moment, he wasn't too worried about his dad's feelings; he had other pressing matters on his mind.

"I…I just wanted to see how you were doing. I would have come to the rehab center but you neglected to tell me which one you went to, so I had to do my own digging and by the time I discovered where you were, you were on your way back here," Senior explained.

"Well, you've seen…me. You can…go now."

"Anthony, don't be ridiculous; I'm here to give you moral support in your time of need. You need your family and…"

Tony had heard enough of his father's lies. "Enough, Dad. I…release you of your…obligations. I'll be…fine."

His nerves were on edge and his emotions were close to the surface; he struggled to tamp down his anger but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. His father had been in his room less than a minute and already the tension between them was more than noticeable.

Nonplussed by Tony's biting remark, his dad gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I know you will, son; you're a DiNozzo. I'm going to get you the best care that money can buy and soon you'll be…"

"I'll…still be paralyzed," he finished.

"Anthony, you're making this very difficult; I'm trying to help you."

Had he been in a better frame of mind, Tony might have allowed his dad to get away with his façade. "You're…a little…late for that. I don't need…your money or your help."

"Quit being so obstinate," his dad insisted.

"I'm just being truthful."

"Truthful?"

Tony recognized the grin that his father wore like a designer suit; it was the smile that Senior graced his adversaries with right before he delivered the deadly blow. He had seen that infamous smile many times throughout his childhood, usually right before he was faced with another reason why Senior couldn't be at a game or a school play; he had gotten used to disappointment and expected nothing more from his father. He waited with baited breath for the proverbial axe his father was wielding to drop.

"Since you're so interested in the truth, Anthony, why didn't you tell me the truth about your shooting?"

"What…do you mean?" he asked, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer.

"Why didn't you tell me that Agent Gibbs shot you?"

He closed his eyes to block out the image that he had worked so hard to bury. Although, he and Gibbs had moved past the shooting, Tony often found himself mentally playing back the events leading up to the moment where those bullets entered his back; maybe he could have prevented it from happening but he knew all too well that hindsight is 20/20. What happened was between him and Gibbs and didn't concern his father; the glint in his dad's eyes only confirmed his suspicions that Senior was up to something.

"I'm not…getting into this…with you," Tony finally managed to answer. "This is none of your business."

"When _my_ son is lying in the hospital with bullets in his back, it is my business, Junior!"

"Just go, Dad. Please…just go," he pleaded as his anger began to surge within him.

"Not until you answer my question. Why didn't you tell me that Gibbs shot you?'

"It doesn't…matter now."

"Yes it does!"

"I was the one who…screwed up, Dad! Gibbs was doing his job and I screwed up! Is that what…you want to hear?"

"No, because it's not the truth."

"As far as you're concerned, I've screwed up…everything else; this isn't…any different!"

Tony clenched his jaw tightly; he tried to focus on his breathing as he became increasingly agitated. Beads of sweat were collecting on his forehead as the room began to close in on him; despite the medication that the doctor had given him, his father's presence was only adding to his already high levels of stress and he was having a difficult time remaining calm.

"Go, Dad!"

"You heard him."

He had never been so relieved to hear Gibbs' voice. The team leader's impeccable timing was something that Tony had always been able to rely on and now he had come through once again.

"Agent Gibbs, Doctor Winesett, it's good to see you again. I was just spending a few moments with my son before his surgery," Senior casually informed them.

It had always amazed Tony how quickly his father could turn on his charm when cornered; of course, he was forced to admit that he had inherited that trait and had employed it several times to get what he wanted. Tony was bothered by the thought that he and his father were alike in several ways. Most kids wanted to be like their fathers, but he didn't; the man he wanted to emulate was getting ready to throw his dad out of his room.

"He obviously doesn't want to see you," Gibbs retorted.

"Do you make all the decisions for my son, Agent Gibbs?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Nope. Tony's his own man and makes his own decisions and he made the decision that he doesn't want to see you."

Tony closed his eyes as he intentionally blocked out what was being said; the team leader would take care of everything and he could focus on the surgery that lay ahead. He vaguely recalled the doctor insisting that Gibbs escort his father out and he had almost laughed at the image that had been created in his mind. Knowing the former Marine, his idea of escorting someone usually involved kicking their ass.

He blew out a pent up breath when Dr. Winesett placed a comforting hand on his arm and assured him that his father was gone. "Your father's a piece of work," the physician observed.

"You have no…idea," Tony mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For my…father."

"You've done that a lot, haven't you?"

"What?"

"You've had to apologize for your father's actions more than once."

"Yeah."

"Well, you can stop. He's a grown man and he's responsible for himself. You don't have to apologize for him; you need to concentrate on yourself," Winesett stated.

"I'll try."

"That's all anyone can ask. We'll be taking you up to surgery in about 10 minutes."

Tony acknowledged him with a slight nod. "Can I see Gibbs before I go?"

"Sure. I'll go get him."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," the doctor replied. "I'll see you in the operating room."

Left alone once again, his father's words echoed in his mind. His dad had promised him the best medical care money could buy; why couldn't the man understand that he didn't want his money? What he had wanted from the elder DiNozzo was the one thing his dad hadn't been willing to give; time was the one thing that once it was gone, you could never get it back and his dad never seemed to bear any remorse over never having enough time to spend with him.

Now, he wanted to buy his love or maybe he just wanted to be sure that Tony was put away somewhere where he wouldn't embarrass the DiNozzo name; now that he thought about it, the latter was more than likely the real reason that he had decided to suddenly be so generous with his money. Tony didn't want or need his money; he could recover just fine without his dad's money; he just had to have the will to do so. Maybe it was time for him to stop feeling sorry for himself and start trying to live again.

At least it was something for him to think about later; right now, he was worried about his dad's thinly veiled threat against Gibbs. Tony was worried that his dad was going after the former Marine and he had to warn him to watch his six. He knew that Gibbs could handle himself against any foe, but his father was a different breed; Anthony DiNozzo, Senior was someone who always got what he wanted and he didn't care who stood in his way. Of course, his father had never dealt with a man as formidable as Leroy Jethro Gibbs; Tony couldn't help but smile when he realized that things could get very interesting.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Are you trying to kill him?"

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was livid. How dare this man claim to be concerned for his son? All the elder DiNozzo seemed to be interested in was how much emotional pain he could inflict upon Tony and the team leader was not going to simply stand by and let Senior bully his way back into his son's life, especially when he knew that his father was not planning on being a permanent fixture in Tony's life.

"I was just trying to see my son before he went into surgery," Senior snapped, the charm that had been emanating from him earlier was now gone.

"Seeing Tony was just an excuse; you had an agenda from the moment you set foot in this hospital," the team leader growled.

"That's absurd."

"Is it?" Gibbs challenged.

"Yes. Anthony is my son; I'm concerned about him."

"You were so worried for him that he ended up kicking you out of his room; you must have gone overboard with the concern."

The former Marine realized that he had to quench the fire burning within him. Why couldn't this man realize what he was missing by not having the his son in his life? Any father would be proud to call Tony son; although Gibbs wasn't his biological father, he looked upon the young man as a son and he was more than willing to acknowledge those paternal feelings. The team leader recognized the fact that he had been the one constant in Tony's life for a long time and he intended to remain firmly planted by his side.

"My conversation with my son is none of your business," Senior seethed. "I know that you're listed as his next of kin but that's going to change; you have no right making any kind of decision on Tony's behalf, especially since _you're_ the reason that he can no longer walk. If you're that desperate to have a son, I suggest you find a wife and get your own."

It took every ounce of reserve that Gibbs could muster not to throttle the man standing in front of him. The elder DiNozzo had crossed the line that no one had ever dared to venture over. He had struck a nerve; the team leader's fuse was growing short and he was ready to explode. Taking a deep breath, he blew it out as he unclenched his fists; he needed to remain focused and in control of his warring emotions because he knew that Tony was depending on him.

He forced the images of Shannon and Kelly back into the treasure box of his mind that he kept closely guarded; that part of his life was special to him and he would not allow Senior to desecrate that memory.

"I think you better leave, Mr. DiNozzo," he suggested, the icy tone of his voice gave no room for dispute. Most rational men would have cowered at his cool demeanor but Gibbs easily realized that Senior was anything but rational; he was a man hell bent on a personal mission and he couldn't shake the feeling that Tony was going to be caught in the middle.

"I'll leave when I'm good and ready; I have every right to be here," he declared. "Tony is my son."

"He doesn't want you here," Gibbs pointed out.

"He doesn't know what he wants or what's best for him."

"If you believe that, then you don't know him at all; Tony's more than capable of making up his own mind and you'd do well to remember that."

Senior defiantly crossed his arms. "I'm staying, Gibbs; a father needs to stand by his son and…"

"It's a little late for that, don't you think? Where were you after Baltimore? Where were you when he almost died from the plague? I think it's a little late to stand by your son, Mr. DiNozzo."

"Have you ever heard of turning over a new leaf? Have you ever heard about giving someone a second chance?"

"Yep, but I think you've used up all your chances."

Gibbs was grateful when Dr. Winesett stepped out into the corridor and motioned for him to join him. Turning his back on DiNozzo, he made his way over to the physician; the former Marine immediately sensed the concern radiating from the doctor. "How's Tony?"

"He's weak," Winesett answered. "He doesn't need any more unexpected visitors; it's too hard on him, physically and mentally."

"I know."

The two men were interrupted by Senior, who had been trying to listen in on their private discussion. "How is my son?"

"We're getting ready to take him up to surgery," the doctor coolly stated. "He's asked to see Agent Gibbs before he goes upstairs."

The team leader acknowledged Winesett with a nod as he stepped around the doctor and made his way into Tony's room. He could hear Senior protesting but the physician seemed both capable and willing to deal with the older man; Gibbs had a feeling that if Tony's father pushed too hard, he would find himself out on the outside looking in.

He opened the door and peered into Tony's room. The young man had managed to calm down and was trying to regain the tenuous control he had over his emotions. Ever since the accident, Tony's moods had been unpredictable, not that Gibbs could blame him; DiNozzo had been forced to create a new life for himself, a life that he wasn't sure that he would get the chance to live. Gibbs had learned a long time ago that life wasn't fair; unfortunately, the man lying before him had learned that lesson as well.

"Hey, Tony," he quietly greeted.

"Hey, Gibbs."

"The doc said you wanted to see me."

"Yeah."

Gibbs met Tony's glassy eyed stare as he reached out to brush back a stray lock of hair from his forehead. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I…will be."

"That's good to hear, DiNozzo."

"If for no…other reason…to prove…to my dad that I don't…need him or his…money," Tony sleepily replied. "Made it for years without it…I don't…need it now."

The former Marine smiled. Tony was going to fight and that was music to his ears; by no means did he think that the journey would be easy, but at least Tony was willing to make it. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I just wanted…you to know…that in case something happened during surgery, that I…didn't give up."

"I know you wouldn't give up; I'd have to head slap you if you did," he quipped.

"I'd probably deserve it."

"You just hang in there; I'll be here when you wake up."

"When…not if?"

"When, DiNozzo."

"And my dad?"

"Don't worry about him," Gibbs gently urged. "He's in the capable hands of your doctor at the moment."

Tony tiredly grinned. "That ought to be interesting; he wasn't…too happy when…he left here. Can't believe that there was…enough left for the doctor to get hold of. Figured…you would have kicked his ass."

Gibbs was once again amazed at how well DiNozzo knew him; ever since their first meeting, he recognized and respected the fact that Tony could see right through him. "I still might," he admitted.

"Be careful," Tony warned. "He knows…that you shot…me; he's after you."

"He can't hurt me."

"I've seen him in action…he's looking for a score. If there's a way to…get the blame shifted to you…he'll find it."

He could tell that Tony was beginning to succumb to the effects of the sedative that had been given to him earlier. "Don't worry about me; you just concentrate on getting better."

"Just promise me that…you'll be careful, Gibbs."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know…I just…"

Tony's concern for him was another example of the young agent's selflessness. DiNozzo was worried about him while he was facing another major surgery, which if it didn't work, would paralyze him further. He wondered if Tony inherited his gift of compassion from his mother; Gibbs knew that he didn't take it after his father.

"You just take it easy and let the doctor do all the work."

"Got it, Boss."

The nurses entered the room and began their preparations to take Tony to surgery. Gibbs attempted to stay out of their way while remaining in Tony's line of sight. "Everything's going to be all right, DiNozzo."

"I know."

Gibbs kept his hand on Tony's shoulder as the nurses began to push the gurney out of the room and down the corridor towards the elevator. The team leader glanced around and breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that DiNozzo's father was nowhere to be seen. He really didn't care where Senior was, he was just grateful that Tony wouldn't have to face him again.

As the nurses pushed the gurney into the elevator, Gibbs was forced to step back. "I'll see you when you get back," Gibbs promised.

Tony didn't answer but Gibbs knew that DiNozzo had heard him. As the elevator doors closed, he continued to stare straight ahead, his thoughts focused on the man that he looked upon as a son. Although he knew that he would always live with the guilt of the shooting, Tony's renewed spirit had given him hope as well and had eased some of the regret that had been consuming him. Their friendship had weathered yet another storm and the future was looking brighter; he just hoped that the hurricane known as Anthony DiNozzo, Senior didn't return, destroying everything in his path.

**I meant to post this Friday but I ended up taking one of my sons to the doctor due to an injured thumb he received from baseball practice the night before. Thankfully, it's not broken and is just a bad sprain; he had it splinted for the weekend and the swelling has gone down, it's just bruised now. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post and I do apologize for not having time once again to do replies; I will try and catch them in the morning. After all, if you take the time to review, I believe you at least deserve a personal thank you! As always, thanks so much for being so patient and remaining loyal to this story; I appreciate your encouragement and support! **


	32. Chapter 32

**Part 3****2**

_***flashback***_

"_Tony? Tony? Wake up, sweetheart."_

_The young boy began to stir from his slumber. His mother's lilting voice was breaking through the fog that seemed to shroud his mind as she continued to encourage him to open his eyes; the only problem that he had in honoring her request was that his throbbing head was screaming at him to go back to sleep. The fall that he had taken from his favorite tree in their backyard had resulted in a trip to the emergency room and an overnight stay in the hospital. Tony had heard the doctor inform his mother that he had a concussion but he had not paid attention to anything else the physician had said; all he had wanted to do was sleep but he was only afforded that luxury for a couple hours at a time._

"_Mom?" he called out, surprised by the raspy tone his voice now possessed._

"_I'm right here, baby," she soothed. "I need you to answer a few questions for me and then you can go back to sleep."_

_Tony would have rolled his eyes had his skull not felt like it had a knife sticking out of it. His mom had asked him the same questions the past three times she had awakened him; she had told him that the doctor wanted to make sure that he wasn't suffering from any serious effects of the concussion but all Tony really cared about was going back to sleep. He hated doctors and hospitals and he mused that if he could stay asleep, he wouldn't have to deal with the nervousness he usually experienced whenever he saw a white coat. _

"_I've already answered them," Tony whined. "I know my name, where I am, and who the president is."_

"_Well, how about I ask you some different questions?"_

"_Fine," he wearily conceded._

_His mother fingered his bangs as she brushed them away from the bandage that adorned his head. "All right," she began. "What's your favorite food?"_

"_Pizza with pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese."_

"_That's right."_

"_What's your favorite drink?"_

"_Chocolate milk with extra syrup."_

_His mom leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Who's the best mom in the whole world?"_

"_You are," he mumbled. _

_His mom __**was**__ the best mom in the world when she was sober; her habit of mixing liquor and her prescription drugs usually took her to a place where nothing mattered, including her son. She was able to put on a good façade and usually no one was the wiser, but Tony, despite being only seven years old could see behind the mask she wore. It scared him when his mother said she needed to take her medicine because that usually meant it would be a couple of days before she would venture out of her room and have anything to do with him. He couldn't shake the feeling that one of these days she would never wake up. Because of that fear, Tony had learned to cherish those special days when his presence was the only medicine that she needed. _

_He really couldn't blame his mom for the way she was; living with his father was not an easy task and one that she had managed to master with some difficulty. His dad wasn't mean to either one of him, but his inattentiveness and tendency to put them low on his list of priorities was a constant source of irritation to Tony. He remembered his mom referring to her problems as her insecurities; Tony wasn't sure what they were but he assumed that he had them as well. The only difference between the two of them was that his mom dealt with her insecurities through alcohol and medication and he dealt with his insecurities by constantly getting in trouble. Tony figured that he would indeed be punished for this latest incident; he had deliberately disobeyed his father by climbing the tall tree in the back yard but at least he would get some attention from his dad and that was all that mattered. _

"_Can I go home?" he wanted to know._

"_The doctor said you could go home sometime tomorrow."_

"_Have you called Dad?"_

"_Yes and he's on his way to the hospital."_

_A reluctant smile danced upon his lips; maybe his father did care about him. Would his dad actually cut his business meeting short to come be with him in the hospital? Could he dare to hope that Anthony DiNozzo, Senior, was worried about his son? _

"_He's coming here?"_

"_That's what he said."_

_Tony winced as he nodded; with the possibility of his dad coming, he had nearly forgotten about the pain that had taken up residence in his head. He closed his eyes for a moment in an effort to stop the room from spinning but soon found himself drifting off once again. He wanted nothing more than to dream of the fun that he and his father could have while he was recuperating but a gentle shake to his shoulder forced him back to the present. _

"_Tony, you need to stay awake for a few more minutes," his mom said._

"_I'm sleepy."_

"_I know; it's only for a few more minutes."_

"_Okay."_

_He heard his mother laugh; Tony loved the sound of her laughter. "You need to open your eyes," she insisted._

"_Can't."_

"_All right, sweetheart; it's okay. Go to sleep."_

"_When I wake up again, will Dad be here?" he wanted to know._

"_I hope so, Tony."_

_His mom placed another kiss on his forehead as he gave into the darkness that was calling to him. Tony hoped that his journey into dreamland would be a hint of things to come and that his father would actually tell him that he loved him; three simple words would make everything better and the three of them could be a family. Of course, he would have to renew his faith in happy endings and after so many years of disappointment, he had ceased believing in fairytales._

_***end flashback***_

"Tony? Tony? I need you to wake up."

The young man began to stir from his forced slumber. He slowly opened his eyes expecting to see his mother standing over him, trying to soothe him as she always did when he was hurt or sick. As he became increasingly aware of his surroundings, he quickly realized that it all had been a dream. Tony blinked several times, hoping that his initial disorientation would quickly pass. His gaze finally came to rest on the nurse's smiling face. Normally, he would be inclined to try and impress her with one of his famous pick up lines, but he was having difficulty forming the words he wanted to say.

"It's about time you woke up."

"Done…with surgery?" he finally managed to ask, wincing at the sound of his raspy voice. Tony hated waking up from anesthesia. Besides feeling sick, his throat felt like he had swallowed sand and it usually took him several days until he considered himself fit to be around; maybe he should go ahead and apologize in advance for any rudeness that he may exhibit in the near future. Usually he managed to keep his emotions closely guarded but there something about being in the hospital that unnerved him and forced his feelings to the surface; Tony hated the conflict that raged inside of him and he knew that no one deserved to be on the receiving end of his temper.

"It's all over," the nurse soothed. "We're going to keep you in recovery just a little while longer to make sure that your vitals remain stable."

"Okay." He wasn't completely sure what she had said, but it really didn't matter; Tony would figure it out later when he was more aware of everything that was going on.

Tony could hear several other voices in the room but he couldn't make out what they were saying either and truthfully, he really didn't care. He closed his eyes hoping that he could return to his dream. It had been a long time since he had dreamt of his mother; most of his memories of his mother were buried deep within the recesses of his mind where they were safe and untarnished by reality.

Unfortunately, his dreams would have to wait as the familiar voice of Dr. Winesett called to him. "Tony, it's good to see you awake," the doctor declared.

"I'll just have to take your word on that," he mumbled.

"On what?"

"On being awake. Everything is still kind of fuzzy."

"It will be for a while; we're taking things slow so you don't get too sick. We all know too well how you are waking up from the anesthesia."

"Okay."

"We'll talk some more later," Winesett promised, "but I just wanted to tell you that your surgery went well."

There were questions that Tony wanted to ask but he couldn't get his muddled mind around his thoughts. He hated feeling so discombobulated but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. Tony gave the doctor a slight nod as he closed his eyes again. Hopefully the medical staff would take a hint and let him go back to sleep. The surgery was an apparent success and that was all Tony needed to know; unless the doctor was going to tell him that he was going to walk again, anything else Dr. Winesett wanted to say would have to wait.

Once again, he mentally reached for the comfort that his mother bought to him in his dreams. Tony's final thought before giving in to the beckoning arms of darkness was of his mom reassuring him that everything was going to be all right. As a child, he had so desperately wanted to believe her but fate had intervened and she had died, leaving him alone with his father; that had been one of the darkest times in his young life. It had taken him a long time to forgive her for abandoning him but once he realized that her death had been his fault, he had shifted the blame to himself, where it truly belonged.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was on his fourth cup of coffee; he had brought his own preferred brew and commandeered the coffee pot in the waiting room so that he could keep his cup full and his impatience under control. He was still waiting on news regarding Tony's surgery and with every passing minute, his concern for the young man grew as well. Gibbs had to assume that no news was good news, but that knowledge didn't seem to ease his troubled mind.

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted his constant worry, providing him with a brief respite from the scenarios that continued to play in his mind. He stretched out his arm so he could read the caller ID; one of these days, he was going to learn to remember his glasses. Recognizing the familiar name of his old friend, he answered the phone, not bothering to hide the weariness that was evident in his voice.

"Hey, Duck," he tiredly greeted.

"Jethro?" Ducky answered. "I'm sorry to bother you but we were wondering if you had heard anything from Anthony?"

Gibbs took another drink of his coffee. "We?"

"Yes. Myself, Abby, Timothy, and Ziva; we're all here in autopsy waiting for some news," Ducky explained.

The team leader could picture the four of them pacing back and forth in autopsy and although he was still aggravated with McGee and Ziva's seemingly lack of consideration for DiNozzo, he knew that they were genuinely worried about their friend and colleague. "Nothing yet," he replied. "Shouldn't be much longer."

"You sound tired."

Gibbs grinned; it was difficult to get anything past Ducky. "I am, but I'll be okay. As soon as I know Tony's going to be all right, I'll get some rest."

"He's strong, Jethro," the ME reminded him.

"I know."

"You don't sound convinced."

"I'm fine."

Fortunately, the impeccable timing of Dr. Winesett meant he didn't have to expand upon Ducky's audible observation. He knew Tony was strong but everyone had their breaking point and the untimely arrival of DiNozzo's father certainly didn't help matters any. Tony had vowed to show his father that he didn't need him or his money and Gibbs admired the younger man for that, but Senior's presence was troublesome and he couldn't shake the feeling that the battle had just begun.

"Gotta go, Duck."

He hung up his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. Barely giving the physician time to get through the door, Gibbs asked, "How's Tony?"

"He's in recovery now," the doctor answered as he walked over to the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. "He's a bit groggy but that's to be expected. The surgery went well. I removed the fragments and stopped the internal bleeding; we're letting him finish up this pint of blood before we transfer him to his room. There was some minor nerve damage but nothing that will ultimately affect the use of his upper body; he'll have some tingling sensations for a few days until the nerves heal, but other than that, things look good."

"How long until I can see him?" Gibbs wanted to know; he had to see for himself that Tony was going to be all right.

"It shouldn't be much longer."

"I think I'll go up to his room and wait on him."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate that."

"Thanks, Doc." Gibbs shook the physician's hand as a sense of relief came over him. Tony needed for the surgery to go well and for once, it seemed as fate was going to be kind to Anthony DiNozzo; the young man truly deserved a break.

"You're welcome. I'll come by a little later and check on him," Winesett stated.

After the doctor left the room, Gibbs poured himself one last cup of coffee, finishing off the remainder of the pot and turned to head upstairs to Tony's room. He made a mental note to call Ducky and inform him of the good news after he reached DiNozzo's room; Ducky and the others thought as much of Tony as he did and he knew that they would be glad that the surgery went well.

Gibbs walked down the corridor to the elevator, still elated that DiNozzo's surgery had gone so well. He suddenly found his path blocked by Tony's father and two other well dressed men whom he immediately pegged as lawyers; their designer suits and briefcases were accented by the arrogant manner in which they carried themselves, reminding Gibbs of why he didn't like lawyers. He had hoped that the elder DiNozzo had accepted defeat and had decided to leave his son alone, but his gut had been warning him to keep his guard up and as always, his gut was right.

"Agent Gibbs," Senior coolly acknowledged.

"Mr. DiNozzo."

"Where are you headed to in such a hurry?"

Gibbs reached around Tony's father and pushed the button to call the elevator car. "I don't believe that it's any of your business," the agent gruffly stated.

"It is if you're going to see my son. I'm asking the doctor to restrict his visitors."

The team leader glared at the trio of men standing before him, his gaze finally coming to rest on Anthony DiNozzo, Senior. "You really want to start this again?"

"I'm not starting anything, Agent Gibbs; I'm finishing it. Let me introduce you to my attorneys." Senior gestured to the two men standing beside him.

"I don't have time for this," he growled.

"I suggest you make time, Agent Gibbs," the older man insisted. "The gentleman to my right is Douglas Turner, _Senior_ and this young man is his son, Jonathan. Jonathan graduated the top of his class and has passed the bar in New York, New Jersey, and Maryland; he's a son that a man can be proud of." Senior cleared his throat, giving an effectual pause for his innuendo. "Anyway," Senior continued. "Doug and his firm have been taking care of me for years."

"I'd say you've kept them busy. Now, if you'll excuse me," Gibbs said as he started to push the button once again, knowing that the longer he was near Senior, the stronger the urge became to forget the boundaries of agent and civilian; he truly despised the man standing in front of him.

"I just need a moment of your time, Agent Gibbs," Turner stated, placing himself between Gibbs and the elevator.

Gibbs clenched his fist, tamping down the urge to throw the first punch; there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he could take out all three men but this wasn't the time or place to cause a scene. His top priority was Tony's recovery and he would be damned if he was going to allow DiNozzo's father and his high priced lawyers deter his focus.

"You've got thirty seconds," the team leader snapped.

"Very well."

The former Marine watched with interest as the older attorney took some papers from his son and began to present them to him. The knot in his gut pulled tighter as Turner began to speak; it was obvious that Tony's father had been very busy and in a short time had managed to pull several strings. "The first document in your hands is the proof of power of attorney. My client is listed as Anthony DiNozzo, Junior's power of attorney and therefore, his authority to act in his son's best interests supersedes anything you may have done as Anthony's next of kin. As a result, any further medical information or decisions will be made by Tony's father and not by you."

"This doesn't mean anything; I don't make Tony's decisions for him. Tony can make up his own mind about his treatment and who is informed about his progress."

Turner handed Gibbs yet another document. "As power of attorney, my client has a right to pursue guardianship of his son based on the fact that the young man in question may not be able to make competent decisions regarding his health care due to the significant mental and emotional stress that he has been experiencing. Once that guardianship is granted, sole responsibility for Anthony DiNozzo, Junior, will fall to his father."

Gibbs' rage was consuming him. How could a father do this to his son? Tony was more than capable of making his own decisions and Senior was threatening to take that away from him; Gibbs knew that he was in for a fight, but unlike Tony's biological father, he would do anything for his son including going up against the gates of hell.

"No judge in his right mind will rule Tony as incompetent," Gibbs angrily countered. "You guys are a bunch of idiots if you think you're going to get away with this."

"We'll see about that," Turner shot back.

"Yes, we will."

Deciding that he needed to get away from Senior and his vultures, Gibbs turned and headed for the stairwell. Reaching for the door knob, Turner called out to him, "I wasn't finished yet."

"Yes, you were."

"I have something else for you," Turner exclaimed, handing him one final document. "It's a civil suit filed on behalf of the family of Anthony DiNozzo, Junior, against you for neglect that resulted in the maiming and permanent disability of Agent DiNozzo."

Gibbs didn't even bother reading the warrant; he crumpled the papers in his hand and threw them in the floor. The dam that had been holding back his anger had crumbled until the river of emotions began to run rampant through his body. All control that he had been exhibiting no longer existed as his mind was consumed by intense fury. His rage was screaming for release and unfortunately for Tony's father, he was the recipient of his uncontrollable wrath that burned like a flame that couldn't be extinguished.

The elevator doors chose that moment to open and the team leader shoved the two attorneys aside and pushed Senior into the empty lift car. Holding the older man against the wall with one arm, he pushed the button to close the doors and as the elevator started to ascend, he hit the emergency stop button, purposefully trapping the two men between floors.

He turned his attention back to Tony's father, whose expression was a mixture of fear, disbelief, and anger. Gibbs pressed his forearm against Senior's neck, holding him firmly in place, struggling against the temptation to completely cut off the other man's air supply. "You son of a bitch," he seethed. "What kind of game are you playing?"

"I don't…play games," Senior gasped.

"Don't give me that crap! You haven't been around for years! Why the sudden interest?"

"He's my son!"

"In name only! You don't care about him! It's all about power and money! You see a way to make a little more money and it doesn't matter who you use to do it! All the money and all the power in the world isn't going to make your son love you!"

"I'm not after his…love. He's always…loved me. I'm…his father."

Shocked at Senior's words, Gibbs released Tony's father and watched with disgust as he slumped to the floor. "You really are a manipulative bastard."

"Takes one to know one, Gibbs," Senior retorted as he carefully checked his neck for any permanent damage.

"You don't deserve him." Gibbs shook his head and released the emergency stop button. The elevator began to hum back to life; the team leader had an overwhelming need to put as much distance between himself and Senior as possible. As the elevator came to a stop, the doors opened and Gibbs found himself face to face with two officers with their guns drawn.

"Agent Gibbs, step out of the elevator," the first officer ordered. "I'm placing you under arrest for assault."

As his hands were pulled behind his back and the cuffs slapped on his wrists, Gibbs silently cursed himself for losing control. He had allowed himself to be played by Senior and his lawyers; his hatred for Tony's father had fed into his anger and he had reacted hastily and foolishly. What was it going to do to Tony when he learned about what happened? Would he understand Gibbs' actions or would he feel as if he had been abandoned once again?'

The officer read Gibbs his rights and he acknowledged his understanding with a slight nod. As he was escorted from the hospital premises, Gibbs glanced over his shoulder to see Senior smiling triumphantly as he assured his lawyers that he was all right. The team leader silently vowed to do everything in his power to assure Tony that he still had his six; he had promised to be by Tony's side and that was one promise he intended to keep.

**You're probably sitting there screaming, "No, she didn't!" Well, yes I did and I do apologize for leaving you hanging a bit but I had no choice, especially if you want updates on the other stories. Anyway, I will promise that although things seem bleak, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train!**

**As always, I hope you enjoyed the post and I truly appreciate your loyalty and support! I have the most amazing readers in the world! Thank you all for everything! **


	33. Chapter 33

Part 33

Tony had finally been moved to his room and although he was still feeling some of the affects of the anesthesia, he was awake and grateful that his surgery was over. The nurses had settled him in his bed and made sure that he had everything he needed but there was still something missing; the formidable presence of his mentor was absent from his room. The team leader had promised to be there when he got out of surgery and Tony knew that Gibbs would never go back on his word; his instincts were telling him that something was wrong and much like the former Marine, his gut was seldom wrong.

He slowly flexed his hands as he struggled to tolerate the constant tingling sensation in his arms; he recalled Dr. Winesett telling him about the numbness that he would be experiencing, but the physician had assured him that it was only temporary. Tony quickly decided that having the use of his arms was worth a few days of inconvenience. He noticed that his left arm no longer required a sling and although there was a constant dull ache still present in his shoulder, it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.

The fact that Gibbs still wasn't there was continuing to trouble him. The sinking feeling that was plaguing him before was still eating away at him. "Maybe he just went…for coffee," Tony mused. "That's it. He had…to go…for coffee." Tony was trying to rationalize as to why Gibbs wasn't there, but he knew that even if he had gone for coffee, he would have been back by now.

"He wouldn't…leave. Something's…not right." Ignoring the pins and needles dancing across his skin, he fumbled for the call button. A thin sheen of perspiration appeared on Tony's forehead as he concentrated on grasping the switch; he was determined to find someone who could give him some answers. After several attempts at getting his arms and hands to cooperate, he finally managed to activate the call button and within a few seconds, the nurse entered his room.

He couldn't remember her name but knew that she had been one of the nurses who had settled him back in his room. Tony squinted to read her name tag but gave up after a few seconds. As if she were reading his mind, she leaned over him and gently dabbed his forehead with a cool rag. "Mr. DiNozzo, it's Liz; I'm one of your nurses today," she stated. "Can I get you something?"

"Where's Gibbs?" he wanted to know.

Confused, Liz asked, "Gibbs? I'm not sure…oh, wait a minute; handsome man with salt and pepper hair, doesn't smile a lot?"

Tony tiredly grinned at Liz. "That would…be him."

"I haven't seen him in a while but I'm sure he didn't go far," she assured him. "But you do have another visitor if you feel up to it."

"Who is it?"

"Your father."

"My dad? What's…he doing…here?"

The more Tony considered the reasons that his father was around and Gibbs wasn't, the more convinced he became that his dad was somehow responsible for the team leader's unexplained absence. He had tried to warn Gibbs to watch his back; the elder DiNozzo was a master manipulator and usually got anything he wanted and he didn't care who he hurt in the process.

Tony knew that Gibbs could handle himself but that didn't stop him from worrying about the man he considered to be his father.

"I guess he's waiting to see you," Liz assumed. "Do you want me to send him in?"

Tony's first instinct was send his dad away but he had a feeling that if he did that, he wouldn't be the one to pay the price. "Yeah, go ahead," he agreed, hesitation evident in his voice.

"Are you sure? I can send him away for right now because you do need your rest."

"No. Go ahead…and send him in."

"All right. Do you need anything else before I go?" she sweetly inquired.

He shook his head. "Not right now. Thanks."

Tony mentally braced himself to see Senior; he couldn't let his father sense any weakness even though he knew that his dad already saw him as an invalid and in his eyes, it was simply another flaw in Tony's character. He exhaled slowly as the familiar footsteps of his father echoed across the tile; his stride was purposeful and every step radiated both confidence and arrogance. Tony struggled to keep his childhood memories at bay; the last thing he wanted to think about was the loneliness and insecurity of growing up with a father who never had time for him.

"Anthony," his father greeted. "How are you feeling?"

Meeting his father's stern gaze, Tony could easily tell that his father had been working his infamous magic once again. The man had an incredible ability to turn things in his favor and it was obvious by the satisfied smirk he was wearing on his face that Anthony DiNozzo, Senior, had come out on top once again.

"Where's Gibbs?" Tony asked, not bothering to answer his father's inquiry into his health. His dad had never been that interested in his welfare before and there was no reason for Tony to believe that his father had changed.

His father seemed to tense at the mention of Gibbs' name. "Gibbs has been…detained," Senior coolly replied.

Tony's eyes narrowed as he studied his father's smug expression. "Detained?"

"Yes."

"Detained…by what?"

"Anthony, you don't need to worry about Gibbs; you need to worry about yourself so you can get better."

"Don't give me…that crap," Tony blurted out; he neither had the desire nor the energy to play his father's games. "You don't…care…if I get better!"

The tension that was already emanating from his father seemed to increase with Tony's insolent accusation. "It's obvious that you're still under the affects of the anesthesia; you don't know what you're saying. I _do_ care, Anthony, and I won't have you speaking to me in that tone of voice."

Tony found it almost humorous that his father was talking to him like he was nine years old. He was a grown man and had stopped caring long ago about what his father said or thought. Tony could care less about what kind of impression he made on his dad; all he cared about was finding out what happened to Gibbs.

"What are…you going to…do? Send me to…my room?" Tony challenged. Between the surgery and the medication he was currently on, he wasn't going to pull any punches and he was more than prepared to remind Senior that he didn't want or need his father in his life; if his dad wanted to recreate the scene that had taken place at his high school graduation, Tony was more than willing to oblige. Of course, he was at a physical disadvantage now; he and his dad had done more than exchanged words that night and as a result, didn't speak or see each other for almost five years.

"Sarcasm is a sign of a week mind, son."

"Where's Gibbs?" he asked again.

"I told you that he's been detained but he's fine; like I said, you need to concentrate on…"

Tony bit back a sharp retort; he needed to keep control of his temper until he managed to get a straight answer from his father. "I want an..honest answer. Is that too much…to ask?"

"I just don't know if you're strong enough to hear the truth about Agent Gibbs."

"I can handle the truth a lot better than I can handle a lie."

He tamped the wave of nausea that threatened to overtake him; although the thought of throwing up on his father brought a smile to his lips, it would only serve to irritate the man and he would be more inclined to keep what he knew to himself. "I'm only going…to ask you one more…time; where's…Gibbs?"

"All right, Anthony; if you must know, Gibbs has been arrested."

Tony felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. What had his father done? "Arrested? What…are the…charges?" He wished that he had the strength to string together more than two or three words at time.

"Assault."

"What?" Tony wanted to believe that his father was lying to him but for once, it seemed like his dad was actually telling him the truth.

"He attacked me and assaulted me and I have plenty of witnesses."

"Gibbs wouldn't have…attacked you…without a good…reason," Tony insisted.

"Perhaps you don't know Gibbs as well as you thought you did," Senior pointed out. "He damn near could have killed me."

"But he didn't."

"No, he didn't; but he could have," the older man reiterated.

"Drop the charges," Tony insisted.

"I can't do that."

Tony clenched the sheet tightly, ignoring the prickling sensation still present in his arms. He was furious with his father and he wanted nothing more than to get out of his bed and take Senior down a notch or two. One day his father was going to choke on his pride and Tony hoped he would be there to witness it. "I want you…to drop…the charges, Dad!"

"Why are you taking up for him? He assaulted me!"

"I'm sure you deserved it."

Senior's gaze narrowed, his eyes reflecting the annoyance that he was obviously feeling towards him, but Tony refused to be intimidated. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that something his father had said or done had served as a catalyst for Gibbs' reaction; the team leader never did anything without a good reason. Tony mentally cursed the little voice in the back of his mind that reminded him that Gibbs _was _capable of acting without thinking; the fact that he was paralyzed was a testament to that flaw in his personality. He shook his head in an effort to clear his mind of the condemning thoughts.

"That's a fine thing to say to your father," Senior growled.

"Truth hurts, doesn't it?"

His dad leaned closer to him. "Perhaps I should enlighten you about a few things, _Junior._"

Tony swallowed hard as memories of lectures gone by threatened to surface; as a child, his father was always enlightening him about something and he had always resented Senior's lectures. He had a feeling that this time wasn't going to be any different.

"Although you have Agent Gibbs listed as your next of kin, I'm still your power of attorney, so he has no say in your treatment; if there are decisions to be made, I will be making them," Senior boldly stated.

"I'm capable…of making my…own decisions; I don't…need anyone, especially you, making…them for me," Tony shot back, wincing against the soreness in his throat. He was not going to allow his father to control him; after all these years, it amazed him that his father still thought he had the right to interfere in his life.

"Furthermore, I have filed a civil suit on your behalf against Gibbs for negligence and…"

"You what? You can't…do that!" Tony began to curse vehemently as he futilely tried to sit up.

With exaggerated movement, Senior produced a copy of the civil suit out of his coat pocket and placed in Tony's flailing hand. "I can and I have. Here's a copy for you since technically, you are involved."

He wanted nothing more than to wipe that infuriating smile off of his father's face. Frustrated, his arm hit the side rail, sending a wave of pain shooting up from his fingertips to his shoulder. He clenched his jaw against the agony as his father hovered over him, trying to tend to him.

"Get away from…me!" Tony gasped. "Don't you…touch me!"

"I'm just trying to help."

Tony breathed through the pain as the throbbing began to ease. "I don't want…your help, Dad. It's too late…you had...your chance to help me…years ago."

"Anthony, I…"

"Drop the charges…and the suit," he ordered, as his breathing began to even out.

Before his father could offer a reply, Liz came scurrying into the room. "Is everything all right? Our monitors are showing that your heart rate is up; what's going on?"

"I hit…my arm," Tony explained, hoping that his answer would satisfy the nurse and she would leave them alone. He and Senior had a lot to talk about and he didn't want Liz to make his father leave; Tony couldn't believe that he actually wanted to talk to his dad, but if what Senior said was true, he needed to figure out a way to help Gibbs.

"I'm fine now," he reassured her.

He could tell that Liz wasn't convinced but thankfully, she was able to take the hint that he needed to talk to his father. "I'll be keeping a close eye on your monitor, Mr. DiNozzo." As the nurse turned to leave, she glared at his father. "Only a few more minutes; he needs his rest."

"Of course," his father conceded.

After the nurse left, Tony found himself staring at his father, his pain filled eyes betraying his disbelief at his father's actions towards Gibbs. He wasn't sure why he was so surprised that his dad would stoop to such a low level; Tony knew what Senior was capable of and now, unfortunately, so did Gibbs.

"Drop…the charges and the suit. You could…ruin his…life."

"I'm only doing this for you, Anthony," Senior reminded him. "As your power of attorney, I have the right to look out for your best interests when you are unable to do so."

"I can make up…my own mind. I can't…walk; it doesn't affect…my mind."

"I would have to disagree; you haven't been yourself since the accident."

"How would you know?"

"Anthony, let's not fight any more. You just need to accept that…"

Tony vehemently shook his head, instantly regretting the action as he was forced to swallow back the bile that was hovering at the back of his throat. "I don't…have to accept anything…from you."

Senior sat down in the chair beside his bed. "Listen to me, Anthony; I know that you're upset but I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" he challenged. "Because I don't…think you do. You're trying to ruin…Gibbs' life; if you…go through with your plans…I'll make sure…you regret it."

"Threatening your own flesh and blood? Not a wise move." He could sense his dad's scrutiny as the older man leaned back in his chair. "I'll tell you what I'll do, Anthony; just to prove to you that I'm not the ogre that you seem to think I am, I'm willing to drop the charges and the suit against Agent Gibbs," Senior declared.

"Then prove it."

"There is a condition or two."

Tony had felt a 'but' coming; with his father, there were always conditions. "Figured as much. What's the catch?"

"I will drop the assault charges and the civil suit if you agree to abide by my wishes for your future care."

"Your wishes?"

"Yes. You will appear before a judge to rule on whether you can make a sound decisions regarding your medical care and once you've been ruled incompetent, I will take over guardianship of you and your assets and I promise that you will have the best care in the world. I will have the best doctors on your case and perhaps one day, you'll even walk again."

"You actually think…that a judge will find me…incompetent?"

"The right judge will."

"You mean a judge that you've paid off."

"I didn't say that."

"Why are you doing this?" Tony demanded to know. His father had left him alone for years and now his sudden reappearance and interest in his well being wreaked of another opportunity that his father deemed as beneficial to him. "You didn't care about me…when I…was a kid; you don't…care now. What are you…after?"

"I just want my son."

"You're a freakin' liar."

His father ignored the insult as an evil grin danced on his lips. "What's it going to be son? Do you want me to drag Gibbs' through the hassles of a trial and literally take him to the cleaners? My lawyers already have a strong case against him for negligence and the assault charges will be the icing on the cake; you've seen me in action, Tony and you know that I can destroy him. So, are you going to accept my offer?"

"You bastard," Tony seethed.

"It's your choice."

Tony realized his back was against the wall, at least for the moment. He knew what his father was capable of and the last thing he wanted was for Gibbs to lose his career and possibly everything else that was important to him because of Senior's greed. However, if agreed to his father's demands, then he was more than likely doomed to spend the rest of his life put away somewhere where he wouldn't be an embarrassment to the DiNozzo name; but at least Gibbs wouldn't be facing time in prison and to Tony, that was what really mattered.

"All right," he reluctantly agreed. "But I…want to talk…to Gibbs. I need…to explain…I just need to talk to him."

"I can arrange that," Senior promised. "It looks like Gibbs owes you his life; you and I both know how long he would have lasted in prison."

"What you're doing is blackmail."

"Blackmail is such an ugly word; I like to think of it as manipulating a situation to my advantage." Senior pulled out another piece of paper. "I'm going to need your signature or your mark on this document, sealing our arrangement."

"My word isn't good enough for you?" Tony asked.

"No; just like mine has never been good enough for you."

"I'm having a…little…trouble…holding on to things…have to wait until…I'm stronger."

"I can wait, but Agent Gibbs may not be able to," Senior reminded him.

"I'll sign it when…I can. Get Gibbs out…of jail."

"All right; I'll show my faith in you and take you at your word. I wouldn't consider trying to double cross me; you know what will happen."

The nurse knocked on the door. "You'll have to come back and see your son later," she informed his father. "He just had major surgery and he needs to rest."

"Of course."

Tony flinched when his dad patted him on the head. "You rest, Anthony; I'm going to go and see about having you moved to a more appropriate facility for recuperation."

Once again, he was forced to curb his tongue as his father left him alone. Tony closed his eyes as Liz came in and made sure that he had not done any damage to himself. He was having a hard time believing that he had made a deal with the devil but it had been his only choice.

"There's someone else to see you," Liz said.

"I don't think…I'm up for any…more visitors; unless it's Gibbs."

"I think you'll want to see this one."

Tony glanced over at the door in time to see Ducky enter the room. Liz had been right; he wanted to see a friendly face and if Gibbs couldn't be here, he was glad that Ducky had been the one to come and see him. "Ducky," he rasped.

"Anthony, my boy," the ME exclaimed. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

"It's all right; you're…here now."

"Jethro called me and told me what happened."

"Gibbs called you? I thought…"

"He is, but he thought it more important that I warn you about what your father is planning, but I have a feeling that I'm too late."

"Yeah. My dad…just left."

"Jethro is terribly worried about you; he wanted me to tell you that he's fine and that you need to make sure to take care of yourself," Ducky said. "He only had a moment to talk but he gave me a rundown of what happened and…"

"And my dad had…him arrested," Tony finished.

"Yes, I know. I'm sure that Gibbs doesn't blame you."

"I know he doesn't." Tony figured that as soon as Gibbs was released from custody that he would figure out that something had transpired between him and his father. He had given up his life for Gibbs' and he had done it willingly; it was his decision to make and if his father had anything to say about it, it would probably be the last one he ever made for himself.

He felt Ducky take his trembling hand and give it a squeeze. "It will all work out, Anthony."

Tony refused to look at the ME as he struggled to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. "No Ducky," he sighed. "I don't…think it will."

**Just a note: Of course, I'm sure that you figured out that this isn't definitely the Robert Wagner version of Senior; I had this version planned out before Senior came on the scene and I didn't change it for plot's sake. Hope you all don't mind…it gives you someone you can love to hate! **

**As always, thank you for reading and for your continued encouragement. I do apologize that I don't have time to post replies to From the Ashes, but I will do that as soon as I can. Just know, that your reviews mean the world to me. I hope you enjoy this post and I'm going to go hide so I can avoid any objects being hurled my way. LOL **

**Have a great weekend!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Part 34**

Gibbs wasn't surprised when he learned that he had been released from custody; when the officer had told him that the charges had been dropped and he was free to go, he wasted no time in leaving. His first priority was to make sure that Tony was all right; he could only imagine what was going through DiNozzo's mind, especially if his father had already spoken to him. Tony's dad was a hypocrite and he had no qualms about using his son for his own personal gain.

His release had been obtained before he had been processed and his personal items hadn't been confiscated, so once the handcuffs were removed, he pulled out his cell phone to make another phone call. His first phone call had been placed when he had arrived at the station and he had called Ducky, instructing him to go to the hospital so Tony wouldn't be alone. He wasn't concerned about wasting his phone call; his old friend would make sure that he took care of everything.

However, this particular phone call was being directed to the one person he had been purposefully avoiding since IA had cleared him of any wrongdoing. Gibbs just hoped that Director Jenny Shepard would listen to him; Tony's life could depend on her willingness to help him.

Standing against the wall outside the station, he dialed Jenny's number. After the third ring, his former lover answered, the anger in her voice reflected her obvious irritation with him; Gibbs quickly surmised that she already knew about what had transpired at the hospital and his subsequent arrest.

"You better be calling to tell me that the fact that you were arrested is nothing but a nasty rumor," Jenny warned.

"I _was_ arrested," Gibbs confirmed, not bothering to try and hide the truth from the Director.

"Gibbs, you're a federal agent," she reminded him. "Do you have any idea what this could mean to your career?"

"Would you relax? The charges have been dropped."

"That doesn't change the fact that you were arrested for assaulting a civilian!"

"Anthony DiNozzo, Senior doesn't qualify as a civilian; he's a monster."

"I didn't ask for your personal opinion of Tony's father; I just want to know what's going on."

"If you come pick me up, I'll tell you whole thing," he promised.

Gibbs could envision her gloating in the realization that he needed her; he had purposefully distanced himself from Jenny ever since the shooting but now, the team leader had to lay his personal feelings aside if he was going to help Tony. "So how soon can I expect you?" Gibbs wanted to know.

"Give me ten minutes."

"Come alone," he instructed. "I know you've gotten used to be chauffeured, but I'm sure you remember how to drive."

"Now's not the time for you to start developing a sense of humor, Jethro," Jenny shot back. "I'll be right there."

The former Marine grinned as he hung up; it was nice to catch a glimpse of the woman he used to know. She had a wicked sense of humor that few people ever saw and there were times that he missed her sharp wit; unfortunately, she had sacrificed a lot of herself to get where she was.

Glancing at his watch, he decided he had time to make one more phone call. Gibbs had to know how Tony was doing and he hoped that Ducky had managed to get in to see him. He couldn't ignore the feeling in his gut that something was wrong and he had proven over the years that his instincts were seldom wrong.

Gibbs' concern grew when Ducky answered his call on the first ring. He could hear the worry in the ME's cultured tones and knew immediately that something was amiss.

"Jethro? I'm so glad you called!" Ducky exclaimed. "Wait a minute, how are you calling me? Aren't you in jail?"

"Nope. The charges were dropped." Gibbs was having a difficult time curbing his impatience; he desperately wanted to find out how DiNozzo was doing. "Did you get to see Tony? How is he?"

"Physically, he's doing as well as can be expected; he has a bothersome tingling sensation in his arms but that is to be expected," Ducky informed him. "How he's doing mentally is another story."

"What do you mean?"

"Tony's father is apparently making life very difficult for him; although Tony has said very little, I would dare say that Mr. DiNozzo is prepared to go to extremes to make sure that he controls every aspect of Anthony's life."

Gibbs silently cursed himself for playing into Senior's hands. He had lost his temper and gotten himself arrested, leaving Tony to fend for himself against his father. The team leader reached up and delivered what he deemed to be a well deserved head slap to himself. "How could I be so stupid?"

"What was that, Jethro?" the ME asked.

"I left him alone; I promised I wouldn't but I let his old man get to me and…"

"Blaming yourself is not going to do Anthony any good. You're out of jail and now you can focus on helping Tony."

He knew that Ducky was right but it didn't stop him from feeling guilty, but just like the shooting, Gibbs had to put his guilt aside so he and Tony could move on. Tony needed him to be on top of his game so that together they could figure out how they were going to handle the elder DiNozzo.

"Are you still there with him?" Gibbs inquired. If he couldn't be there for Tony at the moment, then he wanted someone that he trusted nearby to act as a buffer between DiNozzo and his father.

"I'm still at the hospital; a Mrs. Kiser stopped by to see him so I stepped outside. She seems to be a delightful woman and Anthony appeared to be pleased to see her.

Gibbs smiled at the memory of his first encounter with the feisty woman; she was just what Tony needed right now. Edith would definitely get his mind off his problems and lift his spirits; it would be a welcome change from his father's dictatorial and demanding manner.

"She's Tony's neighbor," Gibbs informed him. "She'll be good for him. Where's his dad at?"

"I haven't seen him since I've been here. Tony said that his father said he had to take care of some things," Ducky stated. "Since you're out of jail, I'm assuming that securing your release was one of those things he had to take care of."

"Among other things, I'm sure. Did Tony say anything else about what his dad was up to?"

"Like I said, he really wasn't in the mood to talk, Jethro, but I do know that he's extremely anxious about what his father is planning."

"You tell DiNozzo to hang in there; I'm on my way. Jenny should be here any minute."

"I didn't think you and Director Shepard were on speaking terms."

"Now why would you think that? We just weren't seeing things eye to eye but now that I need something…"

"Say no more, my boy; you can be quite the diplomat when you have to be," Ducky said. "I'll be waiting."

Gibbs hung up and slipped the phone in his pocket as Jenny pulled up in her car. Opening the door and sliding into the passenger's seat, he took the cup of coffee she held out and acknowledged her unexpected thoughtfulness with a nod. "Thanks for the coffee."

"Last time I looked, the jail didn't have a Starbuck's and I figured that you really needed a boost," Jenny said.

"You were right."

He took a sip of his coffee as she pulled out into traffic. "So, are you going to tell me why you were arrested?"

"Why are you asking me? You already know; I'm sure that with your connections you probably know more about it than I do," he purposefully taunted.

"I want to hear your side."

"You do?"

"Don't seemed so surprised, Jethro; I'm not the ogre that you've made me out to be."

Gibbs decided it was best that he kept his opinions to himself; there was already enough tension between the two of them because of everything that had happened with Tony and he didn't want to add to the strain. Instead he took another drink of the steaming hot brew and began to fill her in on everything that had transpired in the hospital, including his confrontation with DiNozzo's father.

"Ducky says that Tony's pretty upset by his father's visit," he stated as he came to the end of his sitrep. "I have a feeling that daddy dearest has backed DiNozzo into a corner and right now, Tony's not sure what to do. Quite frankly, until I hear the whole story, I'm not sure what to do either."

By the time he had finished filling Jenny in on what had happened, they were pulling up to the hospital. As she dropped him off at the entrance, he glanced over at Jenny and noticed a tiny grin on her delicate lips. Gibbs was familiar with that particular smile; it usually meant that someone was about to get screwed over and he sincerely hoped that it wasn't him.

"I'm assuming that you called me because you thought I could help you," the Director said. "I suppose that you think that I can make a few phone calls and inquire about Tony's father and see if there's anything that can be done from a political point of view."

"I…"

"Go and see Tony," she ordered. "I'm going to go make a few phone calls and I'll let you know what I can find out."

Gibbs leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I never called you an ogre," he whispered.

"Maybe not, but you certainly have used some other colorful words in the past."

"Thank you."

"Tony doesn't deserve the hell he's going through; he's a good man."

"He's the best."

"You're not so bad yourself, Gibbs," Jenny replied. "But don't think that this temporary truce has resulted in me changing my mind about McGee becoming your senior field agent."

Gibbs shook his head and opened the car door. "You sure know how to ruin the mood, Jen. Call me as soon as you know something."

He walked in the hospital, his long purposeful strides taking him towards Tony's room. Gibbs knew what kind of mental anguish that Senior was capable of inflicting; the man was purposefully destroying his son's confidence and forcing Tony's insecurities to rise to the surface. It had taken the team leader years to teach DiNozzo that he needed to believe in himself and his father had managed to destroy that in less than five minutes. He would not allow Senior to ruin Tony's life. Gibbs would be by Tony's side, fighting his father every step of the way.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Although he had appreciated Ducky's visit, Tony hadn't been able to talk to the ME about the details of his father's visit. Maybe it was because that it still seemed so surreal; he was beginning to believe that his life was like a bad dream and that he was never going to wake up. The thought of his father literally controlling his life terrified him but if he could save Gibbs from a life in prison, then he would make the sacrifice ten times over. Of course once he was sure that his dad would leave Gibbs alone, Tony would consider other alternatives to living under Senior's rule; death may not have been an option before he had gone down to surgery but if death meant freedom from his father, then he would welcome it.

He hadn't voiced these thoughts but they were a constant presence in his mind; Tony wondered what Dr. Williams would have to say about his suicidal tendencies but he probably wasn't going to ever see her again, so it really didn't matter. Tony knew that as soon as the opportunity arose that his father would have him sent away to some hospital where he would have to stay the rest of his life, more than likely medicated to the point that he didn't even know his own name. Even paralyzed, that was not the life that he had envisioned for himself but it was the life he would be condemned to.

"Tony, did you hear what I said?" the ME patiently inquired.

Tony's cheeks flushed slightly at the realization that he had not heard a word that Ducky had said; the last thing he remembered Ducky saying was that he was sure that everything would work out and Tony had no idea what had been said after that. "I'm sorry, Ducky; I let my…mind wander. Have you…heard anything from Gibbs?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure it won't be much longer," Ducky assured him. "Anyway, you have another visitor; I believe her name is Edith."

"She's my…next door neighbor," he explained. Who would look after Mrs. Kiser once his father put him away? There were so many things to consider and the constant barrage of worry was beginning to take a toll on him. "I'd like…to see her."

"Of course; I'll give you two some privacy. I'll be right outside if you need me."

He acknowledged Ducky with a slight nod, making a mental note to make sure that the ME knew how much he meant to him. Tony considered Ducky to be the grandfather figure in his life. The kind hearted doctor was the one that taught him how to look at everything from a different point of view and despite the fact that he seemed to be unable to do that now, he truly cherished the wisdom of the older man.

As soon as Ducky disappeared through the door, Edith entered the room. As always, the elderly woman was dressed to impress; her hat was sitting on her perfectly coiffed hair and her dress reflected the color of her blue eyes. His gaze followed her across the room, watching her every movement until she lowered the rail and sat on the side of his bed. "Hey, beautiful," he rasped.

"You look like crap," Edith observed. "Actually you look worse than crap, but I'm too much of a lady to say what you really look like."

"Pretty much…feel like crap," Tony admitted.

He tiredly grinned at Edith as she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "Don't worry; you're still the best looking man around these parts."

"You really need…to get…your eyes…checked."

"You need to get your hearing checked."

"What do you…mean?" he asked.

"I told you and that Agent Gibbs to keep me informed and he didn't even call me and tell me that you were having yet another surgery! Do you know how I found out you were here?"

Tony knew she would tell him anyway. "How?"

"Gladys. She volunteers at the front desk and when she saw your name, she immediately called me and it's a good thing she did."

"I'm glad…you're here," he said, hoping that he could assuage the fiery temper that was hidden behind the disguise of a sweet, elderly woman.

"Where else would I be?" she wanted to know as she looked around the room. "This room needs brightening up; next time, I'll bring some flowers. I didn't have time to stop by the market since I just found out you were here. I had a feeling that you needed a friendly face more than a bouquet of roses."

He smiled at Edith again; she was almost like a female version of Gibbs. She could always sense when something was gnawing at him or if he was having trouble of any kind; a cup of hot cocoa and a plate of homemade sugar cookies seemed to always make him feel better, but he wasn't sure that would do the trick today.

"I'm always…glad to see you," Tony replied.

"Your eyes aren't backing up your words. You look so sad. What's wrong?"

"I could never...fool you."

Edith reached up and gently fingered his hair. "I don't know why you even try; you know I'll eventually find out."

"My father." He was sure that with those two words, Edith would understand the source of his melancholy. For some reason, Tony had always felt comfortable opening up to the elderly lady; he didn't have to worry about her judging him and she was always ready to provide him with a few words of wisdom. Edith also knew some of his childhood history and so she had a better insight regarding what made him tick; the only other person who knew him better than he knew himself was Gibbs.

Edith's eyes narrowed; her glare could rival Gibbs'. "What did the bastard do this time?"

"The long or…short version?"

"Whichever you feel like giving."

Tony sighed as he welcomed the warmth of her touch as her aged hands gently cupped his face. He began to slowly explain to her what had happened between him and his father; it was still difficult to talk but Tony was getting his point across. Reliving the conversation was harder the second time around when he truly began to consider the implications of his father's demands.

"Have you talked to Gibbs since he's been arrested?" Edith asked.

"No. My father's supposed…to be…dropping the charges. It's part of…the deal. I don't know if…" He closed his eyes, frustration and fear were beginning to consume him; at this moment, he truly hated his father and would give anything for the man to simply walk out of his life again and never come back.

"I'm sure that Gibbs is fine," she tried to reassure him. "I do know that when he gets here and finds you all worked up over your father, he's not going to be happy. You've got to trust your friends; we're not letting you go without a fight. As a matter of fact, I may just give your father a piece of my mind!"

"Just stay away from him; he'll probably…have you arrested too and…I don't know what kind…of deal I can make to get you…out of jail."

"I'm not worried about your father; I'll just play the crazy old lady card and he'll leave me alone."

Tony had no doubt that Edith would prove to be a challenge for his father; she may just be the one person in the world who could leave him speechless.

"By the way, does Gibbs know about this deal?" she inquired.

"Nope."

"You're going to tell him everything," Edith insisted. "You know that sacrificing yourself for him is that last thing that he would want you to do."

"I had to; I couldn't let him…go to jail for the rest…of his life. I had to do…something to…help him."

"Honey, let _us_ help _you_. Gibbs and me; we can take care of your father."

He winked at Mrs. Kiser. "I'll keep…that in mind."

A soft knock at the door interrupted their conversation. Tony looked up to see Ducky's head peeking in the room. "I just spoke with Jethro; he's out of jail and he's on his way to the hospital. I just thought you'd want to know."

That was the best news that he had heard all day. "Thanks, Duck."

The ME stepped back out in the hallway, leaving them alone again; he and Edith were simply satisfied to be in each other's company as the troubles of the world were held at bay for a moment. She gently stroked his face like a mother trying to soothe her hurting child. "It will all work out," she promised.

"I hope you're…right."

"Have I ever been wrong? Except that one time when I set you up on that blind date with Violet's niece; that was an absolute disaster."

Tony laughed at the distant memory. "Yeah…you and Violet both forgot to…tell me that she was preparing to…enter a convent."

"A minor oversight; like I said, I'm not counting that. Everyone's entitled to at least one mistake in their life."

If that were true, he already had more than his share of mistakes and he probably wasn't through making them, especially where his dad was concerned. Tony figured that he was making a huge mistake by giving into his father's demands, but he didn't have a choice. He couldn't let his father ruin the lives of his friends, even if it meant giving up his freedom.

"Look what the cat drug in!" Edith exclaimed as Gibbs entered the room.

Aside from the lines of exhaustion etched on the team leader's face, Gibbs appeared to be unscathed. Tony had been worried about the team leader being in jail as several scenarios had played through his mind; fortunately, nothing had happened and Gibbs was alive and well.

He watched as Gibbs placed a kiss on Edith's cheek, instantly defusing any anger that she had exhibited earlier as a result of the team leader not keeping her informed of his surgery. "It's good to see you again, Edith."

"It's about time you got here, Jethro; our boy is in a lot of trouble."

"I know."

The older woman stood up and whispered in Gibbs' ear. "I hope you belted that S.O.B. a good one. You just wait until _I_ get a hold of him."

"Yes ma'am," Gibbs grinned.

"I'll be right back, Anthony," Edith vowed. "I just need to stretch my legs; I may find that handsome Ducky and have him buy me a cup of tea. You listen to Gibbs and remember what I said; you're not going through this alone."

"I'll remember."

After Edith left, Gibbs took her place, situating himself on the side of the bed. "You okay?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope."

"Where's your dad now?"

"I don't know and…I don't care."

"I need you tell me what went on; I have a feeling that you're the reason I'm out of jail. Am I right?"

Fortunately, Tony didn't have to answer Gibbs' question right away. The agent's cell phone rang, buying him a few more minutes to mull over what he was going to say to Gibbs. He tried to listen to Gibbs' end of the conversation and figured out that he was talking to Director Shepard; evidently they had worked through their differences or at least put them aside temporarily to work on a mutual goal. Judging by the smile that the older man was now wearing, the news that Jenny was sharing with him must be good.

"Thanks, Jen. Yeah, room 3112. I'll be here," Gibbs stated.

Hanging up his phone and slipping it into his pocket, Gibbs reached up and gave Tony's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I don't think you're going to have to worry about your father any longer."

"Why do…you say that?"

The gleam in Gibbs' eye told him that the team leader was definitely up to something; he always enjoyed watching his mentor when he was stalking his prey and the fact that the prey was his father, made it that much more pleasurable.

Gibbs met Tony's concerned gaze, a mischievous grin dancing upon his lips. "Because," the former Marine declared, "we're about to hit your dad where it hurts."

**I wanted to post this Friday but got busy and didn't get the chance. I do hope you enjoyed the chapter and I really appreciate everyone who takes time to read and review. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! I'm blessed to have such wonderful readers. **

**Weatherlygirl: In case you decided to read this chapter, I just wanted to say that I hope you stick with the story; I would have personally replied to you but you have your pm disabled.**


	35. Chapter 35

Part 35

Tony wasn't sure what Gibbs and the Director had up their sleeves regarding his father but the one thing that he did know was that the team leader had his six. For the first time in a long time, he finally felt like fate had dealt him a hand worth playing and with Gibbs' help, he would finally have the upper hand and his father would have to fold. He briefly wondered when he had started thinking of his life as a poker game; maybe it was something that he had subconsciously done all his life and it had taken his father's latest actions to make him realize that fact. Throughout his life, he hadbluffed, called, raised the ante, but he had never folded and he wasn't about to now.

"Something on your mind, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, interrupting his racing thoughts.

He blew out a breath and shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

"You sure about that?"

How was it that Gibbs always managed to see right through him? His mentor and friend had never been fooled by Tony's façade; Gibbs knew him better than he knew himself and sometimes that knowledge scared him.

"I've just been thinking," he finally admitted. "It's going to be nice to finally beat my dad at his own game; our whole relationship has been one long continuous battle and for the first time, I feel like there's an end to my dad's insanity."

He saw Gibbs visibly bristle; although the other man knew very little about his father, what he did know had given birth to what could be described as borderline hatred for Anthony DiNozzo, Senior. After all these years of watching his father paint him as the picture of the prodigal son to everyone, it was a relief to have someone in his corner, who didn't believe his dad's lies.

"Your old man is a fool," Gibbs spat. "He doesn't know what he's got right in front of his eyes."

"Gibbs, I…"

"He doesn't deserve you; any father with an ounce of sense would be proud to have you as a son."

"Including you?"

Tony couldn't believe that he had allowed those words to escape his lips. How could he have said that to Gibbs? Although he looked upon the team leader as a father and he accepted the paternal role that Gibbs seemingly fulfilled in his life, he truly didn't expect the older man to actually considered him to be his son; perhaps he could be a foster child or something of that nature, but Tony knew he had no right to assume a place in his family.

"I'm sorry," he began to profusely apologize. "I didn't mean…I don't know why…I…" Tony closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

He opened his eyes and stared at Gibbs in disbelief. Tony expected the other man to remind him that apologizing was a sign of weakness but instead, Gibbs had asked him what he was apologizing for. Confused, he stammered, "I uh…I shouldn't have said that."

"Tony, I know I don't tell you often enough, but…"

Unfortunately, Tony didn't get to hear what Gibbs had to say; it was that moment when Director Shepard entered the room. It was just like on TV, just when something crucial was about to happen, it went to a commercial. Now that he thought about it, maybe his life was more like a TV show that ended every week on a cliffhanger.

"Agent Gibbs, Agent DiNozzo," she greeted.

It didn't go unnoticed that she had addressed him as 'Agent DiNozzo'; all Tony could think about was that by addressing him by his title, that she still considered him to be an NCIS agent. "Director."

"I just saw your father get off the elevator," the Director informed the two men. "Just let me do the talking."

"Are you sure that you have this, Jen?" Gibbs wanted to know. "Tony deserves for something to go right."

"Leave it to me; Mr. DiNozzo isn't going to know what hit him."

Gibbs seemed to trust her but Tony was still leery of the Director. He had been burned by her before and he was nervous about letting her take control of the situation with his father. Tony knew that he didn't have a choice and if Gibbs was willing to trust her then he would have to take that leap of faith and do the same.

He took a deep breath and blew it out as he took a moment to steel himself for the upcoming battle. His future depended on what happened in the next few moments and he had to be mentally prepared for what was to come. Tony felt Gibbs give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and once again, he was grateful for the team leader's presence.

As his father entered the room, Tony struggled to remain calm. He had to trust the Director but more importantly, he had to trust Gibbs. His fist clenched the sheet as he watched the drama unfold in front of him.

He remained silent as his father coolly acknowledged him, momentarily ignoring Gibbs and Jenny. "Hello, Junior. I'm sorry I took so long but I had to add something to one of the papers that I had drawn up."

Tony glanced at Jenny, who was pulling papers out of her briefcase. Her actions also garnered the attention of his father who had immediately plastered on a smile, clearly intending to impress her with his supposed charm. This was going to be interesting to say the least.

Senior walked over and offered his hand to the Director. "Forgive me for my rudeness; I was so intent on seeing my son that I somehow was oblivious to the beauty in the room."

"That's all right," Gibbs answered for the Director. "I get that a lot."

Tony looked away as he attempted to hide a smile as his father's expression betrayed his irritation; his dad had done everything in his power to pretend that Gibbs wasn't there but the former Marine was not about to be ignored.

"Agent Gibbs," Senior seethed. His dad's jaw was clenched so tightly that he could see that vein in his father's temple throbbing. Tony had once believed that he was the only one who could provoke such a response from his father but now Gibbs was proving that he too, could easily get on Senior's nerves.

"I thought that you would have been gone by now," his father continued.

"Nope. I'm not going anywhere."

"That wasn't part of the deal," Senior stated as his eyes danced between his son and Gibbs.

"There is no deal."

He met his dad's curious gaze. Tony refused to look away; Gibbs and the Director were going to bat for him and he was determined to remain steadfast. "You heard him," Tony reiterated.

"I heard him," Senior confirmed. "I just can't believe that you think that you can go up against me and win. I kept my end of the bargain and dropped the charges against Agent Gibbs and you think you can double cross me? I thought that you had learned your lesson. Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to double cross me?"

Tony schooled his features; leave it to his father to bring up the past to try and ruin his future. He tamped down those images that wanted to take root in his mind; now was not the time for an unwanted trip down memory lane. Tony could almost hear Gibbs silently urging him on. _Remain__focused,__DiNozzo._

"It's not a matter of double crossing you," Tony said. "It's a matter of standing up for myself; no pun intended."

Before his dad could utter a comeback, Jenny had presented him with a document and proceeded to explain its contents. "What you have in your hand, Mr. DiNozzo, is a list of political figures that have invested in your business corporation; I'm sure that you recognize the names."

"How did you get this?" Senior demanded to know as he studied the list in his hand.

"I know many of these people personally; as the Director of NCIS, I have connections on the hill and like you, I'm not afraid to use them," she pointed out. "Your business associates are prepared to pull their financial backing if you continue to insist on blackmailing your son into signing his rights away."

"This isn't any of your business!"

"When the life of one my agents is threatened, it most certainly becomes my business. You and I both know that you can't afford to lose that money; if it weren't for the people on that list, you would be officially broke. _Again._"

"How dare you dig into my personal records?" Senior protested. "You have no right to interfere in my business! Besides, Anthony's days as an agent are over! He can't walk! What good is he?"

Tony felt as if his father had just shoved a knife into his heart and twisted it. He had spent a majority of his younger life trying to convince his dad that he was worthy of his love and to hear Senior once again question his usefulness was a hard pill to swallow. Although he himself had wondered exactly how he would continue as an agent, hearing his father express his doubts seemed to exacerbate his constant worry regarding his future.

"The merit of a good agent isn't measured by his ability to walk, but by his ability to think. Agent DiNozzo has one of the keenest minds of any agent that I've ever worked with and as far as I'm concerned, he has many more years with NCIS."

The young agent was genuinely surprised to hear the Director voice her support for him. She had been the one to offer McGee the position of Gibbs' senior field agent, doubting his return to field agent status. He wasn't sure if she really meant what she had said or if she was just speaking them for his father's benefit, but for now, he allowed himself to bask in the glimmer of hope that had been cast upon him.

His father's gaze was now fixed on him once again. "What's the matter, Junior? Can't you fight your own battles?"

"I have been for years," Tony replied. "Now…" He looked at Gibbs and Jenny. "Now, I have help; I don't have to do it alone. It's kind of nice to have friends who will back you up."

"I taught you that the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. Have you forgotten that lesson?"

He shook his head. "Nope, I learned that lesson all too well. It took a long time before someone much wiser finally got it through my head that it was okay to ask for help."

"I guess I don't have to guess who that much wiser person is," Senior angrily mused.

"Probably not."

Tony knew that if Gibbs and Jenny had not been in the room, that his father would have had a few other choice words for him; maybe he should let his dad speak his mind and be done with it but he really wasn't interested in what Senior had to say. He wanted to get on with his life and in order to do so, he had to make a clean break from his father.

He was grateful when Jenny stepped between them and handed his dad another document. Tony felt a reassuring pat on his upper arm; he blew out another slow breath and watched Jenny wind his father up in her web.

"What's this?" Senior asked.

"It's a restraining order; your son is off limits to you. If you go against the order, you're going to prison. I'm sure that you can have your attorney explain all the details to you but basically, if you try anything stupid, you're going to find yourself in a heap of trouble personally _and_ financially."

"I wonder what the press would say if they found out the Director of NCIS threatened a civilian."

The Director shook her head, obviously amused by his father's attempt at intimidation. "Don't try and play games with me. You won't go to the press; _you_have too much to lose."

He could almost see the internal war that his father was waging with himself. If he admitted defeat, then he would keep what was most important to him; if he pushed the envelope, so to speak, he would become Tony's guardian and lose everything. Tony couldn't believe his father was even trying to debate the issue; money had always taken precedence over family.

"Well son, looks like you win this round," Senior finally conceded. "But don't worry, I'll…"

"I wouldn't say another word," Gibbs warned. "I'm not as dignified as Director Shepard here; I'm just going to tell you to get the hell out. Tony doesn't need or want you in his life so the best thing for you to do is walk away."

Tony anxiously waited for his father to make the next move; fortunately he didn't have to wait long before his dad threw the papers on his bed and stormed out of the room. Although Senior was no longer in his presence, Tony quickly discovered that he couldn't relax; he was wound so tightly that he could feel the muscles in his back begin to spasm.

He inhaled sharply as he tried to ride out the pain. Gibbs was calling to him but Tony didn't trust himself to speak just yet. Hopefully the spasm would ease soon and he would be able to form a coherent sentence; why did he let his father get to him?

"Easy, Tony," the team leader soothed.

"I'm…okay," Tony finally managed to mumble.

"Yeah, right. Just breathe in and out, DiNozzo. He's gone."

"For…now."

"He's not going to bother you again. I've got your back."

"I know, Boss," he gasped. "Thanks."

The spasms began to ease and Tony felt the tension slowly ebbing out of his muscles. After a few moments of taking the time to even out his breathing, he nodded to Gibbs, quietly indicating that he was all right. "I'm good now."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Tony turned his attention towards the Director. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome, Tony," she replied. "I just want you to know that I meant what I said. There's still a place for you at NCIS and you'll have a job waiting for you when you come back."

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, but the Director didn't really act if she were expecting a reply; she leaned over and gave him a light kiss on the cheek and turned to walk out of the room. Gibbs seemed as puzzled by her change of heart as he was and without saying a word, the team leader started to follow her.

Nodding his quiet approval, the young man waited until the team leader was out of the room before he allowed himself to relax. He was actually looking forward to a little time alone; he needed to think and he needed to make sure that his head was on straight. For the first time since the shooting, Tony felt hopeful; he'd been given a second chance and he couldn't waste it feeling sorry for himself. The threat of his father taking control of his life had forced him to realize that it was time to start living again and on his terms and that was exactly what he intended to do.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Jen! Wait up!" Gibbs called out to the Director as she headed down the corridor.

The agent wanted to thank her for taking up for Tony but he had to admit that he was puzzled by her attitude towards DiNozzo. She had been adamant in the fact that Tony wouldn't be able to come back to work and had unofficially promoted McGee to his senior field agent; now, she was all but promising Tony that he would have a job and he wanted to know why she had experienced such a change of heart.

"Yes, Agent Gibbs?" she asked as she turned to face him.

"I wanted to say thanks for what you did back there," he began. "I appreciate it and I know DiNozzo does as well."

"You're welcome. Sometimes it pays to know people."

As he studied the beautiful red head, he was drawn into a moment where he couldn't help but wonder what went wrong between them. Although if he reached deep down inside of him, he knew the answer, but Gibbs didn't have a doubt that somehow, they might have made things work if their paths hadn't diverged.

"I…uh…I also want to thank you for what you said to Tony. I think knowing that his place as my senior field agent is secure that it'll make a difference in his recovery."

Jenny cleared her throat. "Jethro, I said that he would have a job; I didn't say that he would hold the same position."

"What?" Gibbs mentally head slapped himself for allowing his personal feelings to cloud his judgment.

"Now don't jump down my throat, Jethro. I have the perfect job in mind for Tony."

"And what would that be? The mailroom? The cafeteria?" He didn't care that sarcasm was dripping from his voice like venom. Gibbs was not about to let Jenny off too easily; Tony deserved better.

"No. It's a job that I'm personally creating for him; it's in the final stages of approval. I'm waiting for SecNav to sign off on it and then I'm going to talk to Tony and see if he's interested."

"And if he's not?"

"I think he will be."

Not satisfied with her cryptic answers, he reminded her that she had not provided him with an answer to his earlier inquiry. "You didn't answer my question as to what this job would be."

Jenny glanced at her watch. "No I didn't. I've got to go; I have a meeting with SecNav. I'll call you later," she promised.

He followed her onto the elevator and as soon as the doors had closed, he hit the emergency stop button and stood in front of the panel. Gibbs refused to be pushed aside; he had taken it upon himself to be Tony's advocate and the team leader would be failing in his role as the protector if he didn't find out what Jenny was up to.

He towered over her slightly, his steely gaze reflecting his current mood of impatience and frustration. "We're not finished with this discussion, Director Shepard; not by a long shot."

**I deeply apologize for the delay; I do get slowed down by the holidays because I have a lot going on until about the 21st of December but I will strive to keep the updates coming. My goal is to finish this story by the end of the year! Keep your fingers crossed. **

**Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement; it means a lot to me! I have the most awesome readers in the world! I would like to say to those who have indicated that they didn't want to stick with the story, that is fine; however, it would be nice if you activated your pm so I could personally respond to you and perhaps explain where I'm going with the story. I do hope that you change your mind and continue to read the story. **

**I hope that everyone has a great weekend! **


	36. Chapter 36

Part 37

Gibbs sat in the chair beside Tony's bed watching the young man sleep; it was the first time since the shooting and his subsequent surgeries that DiNozzo actually looked like he was resting peacefully. As he glanced at the clock on his wall, he mentally calculated that Tony had been asleep for almost four hours; Gibbs had briefly considered going home himself in order to get some rest but he didn't want to leave until he talked to Tony. He needed to make sure that Tony was all right after everything that had happened with his father; DiNozzo had been through so much and the drama surrounding his father's efforts to take control of his life had caused Tony a lot of unnecessary stress and although he had tried to assure the team leader that he was fine, Gibbs refused to be dismissed so easily.

He wanted to talk to Tony not only about what had happened but Gibbs also wanted to finish the conversation that Jenny had interrupted with her arrival. There were things that he needed to say but unfortunately, they were going to have to wait; Tony's doctor had decided that DiNozzo had experienced enough excitement for one day and had given the young man the choice of going to sleep or being sedated. Tony had opted to voluntarily rest and the fact that he had drifted off so easily was a testament to the fact that he trusted Gibbs to watch his six. Gibbs felt a sense of relief that the familial bond between them still existed despite everything that had happened; he felt as if had been given a second chance to be a father and the former Marine fully intended to take advantage of the opportunity.

Deciding to stretch his legs, Gibbs pushed himself up out of his chair and walked over to the window. The sun was beginning to set, signaling the end to yet another day. This particular day had been interesting, to say the least, but he was glad that it was over; hopefully tomorrow Tony could start focusing on his recovery. The doctor had said that if everything went well, that DiNozzo could possibly be back at the rehab center in a couple of days; perhaps then, Tony would be able to put everything behind him and look to the future.

He had gotten the necessary approval to start remodeling Tony's apartment so that it would be wheelchair accessible; he also had developed a plan that would allow him to place a door between his apartment and Mrs. Kiser's. Gibbs knew that she would look after Tony and that DiNozzo's constant presence would definitely keep her young. He smiled at the thought of the spry old woman. Gibbs admired her spirit and her zest for life; she was a very special lady and he was honored to call her friend.

Gibbs sensed that Tony was beginning to wake up so he walked back over and sat back down in his chair. As he reached for his cup of coffee, he noticed that DiNozzo was following his every movement with a bleary gaze.

"Hey Boss," he yawned.

"How ya doin', DiNozzo?" he asked, taking a sip of the now lukewarm brew.

"Pretty good, I think."

"You're looking a little better."

DiNozzo arched his brow as a playful smile danced on his lips. "Just a little better? Even on my worst days, I always thought I looked pretty good," Tony quipped.

The team leader grinned. It was good to see Tony's sense of humor shining through; he had missed DiNozzo's unique wit and was grateful to see it make an appearance once again. Although he knew that Tony's constant chattering and joking manner usually bothered McGee and Ziva, he personally thought that most of the time, that DiNozzo's incessant banter managed to keep them from becoming weighed down with the horrors that faced them every day. That was one reason why he didn't feel McGee was ready to be _his_senior field agent; McGee was going to have to learn that he couldn't take everything personally, especially when Gibbs was in one of his moods.

"Gibbs?"

He silently admonished himself for letting his thoughts wander. "Sorry, I was just thinking," Gibbs replied.

"I know what you mean. I've been doing a lot of that lately."

"It seems we both have."

"Really?"

Gibbs knew that Tony would be surprised at his admission. He recognized the fact that DiNozzo worried when he became contemplative or too nice; after Kate's death, it had taken a wise word from Abby for him to realize how he had inadvertently thrown Tony for a loop. Gibbs had then made sure that he had reverted back to his normal self and with the boundaries restored, the two of them, along with McGee and Ziva, had diligently worked to bring down Ari.

"Yeah, DiNozzo," Gibbs answered. "I actually think a lot."

"I know," came the simple reply. "It used to bother me when you got quiet, especially when I first came to work for you."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know. I guess I was insecure; I still am in some ways. I thought maybe you were having regrets and were thinking about sending me packing."

Gibbs realized that for Tony to admit that he still felt insecure about certain things in his life was a sign that the trust that DiNozzo had always placed in him had remained strong even after everything that had happened. "I've never regretted hiring you."

"I know that now. I think it finally clicked that I had a found a place to belong when you called me your senior field agent."

"It took you that long?"

"Yeah, especially after you hired Kate; I thought maybe I really wasn't good enough.

Gibbs mentally cursed Tony's father for literally destroying his son's self confidence; he couldn't help but wonder how DiNozzo managed to turn out so well. With Anthony DiNozzo, Senior, as a father, Tony had to have had a difficult childhood; after dealing with Tony's dad, he no longer doubted the truth in the stories that DiNozzo often told.

"Remember what I told you when I hired you? I don't waste good and you are better than good; you are the best young agent I've ever worked with. Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise; do you understand me?"

"I got it," Tony sighed, doubt and uncertainty still evident in his quiet tone.

Gibbs suddenly found himself wishing that he could go back in time and do things differently; maybe he should have been more patient and less demanding but there was nothing he could do to change the past. Of course, Tony wouldn't have been able to handle a kinder and gentler Gibbs; that fact had been proven several times over the last few years.

"Can I ask you a question?" DiNozzo quietly asked.

"Sure."

His gaze followed Tony's sluggish movements as he raked a shaky hand through his hair; it was obvious that DiNozzo was now trying to stall and Gibbs briefly considered trying to wait him out. However, patience wasn't one of his stronger points when it came to the welfare of his family.

"I'd love to take a shower; as pretty as the nurses are, I'm kind of getting tired of sponge baths."

"I can only imagine." He knew that one of the things that DiNozzo had to overcome was the feeling of helplessness that went along with an injury like he had received. Tony had to realize that it was all right to ask for help and that there were those who were more than willing to do what they could do to assist him. Gibbs understood Tony's reluctance because he would have the same apprehension about letting people get too close; they were definitely more alike than either of them realized or cared to admit.

"So, do you think you could help me?"

"Yeah, as soon as you do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Tell me what was it was that you really wanted to ask me," Gibbs insisted.

Tony shook his head. "It's not important."

"It must be if you mentioned it."

He wasn't about to let Tony off that easy; it was past time to get things out in the open so that they could move forward. They had both accepted that the shooting was truly an accident and although Gibbs was going to have to live with the fact that he was responsible for what had happened, the two men had come to a mutual agreement that nothing they could do would change the past and they both needed to move on. However, there was a lot more that he needed to say; actually what he had to say should have been said years ago. Gibbs couldn't help but wonder if his aloof nature and gruff manner made him just as responsible for Tony's insecurities as his father was.

"Do you think God has it in for me?" Tony finally asked.

"What do you mean, Tony?"

Confused by DiNozzo's question, Gibbs had to admit that his curiosity was piqued as he silently attempted to figure out what was going on in Tony's mind. He was going to have to let DiNozzo set the pace or he would risk losing this moment forever; the team leader recalled from experience that when Tony shut down emotionally, that the thought or memory was buried forever and DiNozzo would never speak of it again. That was how he had survived a lonely childhood as well as the difficult times in his adult life.

"I uh…sometimes think that maybe God doesn't like me very much."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know; just a feeling." Tony laid his head back against his pillow. "I kind of started feeling that way right after my mom died; I always thought He was mad at me and that's why He took my mom."

Gibbs knew how Tony felt and despite the fact that he seldom shared anything about his personal life, the team leader was fully aware that if he wanted to reach DiNozzo, he was going to have to take down the walls that he had erected around his heart after the death of his family and be honest with Tony.

"I used to think that too," he began. "Right after Kelly and Shannon died, I was angry at God; I figured that God was paying me back for something I had done."

"Yeah," Tony quietly agreed.

"It took a long time before I realized that it wasn't necessarily me; I had to come to grips with the fact that sometimes things just happen that we have no control over and we have to learn to simply go on."

"So you don't think that everything that's happened to me is my fault? Maybe it's some kind of punishment for…"

Gibbs shook his head. "You're not being punished. Everything that happens either makes us stronger or destroys us; whether you realize it or not, you're one of the strongest men that I know. You haven't let circumstances dictate the direction that your life is taking; you've chosen to go on and face what life has dealt you and to me, that makes you a hero."

"Sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"I'll pull you out of the way," Gibbs promised.

Tony tiredly grinned at him. "Actually, you may just have to roll me out of the way," he teased.

"I can do that too, DiNozzo."

Gibbs handed Tony a cup of water and braced his trembling hand as he took a drink. "Don't they have any coffee in this place?"

He glanced at the cup on the table beside DiNozzo's bed. "Believe me, you don't want it."

"You're probably right."

"I usually am."

"You got a point there, Gibbs."

The former Marine knew that Tony still had more on his mind. He and DiNozzo usually didn't have problems talking their issues out but their discussions usually involved bourbon and a boat; of course, that was before he had turned Tony's world upside down by a couple of misplaced bullets. "Something else you want to say?" he pressed.

"Yeah," Tony answered, clearing his throat. "I want to…I want to thank you for everything you've done. I didn't do such a good job earlier thanking you so now that I have the chance, I want you to know how much I appreciate you having my six. My dad is not an easy man to deal with and well, he's not used to getting beat at his own game. I tried once but it didn't work out. Anyway," he sighed. I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am."

Gibbs shook his head; he was truly humbled by Tony's gratitude. "You don't owe me any thanks, Tony. Having each other's backs is what families do; it's what…a father does."

He swallowed hard as he waited for Tony's response. It had taken him years to admit to himself that he truly looked upon Tony as a son. However, now that he had acknowledged his paternal feelings to Tony, there was no turning back; DiNozzo needed to know what it was like to have a father who accepted him for who he was and he sincerely hoped that Tony didn't feel like he was overstepping his boundaries by wanting to be that person.

"Just because my dad is jerk doesn't mean that you're obligated to fill in, Gibbs; I can't take the place of your family."

"You're missing the point, Tony." Gibbs hadn't expected DiNozzo to assume that he had made the declaration out of pity, but he should have known that although he was no longer around, Senior had left his imprint causing Tony's insecurities to become transparent. "You're my family. If Shannon and I had ever had the chance to have a son, I could only hope that he would have turned out like you."

"Like me?"

"Yeah, like you," Gibbs replied. "Your dad has no idea what he's missing out on; if the man had a lick of sense, he'd be figuring out how he was going to make up for years of neglect instead of trying to figure out how to put you away."

"He's always been more interested in scoring the big one than in being a father," Tony mused. "I guess I kind of got used to not being a priority and…"

"A child shouldn't question his place in his father's life and I don't want you to question your place in my life. I uh…know that I'm not the easiest person to put up with but I want _you_ to know that I'm here for you; like a father should be for his son."

Tony's features were schooled, making it difficult for Gibbs to figure out what the younger man was thinking. DiNozzo had always been able to disguise his true feelings under his frat boy persona but ever since the shooting, his emotions had been close to the surface causing Tony to be more serious and contemplative. He wished DiNozzo would say something but so far, he had remained silent.

Clearing his throat, he moved to sit on the edge of Tony's bed. "I always assumed that you knew that I thought of you as a son; I shouldn't have done that. I didn't want anyone to get to close but somehow you did; sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself.

His confession was met with a brief silence; although it was only a few seconds before DiNozzo answered him, it seemed like an eternity. "It's funny," Tony finally replied. "I've always looked up to you; wanted to be like you. I thought that maybe if I proved myself to you, then I could prove myself to my dad."

Tony's gaze was now fixed on his hands as he carefully fingered the sheet. The team leader could sense the uncertainty in his friend and it concerned him; the last thing he had wanted to do was to resurrect the insecurities that Tony tried to keep locked away.

"It took me a while to figure out how you operated," DiNozzo admitted. "It bothered me that you could seemingly see right through me; truthfully, it scared me that you didn't buy my act. I wanted to be the perfect agent but after that first case, I realized that I was anything but perfect. But, I still felt like I needed to prove something to you when actually, I had something to prove to myself."

"And what was that?" Gibbs quietly inquired.

"That my father was wrong about me. My dad told me one time that I was going to end up in the gutter but I didn't; of course, I'm not counting my time in the sewer with Atlas."

Gibbs recalled how after Tony had been found, he had told DiNozzo that he was irreplaceable and he truly had meant it; however, he wasn't so sure that his senior field agent took it as a compliment, especially after seeing McGee at his desk. Tony's reaction at the time had been humorous but now looking back, he wished that he had taken the young man aside and reassured him of his importance. Tony often deserved better than what he gave him and from now on, he vowed to remember that and make sure that DiNozzo was never uncertain of his place in his life.

"Your dad's an idiot," he blurted out.

"Yeah, I know," Tony sighed. "It shouldn't matter to me what he thinks."

"But it does."

"Maybe a little, but his opinion has never mattered as much as yours. I kind of always thought that it would be cool to be Leroy Jethro Gibbs' kid, but I...just kept those thoughts to myself. I…uh…after we found out about Kelly and Shannon, I just kind of figured that you didn't need another kid, so I just decided that as long as I was a part of your life, that everything was all right with the world."

"But now?" he pressed.

"Now, I don't know what to say. I'm honored and a bit humbled by the fact that you think of me as a son. I kind of feel like this weight has been lifted and that I no longer have to prove myself to anybody. I feel like I…belong."

"I'm sorry it took a tragedy to make me come clean and I'm sorry that I assumed that you understood how I felt. I guess the head slaps didn't relay the messages that I intended them to."

Tony winced as he gave a slight shrug. "I've always taken them as a sign of affection."

"So I can still head slap you?"

"Whenever you think I need it, Boss."

"Usually at least once a day?"

"Really?" DiNozzo teasingly questioned. "I guess you probably still owe me a few."

"More than a few, DiNozzo."

"Give me a few weeks before you start collecting; at least let me get my wheels."

It was good to hear Tony thinking so positively about his future; the events of the past few days had obviously changed his outlook on life and Gibbs was thankful that DiNozzo was now fighting for himself and for those who cared about him.

"It's a deal," Gibbs stated. "For now, you get some rest; if everything goes as planned, you'll be going back to the rehab hospital in a day or two and then you'll have your work cut out for you."

"I think I'm ready now; I'm through feeling sorry for myself. I'm paralyzed, not dead. It's time I get my act together."

"I think you're headed in the right direction."

"Me too and with my…dad out of my life, I can't pass up this chance to move forward."

In a silent gesture of assurance, he gently gave Tony's good shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You better or I'll kick your ass."

He didn't miss the mischievous glint in Tony's eye; it was gleam that had been missing for a long time, possibly even years and now there was life in his eyes once again. Gibbs proudly shook the trembling hand that Tony had extended. "There's not a doubt in my mind, Boss; not a doubt in my mind."

It was time for DiNozzo to rest; he had accomplished what he had set out to do and as Gibbs stood to leave, Tony weakly grabbed onto his wrist. "Hey Gibbs?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk so much in all the time I've known you."

"You probably won't ever again," Gibbs chided. "I just had a lot of things that needed to be said. I wanted you to know that I'm here for you and…"

"You don't have to say anything else, Gibbs. I know."

Gibbs nodded as he placed his calloused hand on top of Tony's. "Yeah, DiNozzo, now you know."

**Whew! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the long awaited talk between Gibbs and Tony! It is my goal to have my other two stories updated by next Tuesday before I go on Christmas vacation. I'm not sure how much I'll post while I'm off work but I will be writing and I will be finishing this story over the holidays! **

**Thank you all for your patience during this busy month! The production at work was a huge success and now I just have two more to do but work has calmed down so that has helped my stress levels immensely! Again, I'm so blessed to have the most amazing readers and just in case you don't read my other stories, I want to take the opportunity to wish my readers a Wonderful Holiday Season! Merry Christmas!**


	37. Chapter 37

Part 37

Tony's day had already been eventful and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. He had been back at the Rehab center for four days and this time, his frame of mind had been ready to deal with the challenges and demands that would be placed on him both physically and mentally; the marked improvement in his attitude had made a difference in his approach to his recovery. The staff had been both surprised and grateful by the change in Tony and he was doing his best to maintain that positive outlook that had been endearing him to those working with him; of course, being optimistic all the time was easier said than done but he had promised himself and Gibbs that he was through feeling sorry for himself.

Looking back, Tony couldn't believe that he had allowed himself to become so pessimistic and melancholy; normally, he was the one trying to alleviate the tension with a joke or off hand remark but somewhere along the way, he had lost his sense of humor and in turn, lost part of himself. Not that there was anything funny about being shot and ending up in a wheelchair but he had realized that he was going to have to make the best of the situation; he had been paralyzed for a reason and although he wasn't sure what that reason was, Tony _was_ certain that he wasn't supposed to sit around and let the world pass him by.

This morning, he had met with his physical therapist and the wheelchair representative so that he could be fitted for his own personal chair. It was a huge step towards his acceptance of his disability; Tony had actually managed to show some excitement when he was told that he could pick out the color of his chair and he decided that his new ride would be red, just like Magnum's Ferrari.

Like a child with a new toy, he couldn't wait to show the picture to Gibbs for his approval; hopefully, the team leader would drop by before his physical therapy session this afternoon. Tony didn't mind the therapy sessions; he viewed them as a necessary evil if he was ever going to have a semi normal life. However, the sessions were grueling and afterwards, he often preferred to be left alone in for a while so he could reenergize his mind and his body; his therapist challenged him and pushed him beyond his perceived limits, much like Gibbs often did whenever he needed to be reminded of his potential.

A knock at his door brought him back to the present. Unsure of who could be coming to see him at the moment, he called out, "Come in!"

"Well, Agent DiNozzo, it's good to see you again."

Tony actually wasn't surprised to see Dr. Claire Williams walk into his room; in fact, he was amazed at the fact that he hadn't seen her before now. The psychiatrist had been a constant source of aggravation for him during his previous stay but he was determined not to make himself such an easy target this time. She was about to meet the real Tony DiNozzo and she was definitely in for a surprise. He hoped that he could make her forget the man that she had encountered before; his depressed state, anger, and constant negativity had definitely left her with the wrong impression and he was going to do his best to correct that image that he had created. Putting on his most charming grin, he slowly extended his hand to greet her. "It's good to see you again, Doc."

As she shook his hand, Tony could tell that she was puzzled by his behavior. "I guess the fact that you're not telling me to get out of your room is a good sign," she quipped.

"No," Tony replied. "I uh…was actually just thinking that it was kind of strange that I hadn't seen you yet. I figured that you would've been the first in line to welcome me back, seeing as how we parted on such good terms." He mentally chastised himself for his sarcastic comment; for some reason, Tony still felt the need to keep up his guard around the beautiful psychiatrist and she probably could tell that he was still on the defense. So much for making a good impression.

"I've had a few days off," the doctor explained. "But, I cleared the next hour when I saw that you were back; I figured we had a lot of ground to cover."

"You're probably right," he conceded.

Dr. Williams made her way over to where he was sitting in his wheelchair and sat on the edge of the bed. "If you don't mind an observation, you seem different."

"Really? How so?" Tony inquired.

"For one thing, you're smiling."

"Well, let's just say, I have a lot to smile about."

"Such as?" she pressed.

"Well, I just ordered my new wheelchair, I've gotten phone numbers from three nurses for when I get out of here, and we had blueberry pancakes this morning; life is good," Tony happily declared.

"Gretchen and the other nurses have noticed a remarkable improvement in your attitude; they say that you're a lot easier to be around and that your outlook on life has greatly improved."

"I guess so; I'm trying."

"I can see that, but you're avoiding the question."

"I am?" Tony had thought that he had satisfactorily answered her inquiry, but obviously it wasn't the answer she was looking for.

Claire nodded her head. "You are."

Tony knew she was right; he was expert at talking around his emotions and it was a habit that wasn't easy for him to break.

He nervously licked his lips as he met her questioning gaze. "Well, let's just say in the past week I realized that…that things could be a lot worse."

"And how did you come to this conclusion?"

Tony wasn't sure exactly how much he wanted to reveal to Dr. Williams but he knew he had to assure her that he had a better grip on his disability. Their last conversation had left both of them frustrated and she was probably ready to commit him to the psychiatric ward. Tony couldn't blame her; he knew that his defensiveness had made her job much more difficult but she continued pressing him to acknowledge his emotions and deal with them. He had fought her every step of the way and although he doubted that they would ever be good friends, he now wanted to convince her that he was on his way to a complete recovery.

Clearing his throat, he carefully picked up the cup of water on the table and took a sip; he was thankful that the tremors had finally dissipated and that he could eat and drink without wearing his food or beverage. "Uh, what was the question again?" he sheepishly asked.

"How did you come to the conclusion that things could be worse?" the doctor patiently repeated.

He placed the cup back on the table and scrubbed his face. "At first when I was faced with the possibility of losing the use of my arms, I was angry; then I realized that maybe I had taken some things for granted and I…" Tony paused and blew out a long, drawn out breath. "Let's just say, I know now that I need to get my priorities straight and my first priority needs to be moving on with my life. I almost didn't get the chance to do that when my father tried to put me away for good, but that's another story for another day."

"I can't wait to hear it."

He almost regretted permitting the bit about his father to slip out but Tony figured that she would learn about it eventually. "You won't believe it."

"I just might; you never know until you try me. I did talk to Dr. Winesett and while he didn't fill me in on everything, he did give me a heads up about what happened with your dad. So tell me, how would you describe the relationship between you and your dad?"

Tony couldn't help but laugh. "Relationship? What relationship?"

"Surely, you can come up with something. If you had to describe your relationship between you and your father using one word, what would it be?"

"If I answer your question, can we move on to something else?"

"For now," she agreed.

"One word, huh?"

"One word."

Tony thought for a moment; there were so many words that he could choose from but at the moment, only one came to mind. "Convenient," he mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"My relationship with my dad has always been one of convenience; whenever he wants or needs something, he reappears in my life," Tony explained. "This last time, he wanted to put me away so he can have control over all my assets, especially the trust fund that my mother left me. Now, can we talk about something else?"

Tony watched her as she made a few notes in his chart; there wasn't a doubt in his mind that they would revisit the topic of his father sooner than later. "Okay," she said as she finished writing. "What about your relationship with Agent Gibbs?"

"What about it?"

"You all have been through a lot together; what one word would you use to describe your relationship with Gibbs?"

Without hesitation, Tony answered, "Family."

"Interesting."

He expected Dr. Williams to insist that he expound on that answer as well but she simply jotted down another note in his chart. "I must say Tony, that the…incident with your father seems to have given you a renewed sense of hope," she observed.

"I don't know if I'd call it hope, but I guess it's something."

"It sounds like you're on the right track."

"But?"

The psychiatrist returned his smile. "But we still have some work to do."

"I had a feeling that you were going to say that."

"Well, you were right."

"You'll probably be ready for a week or two off after dealing with my warped psyche," Tony teased.

"Don't worry; I've got a lot of sick time built up," she playfully shot back. "I've scheduled you for nine in the morning; don't be late."

"That's kind of early," Tony tried to reason. "I'm not really a morning person; I don't think…"

"Nine in the morning, Agent DiNozzo."

Tony knew that he wasn't going to get off that easy; yes, he was doing better, but he still had a lot of unresolved issues that he needed to deal with and Dr. Williams recognized that fact and seemed eager to help him. He once again recalled the vow he had made to himself that he would do whatever it took to get his life back and although Tony wasn't fond of talking to shrinks, he recognized that he needed her help in order for him to find his balance.

"Nine it is," he sighed.

"I'll see you then."

Tony nodded as she stood to leave. He watched her as she made her way to the door; although he couldn't argue that the woman was stunning, she was still a shrink and he doubted that he would ever trust her completely. Of course, maybe his distrust of psychiatrists would come out in his sessions and she could help him over come those misgivings; maybe she would succeed where others had failed.

As she opened the door, Tony almost laughed when she came face to face with Gibbs; it was obvious that the team leader still made her uncomfortable and he enjoyed seeing the older man turn the tables on the lovely doctor. Gibbs acknowledged Dr. Williams with a silent nod and stepped around her to enter his room. The expression on the doctor's face was priceless; her features were etched with a mixture of disbelief and irritation and Tony figured that his relationship with Gibbs would now be the first thing on her agenda.

"How ya doin', DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as the doctor closed the door behind her.

"Doin' good, Boss," he replied. "I was just chatting with Dr. Williams; I have to see her in the morning."

"So what all did she have to say?"

Tony shrugged, wincing at the slight action; sometimes he forgot that his shoulder was still healing but he didn't complain because the pain reminded him that he was alive. "Not a whole lot; I don't know that she's convinced that I'm actually doing better but I guess after my last stay here, I've got a lot to prove."

"You don't have anything to prove, Tony," Gibbs assured him.

"I don't know about that but I'm trying, Gibbs."

"Yeah, I know."

Those three words reaffirmed the faith that Gibbs had in him; knowing that the team leader believed in him had given him the confidence that he needed to take an interest in life once again. He owed Gibbs a lot and he would never be able to repay the man for not only being a teacher but for being the father he had always wanted.

"I uh…have something to show you," Tony announced.

"What is it?"

Tony picked up a brochure that was lying on the table and handed it to Gibbs. "Take a peek at my new ride."

"New ride?"

"Yeah, my wheelchair; I even got to pick out the color. Wheelchairs have come a long way; this one is kind of like the sports car of wheelchairs."

He watched with baited breath as Gibbs studied the pamphlet. "Red?"

"How'd you know?"

"I just know you, DiNozzo."

Tony nodded. "I guess you do. So, what do you think?" he anxiously inquired.

"I like it; it suits you."

Tony took the picture back and studied it. "Yeah, it does. When I get out of here, I'm going to check into getting some kind of car that can be adapted so I can still drive."

Gibbs nodded his approval. "That'll be good."

"Hey, did I tell you that when my chair comes in, I'd be playing basketball? They've got a team here and a couple of other guys were talking to me about it at breakfast; I thought I'd give it a whirl."

"I'd like to see you play."

"Don't worry, you will."

Tony blew out a shaky breath. He muttered a quiet curse under his breath; he still seemed to tire easily and he still had a long day ahead of him.

"You sure you're all right?' Gibbs wanted to know.

"Tired. Can't seem to go two hours without feeling wiped out."

"You'll build up your strength; it'll take time."

"I know."

"Want me to help you lay down?"

Tony shook his head. "Nah, I'm okay."

"All right."

"So, did you stop by work this morning?" he asked, the urge to 'talk shop' was beginning to return in full force. Tony was now able to entertain the possibility of a future at NCIS and wanted to know everything that had been going on with the various members of the team.

"Yep," Gibbs replied, leaning back in the chair. "Ducky and Abby said to tell you that they would come by tomorrow at lunch; Abby's fixing you some kind of gumbo and Duck's bringing you some kind of tea that will help you sleep. Ziva and McGee are reviewing cold cases; I'm letting Tim get a taste of what it's like to be a senior field agent. He's not replacing you," Gibbs quickly added. "I just want him to see…"

"Gibbs, you don't owe me an explanation; I know that you're trying to get him to get his head out of his ass and realize that there's more to being the senior field agent than being your second in command."

The team leader grinned at Tony's accurate assessment. "I know this because I vividly remember having to go through a bunch of cold cases right before Kate joined us."

"Good memory, DiNozzo."

"Thanks, Boss." Tony took another drink of water; he had another question he needed to ask but he wasn't sure that he wanted to hear the answer. "Have you talked to Director Shepard? I was wondering if she said anything about this job that she says is waiting for me; I can't imagine doing anything else besides being an agent but I guess I'm going to have to be willing to look at my options."

"Yeah, I've spoken with her."

"And?"

"And she's on her way here to see you."

"You're not going to give me a hint?" he pressed. Sometimes getting information out of Gibbs was like pulling teeth; of course it was good to know that some things would never change.

"Let's just say that you're going to have to make a decision."

"A decision?"

"Yep."

Tony felt the knot in his stomach tighten; in his experience, most offers from the Director usually meant trouble. She was a woman who didn't mind wielding her power nor did she mind using people to achieve her goals; the one thing he knew for certain is that people usually ended up getting hurt because of her personal vendettas.

"It'll be okay," Gibbs promised. "I have a feeling that you'll find her offer…interesting."

"The last time I had an interesting offer, I ended up turning it down."

"I know. Just hear her out."

"All right. But what if…"

He didn't get to finish his sentence before the door opened and Director Shepard entered the room; her graceful and purposeful stride exuded confidence and determination. "You haven't said anything, have you, Jethro?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Nope."

Tony greeted the Director, a smile tentatively danced on his lips. "Director."

"How are you, Tony?" she wanted to know.

"Fine, Director. I'm doing better every day."

"I know; I've been keeping tabs on you."

"So, Gibbs said you were coming to talk to me about some kind of job that you had in mind."

"Yes. May I sit down?"

Tony motioned for her to sit down in the chair opposite of him. Why was he so nervous? He and the Director had talked many times, even about personal matters that he couldn't talk to Gibbs about; now, he was wary of her and in his opinion, he had good reason to be.

"I've been talking with SecNav," she began. "He doesn't want to lose you as an agent; _I _don't want to lose you either."

"Is that why you gave McGee my job?"

He couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth. Tony gave himself a mental head slap and then proceeded to apologize. "I uh…didn't mean that the way it sounded. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I deserved that," the Director admitted. "Anyway, I'm prepared to offer you something that I don't think you can turn down."

"And that would be?"

Tony was waiting for her to offer him something where he would be behind a desk for the rest of his life; a place where his knowledge and instincts would be wasted on cold cases and files that needed to be reviewed by an agent. He had stopped pitying himself; now he was going to have to constantly fight against other people's misperceptions of his disability and that wasn't something he was looking forward to. Tony didn't want a job created for him out of pity or guilt; he wouldn't accept anything that sounded like charity or an attempt to force him into something where he wouldn't be an embarrassment to NCIS and he was more than prepared to make that abundantly clear to Director Jenny Shepard.

**Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas and wonderful New Year! I'm looking forward to another year of writing and I've got some, what I think to be, cool stories in the works. I'm almost finished with this story; I'm proofing the last two chapters and hope to have them up soon! **

**Again, thank you all for your patience over the holidays and I hope that the posts have been worth the wait. I'm looking forward to hearing from you all; you guys are the most awesome readers an author could ever have! **


	38. Chapter 38

Part 38

Gibbs watched with vested interest as DiNozzo engaged Jenny Shepard in what had the potential and more than likely would turn into a heated conversation. As soon as the Director entered the room, the team leader noticed that Tony's mood seemed to darken; the positive attitude that the younger man had been exuding had vanished and Tony now wore an expression of uncertainty and wariness. There was a lot of history between his senior agent and Jenny and he knew that DiNozzo's distrust of her was warranted. Tony had been caught up in her personal vendetta once before and it had taken him a while to rebound from the fall out of that assignment; ever since then, DiNozzo had been cautious of her and had managed to keep his distance.

Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was mentally bracing himself for Jenny's revelation; he felt the tension radiating off Tony's body and the former Marine hoped that the Director chose her words carefully or she would be on the receiving end of DiNozzo's wrath. Tony no longer wanted sympathy or pity and if he thought for one moment that she was trying to placate him, DiNozzo would quickly put her in her place. Gibbs smiled to himself at that image; he would almost pay to see Tony bring her down a notch or two.

He knew that Tony wouldn't accept her offer and he had told her so, but she didn't want to listen and the team leader was more than prepared to let her experience another epic fail. Gibbs knew that Tony wanted to be his senior field agent and he had every right to reclaim his position; there was nothing wrong with DiNozzo's mind and adaptations could be made for his physical disabilities. He had spent the better part of this past week making special modifications to Tony's apartment and he would be willing to do whatever was necessary to make sure that his work area was suitable for him as well.

Gibbs just hoped that Jenny kept her word and would permit Tony to resume his role if he turned down her job offer, which he would do. If she didn't, she would lose more than the best senior field agent that had graced the doors of NCIS; the Director would lose Gibbs and probably his team and he knew that SecNav wouldn't be thrilled at that possibility. Although there would be a few stipulations to DiNozzo returning to his status as senior field agent, Gibbs knew that Tony could handle anything that Jenny threw his way.

"I'm prepared to offer you something that I don't think you can turn down," Jenny said with nearly unbridled enthusiasm.

"And what would that be?" Tony asked, his tone betraying his doubts.

Now was the moment of truth; even though his instincts told him how Tony was going to react to Jenny's offer, he was looking forward to hearing the words come out of DiNozzo's mouth.

"First of all," she began. "Let me just say that I hope that you will carefully consider this offer; you passed up a golden opportunity when you didn't take the job in Rota."

"I don't have any regrets."

"I find that hard to believe but I won't dispute that point with you."

"Good idea; you'd be wasting your time if you did."

"I know." Jenny's gaze briefly alternated between Tony and Gibbs. "You two are too much alike."

"Thank you," Gibbs and Tony said in unison.

Gibbs hid his grin as he ignored Jenny's harsh stare. "Agent Gibbs, perhaps you need to go get some more coffee," she coolly suggested. He knew that she wasn't fond of him being present while she talked to Tony but he had made it abundantly clear to her during their discussion that he wouldn't be leaving DiNozzo's side. Gibbs knew that Tony wouldn't have any problem standing up to Jenny; the team leader just wanted to make sure that DiNozzo knew that he had his six.

"Nah, I'm good," he shot back. "Please continue, Director."

"Please do," Tony added. "I'm curious as to what you have to say."

"All right," Jenny conceded. "Tony, your…condition has raised a lot of questions that we've never considered before; in fact, although there is a policy regarding employees with disabilities but there are a lot of gray areas. One of those gray areas include how to handle agents with permanent disabilities who want to come back to work."

Gibbs made a mental note to look up that policy and read it; if there were that many 'gray' areas, then he would need to identify them and make sure that they would work in Tony's favor. He listened intently as Jenny continued her well-rehearsed spiel.

"SecNav and I feel that you still have a lot to offer NCIS and that your talents would be wasted by sitting behind a desk and…"

"That's good," Tony interjected. "Because I have no intention of being a desk jockey."

"Which is why SecNav has offered me the authority to create a special position for you," she boasted. "If you choose to accept this position, you will serve as a consultant to the various team leaders, so technically you'll still be working with Gibbs on occasion; however, your main role will be as an instructor at FLETC. You will be teaching a new class that is being created and training new recruits to…"

"I'm not a teacher," the dark-haired man reminded her.

"That's where you're wrong," Jenny insisted. "Gibbs says that you're the best agent he's ever worked with; personally, I kind of took offense to that but truthfully, I have to agree. You're good at what you do and although sometimes your methods have been unorthodox at times, both McGee and Ziva have informed me that you've taught them a lot both personally and professionally.

"You've managed to stay with Gibbs longer than anyone and it's obvious that you've learned a lot in your seven years together. You would get to write the curriculum and no one will tell you how to teach as long as it results in these probationary agents coming into the field a little more seasoned. There are so many young agents coming up that don't have the instincts and street smarts that you do," Jenny pointed out. "They need to understand that life isn't necessarily black and white and both SecNav and I think that you are the perfect man for the job."

"You can't teach instincts and street smarts," Tony stated, each word forcefully spoken.

"I disagree."

"Do you disagree or are you trying to talk me into a job that doesn't exist except in a supposed conversation between you and SecNav? How stupid do you think I am? A consultant? A teacher? What's next? Hey, maybe I could be the Director."

Gibbs couldn't help but notice how tired Tony suddenly appeared. File lines of fatigue and irritation were evident on his face and judging by the daggers that were being directed at the Director, he knew that DiNozzo was about ready to tell her what she could do with her so called job offer. He settled back in his chair; things were about to get interesting.

"I guess you think you're funny," Jenny fumed.

"Most of the time," DiNozzo shot back. "You know Director, I'm not sure what I was expecting but I had a feeling that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Looks like I was right."

"Tony, be reasonable. This is a good opportunity for you to prove that you still have a lot to offer."

"Is that what you think I need to do? You think I have something to prove? A wise man told me not too long ago that I didn't have anything to prove," Tony declared. "I think my record should stand for itself. I don't need a special job created for me; as far as I know, I still have a job. As you pointed out, I'm good at my job; why do I need a new one?"

Gibbs could see that Jenny was actually surprised that Tony was telling her no. He knew from personal experience that she usually refused to accept no as an answer, especially if she thought she was right. However, Jenny should have learned from the last time she had to deal with DiNozzo on a professional level, that once he made up his mind, it was nearly impossible to change it.

"How can you be a senior field agent when you can't go out in the field?" Jenny wanted to know.

"We'll work around it."

"How?"

"I have a team and…"

"You're being selfish, Agent DiNozzo. We are offering you an opportunity that many agents would give their right arm for and you're turning it down."

Gibbs didn't miss that slight tremor in Tony's hand as he gingerly raked his hand through his hair. He had a feeling that he was going to have to soon put and end to the conversation; Jenny's presence was wearing on DiNozzo's already frazzled nerves.

"That's a load of crap, Director," Tony growled. "You came up with this job so that I'd be out of your hair; this job would be great for someone who's going to retire in a few years, who wants to ride out his last few years on easy street. Don't insult me by pretending otherwise."

"Do you know how hard this is going to be not only on you, but on your team? You're going to have to requalify on your weapon from a wheelchair and…"

"I know it's not going to be easy but if I can't do my job, it's going to be my decision and _not_ yours."

Defeat was written on the Director's face and Gibbs thought he saw a hint of acceptance in her eyes. He had tried to warn her that Tony was not going to perceive her offer as an honor; Gibbs had known that DiNozzo would reject the offer because he would have done the same.

"All right, Agent DiNozzo," she sighed. "You win. Your job as senior field agent will be waiting for you _if_ you come back."

"Don't you mean when?"

"There are conditions to your return and I will make sure that Agent Gibbs has the list of stipulations within the next couple of days; as long as you satisfactorily meet them, you will be able to resume your position as senior field agent."

"What about McGee?" Tony asked.

"He will continue to serve as interim senior field agent until your return; it's been a good learning experience for him. Agent McGee has already told me that he wasn't as ready as he thought he was to fill your shoes; he will step down _if_ you come back to work."

Gibbs stared at Jenny, his eyes betraying the uncertainty that he felt regarding her revelation about McGee. The younger man had not informed him of his decision to resume his previous place on the team; he would definitely have to have a talk with Tim about accountability and chain of command.

"When do you think you'll try to come back to work?" Jenny inquired.

"I don't know, but I'm sure you'll be the second to know."

With a curt nod, Jenny dismissed herself and headed towards the door; Gibbs immediately rose from his seat and followed her. He caught up to her as she reached the elevator. "Don't say it," the Director warned.

"Say what?"

"You're just dying to say I told you so."

"Nah, you already took care of that. I just want to know what you think you're trying to do by putting these 'stipulations' on DiNozzo."

"He's got to prove that he's capable of doing the job of a senior field agent, especially if he's going to do it from a wheelchair."

"You want him to fail, don't you?" Gibbs challenged.

"No, Jethro, I don't want him to fail; believe it or not, I have his best interests in mind," she tried to assure him.

"That's why you offered him a pie job?"

"I offered him the job because I thought it was something that he would be able to do…"

"In a wheelchair?" the team leader blurted out, purposefully finishing her sentence.

The doors to the elevator opened and Jenny entered the lift car; she held the button that kept the doors open as she angrily glared at him. "I'm going to ignore that last remark, Agent Gibbs. I'll have those requirements for you by tomorrow morning; I'll email them to you _and_ to Agent DiNozzo, so you better actually check your email instead of letting it sit in your inbox for several months."

The doors closed and Gibbs couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Jenny still had to have the last word; he figured that it made her feel more powerful or gave her an unusual sense of satisfaction to believe that she had won an argument. He turned and headed back down towards Tony's room; the team leader had given DiNozzo a few moments alone to get his thoughts together and now it was time for them to talk. He wanted to make sure that the Director's visit had not quenched the fire that was fueling Tony's desire and determination to get better.

He entered Tony's room to find him staring out the window. Gibbs sat down beside him and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You all right?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine."

"Well, maybe pissed is a more accurate description."

"Can't blame you there."

"She's got a lot of nerve," Tony mumbled. "Did she really think I was going to accept that so called job offer? It wasn't a job offer! It was a…it was an insult! She thought that I would jump, no pun intended, at the idea of wasting my life by…" DiNozzo blew out a frustrated breath. "The Director can take her wonderful job offer and go to hell."

Gibbs patiently waited for Tony to continue. He was aware that the younger man had just begun his tirade and the team leader was not going to deny him the opportunity to rant and express the anger and doubts that Jenny's visit had resurrected. The subsequent weeks after the shooting were filled with uncertainty and there were days that Gibbs wasn't sure that Tony had even wanted to live; now, DiNozzo was fighting with everything he had and the older man wanted to make sure that Tony's efforts weren't in vain.

"I can't believe she thinks I'm that naïve," DiNozzo continued. "I can still do my job, Gibbs; I'm damn good at it and I don't have anything to prove! Isn't that what you said?"

"Yep."

"Then why all of a sudden do I have _stipulations_ that I have to meet before I can come back to work? It's a bunch of crap."

"I know it is, but you know something, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"What?"

"I think that whatever she throws at you, you'll just pick it up and throw it back at her."

Gibbs didn't miss the small, mischievous grin that danced upon Tony's lips. "She'll never know what hit her," DiNozzo said.

The team leader returned his smile. "No, she won't."

Tony cleared his throat. The team leader could tell that DiNozzo was still anxious about something; Gibbs fought back the urge to curse Jenny for causing Tony so much turmoil.

"Gibbs, being an NCIS agent is who I am.," Tony quietly stated. "I can't give it up; I _won't_ give it up."

"Damn straight. You think about giving up and you'll answer to me," Gibbs warned.

"Thanks, Gibbs."

"For what?"

"Having my back."

"Always, DiNozzo. Always."

The agent glanced at his watch. "It's about lunchtime and I'm kind of hungry; do you want to go down to the cafeteria?"

"Sure," Tony eagerly replied. "They're having a choice of sweet and sour chicken or broccoli and beef for lunch; of course, if Edith's working, you can get both."

"Edith? As in Mrs. Kiser?"

"Yep, she started volunteering here the first of the week," Tony informed him. "She said she wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I'm doing what my doctor tells me to do."

"I wondered where she had been," Gibbs mused. "Usually when I'm at your place, she makes an appearance and makes sure that I clean up after myself; she obviously can't bear the thought of her Anthony coming home to a dirty apartment. She hasn't been by the past couple of days; I just figured that she had something else to do."

"She likes to stay busy and I think she's found her calling; the food here has been incredible since she started and everyone loves her. If I'm not careful, I'm going to have some competition from the other patients."

"You'll still be her favorite," Gibbs promised him. The old woman was completely taken with Tony and would do anything for him and the team leader knew that the feelings were completely mutual on DiNozzo's part.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

Gibbs maneuvered Tony out of his room and out into the corridor. "Lead the way," he insisted. DiNozzo had been working on strengthening his arms by driving his wheelchair; he was getting stronger everyday and Gibbs was more than pleased with his progress.

"Follow me."

As the two men headed down the corridor, side by side, Gibbs couldn't help but think how far DiNozzo had come. Although he would probably never understand the purpose behind Tony's paralysis, he knew that it had forced DiNozzo to reach down inside his soul and harness the inner strength that he had always possessed. There wasn't a doubt about it; Tony DiNozzo was the strongest man that he had ever met and it was an honor not only to call him friend, but to call him son.

**A special thanks to AZGirl for her help with this! You're just awesome! Anyway, thank you to my loyal and patient readers; I hope that you enjoy the post and by the time you were done reading it, you were cheering Tony on! **

**We're _almost _done with this story! Can you guys believe it? Anyway, thanks again for your unwavering support and I hope that you have enjoyed the ride! Off to proof a chapter of 'From the Ashes!'**


	39. Chapter 39

Part 39

Gibbs poked his head into Tony's room only to discover that he wasn't there. Glancing at his watch, he figured that DiNozzo had to either be in a therapy session or else visiting Edith in the cafeteria and had more than likely lost track of time. He was supposed to take Tony on his first off campus visit this morning and Gibbs had to admit that he was looking forward to the event as much, if not more than DiNozzo. Tony had continued to make tremendous strides in his recovery and he felt like he was ready to face the real world for a few hours. The team leader was looking forward to showing him the modifications that he had made on his apartment as well as spending the afternoon away from the constant pressures that the younger man constantly subjected himself to.

Deciding to go and look for Tony, Gibbs headed down the hallway towards the cafeteria; rounding the corner, he heard someone call his name. He stopped mid-stride and blew out a slow breath as he turned to see Tony's psychiatrist, Dr. Claire Williams, running as fast as her heels would allow in order to catch up to him. The former Marine impatiently waited for her to join him; although he and Tony didn't have any use for shrinks, part of DiNozzo's rehab had required him to talk with the woman and he had forced himself to be supportive because of that reason.

"Agent Gibbs!" The doctor greeted him, slightly out of breath. "Are you here to pick up Tony?"

"Yep," he said, not offering any further information.

"That's good," she replied, nodding her approval. "He's been looking forward to this all week; Tony's mentioned it several times in our sessions."

"Really?" Gibbs was already aware of what she and DiNozzo had discussed; Tony's sessions were usually one of their topics during dinner every evening. He couldn't help but wonder if Dr. Williams had any idea that DiNozzo kept him well informed of everything that she said as well as her attempts at manipulating him to confess his deepest fears; after seven years of working together and having each other's backs, there were no secrets between them and Gibbs imagined that particular realization truly bothered the doctor.

"Yes and I'm grateful that he's getting an opportunity to get out of here for while; it will do him some good," the doctor conceded.

"Yep."

Dr. Williams crossed her arms, her obvious irritation with him threatening to break through the surface. "Am I doomed to receive one word answers during this entire conversation?"

"Depends."

"It depends on what, Agent Gibbs?"

"If you ask questions that require more than one word answers."

She shook her head in disgust. "I didn't stop you to get in an argument with you; I just wanted you to know that I'm pleased with Agent DiNozzo's progress and although I have my doubts about this unique familial bond that the two of you seem to share, I do believe that your support has been a powerful motivator and I wanted to thank you for helping him."

Gibbs had to admit that he was surprised by what she had to say. They had clashed several times over Tony's care and to hear her acknowledge that he was playing a huge part in his recovery was something short of miraculous. "I'd do anything for Tony."

"I know that now and I just wanted to say that I was…wrong about you."

The team leader grinned at the doctor. "That just about killed you, didn't it?"

"It wasn't easy."

"Well, I appreciate that, Doc. Is there anything else?" He didn't want to give her too much of an opportunity to start psychoanalyzing him; if she thought DiNozzo had issues, she would have a field day trying to sort out his psyche.

"You're an arrogant S.O.B.; you know that, right?" she challenged, her tone bordering on playfulness etched with a hint of annoyance.

"So I've been told," Gibbs retorted. "More than once."

"Why Agent DiNozzo looks up to you is beyond me."

"I don't understand it either," Gibbs said. "I'm nothing special, Dr. Williams; I've just got his six and believe me, to Tony, that means everything. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find DiNozzo so we can get out of here for a while."

"I won't hold you up then," she said. "By the way, you know he's still got a long way to go, right? He's still dancing around certain issues and…"

"He's done that for years and believe me, better than you have tried to get him to open up," the agent informed her. "Let me assure you that those things that you consider to be issues are things that he and I have dealt with for a long time and probably will for years to come. If I were you, I wouldn't push it."

He fully expected the doctor to accuse him of telling her how to do her job but instead, she smiled at him and handed him her business card. "Tony's being discharged to outpatient status next week and I'll only be seeing him once a week; if at any time, you think he needs to talk, don't hesitate to call me."

Gibbs took the card and stuck it in his pocket. As the psychiatrist turned to leave, Gibbs called out to her. "Hey Doc?"

"What is it, Agent Gibbs?" she asked.

"It's nothing personal." He didn't want to expand upon his explanation; Gibbs and Tony were both intensely private men and one of the many things that they had in common was that they were very guarded against strangers trying to 'fix' them and no amount of talking would ever get them to break their silence.

She acknowledged his semi attempt at an apology with a smile and a barely perceptible nod. "Enjoy your day out, Agent Gibbs and keep out of trouble."

Gibbs continued his trek down the hall towards the cafeteria. As he approached the dining area, he could hear music emanating from the room. The team leader pushed the door open and peered inside to see the tables pushed back and Edith and Tony in the center of the room dancing. Ever since DiNozzo had received his new wheelchair, he had relentlessly worked on learning to expertly maneuver the chair and now although, Tony was having a little difficulty in the tight quarters, he was still managing to do what appeared to be an adaptive version of the jitterbug.

As the music ended, Edith finished with a spin and ended up on Tony's lap and planted a kiss on his cheek. "We're going to knock them dead at the Golden Hoofers this year!" she happily exclaimed.

"You bet we are," Tony readily agreed. "Give me a couple of more weeks and I'll have those 360 turns down pat and we won't miss a beat."

"Now, don't push yourself; we have plenty of time. By the way, have you talked to Jethro about entering the contest? Vera is still looking for a partner."

Gibbs quickly arrived at the conclusion that he needed to make his presence known before DiNozzo or Edith volunteered him for something that he didn't particularly want to be roped into doing. "You two are looking good," he said as he entered the cafeteria.

"That was only our second practice," Edith boasted. "Wait until we've had another month under our belt!"

He saw a semi panicked look come over DiNozzo as the younger man glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry, Gibbs," Tony apologized. "I uh…lost track of time. I'm ready to go whenever you are."

"Just say the word."

Gibbs watched Tony and Edith say their goodbyes. "I'll meet you at your apartment," Edith promised. "Don't pick up anything, I've got a roast and some vegetables in the crock pot and when I get I home, it'll be ready to eat."

"You don't have to go to any trouble," Tony said.

"Don't be ridiculous; you need to eat and keep your strength up. Besides, I've got my famous chocolate pie for dessert and I know you don't want to miss it."

Tony winked at the older woman. "No ma'am. We'll be there."

Edith gave Tony another kiss on the forehead and a quick hug. "Now, get out of here; I've got to get ready for the lunch crowd."

Gibbs and Tony watched the older woman disappear into the kitchen. This wasn't the first time that the former Marine had said a quite word of thanks that Edith was around to provide Tony with the emotional support that had been imperative to his recovery. He opened the door and held it open as Tony wheeled through it; Gibbs was truly amazed at how DiNozzo managed to move with such ease.

"Thanks, Boss."

"Do you need anything from your room?" he asked.

"Nope, I'm ready to get out of here for a few hours."

"Sounds good to me."

Gibbs grinned as Tony waved good-bye to Gretchen and some of the other nurses; leave it to Tony to have all the women on the floor eating out of his hand. He knew that it still bothered DiNozzo that his dating life had, in his opinion, taken a hit, but he was making the effort to move forward and hopefully one day, he would find the right woman that would make him happy.

They went outside to where Gibbs' truck was parked and Tony allowed him to help transfer him to the passenger seat; while DiNozzo fastened his seat belt, Gibbs secured his wheelchair in the bed of the truck. Sliding in the driver's seat, he started the truck and shifted into drive. The reality of this day had been a long time coming; it was as if the single event of DiNozzo getting to go home for a while signaled an official new beginning where the nightmare of the past few months was finally behind both of them.

As Tony began talking about anything that just randomly popped in his mind, Gibbs realized how much he had missed having the younger man around. During the past few months, he had come to accept that he had taken a lot for granted, especially the friendship that he and DiNozzo had; the team leader had almost lost Tony and not just in a physical sense but emotionally as well. They had worked through the tragedy that had changed both their lives and each of them was ready to face the future not only as longtime colleagues and friends but as father and son.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tony knew that he was rambling but he was nervous and talking seemed to keep his mind off the things that were causing him to worry. He had been anxious about leaving the rehab center but had managed to hide his uncertainty about facing the real world from almost everyone, except for Gibbs; of course, he could never hide anything from Gibbs. They had talked at great length about what they would do this trip and both of them agreed that his first trip should be to his home. He knew that Gibbs had done some modifications and he was curious to see what he had done; it was another step towards accepting his new life.

As Gibbs pulled up to his apartment building, the team leader parked in what appeared to be newly created spaces for handicapped parking; he knew that this would not only benefit him but several of his elderly neighbors. As his attention was drawn to the front of his building, Tony felt the knot in his stomach tighten; perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all.

He began to question himself as to whether he was he truly ready to face life in a wheelchair. Did he really think it was going to be as easy as he was pretending it would be? Lately, he'd be acting like he didn't have a care in the world when in fact, he was scared to death of the life that awaited him. What if he failed? What if he learned things about himself that he didn't necessarily like? Tony silently chastised himself for letting the negative thoughts that he had managed to keep at bay for the past couple of weeks resurface. _Pull yourself together, DiNozzo._

Continuing to stare at the entrance to his apartment building, he couldn't help but wonder how he was going to get up the stairs to his apartment because the elevator more than likely didn't work. In all the years that he had lived there, he could count on one hand the number of times that the elevator was actually in operating condition; Tony had made numerous complaints, especially on behalf of his elderly neighbors, but most of the time his pleas had fallen on deaf ears.

Although he had been working on his upper body strength, he doubted he'd have the stamina to pull himself up the stairs and he certainly didn't cherish the idea of asking Gibbs to carry him; he found himself saying a quick prayer that in addition to the parking places, the landlord had seen fit to fix the elevator.

"Uh, Gibbs, I just thought of something," he mused.

"What?"

"The elevator…"

"It's fixed," the agent informed him. "I don't think you or anyone else living in the building will have to worry about it breaking down again."

Slightly surprised by Gibbs' revelation, he couldn't help but ask, "Did you threaten my landlord with bodily harm?"

Gibbs grinned as he opened his door. "Maybe."

"I've tried that before and it didn't work. What did you say to him?"

"It's funny, I just had to mention that I used to be a sniper and he suddenly wanted to know what else needed to be repaired."

Tony opened his door and waited for Gibbs to come around to his side with his wheelchair. "I don't why I didn't think of that," he mumbled.

Gibbs opened his door and expertly helped him transfer to his chair and the two men headed towards the entrance of the building. Tony looked up at Gibbs in amazement when the front doors opened automatically. "Did you do this too?"

"Let's just say that your landlord decided that it was time to bring the building up to code."

"I don't what to say, Gibbs."

"You don't have to say anything," Gibbs replied.

When they entered the apartment building, he was greeted by several of his neighbors, including several elderly ladies who thought he had lost too much weight and promised to fatten him up when he returned home. Thankfully, Gibbs noticed that he was getting uncomfortable with all the attention and made an excuse for them to leave behind the crowd of well wishers.

During the short elevator ride to his floor, Tony blew out a long breath as he attempted to encourage the tension to flow from his body; it was a technique that that his physical therapist had taught him and he had employed quite a bit the last couple of weeks. He felt Gibbs give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Acknowledging the team leader with a slight nod, Tony watched the floors light up as the elevator made its way to the ground floor.

"You okay?" the older man asked.

"Yeah; just wasn't expecting the welcome wagon."

"You have quite a fan club; I'm surprised Edith doesn't get jealous," Gibbs teased.

Tony shook his head. "Nah. She just makes sure that everyone understands that _she's_ the president of my fan club."

The doors opened and Tony wheeled his chair off the elevator and down the familiar hallway towards his apartment. Gibbs followed close behind him with his key ready in his hand. Tony had given the former Marine the key to his residence years ago and up until recently, Gibbs hadn't had much use for it; in fact, the team leader had probably used it more in the past several weeks than he had in all the years they had known each other.

Gibbs unlocked the door and Tony entered the living room. The first thing he noticed was the new entertainment center that had been built to accommodate him; all his DVD's and the DVD player were now within reach, making it easy for him to select and play his favorite movies. His long fingers traced the edge of the cabinet as he admired the new piece of furniture.

"I've still got a couple of finishing touches to put on it, but I wanted to go ahead and get it together for today," Gibbs said.

Tony was in awe, not of Gibbs craftsmanship, although that was remarkable, but of the fact that he had built this entertainment center for him. "Gibbs, this is…amazing. When did you find time to do this?"

"I've been working on it at night, pretty much ever since the shooting. It keeps my mind busy."

"I can understand that," he sympathized. "When did you sleep?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Sleep is highly overrated."

"So, I've been told," Tony laughed as he recalled using that excuse several times himself.

"I've got a few other things to show you."

Tony wheeled his chair around and followed Gibbs to the different areas of his apartment including the kitchen and his bathroom where he had made quite a few adjustments that would make his life a lot easier. He couldn't even imagine the cost of the renovations and although he knew that Gibbs would never accept payment for everything he had done, Tony silently vowed to somehow repay his mentor and friend for his kindness and generosity.

"Gibbs, this is too much. You shouldn't have…I mean, you practically put in a new bathroom!"

Gibbs shrugged. "I wanted to do it."

"But you didn't have to; I didn't expect you to."

"I know and I know what you're thinking," Gibbs said. "I didn't do it out of guilt; I did it because I wanted to."

Tony swallowed hard in an effort to keep his emotions at bay. "Thanks, Gibbs."

"You're welcome."

Needing to change the subject, he nodded towards the kitchen. "Don't suppose you restocked the fridge, did you?"

"Actually, Abby did," Gibbs informed him. "She got all your favorites; do you want something?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I'd like a beer."

"Comin' right up."

He was glad that Gibbs didn't give him the lecture about how he probably didn't need to be drinking yet. Tony was also grateful that the team leader permitted him to make his own decisions regarding his life and what he wanted to do; simple choices such as whether or not he wanted a beer or not had inherited a new meaning and he would never take those everyday ultimatums for granted again.

The two men made their way back into the living room. As soon as Tony positioned himself, Gibbs handed him a beer and sat down across from him. He took a swig of his beer and set it on the table in front of him, feeling Gibbs' gaze upon him as the older man seemed to be studying his every move.

"Something wrong?" he inquired, the uncertainty in his voice betraying his discomfort at the constant scrutiny.

"No; I'm just…I'm just really proud of you, Tony."

Tony's cheeks flushed a slight crimson at the praise. "Thanks, Boss; I couldn't have done it without you."

"I don't know about that; sometimes I think you've recovered in spite of me."

"Thought we were past that," Tony reminded the agent.

"We are," Gibbs assured him as he took a sip of his beer. "You know something else, DiNozzo?"

"What's that, Boss?"

"I can't wait until you're back at work; it hasn't been the same without you."

"I can't wait either, although I'm a little nervous about these stipulations. I think I can requalify on my weapon without any problem but I'm a little worried about the field work," he admitted.

"It's funny that you mention that," Gibbs said, standing and taking both their bottles of beer and setting them on the table. The older man had that mischievous glint in his eye that told Tony that he was definitely up to something.

Puzzled, Tony nervously asked. "What do you mean?"

He watched with curiosity as Gibbs walked over to his front door and opened it to reveal Abby standing outside. Before the team leader could invite her in, Abby had shoved her laptop in Gibbs' hand as she pushed by him and enveloped Tony in a hug. "Oh, Tony! I've missed you so much!"

Tony returned the embrace and whispered in her ear. "I've uh…missed you too, Abs!" He was genuinely glad to see his friend.

"Did Gibbs tell you?' she wanted to know.

He glanced up at Gibbs, who was setting Abby's laptop on the coffee table. "Tell me what?"

Gibbs never got the chance to answer before Abby broke the embrace and began powering up her computer. "I've been doing some research," the scientist exclaimed.

"Research?"

"Yep," Gibbs interjected. "I think you'll like what she's come up with; you're going to give new meaning to the definition of field agent."

Tony's gaze alternated between Gibbs and Abby, unsure of what they were talking about. "What? I don't understand."

Abby grinned at him as she placed the computer on his lap and pulled up the file that she had been working on. "Let me show you what I'm talking about; by the time I'm done, you won't have any doubts that you can do your job as Gibbs' senior field agent." She directed his attention to the laptop as she proudly declared, "Prepare to be amazed!"

**Thank you all for your support and encouragement! You guys are amazing and I truly hope you enjoyed the post! We're almost through with this journey (one more chapter and an epilogue…I think) and I appreciate everyone who has stuck around and I hope that you all will stick around for many more adventures. **


	40. Chapter 40

Part 40

Gibbs glanced over at his passenger to discover that Tony was sound asleep. The excitement of the day had evidently caught up with the younger man and the team leader had briefly considered the possibility that it had all been too much for DiNozzo; he had tried to get Tony to return to the rehab center earlier, but the contentment and happiness that his senior field agent was exuding was well deserved and a long time coming, so he had allowed Tony to gauge his own fatigue. Of course he should have remembered that DiNozzo often pushed himself past his own limits and this had been one of those times; it was a bittersweet reminder that there were some things that would never change.

He was looking forward to having some of that long absent familiarity back in the bullpen; the lack of Tony's presence had worn on his nerves and he had become less tolerant of others and their incompetence. Hopefully soon, he would have his senior field agent back where he belonged and things would be back to normal; Gibbs had come to realize how much he actually depended on Tony and he had made a vow that he would never take DiNozzo for granted again.

The past few months had taught him that his way wasn't always right and that Tony DiNozzo had more grit than anyone he knew. At first, it had been hard to accept what had happened but when he realized that by continuing to bear the weight of the blame, he was hindering Tony's recovery, Gibbs had quickly decided that neither of them could afford to live in the past and had to move forward.

Part of moving forward had been the reason for today. The renovations that he had made to DiNozzo's apartment had served a two-fold purpose which entailed making Tony's life easier and showing him that he could live a normal life; judging by DiNozzo's reaction, Gibbs felt like he had succeeded in that effort. However, what had truly been the highlight of the day had been watching Tony's face light up as Abby presented him with several options that would allow him to carry out his duties as Gibbs' senior field agent.

Abby had really done her homework on all terrain wheelchairs and in turn had provided Tony with a newfound hope and increased his desire to get out of rehab and back to work. She had also worked up a proposal for him to present to the powers that be in hopes that between workman's compensation and the Americans with Disabilities Act, the funding wouldn't have to come out of Tony's pocket. Of course, Abby had a plan B in place and if necessary, they would resort to other means to make sure that Tony had everything he needed to resume his responsibilities at NCIS; hopefully they wouldn't have to resort to calling Sister Rosita and the nuns and unleashing them on the Director.

He couldn't help but grin as he recalled Abby telling DiNozzo how Sister Rosita had refused to replace him on their bowling league; it seemed that Edith wasn't the only elderly lady that Tony had wrapped around his little finger. Gibbs was glad that Abby had come over; she and DiNozzo had always had a unique friendship and her visit had succeeded in lifting his spirits even more. As they had said their goodbyes, Abby had given Tony a flash drive so that he could share his newly found knowledge with his physical therapist and that object was still firmly clutched in his hand.

As Gibbs pulled up to the rehab center, he reached over and gently shook Tony awake. "Hey, DiNozzo," he called to him.

Tony stirred and opened his eyes. "Sorry, Boss; I didn't mean to fall asleep." DiNozzo tiredly grinned; a hint of mischief twinkling in his eyes. "I guess I over did it."

"Do ya think?"

He saw Tony tighten his grip on the memory stick. "I can't wait to show this to Pete; he's going to like this. I thought my Magnum wheelchair was cool but this chair that Abby found is awesome."

Gibbs smiled at DiNozzo's enthusiasm. Tony's actions reminded him of a teenager getting a new car; although Tony was older, he was still excited about his new 'wheels.'

"I have to agree with you," he said. "You shouldn't have any problem going out in the field with that chair."

"I can't believe how everything is coming together; it's actually kind of nerve racking," Tony admitted.

"Positive thoughts, DiNozzo," Gibbs reminded him.

"I'm trying."

Gibbs got out his truck and unloaded Tony's chair from the back. By the time he got to the passenger's side, Tony had unfastened his seatbelt, opened the door and was positioning his legs so he could transfer to the wheelchair. The team leader couldn't help but be proud of the vast strides that DiNozzo had made as he continued doing more for himself everyday.

He waited patiently as Tony transferred himself to his chair. "Thanks, Gibbs."

"Any time."

The silver haired agent walked beside him as they entered the rehab center. He was looking forward to the day that he and Tony walked out of here forever; although Tony was going to be on outpatient status next week and within a couple of months, he would be cleared to return to work provided he passed several requirements and Gibbs didn't have any doubts that DiNozzo would pass with flying colors.

He noticed that Tony spoke to everyone that he passed; DiNozzo hadn't lost his charm and he was glad to see that every day, more of his old personality was shining through. The shooting had changed DiNozzo in some ways, physically and emotionally, but he was no longer falling prey to the chasm of despair that had threatened to engulf him after he had discovered that he was paralyzed.

Gibbs followed Tony into his room and watched him as he pulled out his sweatpants and a T-shirt. DiNozzo wheeled himself over to the bathroom and stared at the door; he knew that Tony still had problem accepting the new methods of dealing with his bodily functions and that it was going to take him a while to get used to what he had to do in order to relieve himself. Tony had excused himself earlier at his apartment and Gibbs had managed to keep Abby from asking too many questions, providing her with the condensed version so that she would understand that she needed to act as normal as possible and not draw attention to certain aspects of Tony's recovery.

Tony had yet to share with him exactly what he was required to do in order to perform a task that he personally had often taken for granted. Gibbs had already read the literature that DiNozzo had left laying on his dresser and he knew enough to realize that he needed to respect Tony's desire for privacy in this matter and he wouldn't press him to talk until he was ready.

"I'll go tell the nurse that you're back," Gibbs volunteered, knowing that Tony needed this time alone.

"Thanks, Gibbs," Tony whispered.

Gibbs gave Tony's shoulder a gentle squeeze and left the room. He made his way to the nurse's station where the night nurse, Kara, handed him a fresh cup of coffee. "I see the wanderers have returned," she pleasantly observed.

"Yep," he answered, taking a sip of his brew.

"How'd he do?" Kara inquired.

"Good. He kind of over did it for his first excursion but DiNozzo never has done anything half way."

"He's come a long way."

"Yeah, he has," Gibbs readily agreed.

"You're very proud of him, aren't you?"

As he stared down the hall towards DiNozzo's room, Gibbs realized that proud didn't begin to describe how he felt. Tony had an integrity that had shone through the darkest period in his life and he was now inspiring those around him as he continued to prove everyone around him that he was prepared to resume part of his former life. Tony DiNozzo was more than a good man and Gibbs was honored to call him son.

He took another drink of his coffee, a hint of a smile playing upon his lips. Turning his attention back to Kara, he quietly replied, "You have no idea."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It had taken him a little longer than he thought to take care of his personal business and change clothes. The day had been full one and his stamina had come up short; he had done too much, too soon, but he wouldn't trade this day for anything. Tony had been glad to get out of the rehab center and go home, even if it was just for a few hours; it wouldn't be too long before he was allowed to go home to stay and he was looking forward to that day.

Taking his dirty laundry, he placed it in the hamper and wheeled himself to his bed. He locked his brakes and on the mental count of three, transferred himself to his bed; he absently rubbed his shoulder, knowing that his insistence upon pushing himself usually led to sore and fatigued muscles but he had to keep pushing in order to prove that he was ready to resume his life.

Today had been eventful and Abby's visit had topped off one of the best days he had experienced since the shooting. She had been so excited about the all terrain wheelchairs and that he would be able to perform the duties of senior field agent despite his disabilities. Abby's enthusiasm had been contagious and he had returned to the rehab center in an even better frame of mind.

The euphoric feeling had disappeared only briefly when he realized that it was past time to take care of nature's calling but he had managed to recover it by the time they had left. However, the sense of melancholy returned when he returned to the rehab and knew that as part of his night time routine, he had to empty his bladder bag once again; personally, he considered it a hindrance but until he could retrain his bladder, if that was even possible, he would have to learn to accept what he had to do as part of his daily hygienic routine.

He had been grateful when Gibbs had left, allowing him to take care of his needs without an audience. The team leader was attuned to what he needed and it was refreshing to be on the same wavelength once again; there had been a time right after the shooting that he had doubted that things would ever get back to normal but time and the history they shared together had proven to be a tremendous healer. He shouldn't have ever doubted Gibbs and the faith that the man had in him.

Tony situated himself under the blanket and picked up the remote and began channel surfing. Finally settling on a basketball game featuring Ohio State, he laid his head back against the pillow, his eyes fixed on the screen but not really seeing anything. His mind was busy replaying everything that Gibbs and Abby had told him; he just hoped that they didn't make things harder on themselves by going to bat for him. Of course, it might be worth a little extra aggravation to see Abby unleash Sister Rosita on the Director and anyone else who would listen; that thought brought a smile to his face.

"What are you smiling about, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he entered the room.

"Just picturing Sister Rosita taking on the Director," he answered, not bothering to hide the hint of exhaustion in his voice. There wasn't any use hiding anything from Gibbs; he always seemed to know what he was thinking and how he was feeling.

"I'd kinda like to see that," the team leader admitted.

"Yeah," he agreed. "We could sell tickets and it would be a good fundraiser for the soup kitchen they run."

He reached over and picked up the cup of water sitting on the mobile tray beside his bed. His arm possessed a slight tremor from over extending himself but it wasn't enough to bother him. Tony closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, forcing his jumbled thoughts back into the box that they belonged in; there would be plenty of time for trying to organize the mysteries of his mind, but right now he needed to focus.

"You okay, DiNozzo?"

Tony opened his eyes and met Gibbs' concern gaze. "Yeah, I guess I should've left when you first suggested it but I didn't want to leave. It just felt so right being with you and Abs again; kind of like the old days when I first started with NCIS. Do you remember those days?"

"Quite vividly," the former Marine recalled.

"Sometimes I wish things had never changed; seems like…never mind," he sighed. "It's my nerves talking."

"I think I know what you're trying to say. Things were uncomplicated back then and sometimes you wax nostalgic for the simpler times."

"That's pretty profound, Gibbs."

"But accurate?"

Tony nodded. "Pretty much. I guess ever since the…shooting, my life has been nothing but one complication after another; this afternoon, there wasn't anything complicated about three friends sitting around shooting the bull and having a couple of drinks. Of course, having dinner with Edith was the icing on the cake."

"You better not tell anyone that I let you have alcohol," Gibbs teasingly warned.

"I won't," he promised. "Besides, the nurses all love me; they won't fuss too much."

He saw Gibbs roll his eyes at Tony's declaration. Tony knew that the older man realized that he wasn't necessarily bragging; he was merely stating an obvious fact. Even Ducky, in his daily visits had commented how he seemingly had everyone eating out of his hand and Gibbs had made many of the same observations.

Gibbs shrugged and sat down in the chair beside the bed. "You better hope not."

Tony stifled a yawn, not wanting Gibbs to feel like he needed to leave; truthfully, as tired as he was, he wasn't ready to go to sleep. "So, do you think it will work? Do you think that the chair Abby found will give me a shot?"

"That's up to you."

"What do you mean it's up to me?"

"The chair will do what it's supposed to; it's up to you to put the muscle behind it and I'm not just talking about the physical aspect of it. You've got to have the drive to make it work."

"I think I've got the drive; I want everything to work out so badly that I'm…"

"Scared to fail?" Gibbs finished.

Once again, he was amazed at how well Gibbs knew him; Tony knew he shouldn't be surprise but sometimes it was disconcerting to feel so transparent. He had managed to conceal his worry and frustration from most everyone else but Gibbs could see right through him. "Am I that obvious?" he wanted to know.

"You are to me; but don't worry, you've still got the wool pulled over most everyone else' s eyes," Gibbs assured him.

"I can never get anything on you, Boss."

Gibbs leaned forward. "Talk to me, DiNozzo."

Tony raked his hand through his hair. "Ever since I got out of the hospital this last time, things have been going great. I've been working my ass off and it's paid off. I can't seem to shake this feeling that the rug is getting ready to be pulled out from under me."

"Why do think that's going to happen?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. Tony wished he could provide Gibbs with a better answer but he didn't even understand why he felt this way; maybe it just reminded him too much of his childhood when his father seemed to sabotage him at every turn. However, his dad was no longer around, at least his biological father wasn't around; the man he considered to be his true father was sitting beside him and he would never forget that for as long as he lived.

"Tony," Gibbs began. "Don't borrow trouble; you've come too far to let these doubts creep in. You keep on fighting and if that rug comes out from under you, I'll superglue the damn thing to the floor."

Tony couldn't help but laugh at Gibbs' promise to him. He could always count on Gibbs to have his six. Although things had been strained for a while after the shooting, they had moved past their differences and had formed a bond that couldn't be broken by his insecurities or Gibbs' version of tough love. The man had taught him so much over the years and had made him face a lot of what he considered to be his shortcomings but what the team leader had determined to be strengths; the team leader had helped make him into the man that he was today and he owed Gibbs his life.

He didn't miss the gleam in Gibbs' eyes but he also knew that he had meant every word that he had said. "Thanks, Boss," he quietly replied. "You don't know how much I appreciate it."

"Don't mention it."

Taking another sip of water, he once again found himself grateful for Gibbs' presence in his life. Not only did he fill the role of father but also that of teacher, friend, confidant and psychiatrist. He laughed to himself at the thought of Gibbs being a shrink; they both despised shrinks and the older man would resent being viewed as one.

"Hey, Gibbs?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I'm moving to outpatient status in a couple of days, don't you?"

"I know."

"When do you think…I mean do you think that maybe I could come by the office for a couple of hours a day? I won't get in the way; I'd just kind of like to be back…home. I mean…I don't mean the day I get out of here but maybe in a couple of weeks?"

Tony considered NCIS his second home and the team was his family and despite everything that had happened between them in the past few months, it wasn't anything that they couldn't work through. That's what families did; they worked things out.

"I know that I have to requalify for the field, but there has to be something I can do at the office," Tony pleaded.

Gibbs extended his hand for Tony to shake. "I think that can be arranged; it'll be good having you around."

"What do you think the Director will say?" Tony hesitantly inquired.

"Does it matter?"

Tony shook his head. "No."

It really didn't matter; he had stopped long ago caring what Jenny Shepard thought. In fact, showing up at work would reinforce what he told her that she could do with her offer. He was more than ready to prove that he was able to return to work and perform his duties as senior field agent; his friends had confidence in him and the faith he had in himself was growing everyday.

"Good," Gibbs said as he rose from his seat. "Now, you get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Gibbs and thanks again."

He watched as Gibbs stopped mid-stride and turned to face him. "Hey DiNozzo," the former Marine called to him. "Semper Fi."

A lump formed in Tony's throat as he considered the meaning of those words. Gibbs never said them lightly and he didn't take them lightly. Clearing his throat, he finally managed to answer, "Semper Fi, Gibbs. Semper Fi."

As his mentor left, Tony laid his head back on the pillow. There had been so many changes in his life and there was a time not so long that those changes had twisted his mind to the point that he struggled with the dilemma of living or dying. Now, he realized that the shooting and resulting paralysis had made him a stronger man; Tony had discovered a lot about himself including that he had an inner strength that had demanded to be unleashed and he would use that strength to live his life to the fullest.

Tony knew that the road ahead was still going to be filled with ups and down; he was still having to learn to deal with the other physical repercussions of the shooting as well as getting used to doing things from a wheelchair but most days, he could force himself to work through those issues. He was already doing things that he never had thought possible including dancing and playing basketball and now thanks to Abby, the possibilities were now endless.

There was indeed a future for him and he was ready to meet it head on; with his friends by his side and Gibbs pushing him to work harder and to discover his new potential. Tony had realized that a disability was not necessarily a curse or a punishment but simply a new way of looking at things. He was now starting to focus on what he could do instead of what he couldn't do and even though he had to admit that sometimes he doubted himself, life was too short to waste sitting around feeling sorry for himself.

It was time to live again and he had realized that he had to start living for himself. Tony blew out a long breath as he closed his eyes; his resolve to try and make the most of his life had seemingly eased his mind. As he allowed himself to drift off to sleep, he found out that he was looking forward to getting out of bed tomorrow and every day after that; he now understood that every day would bring a new adventure and a new way of doing things and through it all, Tony DiNozzo would remain true to himself and face the future one day at a time.

**Thank you all for reading! The story is concluded in the epilogue!**


	41. Chapter 41

Epilogue

**Six months later**

The roar of the crowd was deafening as Tony made the winning shot in the final seconds of the game. Glancing up in the bleachers he saw his friends cheering him on and for Tony DiNozzo, their presence met more to him than words could ever express. Ziva and Abby were holding up signs bearing his team's name while Ducky and Palmer were leading the crowd in an standing ovation; McGee and Gibbs were on their feet as well, whistling and loudly applauding for him and Edith had already made her way down the steps and was headed directly for him.

He was indeed blessed and he hoped that he never managed to take their friendship for granted; although Gibbs was quick to point out that Tony had done all the hard work, he gave them all the credit for helping him get back on his feet, so to speak, and reclaim the most important aspect of his former life. Tony had been back at work full time for two months and although there had been some difficult days, he didn't regret a single second that he had spent proving himself not only to Director Shepard but also to everyone around him.

Tony had easily managed to requalify on his weapon, his marksmanship ranking still one of the highest in NCIS. The all terrain wheelchair that he used for work had allowed him to go on most calls and although it had taken some getting used to, especially maneuvering around a crime scene without decontaminating it, he had proven that he could do anything that he set his mind to despite his paralysis.

He usually had to take his own vehicle since he had bought one that had been adapted for him to drive but Tony didn't mind; both he and Gibbs had talked with the Director about getting a company car modified for him but that was more than likely going to take a while. Tony had come to realize that he had almost as much independence in his wheelchair as he did when he had two functioning legs; he could look at things from a different perspective which allowed him to be a better investigator.

The young man was brought back to the present moment as his friends surrounded him and Edith planted a kiss on his cheek. "You were magnificent!" the elderly woman exclaimed.

Tony grinned at Edith's praise; similar compliments echoed her sentiment and his cheeks flushed with the sudden attention.

"Thanks, Edith," he sheepishly answered. "I'm glad you came."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world! I just hope that you saved some of that energy for the dance competition this weekend."

"Don't worry; I'll be fine."

"You better," she teasingly warned. "If I lose to Vera and Jethro, I'm not going to be happy and neither are you."

Giving her a flirtatious wink, he replied, "Yes ma'am."

"Wait a minute," Ziva interrupted. "Do you mean to tell me that Gibbs is participating in a dance competition?" Turning to Gibbs, she added, "I had no idea that you knew how to cut a bug."

"Rug," Tony automatically corrected.

Ziva waved him off. "Whatever. I may have to come and see this for myself."

Gibbs shook his head. "You're working that day."

"If you and Tony are off, then the team is…"

"You and McGee are on protection detail this weekend," the team leader explained. "Director Shepard is attending a conference in L.A. and since DiNozzo and I pulled the last one, it's your turn."

Tony couldn't help but laugh at the expression on Ziva and Tim's faces; sometimes it seemed like Gibbs was still extracting a little retribution for McGee thinking he could take Tony's place as Gibbs' senior field agent and for Ziva, who had vocally expressed her doubts when he had returned to work. He wondered if the two younger members of the team had any idea what the former Marine was doing and judging by the disbelief etched on their faces, Tony decided that they had no clue.

Raking his hands through his sweaty hair, he glanced around at the rest of his friends as they continued to congratulate him. "Let's go out and celebrate!" Abby suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Tony conceded. "Let me shower and change and I'll meet you guys at Charlie's." Charlie's was one of Tony's favorite restaurants. It was run by a retired Baltimore cop and the owner seemingly had a special place in his heart for him.

The team was all in agreement and had started to disperse when Gibbs' phone rang. Everyone stopped in their tracks, waiting to see if they had to go to work. Tony could tell by the team leader's curt responses that he had just received a case. Gibbs hung up his cell and announced, "Dead Petty Officer at Rock Creek Park."

The various members of Gibbs' team jumped into action. Ducky and Palmer left together, announcing that they were stopping by NCIS to get the Medical Examiner's van while Abby declared that she would be waiting for them at the lab. McGee and Ziva promised to meet them there while Gibbs pulled out his phone to call Edith a cab.

He began to wheel himself towards the exit as the other players on his basketball team waved their goodbyes. Tony knew he really didn't have time to shower and change before he went to the crime scene so he would have to settle for slipping on his sweatpants and his NCIS jacket. He kept his other wheelchair in the back of his vehicle so he was always prepared at a moment's notice.

"Need a hand, DiNozzo?" Gibbs called out as he joined him at the door.

Tony knew that this was the only offer of assistance that he would get from his mentor; Gibbs would follow his lead. "I'm can handle it; I'll meet you at the crime scene," he promised.

Tony smiled as Gibbs glanced at his watch. "If you're not there by the time Ducky and Palmer are, you better have a good reason or else you'll be processing this scene by yourself."

"I'll be there."

The senior field agent appreciated the fact that Gibbs treated him like he was normal; the older man didn't use his disability as an excuse for anything and he didn't allow Tony to feel sorry for himself. This was exactly what Tony had expected and wanted from the ex-Marine; he had fought hard to get back his status as senior field agent and it had been Gibbs who had pushed him beyond what he believed his limits to be and in turn, Tony had discovered that he had more grit and determination than he thought possible as he worked every day to get stronger.

"You better be," Gibbs advised.

"I'm on it, Boss."

As the team leader left the gym, Tony made his way to the locker room. He rolled up to the sink and began splashing cool water on his face and as he reached for a towel, the agent took a moment to study his reflection. Staring back at him was a man who had less than a year ago had been at the lowest point in his life; he had been so wrapped up in himself and what he had lost, he had almost forgotten about what he still had. It had taken a lot of soul searching and determination on his part, not to mention a few head slaps from Gibbs to remind him that he didn't have to accept the hand that life had dealt him.

He now looked at every day as a new day and a second chance; if there was one thing that he had learned through this trial, it was that he needed to live life to the fullest. Tony knew that one day because of the effects that his paralysis had on his body, he would no longer be able to handle the physical demands of being an NCIS agent but until then, Tony would continue doing the job that he loved.

Tony dried his face and wadded up the towel before throwing it away. "Get your butt in gear, DiNozzo," he mumbled. "Time's a wastin'."

As he made his way over to his locker, he grabbed his sweatpants and within a couple of minutes, he had slipped his pants on and had grabbed his wallet and keys and headed out the door towards the parking lot. The sun was going down and although it was signaling the end of the day, Tony knew that he had many more days to look forward to; life was good and he couldn't wait to see what the rest of this day held.

**Whew! The journey is over. I've had several requests for a sequel and although I don't have plans for one at the moment, we will see what the future holds. I can't find the words to thank everyone who has stuck with this story and I do hope that you've enjoyed the ride. I do have a couple of exciting stories ready to start posting, including my Frame Up AU and I hope you'll stick around for those. Again, I am honored and humbled by the support and dedication of my readers…you all are the best!**


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